by Brenda Novak
The smoke burned her lungs, but she inhaled deeply, remembering the calming effect she used to get from nicotine. It’d been so long since she’d had a cigarette…She’d been nineteen and living with Johnny Ruzzo, a chain-smoker who grew so abusive she’d had to leave him for Samantha’s sake.
“Of course,” he said. “I’ll call in sick if necessary.” He glanced behind her at the house, where Anton was sleeping, and the resentment Zoe had been battling reared its ugly head again, only with a new face. How was it that Anton could sleep when this neighbor, who was virtually a stranger, was too rattled by Sam’s disappearance to shut down for the night? Had Anton ever been there for her emotionally? Or had she been overlooking the characteristics she didn’t like in order to maintain the idyllic life she’d been trying to achieve?
Her actions, his actions—it was all so confusing.
Colin shoved a hand through his curly hair. “Why wait till tomorrow?”
Zoe stiffened with his cigarette halfway to her mouth. “What’d you say?”
“You obviously can’t sleep.” He tapped his chest. “I can’t, either. Let’s go over to the copy place on Douglas and create the flyer. It’s open twenty-four-hours.”
“But—”
“That way, we’ll be ready when everyone wakes up.”
His words made sense to Zoe, provided her with an alternative to the agonizing wait. “You want to go with me?” she clarified.
“Of course.”
“But it’s so late. I can’t expect you to—”
“Stop it.” He dismissed her words. “I don’t mind at all.”
With a nod, Zoe returned his cigarette. She appreciated his take-charge, do it now attitude. Waiting endlessly while Anton slept was only making her crazy. “Okay,” she said. “Let me grab my keys.”
“No need.” He took a final drag, dropped the cigarette on the concrete walkway and ground it out. Then he pulled his car keys from his jeans pocket and dangled them in front of her. “I’ll drive.”
Zoe tried not to imagine Anton’s irritation at seeing a cigarette butt outside his door. “But I’ll need Sam’s picture and my purse—”
“Of course. You get what you need. I’ll start the car.”
As Zoe dashed into the house, gratitude for Colin’s willingness to befriend her at her lowest moment evoked a sob of relief. “Thank God for neighbors,” she muttered.
Colin sat next to Zoe at the bank of computers in the far corner of the copy shop. “Should we put anything else on it?” he asked.
Zoe stared at the flyer they’d created. Never would she have expected to find herself in the position of needing something like this. The experience of the past two days was surreal. And the camaraderie that’d sprung up between her and her lawyer neighbor enhanced the dreamlike effect. Prior to the past twenty minutes, she hadn’t known Colin Bell beyond a passing wave and a few polite comments on the weather. Now she felt closer to him than to Anton.
“That’s it.” They’d included Sam’s picture, her date of birth, her height and weight, a description of the swimsuit she’d been wearing, the date she’d gone missing and the place where she was last known to be, as well as contact information for the police and Zoe’s cell-phone number. “Unless you think I should give my address, too,” she said.
“No, that wouldn’t be safe.”
“I’m willing to do anything if it’ll help.”
“But you don’t know what some mentally unstable person might do. I’ve heard of a mother who received phone calls saying her daughter was still alive, only to find out later that the guy who took the girl murdered her almost instantly.”
She winced. “You mean someone connected to the killer?” She could hardly say the word. She didn’t want to think about what happened to most girls taken by a stranger.
“No, I mean unrelated parties.”
“Who would harass a grieving mother?”
“You got me. But it happens, so be prepared. Giving out your cell-phone number is bad enough. You definitely don’t want to reveal your address.”
Feeling a release of tension for the first time since she’d realized her daughter had disappeared, Zoe leaned back. She should’ve come to the copy house earlier, before Anton went to bed. “Getting this finished…helps,” she said with some satisfaction.
He grinned at her. “Too bad it takes a tragedy like this one for two neighbors to get acquainted, huh?”
