by Nana Adu
He does hate me. He still fights for me, even when he shouldn't. He's the only reason I'm still here.
"Noah..." His father says.
"No, look at yourselves right now. At least, I was honest with myself before. I know who killed Samantha and I'm still going to hunt those bastards down. Eliana didn't harm her. I hate hypocrites." He turns on his heel, bringing an arm around my shoulder and guiding us out of the dining room and away from dinner.
I couldn't even smell my food, let alone touch it.
"Don't worry. I'll clear your name. If my parents are so hurt by this war, I'll deal with it myself. Just stay with me. Focus on me." Noah says, rubbing my arm soothingly. My heart bleeds but his touch heals it. It's enough. I won't ask for more.
I grab his free hand, letting my nails bite into his skin as we head to his room.
I have Noah and that's so much more than enough. Alyssa also doesn't blame me. They should.
"Noah, wait!" Robert's deep, raspy voice reaches us. We both stop as he catches up. He lets out a deep breath and meets my eyes.
"I want to have a lesson tomorrow morning. Your mark isn't a bud anymore, it's about to blossom."
CHAPTER 49
Noah POV
My eyes skim Eliana's neck, the vines from her mark lingering all over it. Our marks are supposed to be the same but her's is bigger. Probably because she's a Royal.
What does it mean though? What happens when it blooms? Does it get bigger when she uses her powers? Will it bloom when she dies?
Will this curse take her from me?
A sharp pain goes through my heart. I can't lose her.
She's more far away from me now, then ever. All this blame being pushed on to her is taking it's toll. Fucking hell.
How can I stop this? What can I do to help? Why am I always so powerless?
Being Alpha means nothing. From the day my sister died, everything fell apart. I began retreating within myself, staying away from friends, family, things I loved.
I wanted to punishment myself for letting her die so easily.
Eliana's blaming herself for all of this, as if she was there when that wolf killed my sister. She wasn't. A lot of that pack wasn't.
But somehow, I've lived my life with hatred for every single one of them. I promised to kill off even their pups if I ever found them.
I shake my head. My arms brush against the silky sheets as Eliana's cheek soundlessly presses against my chest.
It was wrong. Those thoughts, that person I was, he was wrong. He let hate fuel him and blind him, refusing to even embrace the thought of a mate to further his own agenda.
My fingers tremble as Eliana's soft breaths comfort me.
You saved me. She saved me and I have no idea how to help her. Eliana brought me out of a nightmare and danced with me in a beautiful dream.
I'm not ready to wake up, not without her.
The Moonstribe pack still owes us blood and they will pay for what they've done. Those who deserve it will be punished. I can't blame all of them, without my pack pointing fingers at Eliana. Most of them don't deserve death anyway.
My forgiveness only spans so far. I will fight for my pack and Eliana, who was their victim for over 10 years.
They've hurt too many of my loved ones. I won't stand by anymore, I couldn't do anything in the past but now I've changed. Everything has changed
I'm itching to fight back.
Eliana POV
The harsh noon sun beats down on me as Robert hides in the shadows of the forest. My eyes stare into his as he does mine. I sit, legs crossed with my arms at my side.
This is... unimportant.
"If you feel ready, try to stop me from approaching you." His voice calls out among the trees. I nod.
He moves to take his first step in the halo of light surrounding me, as I sigh.
There are other things I have to do.
"Stop." I command. The muscles in my hands clench into fist as a wave of dizziness sends my vision into a slight blur. My eyelids press against the bugle of my cheekbones as I squeeze my eyes shut.
This feeling is familiar. That dream I had when I passed out, what happened in it? There was this lady. She said something like-
"You did it." My gaze finds Robert, his foot inches from the ground.
I'm doing that?
My hands relax and Robert's foot falls. He stumbles, trying to regain his balance as his black boot slips on the grass.
"Give me some warning!" He shouts, standing on both feet. I shrug, getting up off the ground and dusting myself off as he walks towards me.
