by Ashley Croft
‘Sorry you were hurt,’ he said and kissed her again, their bodies sliding together, tiny foam bubbles dusting the hairs on his chest.
‘I am so sorry,’ he said and crouched down in the shower to kiss her shins and thighs. ‘This is how sorry I am.’ He smacked a big soapy kiss in the middle of her arse.
She giggled at the intimacy of it. Not that she hadn’t just been naked in the shower with him pressed against her back and stomach. ‘No. You can’t do that …’
He looked up at her. ‘Why not?’
‘Because …’
‘Aw, shut up.’
He kissed her bum again just to show he could and then he got up and kissed her mouth. Molly slid open the shower screen door and they went into the bedroom, still damp, dripping wet footprints on the carpet. They stood by the bed and kissed again. After the kiss, Ewan sat on the bed and took Molly’s hand. He lay down and she climbed onto the covers alongside him.
‘Molly, forgive me for the past few months. I didn’t know how to say how I felt – I didn’t even know how I felt – but I do know I was an arse, blowing hot and cold with you. I’m sorry.’
Molly put her finger on his lips. ‘Aw, just shut up and shag me.’
*
Molly pushed herself up the pillows. She heard Ewan thank the porter and lock the door behind him. Sleet pattered against the windowpanes behind the thick velvet curtains and a chink of street light filtered through. She felt completely chilled. Sarah must have chickened out and come to her senses, the bloody race was over and Ewan was standing in front of her, wearing one of the hotel’s navy bathrobes.
He looked even more delicious than the tray of goodies that he was wheeling towards the table by the window. He lifted a silver dome from one of the plates.
‘So, Docteur Havers,’ he said in a French accent. ‘Will it be ze steak frites or ze smoked salmon tagliatelle? Or a leetle of both?’
She burst out laughing. It was weird to see him in this mood. She wasn’t sure she could cope with Ewan in happy silly mode. ‘Is that meant to be French?’
‘Mais, bien sur, mon petit chou.’
‘It sounds like Dutch, or possibly Klingon.’
He pouted. ‘Ma cherie, I am wounded to ze core.’
She threw a pillow at him. ‘Oh behave!’
‘Hey!’
The pillow narrowly missed the plate and they both dissolved into laughter. Ignoring her bumps and bruises, she inched her way out of bed, shrugged on the spare robe and sat down at the table. Although they’d demolished the contents of the mini bar in between their sex sessions, there was only so long you could run on wasabi peanuts and Pringles.
She pulled the bottle of Prosecco from the ice bucket and filled their glasses. ‘To the tandem.’
Ewan raised his wine. ‘And to you for surviving.’
She smiled. ‘I think we both deserve this.’
They tucked into the meals and ordered hot chocolate brownies and ice cream for afters. She was now sipping the last of the Prosecco in bed, with Ewan’s arm around her. His robe had come loose, exposing one muscular hairy thigh. She walked her fingers up and down the muscle tantalisingly close to his groin, feeling desire twist low in her belly. Was this her fate from now on? To be permanently turned on? To spend every minute having sex with him, having just had sex or wanting it? It would kill her but what a way to go.
‘I have a confession to make …’ said Ewan.
Molly rested her hand on his thigh. She couldn’t see his face.
‘Let me guess … you sent the card and the EBV microbe.’
‘It was the closest I could get to a Love Bug.’
She giggled and twisted around.
He looked puzzled. ‘But I thought you sent me a card?’
‘No, I didn’t. I wouldn’t dare.’
‘Have I been that scary?’
‘Ohhhh, yes.’
He blew out a breath. ‘Well, someone did. It had a meerkat on it and a message written in capitals in pink gel pen inside.’
‘Nope.’ She suppressed a giggle. ‘Was it from Mrs Choudhry? Or possibly chloroform man …’
Ewan groaned. ‘After everything I said about us not getting involved, I should have known that sending a card was cheesy and stupid and impulsive and …’
‘Funny and silly and human? Ewan, it’s fine. More than fine. How long did it take you to think of the message?’
He closed his eyes. ‘Too long.’