She touched his forearm. “I can’t thank you enough, Colin.”
“You don’t need to thank me.” He covered her hand. “It’s the least I can do.”
Smiling, she pulled away and glanced at the clock cover on the wall. There’d been one guy working on a project when they arrived, but he was gone. They were the only people in the place, besides the employee who’d been steadily feeding the commercial-size printers. “It’s almost dawn,” she said.
Colin got to his feet. “Then we’d better get these printed if we want to circulate them before everyone leaves for the day.”
“What about your job?”
He hid a yawn. “I’d call in sick like I said, but I forgot that I have an important meeting. I’ll pass out flyers, then go in to the office for a few hours.”
“Taking a short day won’t cause problems for you at the firm?”
He shrugged. “Are you kidding? They don’t want to lose me.”
“Too bad you have to go in at all. You’ll be exhausted.”
“I’ll get by.”
Sleep deprivation made Zoe swoon as she came to her feet, but Colin steadied her, an expression of concern on his face. “You okay?”
With a sigh, she nodded. She’d already survived being raped by a twenty-one-year-old when she was fifteen. That had been so traumatic she couldn’t think of it without feeling ill. But she had Samantha because of it, so she couldn’t entirely regret what she’d suffered.
“I’ll be fine.”
“You’ll find her,” he said.
She stopped him before he could walk away. “Do you really think so?”
“Of course.” He gave her a quick hug. “And I’ll do everything I can.”
There’d been times in the past when she hadn’t liked the way Colin looked at her. He seemed a little too appreciative, too aware of her as a woman, which made her uncomfortable. He had a wife. But she must’ve misjudged him, because he was the one who’d helped her through the most harrowing night of her life. Even last night hadn’t been as bad. Last night she’d been able to convince herself that Sam’s disappearance was a terrible mistake that would soon be made right. Now too much time had passed to believe that.
“Thanks again,” she said.
He was already walking over to the counter. “No problem. You want these printed in color or black and white?”
“Color.” Zoe didn’t really have the money, but she was afraid people wouldn’t recognize Sam if she didn’t provide as close a likeness as possible.
He whistled. “Color’s a buck a copy.”
“I don’t care,” she said. “I’d give anything to have her back.”
“She’s a lucky girl…”
Zoe hesitated. Lucky?
“…to have a mother who loves her so much.”
“Thanks,” she whispered.
She was tempted to tell him how Sam had been conceived. She needed to talk—about how she’d felt when it happened, about her struggle trying to decide whether to keep the baby, about the day she’d gone to the abortion clinic and then bailed out because she was too frightened to go through with it. Her father had felt too guilty about what she’d already endured to force her. And that had led to a child, her child, the one thing she treasured most in life. It was hard to believe how close she’d come to ending the pregnancy. Maybe that was why she wanted to talk. It felt as if she could trust this young lawyer with anything. He’d have no reason to tell anyone. But the clerk interrupted before she could make up her mind.
“What can I do for you?” she aske
d Colin.
“Give me a thousand copies of this.” He pushed the flyer toward her.
The clerk jotted down the information as Zoe joined them at the cash register.
“How would you like to pay for your order?”
Zoe reached into her purse. “By credit card.” She had no idea how she’d settle the bill when it came due. Anton wouldn’t be happy that she’d gone the more expensive route and would probably refuse to help her. His first wife had robbed him blind when she’d left him for another man and that had made him cautious about spending money. He’d say she was being foolish, as he’d said in the past when she’d splurged on items for Sam she couldn’t really afford.
But she’d worry about that in thirty days.
If Sam was back, she’d figure out some way to meet the obligation. If Sam wasn’t back…salvaging her credit would be the least of her problems.
CHAPTER 10
Anton was standing on the porch, holding a cup of coffee when Colin and Zoe returned. Zoe waved as Colin parked, but her fiancé didn’t respond.
“Uh-oh.” Colin clicked his tongue. “I think you’re in trouble.”