"What happened to you? Why do you have so much control all of a sudden?" He stops in front of me. I squint at him as the sun reflects off his white shirt into my eyes.
"I don't know." I mutter. The old man strokes his beard, walking around me in a slow circle. I don't bother watching him go around.
He stops back in front of me as I look over his shoulder.
The woods I ran through to come here lay just above the cliff. Why didn't I just stay away?
Heavy hands come down on my shoulders and I flinch, meeting Robert's eyes again. He sighs, shaking his head.
"Listen, I don't care about whatever those pups have been gossiping about, ok? So when you're in my session, you pay attention to me. Leave all those thoughts in the house. I hate the look on your face." He scolds me. I nod.
I can't just act like nothing is going on. Even here.
He blinks at me and sighs again, taking his hands off of me and placing them behind his back.
"I know my words won't cheer you up, but I need you with me right now. We just made a huge step." He pats my arm and I nod again.
He's right, I should listen. These powers need to be tamed.
"What does it mean?" I breathe out, focusing on him. He grins.
"There we go. Okay, so I think your Mark is showing how well you can control your blessing and the potential it has." His eyes light up with a child-like light and I can't help the slight smile that slips onto my face.
"It hasn't completely bloomed yet though?" I ask, glancing down towards my collarbone.
"No, it hasn't but maybe with more practice, it will." He smirks, shaking his head. He begins walking towards the house as I follow.
"Doesn't that drain my life force?" I ask, the rustling of my steps echoing through the quiet area around us.
"That's true but the faster you're able to control this, the better chances you have of using it less." He reasons, I nod as my heart returns to the cold shadow. The pack house sits ahead of us.
It's my fault there. The bitter stares, screaming whispers, and tense atmosphere kills me. It kills everything I've become since coming here.
"I guess so." I reply, as we near the building. Shouts barely reach us as Noah's scent drifts in the air. My eyes widen and I take off, passing Robert as I sprint towards the front yard.
Noah, stop ruining your relationship with your pack for me. I'm nobody.
"-kill you. I'll fucking kill you." Noah's voice growls out as I turn the corner, seeing the side of his head. A pack member stands before him.
"You know she can't be Luna, Noah. I'm sorry but-" He's cut off as Noah pins him against a tree. He holds him up by his neck, choking him as his face turns more and more red.
"Fuck off. I can't live without her. You guys can't take her away from me. I'll-" My fingers wrap around his forearm. My gaze rests on his skin, as I pull his hand off the wolf. Noah's stare burns into the side of my face as the man collapses on the ground, coughing.
"Eliana..." My eyes meet his.
"You can't do this, Noah." I shake my head, tightening my grip.
I can't let him throw away what matters to him the most.
CHAPTER 50
Noah POV
Eliana's eyes pierce into my heart. The tears welling up in them, tearing me up.
"He was saying crazy things about you. I couldn't just sit by and listen." She shakes her head, taking a deep breath
. I swallow.
I know she wants to take all the hurt, she probably thinks she deserves this. We haven't even talked about it together.
This brewing storm between us, the past, and pain. 13 years worth of it.
"You can sit by. You should sit by. You're the Alpha of this pack, Noah! You've made a promise to protect them." She lets her hand fall. I grab it before it reaches her side again.
"Let's go." Nosy eyes and ears surround us. Fuck all of them.
I pull Eliana to follow me as she matches my pace.
She's confused about all of this. She just has to hear me out. I don't want to lose her like this.
We hurry through the house, dashing up the stairs, down the hallway and into my room. Eliana slips her hand out of mine as the door slams shut behind her. Her gaze points to the floor as I sigh, frustrated.
"Why are you listening to them Eliana? You're not the one who hurt Samantha. They're the ones in the wrong for pushing all that blame onto you." Eliana meets my eyes, as her chest rises and falls fast.
