by Lili Valente
But he refused to indulge the urge. Sex was no longer an option, not if he were truly sorry for the things he’d done.
“Don’t do this to yourself,” he said, his voice rough. “I’m sorry for what I did tonight and all the other nights, but I can’t promise I won’t do something like that again.” He grimaced. “Or something worse. I’m not safe for you.”
“Who said I wanted safe?” she asked, leaning closer. “I’m not a fool, Jackson. I know you’re dangerous and I’m not looking for any big promises. All I need is one thing.”
“What’s that?” Her nipples brushed against his chest, sending heat spreading through his core. He clenched his jaw, fighting to keep from reaching for her.
“Tell me that you care,” she said in her soft, sexy voice. “Even if it’s only a little. Because if you can care a little, then you can learn to care a lot. And maybe someday you’ll even learn to let yourself be happy.”
Jackson pressed his lips together, but it did nothing to stop the ache spreading through his chest. He didn’t deserve this; he didn’t deserve her, but he couldn’t hide from how much he wanted what she was offering. He was broken and twisted and wrong inside, but when Hannah touched him it felt right, he felt right in a way he hadn’t in so long. Not since that night in Harley’s bed when he’d unknowingly slept with the wrong sister.
“Tell me you care, Jackson,” she whispered, kissing first one corner of his mouth and then the other. “I know you do. And I know you want me as much as I want you.”
“I want you so much,” he said, his eyes sliding closed. “I want you like my next breath, but I’ll hurt you, Hannah. I know I will and I don’t want to.”
“Why don’t you want to?” she asked as she reached down, her cool fingers closing around his erection, stroking him with a gentle insistence that sent longing and grief flooding through him in equal measure.
She had him right where she wanted him. He couldn’t deny her though he knew this wouldn’t end well. It never did when Beauty fell in love with the Beast.
“Because I care about you.” His eyes opened as his fingers closed around her wrist, stopping her mid-stroke. He stared deep into her big eyes, willing her to see what a bad idea this was. “But this isn’t a fairy tale. In real life, the monster doesn’t get better. In real life, the monster drags you down to hell with him and you burn there.”
“You make me burn, that’s true.” Her lips twisted in a wry smile. “Which reminds me that I have a favor to ask, sir.”
“What’s that?” he asked, not sure whether to feel grateful or terrified that she was taking them back onto familiar ground.
Things between them would never be the same. She could call him “sir” a thousand times, but he was vulnerable now and they both knew it. They might be using the same pieces, but this was a whole other game, one he wasn’t sure he remembered how to play.
“I would like a safe word,” she said. “People like us usually have those, right?”
“They do,” he said, mesmerized by the feel of her fingertips teasing across his palm. “Though I’m not sure there are other people exactly like us.”
She shrugged one shoulder. “That doesn’t have to be a bad thing.”
He made a non-committal sound. This was all bad, but it was hard to concentrate on good and bad when she was naked in the moonlight, looking up at him like he was all she needed to get through the night. “So what’s your safe word, sunshine?”
She cocked her head. “No more princess?”
“Sunshine suits you better.”
She nodded, her lashes fluttering as she swallowed. “See? You can be sweet,” she said, pushing on before he could assure her that he was as far from sweet as a man could get. “And my safe word is cheese biscuits. I’d like to see you stay mean and growly when I’m shouting cheese biscuits in your ear.”
Against all odds, a smile stretched across his face. “Cheese biscuits? Those are the words that make you feel safe?”
“What’s safer than a fluffy biscuit, covered in melted cheese?” she asked with mock seriousness. “That’s practically the definition of safety.”
“You’re funny,” he said, warmth spreading through his chest.
“I’m not funny.” She shifted her weight as she shook her head slowly back and forth. “I’m a very serious person, and I’ve got a serious problem.”
He lifted a brow. “What’s that?”
“I think it’s best if I show you, sir.” She held his gaze as she guided his hand between her legs. As his fingers slid through the slick folds of her sex, a ragged sigh escaped his lips.
When he’d come out here, he’d been certain he would never touch her this way again. And he wouldn’t have if she weren’t the person she was, a generous, gentle, unbelievably strong woman who had looked into the darkest corners of his soul and refused to be scared away. And because she was who she was, he could be something better, at least for the night.
“You won’t need your safe word this time,” he said, pressing one finger deep into the well of her heat, relishing the way she spread her thighs, welcoming him in. “There won’t be any games tonight. It will just be you and me.”
“Should I still call you ‘sir’?” she asked, anxiety flickering across her features.
“Don’t be afraid,” he said. “I can’t make you any promises about the future, but I swear there won’t be any pain tonight.”
“But sometimes pain is easier, isn’t it?” she said, proving she understood the game far better than most people who had only just begun to play.
“It can be,” he agreed, withdrawing his fingers from her slickness and taking her by the hand. “Pain gives you a place to hide. But I can’t hide tonight. I’m not in the right headspace. So if you’d rather go to bed alone, I understand.”
“That’s the last thing I want.” She squeezed his hand. “Take me to bed, Jackson. If you’re not afraid, I’m not, either.”
