“What? Wait, I thought you were going to help, you and your big plan.”
“I will.” He uncrosses his arms and leans in. “But first you need to fix what you screwed up. I told you, Adam will never convince his dad he’s going, as long as he’s with you.”
“Okay then kiss me again in front of him.” The words taste bad in my mouth, and I wrinkle my nose.
“Oh, you’d like that,” he says, winking.
I gag.
“But that’s been done. Not going to work a second time.” His words are edged with sarcasm. “You’re going to have to try something different this time.”
“So what am I supposed to do? Break up with him?”
He shakes his head. “No, more than that.”
“Like what?”
“Bigger. Make him want to go. Get him not to love you anymore.”
“How?” I’m trembling inside. I can’t believe I’m doing this. I can’t believe I’m asking this. My heart aches to be standing here even talking about this. How can I do this to Adam? How can I? But I see his eyes on the ferry, and I taste the remnants of his kiss. I have to.
“Hey, I already helped you with this one. Now it’s your turn. Call me when you two are…,” Zane makes the shape of cutting scissors with his fingers. Then he waves a hand and walks away.
I stand in the edge of the forest alone for a long time. Hurt Adam again? How am I going to do that?
Chapter Forty-Six
I make a list of ideas in my notebook at lunch. How to push Adam away ideas. Only there’s nothing on the paper but a margin full of doodles.
“What are you up to?” Lucas leans over me, and I slam my notebook shut.
“Just passing time,” I say. “Why aren’t you at lunch?”
“Because for years I ate lunch every day with one of my best friends.” He grins and sits down next to me. “But she sort of moved. And since she won’t come back to the cafeteria, I figured I’d have to come to her from now on.”
“I’m sorry, Lucas. I guess I forgot I said I’d eat lunch with you again. I’ve gotten used to the quiet.”
“I can see that.” He looks around. “This isn’t really a bad place for lunch. You don’t mind me joining you, do you?”
“No.” I sigh. “Guess not.” I tap my pen against my notebook for several long minutes. I don’t have the energy to keep rehashing things with Lucas. And maybe, in a way, he can help me. “Can I talk to you about something?”
“Sure.” He grins like I’ve told him he won a million dollars and leans forward, eyes are glued to mine.
“If you liked a girl, I mean really liked a girl, what would she have to do to get you to quit liking her?”
He leans back against the lockers and closes his eyes. “Hmmm. That’s a good question. Why? Are you trying to get rid of me?”
“No,” I say a little too quickly. “It’s not about me or anything. Just a question.”
“Oh…well I guess cheating. Or being a bitch to everybody, especially him.”
I try to imagine being like Brianna. Could I do that when Adam was around? Act like I don’t care? Would he buy it? “Do you think that would work if they’d been friends for a long time?”
He cracks an eyelid and scrunches his nose. “Are you talking about you and Adam?”
“No,” I say. But I feel the heat in my cheeks and Lucas’s eyebrows lift. He pauses for several moments.
“Be honest with him,” he says. “I don’t know what’s going on with you two, but you guys have had that intense friendship thing going on forever. So whatever it is, be honest. You owe each other that. Sorry, that’s all I really got unless you’re willing to tell me what the deal is with you two. And don’t say talk to Adam because he’s avoiding the whole thing.”
“No, it’s enough,” I say. “Thanks.”
“Don’t mention it.” He closes his eyes again, and I open my notebook and draw. Dots, hearts, stars. Circles with no end. The bitch thing may not work, but the cheating thing might. It worked with Zane, sort of, could it work again? Only this time somebody more believable…somebody I’m closer to.
An idea forms.
“Can you give me a ride home from school?”
He opens his eyes. “Anytime.”
Lucas meets me at the bottom of the stairs. I cringe inside when I ask him to come get me in fifteen minutes. I’m using him, playing with people like Brianna does, like my mom does. This is wrong, wrong, wrong. But I have no choice.
Adam waits for me in the parking lot, and his smile is like a machine gun to my heart. I bleed inside. Bleed and cry and shatter.
