by Brenda Novak
Was it hero worship? Admiration because he seemed to be so much more capable of helping her find Samantha? Raw physical attraction?
Whatever the reason, she wanted him in a way she hadn’t wanted a man in a long time. And that only compounded her problems.
How was this unexpected attraction seeping through the haze of shock and pain when nothing else could? That confused her most of all.
“Good night,” she said as she got out.
He didn’t attempt to touch her. He hadn’t touched her since he’d taken her hand for those few minutes after leaving Franky’s place. “Don’t give up hope,” he said with an encouraging smile.
“No,” she murmured. But if her daughter was still alive, why hadn’t they found some trace of her? Received a ransom note? “Thanks for everything.”
“I’ll be around tomorrow. I’ve got an early appointment on another case, but then I’ll be talking to your neighbors, Sam’s teachers at school, the kids whose parents will allow me to meet with them, anyone who might have an inkling of where she might be.”
If he did track her down, would she be dead? Would they discover her body tossed in a field or a Dumpster?
Despite the macabre image that thought raised in her mind, Zoe managed a fleeting smile before closing the door. Then she stood and watched as he drove off. It wasn’t until his taillights disappeared around the corner that she started toward the front door.
“Who was that?”
The voice came from the dark stoop of her neighbor’s house. “Colin?” She squinted, waiting for her eyes to adjust to the moonlight.
“Yeah, it’s me. Sorry if I scared you. I heard the car and thought maybe you’d found her.” The slurring of his words indicated he’d been drinking.
“No.”
“No new leads?”
“No old ones, either. At least none Detective Thomas hasn’t ruled out.” Her small suitcase had wheels, but she was reluctant to set it down. She didn’t want a conversation with Colin right now. Especially if he was drunk. She had to go in and face Anton.
He clicked his tongue. “That’s too bad.”
“I’m sorry to be unsociable, but I’m exhausted. I hope you’ll forgive me if…” She made a move for the house, but he stopped her.
“Hey, not so fast. I’ve been waiting all night.”
“For…?”
He didn’t clarify. “Who’s that guy you were with?”
He’d definitely had too much to drink. He and his wife threw an occasional party. Zoe and Anton had heard the loud music that sometimes pounded late into the night, but it didn’t happen often, and Colin and Tiffany seldom invited more than a friend or two, so it hadn’t been a problem. Maybe they’d had one of their parties tonight….
“Jonathan’s a private investigator,” she explained. “He’s helping with the search.”
“His name is Jonathan?”
She hesitated, unsure of Colin’s suspicious tone. “Yes. Jonathan Stivers. Have you heard of him?”
“Not until now. But…he’s a nice-looking man, I’ll give him that.”
How was she supposed to respond? “How’d you see more than a glimpse of him?”
“He was here the other night.”
“Oh, right.” She transferred her suitcase to her other hand as Colin came toward her. Once he stepped out of the shadows, she could tell that he wasn’t wearing a shirt or shoes, just a pair of sweatpants. And his hair was mussed as if he’d shoved his fingers through it a few too many times.
“Don’t you trust the police to handle the investigation?” he asked.
“They’re doing what they can, but more help is always better.”
“Actually, they’re useless.” He scratched his bare chest. “But this Jonathan…he’s good?”
“I think so. He’s smart, thorough.”
“You just said he hasn’t dredged up a single lead.” He fingered one of his nipples, which made Zoe squirm to get farther away. She’d never seen him without his shirt and it felt odd that he’d come outside to talk to her half-dressed. She supposed he’d been in a hurry, trying to catch her. But did he have to touch himself?
“It’s a difficult case,” she said.
“You sound defensive.”
She was defensive of Jonathan, which served as further proof of her infatuation with him. “I’m trying to be fair.”
He dropped his hand and she staunchly ignored the puckering of his nipples. “I doubt it’s as tough as everyone’s claiming,” he scoffed. “It’s probably some registered sex offender living in our own neighborhood. I swear they should paint a big red X on each of their doors.”
Could Sam be that close? It made sense, especially now that they’d eliminated Franky as a suspect and her father as a potential refuge.
She gazed down the dark street. “The police mentioned there are a few in the area.” These days they were in every area.
“What are the police—or Jonathan—doing about it?”
“They’re interviewing each one and checking on their whereabouts.”
“As if walking around and passing out cards will solve any crime.”
Colin was concerned about Sam, too. She felt grateful for that. But she was too much on edge to tolerate his suggestion that the forces on her side were too inept or powerless to make a difference. Don’t give up hope….
As supportive as Colin was trying to be, he wasn’t helping tonight; she had to escape him before she fell to new depths of despair. “Good night.”
“Where’d he take you, Zoe?” he asked as if she hadn’t just ended the conversation. Her name had come out more softly than the rest, so it sounded…intimate.
That’s the alcohol. It was making him act strange. She wanted to pretend she hadn’t heard him. But she couldn’t repay his kindness of the other night by being rude to him now, even if he was drunk.
Extending the handle on her suitcase, she finally put it on the ground. “To L.A.”
