According to evolutionary psychologists, there is nothing arbitrary about what is attractive, since female attractiveness is indicative of reproductive potential. If attractiveness were entirely arbitrary, it would be unpredictable. For example, we might tend to find cultures in which acne and wrinkles were highly valued, others in which they were seen as unattractive and still others where they were irrelevant to attraction (Symons, 1995). All things being equal, men tend to be attracted more to younger than to older women, since the younger are more likely to be able to produce children.
What is judged as attractive tends to be the average face of the population (Langlois and Roggman, 1990). This was determined experimentally by taking a series of images of faces and by means of a computer forming the average of them. The average tended to be more attractive than any individual face. A possible explanation for this is that such average faces are by definition ones in which there are no deviations from the average, since deviations could indicate a less healthy form (Symons, 1995).
Women tend to find men of high status to be attractive, which makes good evolutionary sense in terms of survival and giving a head start to children (Buss, 2003)
Some qualifications to evolutionary psychology
Having noted the contribution that evolutionary psychology can offer, it is important to add a qualifier. There are some important cultural variations in what is judged as sexually attractive. The female breast, so prized by men in Western society, offers little or no attraction to males on the Polynesian island of Mangaia (Marshall, 1971). Similarly, the Kinsey researchers reported that in regions of tropical Africa, where the breasts are normally exposed in public, they hold little erotic value for the male (Kinsey et al., 1953). This suggests eroticization of the unknown and forbidden.
Evolutionary psychologists acknowledge that changing conditions across cultures and times might mean some variation on what is judged as attractive (Symons, 1995). Clearly, there is a role of culture involved in what is an attractive body size. Beauty as portrayed by Rubens is of a much larger body size than that shown in Playboy magazine (Doidge, 2007). As another example, the modern Western emphasis upon slimness might reflect knowledge about the health hazards of obesity in modern societies. There is little reason to suppose that slimness was favoured in an environment of our early evolution, where food was probably scarce.
In keeping with the general theme being developed here, it seems that evolutionary factors select a kind of favoured or default position for attraction but then personal and idiosyncratic experience fills in the rest. In some cases, personal experience might even dominate in determining attractiveness. The obvious, albeit extreme, example of this is sexual fetishes (Chapter 19); a feature that surely does not signal health and reproductive potential, such as a squint or the stump of an amputated limb, might be judged to be particularly appealing.
In summary
Attractiveness can be assessed without desire being present though strong wanting is associated with attractiveness.
There are some universals of attractiveness but also some idiosyncratic features.
In functional terms, evolutionary psychologists suggest that certain features are attractive since they convey good reproductive potential.
Seven Shades of desire from simple to complex
The world is an inherently complex place which to a large extent is too complex to be grasped and comprehended by the human intellect. Faced with this complexity we do the best we can – we formulate models which represent our limited grasp of reality.
(Bancroft, 2000, p. 204)1
This chapter looks in more detail at both universal and idiosyncratic features of desire. The contribution of arousal is considered mainly in Chapter 9.
Two principal and closely related themes run through this account of desire:
Different levels of control underlie desire.
Some aspects of desire can be understood through the subjective insight of the person having the desire. Other aspects are beyond such insight and can only be studied with the tools of objective science.
So, what exactly triggers sexual desire?
The diversity and richness of sexual desire
At the basic level
Imagine a man walking near a red-light district and suddenly being propositioned. His thoughts and intentions might have been far from the erotic but sexual desire and arousal were instantly created by the invitation. The woman’s physical properties dominate the ‘stimulus-driven’ control of the client’s behaviour. Just one goal, immediate unconditional pleasure, dominates, with little or no emotional empathy, concern for the pleasure of the woman or thought of the future.
Some people might describe such behaviour as ‘animal-like’ and they would capture a part of the truth: the brain processes underlying it probably have much in common with those of non-humans (Pfaus, 2009). By analogy with purchasing goods (Hoch and Loewenstein, 1991), the behaviour might be ‘purely on impulse’, the defining characteristic being that the man would have rejected the option if asked in advance what he would do in such a situation and might regret his behaviour later. However, there could be more than one goal pursued simultaneously, for example to overcome long-term inhibitions and confirm his virility.
Where the transaction seems a simple commercial one, insight might be gained by adapting a theory on customer behaviour (Hoch and Loewenstein, 1991), which fits well to incentive motivation ideas. Researchers distinguish between (a) deliberate, rational purchases, in which the purchase is intended before setting out on the shopping trip and not regretted later; and (b) sudden hot (‘impatient’) purchases, which were not intended and might be regretted later. A given purchase might result from a combination of these two factors, that is an initial intention that sets the scene for a somewhat impulsive purchase.