"What's wrong with that? What's wrong with them blaming me? You should blame me too. You know the connection between members of a pack. They span into blood and actions. You know that." Her brown eyes grow wild as she shouts.
This is better then nothing. It's better than the soulless doll that slept next to me last night.
"You mean more to me than some fucking blood. The Luna of this pack can't be anyone but you. They have to accept that. Can't you fight for yourself?" I take a step closer to her, the edge of her black jeans grazing my knee. She looks away, avoiding my eyes. My fingers wrap around her jaw, bringing her gaze back to my face.
"Where's the spirit I saw bubble up in you? Where's the girl who stood up to Beth? Eliana, you've been bullied all your life and I promise to pluck every strand of fur from your tormentors, but I need you to want that too. I need you to want to fight." I search for any sign of a spark, that something I've said has clicked. She pushes off my grip, walking past me and further into the room.
Nothing.
"I don't know what you're talking about." She mumbles, shaking her head. I turn, following her.
"Yes, you do. You're taking these hits because you feel like you have to and I understand that. That's what my sister's death made me feel, but you taught me to let go. You told me to share me burden, that you would carry half." I breathe out, clenching my fists as the golden beams of sunset filter through the window, bold on Eliana's dark skin.
She's so beautiful, but why does it look like she's dying?
"Noah, I just don't want you going against your pack like this. When we met, you made it clear your pack was, and still is, your life. You told me how hard you've worked for them, how much you're willing to give up for them. Don't throw away their loyalty." She says, glancing up at me for a brief moment.
"I am their leader and this is what I think is right for the pack. I'm trying to lead them out of their delusion, Eliana. I need you to open your eyes too, but for that to happen, I need to hear how you feel. You look... gone and it's scaring me." My feet take me to her, stopping a foot away. Her eyes grow wide as moisture fills them.
"No, no! I don't get to cry. I don't get to fucking cry." She whimpers, turning away from me and furiously shaking her head. I trail after her footsteps.
"Yes, you do! Talk to me, Eliana." Her back faces me as she stands by the window, soft white curtains reflecting the sunlight on to her cheek.
Her back hunches over, trembling as her arms wrap around her body.
She's cold. Weak. She's been bearing this all alone.
Her heartbeat pounds against my chest as I wrap my arms around her shivering figure. Tears tickle my wrists as they fall onto them, gently.
This is the heart I've been waiting to see. To feel.
I've already given mine away.
Eliana POV
Just keep your mouth shut.
I bite my lips, blinking away the tears in my eyes as more pour down my face.
He's too warm, it's melting my walls. He's shattering all I've worked to keep in.
"I tried, Noah. I tried so hard to belong. I wasn't, I really wasn't trying to put any of you in harm, but I thoughtlessly came here. Goddess." My sobs rack through my shoulders as Noah holds me tight to his chest. The only thing keeping me standing.
Just shut up. Don't make him feel bad for you. Stop.
"I never thought I would come to miss our loud dinners, Beth's annoying comments, even that weird training thing you guys do after breakfast. Noah, it all disappeared when I opened my eyes that day." My tears continue to flood as Noah runs his cheek against my head.
Stop relying on him.
"We can get that all back. We just have to make them realize that-" I push him away, shaking my head again as I turn to face him. His hands fall by his side as fists.
"There's no realizing anything. The truth is what we're dealing with, Noah! There's no damage control for this. I don't know what to do because there's nothing to do. I can only accept this. I was never meant to belong." A heavy sob leaves me, my knees bruising as I collapse on to them. Noah kneels beside me.
"You belong with me. Fuck everyone. Forget Moonstribe, forget my pack, forget all of that. For my sake, be here with me." He holds my face, tingles shooting through my cheeks into the core of my being.
There's no point to arguing anymore.
I nod, letting my head fall into the crook of his neck as I cry.
Noah will always be my home.
He pulls me in, stroking my hair while whispering words I don't catch over the roaring of my thoughts.
But I can't let him do something he'll regret.