“Hey,” he says. I stop before I reach him. Stop before I’m too close. Stop while I can.
“Adam, I-I-” I can’t say this. I can’t do this.
Adam will never convince his dad’s he’s going as long as he’s with you.
I draw in a breath and close my eyes. When I open them, Adam is no longer smiling. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. “I can’t do this anymore.” The words tumble from my mouth like dice from a Yahtzee cup. They echo between us.
“Do what?” Adam’s arms cross, and his eyes widen.
“This. Us. I-I-don’t want this.”
“Sage?” He reaches out, and his fingers clamp my wrist sending shock waves through my blood.
“No.” I shake my arm free. “I can’t.”
“I don’t understand.” Confusion flickers across his face. And hurt. Oh God, what am I doing? But I can’t stop now. Not if this is going to work.
I take a deep breath. “I’m tired of all this unhappiness. We’re never happy. Except for yesterday. One happy day and all I can think is I want that all the time. But it can’t be like that for us.”
“But it could,” he says. “That’s what I want too.”
“But you don’t know for sure it will be. I saw it yesterday. I saw your eyes. I just don’t think I can keep doing all this sadness while we wait to find out.”
“Sage, please, let’s talk about this.” The desperate plea in his voice tugs, and the ache is becoming unbearable. I can’t breathe.
“I can’t.” I shake my head and tears pop into my eyes. I have to turn so he won’t see them. So he won’t know.
Lucas waits in front of the school and when our gazes meet, he waves. This is it. Without a look in Adam’s direction, I run for Lucas. When I reach him, I wrap my arms around him and plant a kiss on a cheek.
“Just go with it,” I whisper into his ear. “Please.” His face forces a smile, and his arms are around my neck.
“You owe me a big explanation,” he whispers back.
I nod and cling to him as we walk to his truck. Hanging on to him holds me up and keeps me from turning around. From running back to Adam. When we are in the truck, and the doors are closed, I break down. Tears gush from my eyes and sobs tear from my throat.
Lucas glares at me.
“You used me? You took my advice today and used it against me?” There’s bitterness and anger in his voice. “Didn’t you?”
“Yes,” I say quietly.
“Why? Why would you do that? I’ve been trying to show you lately,” he chokes on his words and glances out the window. “I’ve been trying so hard to make up for what I did to you, but this—this is—”
“I know. I know. I know. But Lucas you have to believe me. I’m not doing this to hurt Adam. I’m doing it for him.”
“Fine. I know there’s been something up with you too.” He leans into my face, and I feel the heat in his skin and his breath. “You can either get out of this truck so I can find Adam and tell him about this little game you’re playing, or you can tell me absolutely everything right now.”
So I tell him everything.
Chapter Forty-Seven
“Holy shit.” Lucas slams his fist against the steering wheel. “I knew there was something. I’ve suspected for years, but this is badass.”
This is the third time through the story, and Lucas’s response isn’t any less tame. I’ve answered dozen
s of questions. I’m tired and my eyes burn from crying too much. We’re in my driveway, where we’ve been parked for the last thirty minutes. I’m tempted to slip out the door, to go inside, to leave Lucas to figure this out for himself. But I can’t. This is my fault. I used him, I told him, I dragged him in.
“So this Nexus,” he says. “What does it do?”
“I don’t really know. Travel places….save a planet.”
“Travel–like tap your heels together or what?”
“I don’t know. It’s just light and poof we’re somewhere else. Do you remember the stories of the lights by the lake a few weeks ago?”
“Yeah,” he says.
“That was Adam. He was in California one minute and the lake the next. I saw it, the lights and everything.”
“Holy shit.” He bangs his fists against the steering wheel and the truck shakes. “Is that how they came here? Is that how he’ll get to his home planet?”
“No. There's a ship for that, I think.”
“Holy shit. UFOs! This is…this is insane, Sage.”
“I know. You should talk to Adam,” I say. “I probably shouldn’t have told you. It’s his secret after all.” I press my hand to the cool window and look out. Lightning flashes in the distance followed by a low grumble of thunder.