‘Really? I thought you might have found it on the Internet or something.’
‘God, no. I crafted it specially. Shit. That makes it sound even worse, doesn’t it?’
‘I did wonder for a nanosecond if you were behind it but then I realised you’d never send anything so silly and geeky and cheesy …’
His face fell. Molly wanted to have sex with him again but first, she was going to enjoy his agony for a little while longer. After all, he had made her suffer a lot over the past few months and possibly would do again. She hoped not but …
‘Oh shit.’
Molly bit her lip, desperately trying not to laugh at him then remembered his card to her. Her stomach did a little skip and a jump. ‘So, I’m a hot brunette, am I?’
Ewan raked his fingers through his rumpled hair. ‘You know you bloody well are but you also know that I shouldn’t be saying that to you. I should never have sent the card or decided to do that bloody tandem ride.’
‘You’ll be saying next that you should never have employed me.’
‘God, no. That was one of the best decisions I’ve made in my life, not that there have been many where women are concerned. I employed you because you were the best candidate. Brilliant and committed and I knew you’d fit into the lab.’
‘And because you fancied me?’
‘And in spite of me fancying you, I agonised over whether I would be able to work on the Love Bug with someone I was so attracted to, but then I realised that if I didn’t hire you, purely on merit, I would never forgive myself and I didn’t deserve to be in charge of any staff. I’d be a bastard if I didn’t give you the job because I thought I might fall in love with you. That would be pathetic and cowardly. But this is incredibly unprofessional of me …’
‘Incredibly unprofessional. In that case, what was going on with the card and come to think of it, the whole tandem thing? If you wanted to go out with me, you only had to ask.’ In the exuberance of the moment, Molly decided to conveniently ignore the fact that she’d gone way beyond unprofessional and risked her entire career to help Sarah.
‘I wanted to but I couldn’t. It’s not only the thing with work, though I told Sarah that.’
‘Is that why you said it? Because you knew it would get back to me and warn me off?’
‘I didn’t know what I wanted, or rather I did know what I wanted but I kept trying it to deny it and sabotage my chances. Then I’d be tempted again. Fuck, Molly, you have to know I haven’t always been like this. The truth is that when Anna left me – when she went off with him – I thought I was OK, but I wasn’t. I was bitter and twisted and I retreated even deeper into my work, even though she said that my work was one of the reasons she left in the first place. It’s taken me this long to finally admit how I feel. I hope I’ve done the right thing.’
Wow. Wow, this was real and big. When he fell, he fell hard. Perhaps she should have known that, had always known it. Should she be daunted by going from zero to flashing neon signs so fast?
She asked herself and the answer was no.
‘You know how it is when you’ve loved someone and you’ve been hurt,’ he said idly stroking her leg, unable or unwilling to look at her. ‘You’re never the same afterwards no matter how much you want to be; but the past doesn’t protect you, that’s the shitty thing. You go on taking the risk, no matter how hard you fought against it. You understand?’
‘Not really. This is the first time for me.’
He gasped, ‘Christ. You don’t mean the first time?’
‘Of course no
t.’ She giggled. ‘Not the sex thing. But the other thing. The hurt and not being the same afterwards but still taking the risk.’ She stopped short of saying the falling in love thing. She wasn’t ready for that yet. ‘That part, this is my first time.’
Ewan shook his head in disbelief but the right kind of disbelief: the happy kind; the kind that was quietly and sweetly delighted to be first to make her feel like she wanted to take that risk.
*
Molly woke up expecting to see the light shining through the wonky blind that had bent when she’d thrown a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey at it. She expected to smell bacon frying from the flat below and hip-hop bouncing the floor. She expected to feel the soft brush of her tartan pyjamas against her skin.
Instead she woke to the scent of aftershave and a hot hairy leg against hers. On the pillow next to her, Ewan’s dark hair poked over the top of the duvet. His eyes were closed and his thick lashes brushed his cheekbones. She wasn’t at home; she was in a hotel with a man. With Ewan. Everything was wonderful in her world but despite the reassuring texts, she was still worried about Sarah. If she had decided not to use the Love Bug and Niall had left, Sarah was bound to be upset, even if she’d made the right decision. If Sarah had used it … Molly pushed that prospect aside. She pushed her worries aside for a while longer; it might be selfish but she wanted to enjoy every private moment with Ewan while she could.
