by Ashley Croft
Liam finished his call and got out of the car. ‘Are you ready to go back to the office?’
‘I think so. It’s impressive.’
‘Thanks. Maybe we could have a quick cuppa before you drive home and I can answer any more of your questions?’
Liam’s office was a small but modern block at an enterprise park. She’d been there before, visiting clients, when she worked in the business section of the bank. She smiled when she saw the Director sign on the wall.
The guy on reception made her a herbal tea and showed her into a small meeting room while Liam vanished into the office to take an urgent call, saying he’d only be a few minutes. Through the glass, she checked out the reception area, which was immaculately tidy and freshly decorated. She flicked through a glossy brochure detailing some of the properties that LC Holdings had for sale and rent, and read a profile in a business magazine about the company. She had enough experience of business to see that the staff, professional but relaxed and smiling, seemed happy with their lot as they came and went through the reception area.
As she’d half expected, the “few minutes” stretched into twenty but she didn’t mind. It felt strange to be sitting in a business setting, in her casual tunic and leggings and boots rather than a suit with a corporate logo. Part of her felt a flutter of regret that she no longer had the security blanket of a full-time job, but the other, larger part was relieved that she could match her working hours to the demands of a new baby. As a single parent, it would have been even harder, perhaps, to keep up with the demands of a high-powered job and once her maternity leave was over, she’d have had to fund childcare costs.
If only Niall was still in her life; happy and excited about the baby. If only he wasn’t so dead against having a family. She thought again about how things might change if she told him … Surely, when he heard the news – which he had to sometime – he might want to leave Vanessa and come back to the cottage. She’d have no need of a new unit then, and she wouldn’t be sitting here. She knew it was wrong to even want him back; that jealousy of Vanessa was probably influencing her feelings; that in every way, she really should be moving on and not wanting to turn back the clock.
Yet in trying to move on by checking out a new location for her business, she’d reminded herself of just how much her life was going to change.
She looked around her at the brightly lit reception, the smart walls and heard Giles the receptionist, purring into his phone. ‘LC Holdings, Giles speaking, can I help you?’
It was totally surreal.
Liam opened the door, smiling apologetically. ‘Sarah. I am so sorry – that call ran on. Has Giles been looking after you?’
‘Of course I have,’ Giles called from behind the desk.
Sarah forced down her qualms and smiled at Liam. ‘Giles has been great. He rustled up my favourite tea and biscuits, chocolate ones too.’
‘I won’t have to sack him then,’ said Liam.
Giles rolled his eyes.
‘You can see I rule this place with a rod of iron,’ said Liam.
‘We’re all quaking,’ said Giles, before purring down the phone again.
After a brief conversation, Sarah said she had to get off, and left cheerfully, with a promise to let him know about the unit as soon as possible. Her smile faded once she’d left the car park, and the moment she saw her garden again she knew her decision in her heart. The unit was perfect but it wasn’t the Kabin. It wasn’t the quirky not-quite-straight walls or the leaky roof or the dodgy plumbing. The Kabin was a symbol of her old life – with Niall – and letting it go also meant letting go of all her once-cherished dreams forever. Liam seemed to understand how she felt. He understood a lot and never pushed her but he was practical and Sarah wasn’t ready for practical. She closed the door of the cottage behind her, threw her keys on the carpet and sobbed her heart out.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Molly hauled herself off the bike after their latest training session. She felt sore in places she hadn’t known existed, even though she was a biologist.
‘How far have we done this morning?’ she asked, trying not to wince too loudly.
Ewan checked his GPS. ‘Forty-three point six miles.’
She resisted the urge to rub her aching glutes in front of him. ‘Oh, goody. Only thirty-one point four extra to do on the race day.’
Ewan unclipped the drinks bottle and offered it to her. ‘Not much left I’m afraid.’
‘Thanks, but I’ve got some Powerade and energy bars in the house. Do you want to come in for a drink?’ she asked, fully expecting him to say he had to get back to the lab.
He hesitated then said, ‘Why not?’
Surprised and a little thrown, she let him into the flat, immediately regretting her invitation when she saw her washing festooned on every inch of space. Ewan knocked a black push-up bra off the radiator as he squeezed between it and the hall table.