“There’s lots of things neither of us probably should have done.”
“I’m sorry Lucas,” I say. “For what I did back there.”
“You used me.” Lucas’s voice is tinged with sadness. The guilt is like a tourniquet wrapping around me and squeezing tight.
“I know,” I say. “I’m sorry.”
“I get what you’re doing, Sage. I really do. But I need to tell him that none of it’s true. You better do the same.”
“Yeah, I will,” I say. “Believe me I will. Please Lucas, can you wait a little?”
“Look, if you want him to break up with you, tell him you don’t have feelings for him. That he’s like a brother to you and nothing more.” His voice is softer now. “But to be honest, I think you should tell him the truth.”
“I wish I could.”
“You really trust this Zane character?”
“Not completely, but he’s been right about everything so far. At this point I’d believe anything if it meant not losing Adam.” I wrap my arms around my chest.
Lucas reaches across the seat and takes my arm. “I’m on your side, Sage. Really. Let me help you with this. Let me meet Zane. You shouldn’t be dealing with him alone.”
“Thanks, but if he finds out I told you, he might not help me. And right now, he’s all I got.” More lightning sprays across the sky, and the rolls of thunder grow louder. Daylight seeps from the air, casting us in a shadowed, gray world.
“Do you want to do something? Go somewhere?”
I shake my head and turn to him. “Thanks, but I’m tired.”
“Okay, if you need anything let me know.” His eyes glow with concern.
“Yeah, thanks.” I press on the door handle to climb out but pause and swing around. “You’re not going to tell anybody, are you? About the alien thing?”
“Um, who?” he laughs. “I can’t believe it myself.”
“Yeah,” I snort before climbing out of the truck and waving as he pulls out of the driveway.
My house is empty and I’m glad. I curl onto my bed, staring at the dark ceiling and stars and listening to thunder. There is a crack followed by pounding rain on the roof. I nearly miss the knocking. Faint at first, it grows. Louder. Harder. Somebody is pounding on the front door. Screaming my name.
Adam.
He drips with rain and heartache and pain. “This isn’t you,” he says. “Everything you said. It’s not you. And I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s really going on.” His hair and clothes are soaked, and my mind swims. He’s on my porch, but he’s also in the lake. I’m on the beach and I’m running to rescue him. He’s falling and I’m scared. He’s in a plane crashing into a mountain and I’m scared.
So scared.
“You want the truth,” I say. “I’ll tell you the truth.” My voice is like a train gaining momentum. “My dad left me. It wasn’t his choice, but he couldn’t stop it. He’s never coming back, and it hurts so bad. Every single day it hurts so bad.” Tears coat my cheeks and my eyes, and dribble into my neck. “You’re leaving too. I know you’re trying to change that, and I know it’s not your choice, but don’t lie to me. You might not be able to stop it. You may never come back. I can’t—I can’t take the hurt.”
He is white and wordless and covered in pain. And I can’t look anymore. I can’t see. I can’t talk. So, I slam the door between us.
Shaking, I sink to the floor. I meant every word. Funny, I didn’t need the lie to break us up. All I needed was the truth.
Chapter Forty-Eight
In the past, the time between when Adam left in the fall to when he returned in the spring, was an eternity. It’s nothing compared to the dragging days of silence between us now. There are no phone calls, no text messages, no e-mail.
When I get to Stella’s for work on Friday afternoon, the lobby is empty. My heart hurts and my stomach sickens at the thought of seeing Adam. I’m so close to blowing Zane’s plan and telling Adam everything.
I only find Stella. She’s at her desk, the phone pressed to her ear as she flips through papers on her desk. She waves at me and holds up a finger, motioning me to wait. I do, shifting awkwardly while she finishes her conversation.
“Sage,” she says. Her eyes are red, and she doesn’t smile. “I’m sort of surprised to see you.”
My heart jumps. “Why? I still work here, right?”
“Of course. I just thought that because of you and Adam, and I’m not really sure what happened…” Her voice is tinged with sadness.