‘Ohh. Owww.’
Her grazed elbow caught the sheets and that was when she realised that every bone ached, from her ankles to her hands where she’d gripped the handlebars. She’d never ached so much or been so stiff but she’d also never been so happy. Ewan let out a juddering breath and opened his deep brown eyes, looking confused. Then they widened as they focused on her.
‘Molly?’
She smiled at his rough morning voice, far more like the old Ewan. ‘Yup.’
He rubbed his eyes. ‘Oh God, was I drooling or snoring?’
‘Why would you think that?’
‘I know I snore sometimes. My brother told me when we shared a tent on a stag weekend. Did I keep you awake?’
‘Not after you meant to keep me awake.’ He gave a rare Ewan-ish grin, definitely laced with manly pride but Molly forgave him. He propped himself up on one elbow and his solid shin connected with hers.
Molly squashed down a gasp of pain.
‘Sorry, are you OK?’
She grinned. ‘Yeah, apart from feeling like I’ve been run over by a truck.’
Gently, he rolled her on top of him. Her toes came midway down his shins. Every movement hurt but she didn’t give a toss. His erection prodded her stomach. It was weird but wonderful, his thing, the way it sulkily and imperiously demanded her attention. Men, she’d decided overnight, were a strange and faintly ridiculous species but at times like these, pretty fucking magnificent – as long as they never found out.
‘Can you stand the pain?’ he asked.
‘I don’t know but I’m willing to give it a go.’
CHAPTER THIRTY
Sarah opened her eyes in the bedroom of the cottage. As usual, the first thing she saw was the Lloyd Loom chair where Niall used to dump his uniform and keep his boots underneath. For the first couple of days after he’d left, she’d seen that empty chair and cried. Later the tears had dried to a tug of emptiness and resignation. This morning, the uniform and boots were back, like nothing had happened. Yet everything had happened.
She closed her eyes again.
Oh God, what had she done?
After Niall had begged her to take him back, and managed to stop blubbing, he’d made her lie on the sofa while he listed all the things he’d done wrong and all the ways he was going to make it up to her. Sarah had never heard him so contrite before, so overemotional or sentimental and it scared her. It had to be the effects of the Love Bug … How could it be anything else? Hadn’t Molly said it affected a person’s hormones? Well, it had certainly affected Niall’s.
The worry made her head throb and it wasn’t until he’d finally gone to tell Vanessa he wouldn’t be home that evening, that she’d realised she was too late to go to the race.
She wanted to talk to Molly more than anything in the world, but she didn’t want to ruin her moment with Ewan. She had to hang on until Molly got home before she told her what had happened.
And why should she disturb her sister? She’d got Niall, this was what she’d once wanted or thought she’d wanted right up until she’d woken up yesterday morning. Until she’d finally come to her senses and realised you couldn’t turn the clock back, you couldn’t make someone love you or it wasn’t love at all. It was a false, horrible, sham and a nightmare.
But Molly could put things right, surely? She’d said the Bug wasn’t that strong, that it only encouraged romantic bonding between the recipient and partner. It might wear off … and if not, Molly had mentioned some kind of antidote.
Niall opened the door of the bedroom. He was carrying a tray, with a cup and saucer on it, a bottle and a vase with a daffodil in it. He was grinning from ear to ear.
‘So, you’re awake, babe?’ Sarah forced a smile. ‘Hmm.’
He put the tray on the chest of drawers. ‘I’ve bought you a cup of ginger tea and your iron tablets. I’ve been reading up about nutrition for you and the baby. You need lots of healthy food. No crap. From now on, I’m going to treat you like a princess and our little prince or princess.’ He gasped. ‘I’ve just realised. Do we know whether it’s a boy or girl yet?’
‘We?’ It was Niall’s baby too, Sarah thought as she pushed herself up the pillows. She had to accept that, but his full-on model father act was a shock after she’d been managing on her own. ‘Not until the next scan.’