“What’s in L.A.?”
Zoe glanced over her shoulder. Where was Anton? Surely he’d heard Jonathan’s car pull up if Colin had. Why didn’t her fiancé come to the door, take her luggage and welcome her home?
Maybe he’d tried to wait up but had fallen asleep…. “My father lives there. We were hoping Sam might’ve been in touch with him.”
“Seems reasonable.” Colin shoved his hands into the deep pockets of his sweats, causing them to dip low enough to suggest he wasn’t wearing underwear.
Zoe could barely stop herself from blanching. “Yes, well—”
“We certainly missed you around here.”
Missed her? She’d only been gone one night. “That’s…nice.” She inched toward the walkway, but he stepped over the fence and followed her.
“I have a question.”
Scrabbling for patience, Zoe waited. “Yes?”
“Did you think about me while you were gone?”
The hair suddenly stood up on the back of her neck. “Excuse me?”
He gave her a calculated-to-charm smile. “You heard me.”
“But I’m not sure what you mean.”
His bark of laughter made her hope he was joking, but what he said next was even more confusing. “Oh, so we’re going to play that game.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
The porch light at Colin’s house snapped on and Tiffany poked her head out. “Honey?”
Zoe breathed a sigh of relief, but he didn’t even turn. “Your wife’s standing on your stoop,” she said.
He scowled. “So?”
“She wants a word with you.”
“And I want—”
“Colin?” Tiffany interrupted.
Her second call seemed to get through to him. “What is it?” he hollered, his voice impatient and overloud.
“You’ve had a little too much to drink tonight. Maybe you should come in.”
He rolled his eyes. “She can’t get enough of me, if you know what I mean.�
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Zoe was afraid he might spell it out for her, but he didn’t. “She’s right. You’d better go inside.”
“Yeah, okay,” he said. Then he shrugged and walked back to his own yard. “Yeah, yeah, I’m coming,” he grumbled and threw Zoe a parting “See ya tomorrow.”
“I hope not,” she muttered as the Bells’ door closed and the porch light winked off.
Free at last, Zoe went inside her own house, rolling her suitcase behind her. But Anton wasn’t sleeping as she’d expected. He sat at the kitchen table, a drink at his elbow.
“Hey, if you’re up, why didn’t you come out?” she asked. “Couldn’t you hear Colin? He was acting so weird, almost coming on to me. I think he was drunk.”
He took a swallow of his drink but continued to stare at the clock on the wall.
“Anton?” She left her bag in the entryway as his red-rimmed eyes cut to her.
“Is it true?” he asked.
Somehow she knew he wasn’t talking about their neighbor. Her mind immediately reverted to those few seconds with Jonathan standing behind her at the bathroom mirror—and then later, when she’d slept in his arms. But they’d been fully dressed and hadn’t even faced each other. The desire was there, which constituted enough of a betrayal, but she couldn’t believe it translated into any real threat. Her current crisis made her feel instantly close to the person who best understood her pain; that was all. This wasn’t regular life, the kind that goes on after tragedy.
How could Anton know about Jonathan, anyway? Jonathan had barely left.
“Is what true?” she asked.
“About Sam’s dad?”
The rape. Her stomach knotted with fresh tension as she sank into a chair. “Who told you?”
“You didn’t think the police would check your background?” Launching unsteadily to his feet, he shocked her by throwing his glass at the wall. The sound of it shattering made Zoe flinch. “They’re searching to see if there might be someone who’d have a reason to take Sam, for crying out loud!”
“Anton—”
“Do you have any idea how embarrassing it was for me to sit here and tell Detective Thomas that Sam’s father was killed in a car accident? I’m your fiancé, for God’s sake! I’m supposed to know you!”
Zoe’s heart pounded a jagged rhythm. “Anton, please. That must’ve been awkward and upsetting. But I need you to try and understand, to be on my side until…until I can get through this. Just…have some patience and give me a chance to explain.”
He rounded on her. “Explain what? Why you’ve been lying to me ever since I met you? How can I be on your side, Zoe? How can I love you and support you if I don’t even know you! Here I am, taking time off work, meeting with police, putting up a reward for God’s sake—and you’ve known all along who probably took her.”
“That’s not true.” She stood because she could no longer let him rail at her from above. “The last I knew, her father was in prison.”
“Well, he’s out now.”
“Yes…”
“Did Jonathan unearth that information? The handsome young investigator who’s been interested in you from the second he laid eyes on you?”
Zoe couldn’t remember Anton ever being so angry. When he got upset, he tended to sulk. But this confrontation was the culmination of a lot of problems. Their relationship had been suffering, particularly because of financial disagreements, long before Sam went missing. “Anton, calm down.”
“Calm down?” he yelled.
“I talked to Franky today. He doesn’t have her!”
“So you didn’t even tell me the truth about where you were going,” he said with a mirthless laugh.
“I had no idea we’d see Franky.”
“Bullshit!”
“It’s true. Jonathan didn’t tell me until we got down there.”
“But you told him you were raped, right? You trusted him with the truth.”
