by Natalie Ann
“That’s crazy. There is nothing wrong with people who love you wanting to help you. Just because you’ve never asked before or don’t think you need it doesn’t mean someone thinks you’re incompetent if they offer. And I repeat, I didn’t call Kaitlin.”
He wasn’t listening to her. What she was saying was hitting a little too close to home, bringing up bitter memories and sidelong glances full of sympathy that he’d had to deal with when Becca left.
He’d blocked it out as best he could and just moved on one day at a time. Having it all front and center again was more than he could stomach right now.
“I don’t have a rich daddy to bail me out when I need it. Or to come riding in on a white horse and take away all of my problems. I’ve learned to take care of myself and my son, and I’m raising him to do the same thing.”
Vaguely, he realized he was yelling at her. She pushed the chair back from the table and stood up stiffly, squaring her shoulders and blinking her eyes, then looking at the ceiling. He fully expected her to yell back at him, maybe throw something, even a temper tantrum. He was prepared; that’s what Becca always did.
But instead she composed herself and said, “Guess I know what you really think of me. I thought you were different.”
“Daddy, why are you yelling?” Finn turned to see Trey standing in the doorway, almost hidden behind the frame, tears on his cheeks. Great. “I don’t like it when you yell.”
“I’ll leave now. Then you can stop yelling and take care of your son.”
He watched her walk out of the kitchen and heard the front door shut. She didn’t even lose control enough to slam it. He stood up to walk closer to Trey, only to have Trey take a step back. Wonderful, now his son was scared of him.
“Trey, it’s fine. Sometimes adults fight.”
“But she wasn’t yelling. You were. And you made her cry. You can’t make her cry!”
Trey turned and ran down the hall and back up the stairs. Finn did the only thing he could think of, and slammed his fist through the wall.
“Shit!”
He pulled his hand back, shaking it out, and stared at the hole in the wall. At least he had something to do now. He couldn’t leave the hole there. First, though, he had to talk to Trey.
***
“Hey, what are you doing out here?”
Olivia turned to see Sophia walking toward her where she was sitting on the dock with her feet hanging over the edge, her bare toes just skimming the water.
She ran her hand under her nose. “Just trying to gather my thoughts.”
Sophia noticed the tears and came rushing forward. “What happened? Everything just getting to you now?”
“No. Finn and I had a fight. Or he did and I just stood there and took it like the spineless wimp I am.”
Sophia frowned, then lifted her hand and wiped a tear from Olivia’s cheek. “You’re not a wimp. Want to talk about it? Let’s bash Finn and get it off our chests.”
Olivia half-laughed. She knew Sophia was trying to cheer her up, but she wasn’t ready for it right now.
“He’s mad at me because Ryan called him today.”
“What does that have to do with you?”
“He thinks I called Kaitlin and told her to tell Ryan to call Finn. That I interfered, and he made it seem like I don’t think he can handle this on his own. He even threw it in my face about having a rich daddy to buy my problems away.”
“That was pretty low. I really want to bash him now.”
“Me too.” Olivia sniffled some more, fresh tears coming to her eyes.
“But I won’t,” Sophia said. “He was wrong with what he said, you know that. Cut him a little bit of slack though. His world is being turned upside down right now.”
“He was wrong to say that, but he must believe it deep down.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Sophia, people say things in the heat of the moment that they’re really thinking. When they aren’t in the heat of the moment, they have enough control to keep it to themselves. He obviously thinks the same thing about me that every other man has in my life. He thinks I’m just some spoiled little rich girl having fun with my jewelry store, waiting for the next guy to come and take care of me.”
“I really think you’re wrong, Olivia. From what you’ve said, he’s never given any indication of that. You’ve even said how proud he has been of you, and how strong and independent he thinks you are. Try to see things from his side.”
“Why are you defending him? You’re supposed to be on my side.”
“I am on your side. But I’m a parent too and I see it from his point of view. He’s a single parent and he is trying to raise Trey in a way that you and I never had. A way we would have wanted, and now someone is trying to upset his world and Trey’s. You remember that feeling, don’t you?”
She did, and hated that Sophia pointed it out, making her feel selfish.
“I’m trying to see it that way too, but I can’t right now. It hurts too much…what he said. Then Trey came down and looked scared that Finn was yelling at me and that got me even more upset. I didn’t want Trey to be upset because Finn was mad at me. I don’t want him to be put in the middle.”
“You’re sounding like a mother now.”
Which made what Sophia said hit home even more. “I feel like one to Trey. I just don’t know what to do now. I mean, if he really feels this way about me, I can’t change that. I came here to get away from that perception. I can’t go back to that person. I’ve worked too hard to not be that person anymore.”
“He’s never seen that person, which is why he shouldn’t have said that to you. Look, Olivia. He came face to face with his ex, the woman who left him to care for a newborn on his own with no explanation. You told me everything, remember?” Sophia put her hand to her mouth. “Oops, I might have mentioned a few things to Kaitlin last night when we were chatting. Not in detail, but I did say that Finn called Ryan. She must have mentioned something to him, but you know her, she wouldn’t have gotten too involved.”