‘Um, sorry about the mess. My tumble dryer’s packed in and I’m afraid my cleaner’s off sick,’ she joked.
Ewan held up a bra. ‘Long-term illness, is it?’
She snatched the bra from him. ‘It’s not that bad!’ She caught the twitch of amusement on his lips and groaned. ‘I suppose that was meant to be a joke?’ she said.
‘Yes. Hadn’t you noticed?’
‘Sometimes it’s difficult to tell.’
Blushing as she spotted a peach thong and push-up bra draped over one of the dining chairs, she went to her room and pulled on a dry sweatshirt and leggings. She also took the opportunity to scoop up some of the scantier items of her washing from the drying rack in the bathroom. If Ewan wanted a pee, she didn’t want him making intimate acquaintance with her lingerie. Then again, if she was wearing the shorts and bra, she wouldn’t have minded at all.
‘Here you go,’ she said, carrying two bottles of Powerade into the sitting room.
Ewan perched on the sofa. In his hand he held up the furry microbe.
She groaned inwardly. ‘Oh God. I wish you hadn’t seen that.’
‘Why?’
‘Because it was a Valentine’s Day present.’
He raised his eyebrows. ‘Really? Who from?’
‘I don’t know. It was anonymous.’
‘Was it from the friend you had dinner with?’ he said, his eyes glinting.
She knew she was being wound up. ‘Ha ha. We both know that was Sarah,’ she said neutrally.
‘Was it? I didn’t know.’
‘You might have guessed I wouldn’t leave her alone on Valentine’s Night.’
Ewan picked up the microbe and passed it from hand to hand. ‘You said there was a card with this?’
She rolled her eyes. ‘Yes.’
‘Didn’t it give you any clues?’
‘It had a corny verse. I thought it was Pete Garrick to be honest.’
‘Pete Garrick!’ He snorted. ‘Do you really think Pete would send something like that?’
‘Why not? The message was cheesy enough.’
‘How cheesy?’ he said quietly.
‘Cheesier than a whole wheel of Brie with a side of Parmesan.’
‘Right. OK. That bad, eh?’
‘It’s burned on my memory. ‘Hot brunette in the Behavioural Ecology Lab. Want to be the antigen to my antibody?’
Ewan grimaced. ‘Ouch. That is cheesy but it could have been worse.’
‘I don’t see how. The message was stuck on with a print-out like it was a ransom note and it came with a Kissing Disease furry microbe wrapped in old tissue paper. He even used a second-hand Jiffy bag and you know how hot Pete is on the recycling. It has to be him.’
‘You’re probably right. No one else could possibly be that corny.’ Carefully, Ewan put down his bottle on the table.
Molly’s heart sank. A horrible idea slid into her mind. Oh, fuck.
‘Well, I’ve no proof it was Pete, of course,’ she said hastily. ‘It could have been anyone and the microbe’s cute and I haven’t got the hea
rt to throw it out and I admit I did have a giggle at the message …’
Ewan was silent and then smiled again but his eyes gave him away. ‘It’s certainly laughable.’
‘For a second or two, I thought you might have sent it,’ Molly blurted out.
He snorted. ‘Me? Don’t be ridiculous. Like you say, it probably was Pete Garrick.’
‘Well, I only wondered and I did think it wasn’t your style but you know, people do out-of-character things; mad and crazy stupid, cheesy things when they’re in love.’
‘Hmm. They probably do.’ He jumped up, making a show of checking his watch. ‘Like I said, I’ll get off home. I’ve got a paper to review. See you in the lab bright and early. This training has put back my preparation for the genome conference in Bern. It’ll be a good thing when that bloody race is over.’
After closing the door, she immediately let out an “arghh” of frustration. She grabbed the microbe and lobbed it at the bin. It missed and lay on the carpet, its long lashes fluttering and grinning at her. She was ninety-nine per cent certain that Ewan had sent the card but after her sarcastic comments, he’d never admit it now. ‘I’ve got some news,’ Molly told Sarah later that evening at the cottage.
