“It’s the Deschen,” I answered. “Our boat. The one you found me on before where I was watching Kelsey. Do you see it?”
“You mean…you mean that great white whale out on the water?”
“It’s not a whale. It’s a yacht. A big boat,” I explained when I saw she didn’t understand.
“What does this have to do with Nilima?”
I headed to the shade beneath an awning where I could still see the ship. When Ana joined me, I said, “We docked here to go to the temple of Durga. This was after Shangri-La and before the dragons.” Over the past few months I’d patiently illustrated the timeline to her regarding the curse and the different places we’d been as we’d gone through the steps to break it by fulfilling the prophecies that Kelsey had discovered. Still, I could see she was confused. I didn’t blame her.
“So if we seek out Nilima, we will meet your past self as well?”
I scraped my hand over my jaw. “I wasn’t in the city until we went to the temple at night. I could only be a man for twelve hours at a time here. My best guess is that I will be onboard the ship, napping as a tiger during the day.”
“Then you believe we are safe in the city?”
“For now, yes,” I replied.
She nodded and paused, lifting her chin as if listening to something. “She calls to me,” Ana said. “I can hear her.”
I strained my ears to try to hear what she did, but without her hand on me, connecting me to the power of the goddess, all I could make out were the typical sounds of the city—people, barking dogs, noisy cars, the distant ocean, bicycle bells, and vendors advertising their goods. Ana stared off in the distance, her eyes glossed over and her lower lip pinched between her teeth. I stared at those lips for a too long minute before asking, “What is it?”
“It’s…it’s the women of this city. Many of them have been seeking my aid regarding…regarding finding a mate.”
Anamika turned shocked eyes to me. “What am I supposed to do?” she asked.
I shrugged. “I don’t know. Do you need to do anything?”
“I’ve never helped in this regard. I have no experience. War is more comfortable for me than affairs of the heart.”
She’d gone as white as the surf. “Perhaps these are the types of supplications you just listen to. Like a therapist,” I suggested.
“What’s a therapist?”
“A counselor. A teacher.”
“But teachers help.”
“Yes,” I acknowledged.
“How can I teach them? Offer advice when I need it myself?”
I smiled. “You need help finding a mate?”
“Yes. No. I never thought to take one. Why do these women not simply choose to live alone?”
“Living alone is difficult. Even if they choose to ignore social convention, a solitary life is no life. Trust me in this.”
“Then perhaps you can help them.”
“Me?” I gave a stunted laugh as she slapped my arm softly, thinking that I was ridiculing her.
Ana’s green eyes were dagger sharp. “Do not mock me in this, Kishan.”
The seriousness in her face took me by surprise. “Do you really want my help?”
“Yes.”
I sighed deeply. “If you’re certain, then yes, I’ll try to help you, but I really don’t think it’s necessary. You’re the goddess of battle.”
Her face fell like a pet that had been kicked by a master. “Despite my skill with such, I don’t wish to be only known for battle,” she said.
“No, I…” I dug the toe of my soft new shoe into a broken paver stone, suddenly uncertain of exactly how to fix what I’d obviously messed up. “Look,” I said, “I didn’t mean you can’t be the goddess of other things. You provide food, you heal the land… Think of all the people you’ve helped. Battle was just on the forefront of my mind.”
“I understand,” she said softly. “How can I expect people to remember me as human, as a woman, when all they see is the warrior-goddess?”
Stretching out my hand, I wrapped my fingers around hers. Tingles shot up my arm and I felt the strength of our connection link us together. “The goddess Durga already is much more than a warrior.”
I brushed my knuckles beneath her chin and waited for her to look at me. When she did, I could see she was anxious, vulnerable. “Can you find them?” I asked gently.
She nodded.
“Then lead the way and I’ll help the best I can.”
“Thank you.” This time she took my hand, grasping it tightly, and she gave me a warm smile that stirred my middle like we’d leapt in time again.
As we walked through the streets, I added, “Keep in mind that I’ve never had a fully successful relationship either.”