Who said I’m not afraid?
He was afraid. So afraid. Of her, of himself, of the trust in her eyes and the affection in her touch. He would betray her trust and affection. He was certain of it, but still he held on tight to her hand as he led her through the sliding doors toward the bed.
He held tight because somewhere deep inside of himself, a voice whispered that maybe it wasn’t too late. He could never go back, but maybe there was a way forward, as long as he kept his eyes on this woman who believed that he could be something more than a monster.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Hannah
Pulse racing with a heady combination of desire and fear, Hannah stretched out on the bed, waiting with bated breath for Jackson to lie down beside her. This shouldn’t be more frightening than being spanked, punished, or locked in a cage, but it was. The look in his eyes, as he gazed down at her, was the scariest thing she’d ever seen.
He was so vulnerable, adrift and directionless, with all his carefully constructed armor falling away. He reminded her of a wounded predator, made more dangerous by the knowledge that his defenses were weakened. But he was also utterly captivating.
For the first time since she’d come into his keeping, she glimpsed the man she’d met that night in her sister’s bed, the man capable of trust and affection. He’d been wounded by betrayal and smothered by rage, but he was still there, nearly within her reach, and she didn’t want to do anything to scare him away.
As Jackson eased onto the mattress beside her, she was shocked to realize that she felt like the Dominant one tonight. The responsibility for his emotional well-being lay heavy on her shoulders, but she could handle the weight. She was stronger than she’d imagined she could be. Jackson had taught her that. He’d shown her the strength in submission and the core of steel that ran through her softness.
And tonight she would use her strength to begin leading him out of the darkness before it was too late.
“You’re beautiful,” he said, his palm skimming up her stomach to cup her breast reverently i
n his hand. “Have I told you how beautiful you are?”
“Yes. I think stunning was another word you used,” she said, knowing it was exactly the word he’d used. She would never forget a single word he’d said to her, this man who had captured her imagination, her heart, and everything in between. “You’re pretty stunning yourself.”
“I’m glad I please you,” he said, rolling her nipple between his fingers, sending a sweet ache flooding through her core.
“You do more than please me.” She pushed gently at his shoulders until he rolled onto his back. “You drive me crazy.” She leaned down, holding his gaze as she pressed a kiss to the center of his chest. “I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want you.”
She moved higher, trailing kisses up his neck until she reached his mouth, where she let her lips hover a whisper above his. “Am I allowed to kiss you anywhere I want now?”
“Anywhere you want, sunshine,” he said, the pet name making her heart turn over. The way he said that word spoke louder than any promise. When he said sunshine, she heard I love you.
Someday soon, she hoped he would hear it too, and realize maybe they weren’t so far from the fairy tale, after all.
“Everything is going to be okay,” she said, cupping his scruffy cheek in her hand as she addressed the unspoken doubt in his eyes. “It will, Jackson. I promise.”
And then she kissed him and he kissed her back, his tongue slipping into her mouth and his arms wrapping tight around her. The kiss was as hot as any they’d shared, but it was also richer, deeper, an exploration of new territory and an offering of something more than their physical bodies. There was more than hunger in his touch as he cupped her breasts in his hands, kneading and caressing her sensitive skin until she was dizzy. There was more than a desire for release in the way he urged her thighs apart and pressed his erection tight to the slickness between her legs.
She could sense the emotion simmering beneath his touch and the longing for a union that thrummed through his veins. It was the same longing that swelled inside her, filling her with warmth, crowding out the last of her fear.
“I need you so much,” she mumbled against his lips. “I need to feel you inside me.”
“Condom.” He reached for the bedside table, but she took his hand, guiding it back to her breast.
“No, I want you bare,” she said, grinding her slickness up and down his rigid length. “It isn’t the right time for a baby and we’ve already gone without a condom once today. Once more won’t hurt.”
“I know we did,” he said, pinching her nipples. “But I didn’t realize it until after. I wasn’t thinking.” He groaned softly as she circled her hips, coating his cock with more of her wet heat. “That’s what you do to me, Hannah. You make me forget to think.”
“Good.” She reached between them, positioning him at her entrance. “You think too much.”
She dropped her hips, taking him inside her, inch by glorious inch. She’d never been on top with him before and relished the new way he filled her. His engorged erection took up every inch of space until there was a hint of pain as she sank down the final inch, fitting her hips to his.
But it was sweet pain, the kind that only drove her desire higher.
She moaned as she began to move, gliding up and down his shaft as he dropped his head, suckling her nipple into his mouth. His hands squeezed her hips, sending fresh waves of need coursing through her body and a ringing sensation vibrating through her cells. She felt like a tuning fork finding the perfect pitch, a meditation bell summoning the chaos of the world into perfect harmony, and was suffused with a sense of rightness that swept away the last clinging cobwebs of doubt.
There was no longer any question in her mind—this was where she was meant to be. She belonged with this man. She was born to share his bed, warm his heart, and climb out of hell by his side. It was as close to a moment of utter truth as she’d ever experienced, and she had to know if he felt it too.
“Wait. I need to see you. Please.” Fighting the pleasure cresting within her, she squirmed until he released her nipple and lay back, his breath coming fast.