‘Oh, are you and Ewan finally together?’
Molly pulled a face. ‘No, and not likely to after this morning’s disaster.’ She told Sarah about the microbe incident.
Sarah pulled a face. ‘Ouch and if he denied sending it, there’s not much you can do. He seems nice too, apart from the reluctance to admit his feelings.’
‘He’s driving me mad. I’ve decided to give up and resign myself to staying celibate.’
‘That sounds boring. Can’t you try Tinder? There must be tons of geeks all logging in, desperate to meet someone like you.’
‘That’s what worries me and anyway, much as I can’t stand Ewan’s messing about, he’s the one I want. Everyone else seems second best … I don’t fancy them …’
‘I have news too,’ said Sarah. ‘We’ve had a fresh offer on the cottage from a cash buyer so maybe I’d better tell Liam that I want the unit and—’ she took a deep breath ‘—temporarily at least, you might have a lodger.’
‘God, I’m sorry. You’re more than welcome, of course, both of you,’ Molly said. ‘You and the baby can have the double and I’ll move into the single room.’
‘Well, it’s only a contingency. I’ll start looking for something for me and the baby to rent straightaway … And there’s something else. You know I went out to lunch with some of the girls from my beading course. Well, I heard from a friend of Vanessa’s that Niall’s asked her to marry him.’
‘Oh no! That can’t be true. It’s way too fast!’
‘She must have her hooks in him. Vanessa’s sister-in-law works for the council with one of the girls. That’s what she told me.’
‘Has Niall said anything to you about it?’
‘No and I haven’t asked him.’
‘I’m sorry. He’s a bastard. If it’s true – because Vanessa could have made it up or just be hoping he’ll ask her. God, I hope you realise now that he’s not worth wasting another second on.’
Molly could have bitten out her tongue, because she could tell straightaway that her comment had hurt Sarah. ‘I know that but I can’t help how I feel. If it really is serious … well the closer those two get the worse I feel to be honest.’
‘It must be a nightmare. He’s not worth it.’
‘I can’t forget him. It’s not that easy. If it was, I would. I still love him and it hurts. I can’t help it. I know it’s not sensible or practical or what “sensible Sarah” should do.’
‘You have to move on for your sake and the baby’s,’ Molly said firmly.
Sarah gawped at her. Oh no … Molly had seen that look before. Sarah looked hurt, like a wounded animal. She’d gone too far …
‘If you can’t understand why I still love Niall and wish we’d never split up then it’s because you’ve never really loved anyone.’
‘What? I don’t have to have loved anyone to know a lost cause when I see one,’ Molly snapped, stung into a retort.
Sarah recoiled as if she’d been slapped. ‘You have no idea. You’ve never been in a proper long-term relationship. You just lurch from one hopeless crush to the next …’
‘That’s not fair. Ewan is not a hopeless crush.’
‘It looks like it to me.’ Sarah folded her arms defensively. ‘He isn’t worth it either, leading you on and then dropping you like a ton of bricks. That man has serious commitment issues.’
‘And Niall doesn’t? Maybe Ewan is just a crush or maybe you can’t accept that I’ve fallen in love. Properly. With someone worth loving, not a cheating rat.’ Molly felt ready to burst. ‘And maybe you don’t want to see what I see: how “real” love has turned my sister from a strong woman to a wreck who smashes up her own workshop and behaves like a lunatic. This isn’t like you, Sarah. What would Mum and Dad have said?’
Sarah glared at her. ‘I don’t know, Molly, what would Mum and Dad have said?’
Her voice was tight and dangerous. Molly felt almost faint with remorse, even seconds after she’d made the remark about their parents, but it was too late. Oh God, no, why why why had she brought them into it?
‘I don’t know …’ she said, desperately back-pedalling but not wanting to cave in completely.
Sarah snorted. ‘Really? You seem to have a supernatural line to Mum and Dad.’
‘Don’t be horrible. I just think that they wouldn’t want you to do something stupid to keep a louse like Niall. It’s not like the savvy, sensible sister who gave up everything to bring me up.’