“Yes, but you have loved women before.”
I coughed. “Yes, I suppose that’s true.”
She nodded. “You will give good counsel. For you are a man as blunt and as braying as all the others. Surely you’ll be able to help me tell these women what a man really wants.”
“Hold on a second,” I said, irritation making me forget she didn’t like to be grabbed. I took hold of her elbow and spun her around. “Did you say blunt and braying? I don’t bray.”
“Of course you do. Granted, you’re not as demanding as some, but you bray and bemoan your fate just as loudly as any.”
Just like that, I forgot my recent adoration of the warrior-goddess and my fascination with her lips as I was reminded of all the reasons I left her alone all the time. Chief among them was her mouth. If anyone was blunt, it was Anamika.
“Demanding?” I half shouted so as not to draw attention to us in public. My voice squeaked in a humiliating sort of way.
I was about to light into her, knowing a verbal spat would follow, when her eyes widened as she spotted something behind us. She yanked me into the darkness of the alley and hissed when I opened my mouth, cupping her hand over it. “It’s Kelsey!” she said, her voice barely audible as she moved her hand away. She’d brushed it over the stubble of my cheek, and the tingle that resulted made all coherent thoughts fall from my mind.
“What?” I whispered back.
“Kelsey!” she mouthed, then took hold of my chin and turned my head. Sure enough, I heard a voice I recognized, and across the street I spotted Kelsey and Kadam at a little restaurant. They were seated outside. Both of them sipping ice water with lemons as they perused their menus.
“I thought you said they were on the ship!” Ana breathily whispered in my ear.
“No. I said I was on the ship. They must have come ashore.”
My eyes were riveted on the table across the street. Kelsey’s shoulders were hunched and Kadam was patting her arm. I realized with a start that this was right after Ren had broken up with her. This was the moment she stopped being Ren’s Kelsey and became mine. My bilauta.
“Well?” I heard Ana say, a clipped tone to her voice.
“Well, what?”
“Are you coming with me or are you going to sit here and wallow for a while?”
“I don’t wallow, Ana.” She gave me an all-too-knowing look. I winced and nodded that we should continue, but stood immobile, staring at Kelsey, knowing each tear she shed was bringing her closer to me. It was the old me, but still.
Ana suddenly shoved past me brusquely and walked down the alley with a stiff back, not even bothering to look back to see if I was coming. “Ana,” I said again. “Wait.” I quickly caught up but her expression was closed off and distant. I touched her shoulder and asked, “What’s wrong?” She didn’t respond and pointedly ignored my outstretched hand, refusing to show any sign of softening.
We ducked down another alley that smelled of old refuse and things best left uncovered and made our way toward a temple. It wasn’t the big temple that the past me would be going to later that night to meet the goddess Durga, or Ana. The idea that we’d really been meeting with the woman at my side was something I still couldn’t wrap my head around.
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The temple grounds were packed with people. It was an outdoor type with a pavilion and stone benches. Supplicants wandered up to the statue of the goddess and left offerings at her feet. Others sat quietly, eyes closed, their lips twitching softly as they whispered their secrets to the universe.
I found an empty bench and guided her toward it. She sat down; her mind was quickly distracted from her recent disapproval with me. As her eyes looked from one person to another, her mouth parted and she cocked her head, listening. I sat next to her, waiting, and dug my heel into the dirt. Leaning over, I examined the divot I’d made. Lowering my brows, I deliberately pushed the dirt around until the print vaguely resembled my pugmark. Then I scratched it out and glanced up again. I was shocked to see Ana crying.
Her expression was bleak. “That one.” She pointed. “The woman there. She lost the one she loves. The one on that bench asks me to help the man she married love her. That one, kneeling by the statue, is to be wed next week and she has never met her groom. She asks not for love but kindness. Some of them are young and just wish for a handsome man or a rich man. Others want a deep, abiding love.” After a pause, she asked, “How can I answer these women?”