“Just don’t ask me to stop,” he said, thrusting sharply into her core, his cock stroking so deep it drew a gasp from her throat. “I can’t stop. I need you so much. So fucking much.” A pained expression flashed across his face that she understood completely.
It was painful to get this close, so close there was nothing but a fraying thread keeping you from losing yourself and being eaten alive by need for the person in your arms. It was heaven and hell mixed together, but better for it.
Darkness made the light shine brighter, pain made pleasure that much sweeter, and what was the point of angels if not to save beautiful devils like Jackson Hawke.
“I won’t give up on you,” she whispered, holding his gaze as she caught his rhythm, riding him with sensuous rolls of her hips, building the fire already raging between them. “I won’t ever give up.”
His grip on her hips tightened until his fingertips dug into her flesh. “Hannah.”
It was only her name, but it carried so much. It bore his fear, his sadness, and his pain. It held his certainty that they were doomed to fail and the fragile hope that maybe his heart wasn’t dead and buried after all.
“It’s not too late.” She leaned down until her hair fell around their faces, providing a safe place to say dangerous things. “I love you. Every part of you.”
He answered her with a kiss, groaning into her mouth as he fisted a hand in her hair and rolled them both over, reversing their positions. As soon as he took control, he made the most of it, grinding against her clit until she was trembling all over and gasping into his mouth.
“Yes,” she breathed, eyes sliding closed as he took her higher. Higher and higher until there was nothing but light and bliss and the heaven of finding where she fit. Just right.
“Come, Hannah,” Jackson said, his teeth scraping against her throat. “Come for me, beautiful.”
She obeyed with a ragged cry, her inner walls pulsing around him as he gripped her hips and thrust into her clutching heat, stroking into her with deep, languid thrusts that threatened to send her tumbling over a second time. But she clenched her jaw and clung to his shoulders, fighting the second wave, not wanting to go again without his permission. They weren’t playing games tonight, but her pleasure still belonged to him.
Every part of you belongs to him. For better or for worse, you’re his. Only his.
“I’m yours,” she gasped, threading her fingers into his hair. “Yours. God, yes. Please. Please!”
Jackson’s tempo grew faster until he was driving inside of her with a wild abandon that let her know how close he was to the edge. “I’m going to come,” he said, his voice strained. “Come with me. Come with me.”
“Yes,” she said, wrapping her legs tighter around his waist as his rhythm faltered. “I’m coming. Right…now.”
She groaned as his cock jerked inside of her, the feel of his heat scalding her inner walls sending her spiraling a second time. She clung to him as the waves of bliss swept across her skin again and again, wringing sensation from her body until movement was impossible and she and Jackson lay tangled together on the sweat-damp sheets, his body pinning hers to the mattress as they remembered how to breathe.
He was heavy, but she loved the feel of him relaxed on top of her like this. In the quiet moments after release, Jackson was finally at peace. It didn’t last long, but maybe someday it would.
Maybe one night, not too long from now, they would fall asleep with their bodies entwined and wake up in the morning with nothing between them but shared happiness. The road to that place wouldn’t be smooth or easy, but right now, with the feel of his heart beating in time with hers making her bones hum with contentment, she believed they could get there.
As Jackson rolled onto his back and drew her into his arms, clearly intending to spend the night, she began to believe a little more. And when he kissed her f
orehead and said, “Sweet dreams, sunshine,” her chest filled with so much hope that her heart ached with a fierce, sweet wanting.
The sins of the past didn’t matter. They would find a way to put it all behind them and move on. She was sure of it.
CHAPTER NINE
Hannah
Hannah drifted into a sleep more peaceful than any in recent memory and dreamt of an afternoon on the beach with Jackson. They made love in the shade of a palm tree and fed each other slices of pineapple before running into the ocean and making love again amidst the waves.
It was such a lovely dream that she woke up smiling, determined to make her dream a reality.
She rolled over, blinking in the early morning light, a little disappointed to see the rumpled covers beside her empty. But wherever Jackson had gone he would be back. And when he returned, she would talk him into spending the day at the beach with her. It would be like a first date.
The thought made her smile, a goofy grin she was glad Jackson wasn’t around to see. She knew he still had his fears and doubts, but after the way they had made love last night, she had a hard time holding on to her own. Still, they would have to move forward slowly, and it was too early in the process for love struck grins and humming on her way to the bathroom.
But as she padded into the bathroom to wash up, she couldn’t stop an airy tune from vibrating up her throat to her lips. And when she emerged wrapped in a towel to find her clothes from yesterday freshly washed and laid out on the bed, she let out a blissful sigh, startling Eva, who was depositing her breakfast tray on the table by the window.
“Good morning, Eva,” she said, dancing across the room. “Isn’t it a beautiful day?”
“Good morning,” Eva said with a shy smile. “Mr. Hawke ask for me to bring these special. For you. Special breakfast from him.”
“Thank you so much.” Hannah glanced down, warmth spreading through her as she realized what was on the tray. On the delicate china plate sat two steaming biscuits, each cut in half and topped with a different kind of cheese.