‘Isn’t it? Oh dearie me. How terrible,’ Sarah said in a sarcastic whiny voice that wasn’t like her at all. In fact, Sarah had become a stranger. Molly felt physically ill knowing that there was no stopping the whole agonising rollercoaster now.
‘Well, maybe I don’t want to be sensible anymore,’ Sarah went on. ‘Maybe I’m sick and tired of it. God knows, I had enough of doing the sensible thing when we lost Mum and Dad. Why shouldn’t I be stupid and crazy and madly in love now? You did what you wanted. If I want Niall back now, then I can be fucking stupid and mad. I’ve a baby on the way, this should be happiest time of my life and instead it’s the worst and if you don’t like it then tough!’
Abandoning any attempt to soothe Sarah, she went on the offensive. ‘If that’s what you want, I’ll leave you to wallow in misery.’
Sarah curled her lip and folded her arms. ‘Great. You could try helping me get him back. You know you could if you really wanted to!’
Horrified, Molly shook her head. ‘Oh no. No way. Don’t throw that at me. You’re just desperate and not thinking straight.’
‘Have you quite finished with the counselling?’ Sarah said tartly, winding up Molly again.
‘Yeah ’cos it seems hopeless trying to help you. You obviously know everything. You did when we were little and you think you bloody do now, even when you’re completely wrong and totally deluded.’
Sarah’s mouth dropped open. Molly’s clamped shut. Sarah’s arms were wrapped around her chest. Molly’s were in the same position. They mirrored each other.
It was weird. Molly knew she was throwing fuel on the fire but she couldn’t stop herself. It was too late to avert disaster so why not say what she really meant, how she really felt. It was too late to change anything, bring anyone back, so why not just leap headlong off the bloody cliff and crash and burn.
‘Is Niall really worth all this pain?’ Molly began, her voice high and tight.
‘I’d like you to leave now,’ Sarah cut across her words.
‘What?’
Sarah lifted her chin but refused to meet her eye. ‘I want to be on my own,’ she said quietly.
Molly took a step towards her. ‘Sarah, please, I didn’t …’
Sarah walked to the door and opened it. ‘Leave me alone.’
Molly thought abo
ut hugging her, begging her, bursting into tears, and then anger bubbled up again. She’d been trying to help; considered doing something outrageous and stupid to help Sarah and all she’d got was thrown out of the house. Her heart was a tight ball of black hurt. She grabbed her coat and marched out of the front door.
She heard it close gently behind her as she walked down the path, shaking with shock. She knew she shouldn’t turn around and give Sarah the satisfaction of showing she’d wobbled, but she couldn’t help herself. She stopped at the gate and looked back, expecting her big sister to run to meet her, consoling, soothing, calling her back and trying to make peace. That’s what Sarah did. Sarah poured oil on troubled waters. Sarah made things right. Sarah had all the answers.
But Molly had miscalculated massively; she realised that now. Sarah had reached the very end of her tether, had stretched it to the limit and it had snapped. Sarah was not Sarah anymore and Molly couldn’t handle it. It upset her and scared her. This row wasn’t about her. It was about Sarah and her choices. It was about the sacrifices she’d made to make sure Molly could have her dream job and lurch from one crush to the next, blithely stepping over the wreckage around her. With tears streaming down her face, she leaned her head on the steering wheel and cried for the parents she’d lost forever and the sister she might just have lost too.
*
‘Molly? Are you in there?’
Molly pulled the pillow over her head to drown out the sound of Ewan’s voice. It was still dark and bloody freezing because the heating hadn’t kicked in yet. So much for crocuses and daffodils, spring seemed to have made a U-turn and plunged her back into the depths of winter.
‘Molly? Are you OK?’
‘Of course I’m not OK,’ she called back. ‘It’s the crack of dawn, it’s minus fifty degrees and I’m not going out on that sodding tandem. So bugger off.’
She pulled the duvet back over her head, determined to ignore him. Her eyes were sore and gritty from crying and every time she thought of her row with Sarah, she had to squeeze her eyes shut to block out the barbs they’d flung at each other, that tore at her heart. She’d kicked Sarah when she was down. Even though she still thought she was right about Niall, it had been cruel to taunt Sarah.