Ana’s shoulders shook, and I wanted to wipe the tears from her face, but it felt too intimate a gesture. Instead, I patted her back gently and rubbed little circles with my thumbs, kneading her shoulder blades. It seemed to help. She relaxed and sat back. The scarf had slipped down her back, revealing her glorious hair. I tried to shift it up but she slapped lightly at my hands and I gave up.
“Tell me how to help them,” she insisted, turning to me. Her green eyes bored into mine, and for a half a second, I was lost in them. Two men passed by our bench and gave her appreciative looks. Ana didn’t even see them. I furrowed my brows, feeling a growl tickle the back of my throat. Purposefully, I stretched out my arms across the bench and followed their gazes with my eyes until they caught my pointed stare.
When they quickly moved on, I saw she was wrapped up in the prayers she heard once more, her eyes glazed over. Ana’s hair tickled my wrist and I captured a loose section with my fingertips. She either didn’t notice or didn’t care.
“Hmm,” I said as I played with her hair. “Let’s take care of the easy ones first, shall we? I would suggest that the young girls who want a rich or a handsome man don’t really need help. You don’t need wealth or good looks to be happy.”
“I would agree with that,” she said, eager to discuss our options.
“As for the one whose husband doesn’t appreciate her, perhaps if she is removed from his side for a time, he will come to realize what he has.”
Ana blinked. “You wish me to send her away?”
“Perhaps on an extended vacation or a work trip?” I suggested.
Waving her fingers, Ana murmured a few words and then she said, “It is done. There are several women in the same situation. I have helped them all.”
“How?” I asked.
She bit her lip. “I do not know exactly. The amulet responded when I told it what I wanted.”
Startled, I asked, “How…how many?”
“A great number. I would guess several thousand.”
My mouth fell open.
She went on, “Not all of them live in India. It would appear a man’s lack of appreciation is a common ailment many women must suffer.”
At that moment a woman rose excitedly from a bench and said she’d been selected as one of one hundred women to attend an all-expenses-paid film festival, where she’d get to rub elbows with her favorite Bollywood stars. She quickly ran from the pavilion shouting her news to everyone she passed by. “That must be you,” I said with a laugh.
“What is Bollywood?” she asked.
I grinned. “Remind me to tell you later. Let’s see, who’s next? Ah, yes, the one who has never met her groom. Well, we can’t just assume he won’t be kind.”
“No,” Anamika agreed. “If they are unkind, we will see to that later.”
I nodded. “What’s left?”
“The woman who lost the one she loves. You have experience in that. How do you cope with it?”
“I don’t know,” I answered quietly. “I guess I haven’t figured it out yet.”
“Then what about the one who longs for a deep and abiding love?” She glanced up at me and the air between us shrunk until it was thin and thirsty.
I licked my lips. My fingertips were now tangled in her hair in such a way that I’d have a hard time extricating them. Her thick waves tempted me to delve deeper. Swallowing, I said in a chirping voice, “Have…have you found Nilima yet?”
Anamika was as still as a rabbit hiding in the tall grass, and I wondered if she knew that my thoughts had strayed to her mouth again. “Nilima is the one who seeks this,” she said melodiously.
It was the first time I could remember her voice sounding like it did in the temples, and the power of it shook me to my core. That was a voice I remembered. That was the voice of the goddess. The one I had no power to resist. Her eyes were green pools that beckoned me; they offered me peace and tranquility, and something more. The mouth of the goddess was slightly parted, glistening, a silky invitation. Without thought, I narrowed the distance between us.
Ana’s fist met my jaw with a powerful thud and my head jerked sharply to the side. I shook my head as tiny lights circled my peripheral vision. Ana pulling away, I might have expected. A slap, I might have deserved. But a punch?
It wasn’t a little thing being socked by Anamika. She was strong. Even if you only considered her as a woman and not a goddess, her body was toned and muscular. She was trained in the art of warfare. She was smart and formidable. But I was used to being Ren’s punching bag and that was saying something. I should have been able to take anything she threw at me.