“That’s not fair! He knows because of Skye. She was part of a victims’ support group I attended several years ago.” Had Zoe thought about it, she would’ve realized that the police would be privy to, or could easily come by, the same information, but she’d been too distracted to consider all the implications. She certainly hadn’t expected anyone to tell Anton.
“I think you told him. I think that’s what you were whispering about while you were making out in my backyard.”
A bead of sweat rolled between Zoe’s breasts. “We weren’t making out, and you know it. I was falling apart, Anton. And he…”
“He acted in a completely inappropriate manner!”
Zoe shook her head. How could she explain what had happened in that moment? Her encounter with Jonathan at the hotel had been inappropriate, but not that hug. Jonathan hadn’t expected to get anything out of the comfort he offered, and she’d taken nothing but the comfort she needed. “It wasn’t the way you’re choosing to interpret it. None of it.”
“How can you say that, when I was the only one left in the dark?”
The gray at his temples suddenly made him seem less distinguished and merely…old. When had he changed? She’d always been conscious of the age difference, but it’d never bothered her. And why were the attributes that had drawn her to him—the fact that he was established, organized, neat, successful, stable—no longer so appealing?
Was it because of her recent preoccupation with a younger man? Or was Sam’s disappearance acting like a wake-up call—an event shocking enough to make her reevaluate her whole life?
“I didn’t tell you because…”
“Why?” he demanded when her words trailed off.
She struggled to explain what could only be called instinct. “Because I don’t want anyone to know. It was a horrible experience. I’d rather forget, pretend it never happened. Can’t you understand that? Think what it would do to Sam if she ever found out.”
Watching her sadly, he shook his head. “Again, it’s you and Sam. I’m not even a consideration.”
“I—We…Please, Anton, I didn’t tell you because we weren’t married yet. And…and you know I’ve been through a lot of dysfunctional relationships. I just…it was in the past. I didn’t see why you or anyone else needed to know.”
“You were holding out on me, Zoe. Only telling me what you wanted me to hear. That’s not being open or honest.”
“There’s nothing wrong with trying to protect Sam,” she countered.
“Except that it’s not just Sam, is it? You weren’t serious about our relationship.”
“I was serious enough to accept your proposal.”
“You said yes with your mouth, and maybe with your mind, but not with your heart. You never fully embraced me.”
Was it true? Zoe squeezed her eyes shut. Her entire world was collapsing, and there didn’t seem to be a damn thing she could do to stop it. “It was in the past,” she said for the third time, but there was no conviction in her voice. And deep down, she knew he was right. She’d been in love with the idea of becoming the wife of someone like him, of finally breaking away from the hand-to-mouth existence she’d always known and commanding a little respect. She’d never been fully in love with him.
God, what a time to realize it.
“How about after Sam went missing? Didn’t you think it was important to mention Franky then?” he mocked.
Zoe toyed with the decorative place mats on the table. How silly, she thought, to leave these out when they were never used.
“Zoe?”
She met his gaze. “Like I said, we checked with Franky. He didn’t take her.”
“He’s a rapist! You think he’d admit to kidnapping?”
She wished she could go back in time—a week, two weeks, a year. If only she’d never met Anton. If only she’d refused when he’d asked her out. It would’ve been better to keep struggling on her own. Chances were, she’d still have Sam. And she longed for her daughter infinitely more than she’d ever longed for Anton or even the dream of living comfortab
ly and productively. “Sam’s very existence came as a total shock to him. And he had his grandmother right there, vouching for him.”
“His grandmother.”
“Yes.”
“What, grandmothers can’t lie to protect their loved ones? Surely she and Franky can cover their asses at least as well as you do. After all, they’re from the gutter, too.”
A chill swept through Zoe. Maybe she’d kept a few secrets, but he’d been aware of her background. She’d never pretended to be more than she was. “How can you be so unkind at a time like this?”
He briefly covered his face. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m hurt, but you’re going through enough already, so I can’t even have the satisfaction of venting.”
She gaped at him. “My daughter is missing, and you’re disappointed that you can’t rant and rave about your unhappiness?”
“I shouldn’t have let myself love you, Zoe. You’re too young and beautiful for me. It’s not realistic to believe a guy my age can hang on to a woman like you. Besides the age gap, we’re too different. My parents warned me from the beginning. But—” he threw up his hands “—here I am.”
Zoe felt as cold as a marble statue. She couldn’t move, could hardly breathe. “So now I’m a mistake?”
“Continuing to pursue a relationship with you would be the mistake. Whether I want to accept it or not, this was never what I wanted it to be.”
Hyperaware of the suitcase sitting behind her, Zoe’s mind raced through possibilities. Her makeup and her clothing—that was all she really owned. They’d sold her car a few months ago and used what little they got for it as a down payment on her Lexus IS. They’d decided she needed a reliable and somewhat impressive vehicle if she was going to become a commercial real estate agent.
But she wasn’t even working anymore. She’d never be able to make the payments by herself. “Are you kicking me out?”
“No, of course not. You can stay a week or two until…until the situation with Sam is resolved…one way or another.”