Researchers have identified the factors that lead to, and the psychological states that accompany, impulsivity. The trigger and defining feature of impulsive purchasing is the physical proximity of the item to be purchased, with no delay in its acquisition. This would seem to be analogous to using the services of street prostitution. After first engaging in such behaviour, it is likely to be strongly reinforced since the reward of sexual access follows very swiftly after first perception of the attractive stimulus.
Whether impatience is triggered or not, some individuals in this situation do, of course, resist the lure. The term ‘willpower’ is commonly used here. One obvious way of resisting is to increase physical separation from the temptation. If consumer purchase of goods is any indicator, then, once wanting is triggered strongly, to refrain from making a purchase causes psychological distress (Hoch and Loewenstein, 1991).2 The ensuing state of frustration might itself trigger giving in to temptation as a means of lowering the aversive state.
Exemplifying ‘automatic control’, acting very rapidly at an early stage in visual processing, that is before conscious awareness has been triggered, a man’s attention is engaged by women whom he finds attractive (Maner et al., 2007). It is easy to appreciate the functional significance: attention is drawn to those stimuli in the environment that are of adaptive importance. The effect is particularly pronounced in so-called ‘sexually unrestricted men’, those who favour promiscuous strategies. Although women prefer to look at attractive men, the study found no evidence for a process of automatic early-stage capture by such stimuli.
Some women also exhibit relatively uncomplicated desires, though usually of a slightly more reserved kind than that just described.
Bumping into him again was perfect timing…I asked him if he’d like to come over for a couple of hours…Sex is for pleasure, he was a sure thing. It was as simple and complex as ‘I want you.’
(Heterosexual woman of 41 years; Meston and Buss, 2009, p. 30)
After years of feeling conflicted about the idea of having sex with someone simply because of attraction and the thought that the experience may be fun and satisfying, I have completely owned that desire. I re
gularly enjoy the thrill of seduction and guiltless, enjoyable sex.
(Predominantly heterosexual woman of 33 years; Meston and Buss, 2009, p. 30)
There have been times when I wasn’t emotionally connected to the person I had sex with but I did it because I wanted to feel the physical pleasure of sex and orgasm…One instance was a friend of mine for a few years. I hadn’t had sex in awhile and needed a release. We had dinner at my house, and later that evening wound up in bed. I felt comfortable with him because he was a friend, and the sex was really enjoyable.
(28-year-old predominantly heterosexual woman; Meston and Buss, 2009, p. 41)
At the more subtle level
By contrast, sexual desire can involve complex and subtle dynamics of social interaction. Interviews asking people ‘what triggers sexual desire?’ show that it is often characterized by multiple levels of organization and complex ways of reaching sexual goals. This is particularly the case in women. The ways in which desire is experienced are likely to be so idiosyncratic that careful coaxing from a sympathetic interviewer is required. It would be impossible to understand these aspects by ticking boxes on a form, and it requires what psychologists call a ‘qualitative approach’. In a study by Brotto et al. (2009) of women living on the United States west coast, a number of those sampled found it difficult to articulate exactly what sexual desire meant. Consider the following:
For me [the trigger of desire] was probably my own memories…if a song plays that I associate with positive memories from our past that might click for me and make me think ‘yeah, tonight maybe…tonight I’m feeling pretty good’.
(Joan, aged 49, cited by Brotto et al., 2009, p. 393)
Recall of past experiences of desire and pleasure can contribute to present desire.
Certainly the way he is touching me and what he’s saying to me and where he’s putting his hands on my body…Definitely the feeling that he is attracted to me, and feeling the strength of his desire which is something that makes me have even more desire for him.
(Stephanie, aged 43, cited by Brotto et al., 2009, p. 393)
A factor contributing to Stephanie’s desire is an observation of the man’s behaviour, accompanied by ‘mind reading’ that suggested to her the existence of his desire.
It could start with emotional factors, like thinking about my boyfriend in the morning, and then I think coinciding or soon after that the physical stuff starts.
(Marge, aged 36, cited by Brotto et al., 2009, p. 392)
The thought of an emotional attachment to one particular individual might be necessary to trigger sexual desire.
I think that if I could consistently, or even 50% of the time, feel aroused, then that would set up a Pavlov’s dog idea like…connecting this person to the arousal, and therefore lead me to feel desire. So the next time I see this person I will think ‘Oh, I know I’m going to have an orgasm!’
(Jill, aged 43, cited by Brotto et al., 2009, p. 393)
A prior condition would be the experience of arousal, which could then be linked to the particular individual.