“Nothing.” I clamp my lips together. Stella stands up from the desk and walks to my side.
“He’s leaving tonight, you know.”
“Leaving?”
“Yeah, leaving.” My heart thumps hard in my chest, and I can’t breathe. This isn’t good. I need to find Zane.
“I thought he had until his birthday.”
“He’s been really upset and says there’s no reason to stay anymore, so Laris encouraged him to leave now. What happened between you two?” There is the hint of hurt and blame in her eyes, and I bite on my tongue to hold in the words. Even though she’s the one who told me to find a way to let go, she would hate me if she knew what I had said to him.
“Is he here?” I ask, ignoring her question.
“No.” She hesitates. “He’s with Lucas. Planning for some party tonight.”
It’s like a fist slammed into my gut. Why hadn’t Lucas told me this? I thought he was helping me. I thought he was on my side. And party….Brianna’s party. Brianna is who he’s going to spend his last night on earth with.
“I gotta go,” I say.
I can’t get to the beach fast enough. Thankfully it’s empty. I trip over the uneven parts in the grass and nearly sink in the sand. When I reach the waves, I scream for Zane. Over and over until my throat grows raw. But he doesn’t appear. Sitting in the swing, I push the bench back and forth with my feet. I will wait. I’m not leaving.
Without the big waves on the lake today, I see the different colored water. Rip currents. Although rare in Lake Superior, they’re common in the Star Harbor area. But I didn’t know that until the day I met Adam.
He had taught me.
He had taught me lots of things. How to skip a stone, how to catch fish, how to get through the forest. How to be a friend. How to love. Oh god, I can’t lose him.
I scream Zane’s name again and start formulating a plan. If he doesn’t come in the next fifteen minutes, I will find Adam. I will tell him everything. Yes, that’s what I’ll do. I need to stop him from leaving.
I swing away the minutes, each push speeding up my heart. Minute three. Maybe I should just tell Adam everything right now. Minute seven. Wha
t if Zane’s plan doesn’t work?
Minute eight. I can’t lose Adam. I can’t lose Adam. I can’t lose Adam. Minute ten. Where is Zane? Maybe I should go and find Adam.
Minute eleven. A shadow falls over me.
“Adam?”
He stands in front of me, shifting from foot to foot. Awkward. Uncomfortable. I blink and blink again. He’s not my imagination. He sits next to me and the swing jerks wildly. I steady it as he scoots closer and lays his hand on mine, warm, real.
“I’m sorry. For all that stuff I said. I’m so sorry.”
“Shhh.” He presses his finger to my lips and then his hands cradle my head and he pulls me into a kiss. And I’m falling. Dark, turning, twisting, falling, flashing. It’s the Matterhorn I’m on and it’s wrong. I put my hands on his chest and push. He laughs. He shakes and convulses and nearly falls off the swing.
“What the—?” The rest of the words get lost in my throat. His blue eyes are fading to gray and his black curls disappearing into only blond. “Zane?”
“Fooled you.”
I slap him. Hard. The sound cracks across the empty beach. “What did you do? How did you…How dare you?”
“How dare I? You were the one who was about to mess everything up again. I know you were sitting here thinking about telling good ol’ Adam everything.”
“That’s because I should give up on your plan. Where were you? Did you know Adam is planning on leaving tonight?”
“Yes,” he says. “And as you can see, I am ready.” He stands up from the swing and takes a sweeping bow. “So feel free to thank me.”
“Thank you, for what? Kissing me again.”
“I knew you liked it,” he says and winks. “But no, you can thank me and the Nexus for this.” He holds out his empty palm. His eyes widen and swirl, blue bleeding across the gray. His hair darkens and he grows an extra inch.
“Like?” He says and turns from side to side. It’s Zane’s mannerisms, but Adam’s voice that comes out.
I gulp.
“So that’s your plan?” I ask. “You’re going to pretend to be Adam.”
One Starry Knight: A Scifi Alien Love Story (The Starry Knight Saga Book 1) Page 22