“Well, that at least explains things. But it doesn’t change what he said tonight.” And she was glad she didn’t mention anything about the paternity tests. She’d never disclose that.
“No, it doesn’t. You’ve fought with other men in the past. How did you handle it then?”
“I walked away. Moved on. Why bother, I didn’t need that headache.”
“And now.”
“I don’t want to walk away. I’m not that person anymore.”
“Then prove it to him.”
Sense of Pride
“I can’t wait to go swimming.”
Finn looked over at Trey in his truck on Sunday afternoon as he was driving to Olivia’s. He hadn’t heard a word from her since she walked out of his house on Thursday afternoon. He’d waited for her to call him that night, but nothing. By the time he went to bed, he figured he would try to call her, but he couldn’t make himself do it.
He was wrong—he knew and she knew—but he was still too upset to call her.
He’d told himself he would wait until Friday, but the day came and went with him losing his nerve. Same thing on Saturday.
By Sunday morning, the guilt was getting the best of him. Before he lost his nerve again, he asked if Trey wanted to visit Olivia.
“I’m not sure if she is home or not. And remember, I need to talk to her first, so we might not be staying that long. We’re just going to try her house first, then maybe go to the lake and look there.”
“You have to say you’re sorry.”
“What?” Finn asked, turning his head to look at Trey.
“You made her cry, so you have to say you are sorry. You told me I had to say I was sorry to Harper when she cried, so you have to do the same thing. You can’t make girls cry, Daddy. It’s not nice.”
“No, it’s not nice.”
“And it’s the right thing to do, right? You have to say you’re sorry when you’re wrong. Making a girl cry
is wrong.”
“Yeah, you’re right, scout. I was wrong. I shouldn’t have made Olivia cry and I plan on saying I’m sorry.” If she’ll talk to me, that is.
They rode the rest of the way in silence, Finn pondering the words Trey just said. At least he was raising his son to know right from wrong. Too bad Finn didn’t heed his own lessons.
“Her car is here.”
“So it is.” He parked behind her car and reached in the back to grab Trey’s bag, then helped him jump down from the truck. “Hold on, Trey.” But Trey was already running around to the back of the house by the pool.
Finn jogged to catch up and saw Olivia sitting in a lounge chair under an umbrella, a sketchpad in her hand.
“Hi, Olivia, we came to visit.”
She turned with a start, joy filling her face as Trey ran through the open gate to her open arms for a hug. “I’ve missed you. How have you been?”
She lifted her eyes to Finn’s, held his stare, her smile fading, then she turned back to Trey and gave him another big hug.
“Good. Can I swim?”
Finn tried to get his tongue back in his mouth once he saw what she was wearing. He was guessing that was the sexy swimsuit she’d teased him about. “Trey, what did I say?”
“Sorry. Daddy needs to talk to you. He was wrong. Can I swim now?”
Finn watched Olivia’s lips twitch, but she still ignored him. “Why don’t you let your dad and me talk, and then you can swim. For now, you can see there is a surprise in the yard behind the fence.”
Trey ran to the back of the fenced-in pool and looked through it, yelling, “It’s a tire swing!”
Finn barely made it to the gate to unlatch it after he’d closed it behind him to let Trey run to the backyard. “That was nice of you.”
“I’ve been known to be nice. I found it in the garage and asked one of the men to hang it for me.” She looked at him—looked through him. “Have a seat,” she said coolly.
“I’d rather stand.”
“I’d rather you sat so I wasn’t craning my neck.”
He pulled a chair up and sat next to her, while she made no attempt to cover herself. Her lips twitching again told him she knew what she was doing to him and she didn’t care in the least. “Can we talk?”
“I’m listening.”
“I’m sorry. I was wrong.”
“For what?”
“For yelling at you. For getting mad because I thought you interfered with Ryan.”
“That didn’t bother me. Not really.”
“I figured. I’m sorry most of all for what I said about you. About your father and your life and everything else. I didn’t mean a word of it.”
“Finn, I told Sophia that a person who says those things may not mean them, but they still think them. It’s just you lost your control to hold them back at that moment. What hurt me the worst is that you think and believe those things about me, regardless of whether you voice them.”
“I don’t believe them. I really don’t.” He didn’t know what to do or say to get her to believe him. Running his hands through his hair, he took a deep breath. “Listen. When I first saw you, I knew you were way out of my league.” She went to open her mouth, but he held his hand up. “No, let me say this, please.”
“Go on.”
“I couldn’t stop myself from falling for you. I tried to hide it and I tried to fight it, but it didn’t matter. I thought you were too young for me, and I thought you were too good for me. I just saw everything you were on the outside and told myself not to go down that road. I didn’t have it in me again.”
“Can I talk now?” She waited for him to nod his head. “Finn, you hurt me. Everything you said was true. I’d like to say it wasn’t true a long time ago, but I can’t. A year ago, yes. I wouldn’t have argued much with what you said, and I wouldn’t have cared if you said it. But it’s not true now. I’ve tried really hard to be my own person, to break away from that life and the opinions people had of me. Hearing you say it made me realize that no matter what I do, I can’t escape that judgment.”