"I'll always be on your side." His breath brushes my ear.
I have to go before he really does lose his pack. What's a Luna-what's an Alpha without his pack?
"Forever."
I'll disappear out of his life.
CHAPTER 51
Eliana POV
Tonight. I'll give myself until tonight. Just a few more hours to be with him.
Noah sleeps soundlessly next to me, his head cuddled into my chest. I chuckle, letting my fingers glide through his hair gently. His smooth strands tickle my palm, easing the sting inside.
He loves to lay his cheek against my breast, doesn't he? I love that about him too.
He snuggles closer into my embrace, his hair brushing on my collarbone. Water fills my eyes and I hold them back.
How am I going to walk away from him? How can I stop his pain without leaving? How do I ease all of their pain?
Intention is never on my side. Being misunderstood is my fault. 18 years in a basement, almost alone will do that to you. My wolf whimpers inside me.
Noah was the one most hurt by his sister's death. How could he just-
"Samantha, I'm sorry... It's not her fault. Don't blame her. I-it's not her- Eliana!" Noah's eyes open and his grip on my waist tightens. I stare at him as his vision focuses.
I'm such a dumbass.
He does blame me. Somewhere inside, he's guilty for being on my side during all this.
I am causing him pain being here, I knew that. I didn't think it was like this though. I couldn't feel how deep because I was blinded by my own emotions.
I smile, wrapping my arms around his head, pressing him closer to my chest. Moisture fills my eyes again, threatening to leak out.
I need to leave. I can't stay here. I have to go and take of all of this. For all your sake.
"Eliana?" He groans out. I don't budge, holding him close.
You've been fighting everyone and yourself for me. Thank you. Thank you but stop hurting yourself like this.
"Let's go get breakfast." I say, quickly hoping out of bed, wiping at my eyes. I slip into the bathroom, shutting it behind me.
"Hey, what are you in a hurry for? I hate it out there. Let's sleep in a little bit." He says, yawning as he gets out of bed, his footsteps heavy against the floor.
I can't face him right now.
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"No, I'm hungry. We can't hide in here." I say, Twisting the cold water faucet on. A shock goes through me as the cold water splashes on my face.
Noah sighs, The sound of his feet heading back to bed.
Good. I don't want to breakdown in front of him. I don't want to leave him.
I brush my teeth, hop in the shower, and wash my hair. The warm water trickling down m the drain goes with my time here. I shake my head, scrubbing the shampoo against my scalp.
Thinking like this for too long with alert Noah. We're marked mates. Hiding this will be hard, but I'll do it.
The tears Eve shed yesterday flash through my mind.
That pain will cease soon, just wait.
***
I've run away before. I just have to do it again.
Whispers and glances surround me as I stuff another bite of pancake in my mouth.
I need energy if I want to leave. I have to eat. Even if every bite hurts to swallow.
"She still eats at our table?" A wolf whispers behind me.
"Don't eat here then." Noah says, taking a bite of his food as well. I glance over at him.
"Noah, just let them talk. I'm fine." I reason with him, patting his thigh under the table.
"I'm not fine, but I'll hold back since you want me too. These ungrateful wolves don't even know what you do for them, especially that one." He glares over at Beth, who stands by the arched white entry way of the room.
"Noah, leave it." I state, setting down my fork against my plate. He sighs, nodding. His hand covers mine on his thigh.
I haven't spoken with Beth since the day she said she couldn't see my as her friend.
It's ok, It's ok for her to have that reaction. I expected it. She was probably really close to Samantha as a child, and even now. So it's fine.
She'll also breathe easy with me gone.
"Eliana." I flinch, bringing my dazed gaze back to Noah's. He squints at me, tilting his head a little.
"Are you ok? There's something else going on in your heart. My wolf and I can feel it." My eyes widen as I tense.
No, he doesn't know yet. You're not a part of this pack yet. He can't read your thoughts so clearly, even with the mate bond.