“He’s definitely not happy,” she agreed. But he looked well-rested, which rankled almost as much as the anger apparent in his expression.
Colin touched her on the leg. “I’ll explain where we were, if you want.”
“No. You’ve done enough for me. Thank you.”
The weight of his hand remained. “Will you stop thanking me? You act like you’ve never had a friend.”
With the transient nature of the people she’d known in her childhood, and the number of times she’d moved as an adult, her life had been too unstable for long-lasting relationships. It hurt too much to separate after bonding with someone, so she didn’t let herself care too deeply. Not for anyone but Sam. Sam had been her best friend as well as her daughter.
But thinking of their closeness made her chest ache just when she’d finally been feeling a bit better.
As she got out of Colin’s BMW, she collected a box of flyers from the backseat; Colin insisted on carrying the other. He walked with her and gave his to Anton when they’d climbed onto the porch.
Anton’s mouth formed a hard, straight line. “What’s this?”
“Flyers.” He rubbed his hands as if he’d been hard at work, which was true. “We bumped into each other in the middle of the night, both suffering from insomnia, so we figured we’d make use of the time.”
Anton’s eyes cut to the cigarette butt on the walkway, then lifted to Zoe. “You couldn’t have told me? You didn’t assume I’d wonder where you’d gone, especially with your car still in the driveway?”
The realization that he’d been genuinely worried made her resentment dissipate. Was she merely searching for a target, taking her fear and stress out on Anton? It was possible. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I was so caught up…I—I didn’t even consider what you’d think if you woke to find me gone.”
His forehead rumpled as if he was struggling to suppress some emotion. He reached out to her, then hugged her as best he could while they were each holding a box of flyers. “Don’t do that again.”
“I won’t,” she murmured.
Colin cleared his throat, probably to remind them that he was still around. “I should get going. I have a lot to do today.” He started to move away but stopped before clearing the grass. “Hey, I almost forgot my part of the flyers. I’ll take surface streets to work and drop one off at every store between here and downtown.”
“Would you?” Encouraged that they were already disseminating information, Zoe smiled. She felt bad about frightening Anton, but Colin had really helped.
“Of course. Give me…half,” he said.
“That many?”
“I’ll leave some with Tiff, have her hit the stores I can’t.”
Zoe handed over her box. “You’ve been great, Colin.”
“Don’t mention it.” He winked. “I’ll report in later.”
Standing next to Anton, Zoe watched him walk to his house. When he was gone, Anton bent to pick up the cigarette butt. “He smokes?”
She knew how Anton felt about that, and chafed at the memory of sharing Colin’s cigarette. “Apparently only when he can’t sleep.”
He went over to the side yard to toss the butt in the garbage.
“Are you ready to start passing out flyers?” she asked when he returned.
“I am.”
“Good. Let’s go.”
She hiked up her purse, but he shook his head. “I’ll do it. You’ve got to get some sleep. You’ve been up for almost forty-eight hours, and you’ve hardly eaten a bite. I don’t know how you’re still on your feet.”
The pain was easier to tolerate if she was actively working. It was the doubt that set in when she stopped that hurt the most. And the way Anton kept trying to hold her back, to get her to slow down, made it worse. “I can’t, Anton. I don’t care about pacing myself. I don’t care about being exhausted. I’m frantic, and I have to do whatever I can. I don’t care what it costs me. Can’t you understand that?” She gripped his arm. “I have to find Sam. She’s the only thing that matters to me!”
The color drained from his cheeks, which had been red a moment before. “I don’t matter?”
She forced herself to ease the tightness of her grip. Had that really come out of her mouth? “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it,” she said. But deep down, she was afraid she did.
Tiffany was sitting at the kitchen table in a bathrobe and slippers when Colin strode in. Every line of her body drooped, but he didn’t care. He’d finally gotten his attractive neighbor to notice him, had spent hours alone with her and was in a great mood.