“I know you’ve tried hard to change. I didn’t know the person you’re describing from before. I know you now and you aren’t anything I accused you of…”
He reached over and took her hand, thankful she didn’t pull away. Her thumb was caressing his, and as nervous as he was to come here, he felt it was going to be okay. They were going to work it out; they just needed to clear the air. And if he had to grovel he would.
“You don’t know how hard it was for me. It’s easy to let someone else do everything for you. I guess I shouldn’t say that to you. You never let anyone do anything for you, so I guess we’re complete opposites in that aspect.”
“I understand. And I agree. It is easy to let others do things for you. That’s why I don’t accept that much help. Do you know how hard it is to raise Trey alone? Everyone wanted to help, and in the beginning, I let them. Then one day I came home and realized that my mother and sister were raising Trey more than me. It wasn’t right. They were setting his schedules, they were doing everything and I was letting them. I was asking them what time I should feed him, what I should do at every turn. I shouldn’t have to ask someone that. Trey’s my son.”
She snorted and cracked a little smile. “You are the most amazing and stubborn man I know.”
“So I’ve been told before. But why now?”
“No one expected you to know what to do, Finn. I’m trying to refrain from saying ‘you’re a man’ but seriously. Did you know the first thing about a newborn before Trey was born?”
“No.”
“Asking for help doesn’t mean you’re weak. For me personally, it felt like I was weak because I never seemed to do much on my own and I was okay with that. I was okay with having people do things for me back then. But you’re the other extreme. What happened when you stopped asking your mother and sister how to do things?”
He wasn’t surprised she figured out he’d stopped asking. “My mother pieced together what was going on. She told me she would never interfere with how I raised Trey and said if she’d overstepped her bounds she was sorry, but she wanted to help me. She knew how hard it was raising a child with a spouse, and doing it alone wasn’t easy for anyone.”
“So no one was upset with you?”
“No.”
“And yet you still had issues asking for help? Why? Is it a pride thing?”
He shrugged. He’d never said this before and never wanted to, but if he were going to say it to anyone, Olivia would be the person.
“I guess I wanted to prove I could do it. To prove to Becca that I didn’t need her, and I didn’t need anyone. That it wasn’t so hard to do and that she was selfish to walk out and say she couldn’t do it. She had me to help her and she said she still couldn’t do it. I was proving to her I could alone. To spite her.”
“That’s what she said? That she couldn’t do it?”
“It wasn’t what she wanted. Did she think it was what I wanted? It wasn’t, but I never backed away from it. I never gave up and I never would. Do you know how hard it is to grocery shop with a newborn? Hell, a toddler who is hungry and pointing at everything to eat at that moment in the store?” he said cringing, then laughing but shuddering just the same.
“No, I don’t. But I want to find out some day.”
“I’m not saying all of this for you to feel sorry for me, and I’m not making excuses. I still had no right to say what I did, and I understand if it’s going to be hard for you to move past it. I just want you to understand what I’ve gone through and how much her visit has shaken me. I’ve never said these things to anyone before, and that alone is hard.”
“I can’t believe you. I can’t believe you have shouldered it all by yourself, out of a sense of pride. Or proving to someone else why they were wrong. So what? You proved she was wrong; I don’t think anyone doubted that. Don’t do things for other people, do them for yourself.”
“Is that w
hat you did? Changed for you?”
“Yes. I didn’t like who I was. I never did, if I was honest. My problem was, I didn’t have any pride at all. One day I decided I needed some. And it was hard. Hard to not want to walk away from things. I rarely asked my father for anything, I want you to know that. Not since I’ve been an adult. As a child, I did some stupid things to get attention, but I stopped asking him for things so long ago I can’t even remember.”
“Like going to Switzerland?”
“Did Sophia say that to you?”
“No.” Anthony alluded to it, but he wouldn’t betray the conversation he’d had with Olivia’s stepfather.
“Regardless, I tended to ask my mother and Anthony for more things, knowing my father would get mad. He couldn’t bother to call me, or come see me, but he hated knowing that Anthony was giving me things.”
“So you used that to get more? Playing them against each other?”
“When I was younger, yes. Then I did grow up a little. Every time my father sent me something or gave me money, I invested it. Or I invested the value of what he bought me.”
He had all he could do to keep his eyes from bugging out of his head. “Your car?”
“The value…all invested. Invested in the shop. I won’t bore you with any of the details. Just know that after college I did try to take a stand in that direction, but it didn’t stick. My behavior and actions didn’t change much. I still hung out with the same crowd and still did the same stupid silly things, played the same crazy games with people and never took anything seriously. You might even say I acted a bit like Becca at times.”
“Never. I don’t believe it.”
“It’s true. I partied a lot. I was in some reckless relationships. I took what people offered and said screw you to anyone who objected. It was my privilege, it was my right, I’d thought. I very rarely took anything in life seriously.”
“Except your jewelry?” he asked.
“Except that. That was the one thing I always took seriously. It’s probably the one thing that grounded me all this time.” She released his hand and patted the space next to her legs. Her legs that looked a mile long in the white bikini she was wearing. “I guess we’ve both matured in a roundabout way. Matured for me, maybe loosened up for you?”