The muscles in my neck tightened as I brought up my fingers to touch my swelling lip. My jaw felt as hard as stone. Men had been known to break their hands on my face. I hissed as I touched the tender skin and glared at the woman who’d wounded me. My battered face screamed like I’d been pounded with an iron stake.
Slowly, the pain faded, but the woman who’d inflicted it still sat at my side—a pulsing, irritating reminder of a mistake I had no business making. What on earth came over me? I felt like a fool. A wet-behind-the-ears boy caught up in the blush of a first crush. What really irritated me, though, was the fact that she wasn’t even hurt. Anyone else would be nursing their hand.
Almost devoid of emotion, Ana said, “You should not have attempted that, Kishan.”
“Yeah?” I answered brashly, rubbing the back of my neck. “I think I’m bright enough to figure that out on my own.”
I shifted away from her on the bench, and she lifted her eyes to me, a trace of an indiscernible emotion fading from them. She gripped the bench, her fingers turning white as she lowered her head, her hair falling around her shoulders, obscuring her face from view. She’d made me mad before. It was almost like she couldn’t help herself. Sometimes I thought she even liked egging me on.
This was different. She’d never lashed out like that before. Granted, I’d never tried to kiss her before either. Thinking about it now, I wondered why I did. It’s not like I loved her. I barely even liked her most of the time. Maybe it was a soldier thing. Kind of a Hey, we survived! sort of celebratory response. But no. That didn’t really apply in this case. I definitely wasn’t thinking about war when I was looking at her.
I didn’t realize she was talking at first. “What was that?” I asked. “I’m afraid I can’t hear so well after you cuffed my ears.”
“Your ears are fine,” she said. “It was your mouth I hit.”
“Right. So it was.”
“I wouldn’t have done it if you hadn’t been trying to…to…”
“Kiss you, Ana. It’s called a kiss. And don’t worry. I won’t be trying that again. Ever.”
Her shoulders trembled. “I…I’m sorry,” she murmured, her voice brittle.
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I studied her profile. I’d never seen her act in such a broken manner before. You’d think after that punch that I’d be the broken one, not her. I sighed. “Look, it’s fine. I’m all healed up. Don’t give it a second thought.”
“Are you certain?” she asked, peeking up at me through a curtain of her hair.
“I’m certain,” I said. “Besides, I should be apologizing to you. I know you aren’t appreciative of such gestures. I assure you, I didn’t mean anything by it.”
She cocked her head. “So you are not desirous of pursuing me then?”
I laughed, my voice booming, perhaps a bit too much. “No. I have no desire to pursue you, Ana.”
“Good,” she said, though her face didn’t seem as certain as her voice.
“Good,” I echoed. “Let’s forget it ever happened.”
“Yes, I will endeavor to do so.”
She nodded and went back to scanning the crowd. It seemed easy for her to set aside any emotional drama and just focus on whatever it was we were doing. She said she was going to forget it and I knew she would. The thing was, I couldn’t seem to shake it off as easily. The memory of what had nearly happened churned in my mind like an aimless cloud. It produced nothing but it darkened my thoughts all the same.
“She is here,” Ana said. “I would speak with her. Will you help disguise me properly?” she asked, handing me the scarf.
I took it and drew it slowly from her shoulders. Cupping the fabric in my hands, I studied it and said, “Nilima’s never met you. She’s never seen you come alive in the temple.” I wrapped the scarf around her again, positioning it over her hair and trailing my finger down her hairline to adjust it. I noticed then that the scarf was now the exact same shade of green as her eyes. With my hand still in her hair, I said, “To her, you will just appear as a beautiful woman with a remarkable resemblance to the goddess.”
She nodded and removed the amulet, handing it to me along with our bag. After adjusting her dress, she headed toward a woman who’d just entered the temple grounds. Clutching the amulet, I phased time around me so I became invisible and followed her. Nilima sat down by a fountain and Ana took a seat nearby. I felt a shift in the air, and Ana’s scarf, the Divine Scarf, rose from her hair and flew to the ground in a whisper of silk.
Tiger's Dream (Tiger's Curse Book 5) Page 16