“Where were you?” she asked.
He could hear the distress in her voice. She was so afraid of losing him—and no amount of reassurance made any difference. The belief that she wasn’t worthy of his love, of anybody’s love, came from someplace so deep she’d never overcome it. She had Nancy, her lousy mother, to thank for that. And the brother who’d shot Nancy. By getting himself locked up, Seth had reinforced Tiffany’s fear of abandonment.
Colin supposed the way he treated her didn’t help. But she was lucky to be with him. He could’ve had someone much more confident—although the effort involved in keeping a woman who was his equal wasn’t worth it to him.
“I’ve been out.” He dropped the box of flyers on the counter with a solid thud. “Where’s breakfast?”
“I didn’t make any. I didn’t know when you’d be back.”
He propped his hands on his hips and scowled at her sleep-tousled appearance. “Are you trying to convince me you’re ugly?”
She wouldn’t meet his eyes. “No.”
“Then why haven’t you showered?”
It was rare that he saw her out of bed with her hair mussed and her face devoid of makeup. He’d let her know from the very beginning that he expected her to be her most attractive at all times. That meant she had to shower twice a day—once in the morning and once after visiting the gym before he arrived home each evening. Maybe other men could tolerate their women walking around looking like hags, but he wanted Tiffany to be the bombshell he’d created.
“It’s only 6:00 a.m.,” she said, growing sullen.
“So? You’re wasting time. Go!”
She got up, only to hesitate at the entrance to the dining room. “Why won’t you tell me where you’ve been?”
He got a box of cold cereal from the cupboard and poured himself a bowl. “Why do you think? Because I was with another woman.” She gasped, but he couldn’t resist torturing her a little longer by conjuring up a lascivious smile as he opened the fridge. “And it was awesome.”
Her chin quivered. “Is—is it the receptionist at your office?” she whispered, scarcely able to say the words.
“Misty?” Tiffany was so gullible. He chuckled to himself. “That fat bitch? Give me some credit, please.”
“T
hen who?” She began to pant—obviously hyperventilating. If he let the joke go on, she’d probably pass out and hit her head.
“Stop it, Tiff,” he said. “I’m joking, okay? You know you’re the only one for me. I was with Zoe! The woman next door?”
She hiccuped as she fought to rein in her emotions.
“We were making flyers.” He thumped the box he’d brought in. “Didn’t you see this? Didn’t you wonder what it was?”
“I don’t understand.” Her eyes, still glazed with hurt, searched his face.
He set his cereal and a gallon of milk on the table, then put his arms around her. “Calm down, okay? I’m here. I’m never gonna leave you. We were at Kinko’s making flyers with Sam’s picture on them. Isn’t that hilarious?”
Tiffany managed a weak laugh. “Oh!”
“Good thing I love you. Because your insecurities drive me nuts. Jeez!” He patted her bottom. “Go get showered before I change my mind about hanging on to you.”
“Okay,” she said, but didn’t move.
“What is it now?” he snapped.
“How did you hook up with Zoe? You were in bed with me when I fell asleep.”
“I got up to check on Samantha and went out for a smoke. Zoe was in her front yard.”
“So you offered to help her?”
He allowed himself a self-indulgent smile. “Brilliant, huh?”
She touched the box of flyers. “Why’d you bring them home?”
“I only brought some home, stupid. I told her we’d distribute them.”
She blinked uncertainly. “And…will we?”
He poured the milk. “You bet. Why not? What could be more convincing than two sympathetic neighbors doing all they can to help?”
Tiffany smiled, but he knew it wasn’t because she liked the idea. She wasn’t the type to enjoy deception, even deception as masterful as this. She was relieved to learn she’d been worried for nothing. That was all. “You’re so clever.”
“Damn straight.”
“Colin?”
He’d already taken his first bite. “Hmm?”
“It’s been a while since…” She unfastened her robe and let it fall open. “Aren’t you starting to miss me?”