Niall perched on the edge of the bed and took her hand in his. ‘I have to come with you, babe. From now on, I swear I’ll be with you every step of the way. I can’t believe you coped with this on your own. I hardly slept last night, thinking of all those terrible things I said about not wanting kids. I didn’t realise how I’d feel when it was my own.’
He hugged her then let go suddenly. ‘Oh, I must be careful with you.’
‘You don’t have to wrap me in cotton wool, Ni. You know that, as you’re a medic,’ said Sarah, trying to keep things light.
‘I know, but this is different, babe.’ He stroked her arm as if she was a pet rabbit.
‘Yes, but I’ve been managing the past few months on my own and I’m starting to feel a lot more like myself now.’
He shook his head. ‘I don’t know how you did it.’
Sarah gritted her teeth and tried to be patient with him. Despite his affair with Vanessa, she could no longer claim the moral high ground – and it was his baby. Their baby.
‘No, come on and drink your tea and eat your breakfast.’
He put the tray in her lap. The smell of the pain au chocolat made her feel sick. ‘OK. I’ll leave you to have a lie-in while I tidy up downstairs and put the washing in. You must have been knackered from getting this place tip-top for all those viewings. Still, we don’t have to worry about that now, do we?’
‘No, we don’t.’
The moment he was out of the room, Sarah shifted the tray and dived for her phone. Knowing she couldn’t keep the bad news to herself any longer, no matter how much she ruined Molly’s day with Ewan, she frantically texted her sister. The few minutes that followed stretched on and on. Molly would know what to do. She had to. If she replied. Having finally decided to ask for help, Sarah felt as if she would burst if Molly didn’t reply immediately. She could hear Niall downstairs, whistling to himself, and the clashing of crockery as he unloaded the dishwasher. He’d never unloaded the dishwasher in his life, thought Sarah.
Her phone beeped and she opened the message.
It was from Liam. Sarah let out a groan.
Sarah, thanks for letting me know it’s a definite no to the unit. I won’t deny I’m disappointed you decided against it but I can understand why in the new
circs. I wish you all the best and hope you’ll be very happy. You deserve it. x Liam.
Sarah stared at the phone. What did Liam mean: “A no to the unit”. She hadn’t definitely said no yet and what did the “new circs” mean? What was all that about?
She dialled Liam’s number. Sarah had a moment of panic when she thought she heard Niall coming upstairs but then she heard whistling from the kitchen.
Damn it. The call went straight to his answerphone.
‘Liam,’ she said in a hissed whisper. ‘It’s Sarah. I hope you’re OK. If you don’t want to speak to me, then that’s fine, but I really would like to talk. It’s important. Call me when you can. I mean no, don’t call me. Text me or email me or I’ll call you.’
Whistling on the stairs. Bugger. Niall was coming back.
Sarah shoved the phone under the duvet as Niall walked into the room.
‘Were you talking to someone?’ he asked.
‘Only leaving a message for Molly. She’s with Ewan and I didn’t want to interrupt anything but now I’m a bit worried about her because I’ve not heard anything since last night.’
‘Maybe her battery’s low?’ said Niall. ‘Or if she’s copped off with that Ewan bloke, they’ll probably be shagging each other’s brains out so I wouldn’t hold your breath for a call. Which is what I’d love to do now, if you weren’t pregnant. I’ll have to get some advice on that …’
Niall tossed her a leery look.
Sarah flashed back a weak smile as her heart sank further. She thought back to all the nights she’d longed to be able to hold Niall, and touch him again. Last night, it had felt beyond wrong to have him in her bed under false pretences and the last thing she felt like right now was sex.
‘I might WhatsApp or Facebook Mol in case her battery is dead,’ she said, hoping to forestall any thoughts he had of sex.
‘I’d leave her in peace with her randy boss.’ Niall peered at her closely and nodded at the barely touched pastry. ‘You haven’t eaten much breakfast. Still feeling a bit icky?’
‘I’m fine most of the time, but this morning I do feel a bit off,’ Sarah said, which wasn’t that far from the truth.