My husband is very…sort of…low ability to hang onto his erections. He needs to do it [sex] and to do it now because he can’t really keep it going for a long time…and I think it gets in the way [of my desire].
(Elana, aged 53, cited by Brotto et al., 2009, p. 393)
So I’ll have a thought of desire, then I’ll think ‘Oh, it was so painful last time’ and so, it’s starting to interfere with the more natural conclusions that would go with desire.
(Holly, aged 53, cited by Brotto et al., 2009, p. 393)
The last two cases exemplify that desire involves anticipation of the future. If this is of something painful, or at least less than satisfactory, it can inhibit desire in the here and now. Someone with a depressed mood also tends to lower the partner’s desire.
I see someone and I guess that would be called desire. When you do a little fantasizing in your head…even if it’s a total fantasy and it would never happen. I guess that would be desire.
(Stephanie, aged 43, cited by Brotto et al., 2009, p. 393)
Sexual fantasy (Chapter 16) is a common experience and amounts to a safe way of ‘testing the system’.
I used to feel it really genitally. I used to feel sexually engorged, and now it’s more as if I can become sexually engorged as we’re starting to have sex, but it’s not as much beforehand.
(Elana, aged 53, cited by Brotto et al., 2009, p. 391)
The triggers to desire can change as a function of age.
So, can we assimilate such diversity into a general principle that meshes with the scientific study of desire? The common feature of desire in most such cases is that a trigger sets up the intention to achieve intimacy and sexually related pleasure in the future and the expectation of achievement. In one study, almost all women described an ‘intentional object of desire’ (Brotto et al., 2009). If the anticipation associated with a sexual interaction is of disappointment, something at odds with the intention, this can preclude or lower desire. Such a definition excludes sexual behaviour characterized by pure altruism, coerced sex, that to achieve monetary gain or someone seeking a professional advantage or to set a honey-trap, as involving sexual desire. Though they involve a sexually linked intention and behaviour, the individual’s goal is not one of sexual pleasure for the self.
Sexual arousal seems to be only one possible contributor to initial desire, albeit often an important one. Someone might have a desire to attain intimacy and emotional oneness without necessarily feeling any lust, pure sexual desire or arousal initially. Sexual desire and arousal might gradually switch on as the interaction progresses. A common report was that, once sexual desire started, the woman was moved to continue and to escalate the intensity of the associated sexual pleasure. In some cases, arousal might come first, being triggered by some non-sexual but shared event, such as an exciting fairground ride and this subsequently contributes to sexual desire.
A person might be suffering from depression with low libido but they might wish to feel libido. Given such a ‘want to want’ libido, maybe the chances of sexual desire actually emerging are greater than if there were no ‘want to want’.
Not a universal model
A survey of nurses in the United States asked which model of sexual desire best fitted their own personal experience (Sand and Fisher, 2007), contrasting those in which:
1 sexual desire started the sexual behaviour sequence;
2 there was ‘sexual neutrality’ at the outset and sex was initiated for reasons other than sexual desire, such as intimacy and, out of this, sexual desire emerged.
Women fitted roughly equally in their agreement with these two models. Those who had no problems with their sexuality tended to subscribe to the first. Those who reported problematic and unsatisfying sexuality, with low orgasmic capacity, tended to subscribe to the second. Pre-menopausal women tended to subscribe to model 1, whereas post-menopausal women tended to subscribe to model 2. There was a tendency for women in a relationship of less than five years’ duration to endorse model 1. The word ‘tendency’ needs some emphasis since these trends were no more than that.
Gender differences
An instant turn-on and acceptance of sex with a complete stranger is generally something more desired and accepted by men than women, though of course there are exceptions (Buss, 2003). Women are more likely than men to give extra reasons for agreeing to sex, such as trying to establish a meaningful bond. Women’s willingness to engage in sex depends to some extent upon social context, for example the ratio of women to men in a given society, reflecting, it would seem, evolved strategies to maximize the chances of genetic perpetuation.
A study by Clark and Hatfield (1989) is regularly cited to support a strong gender difference in the attraction of casual sex. Male and female students were approached by a stranger of the opposite sex and invited to engage in sex. A large percentage of the males agreed but none of the females. The study s
uggests that males are simply excited by physical appearance, whereas for females things are more complex. However, even in males, sexual desire is not simple (Janssen et al., 2002). For example, desire is excited more strongly by sexual films that represent a consensual interaction, rather than a coercive interaction.
Women are more likely than men to perceive danger in a casual situation and less likely to anticipate pleasure from the outcome (Conley, 2011). Interestingly, if the proposer were either familiar or a famous handsome individual, women expected themselves to react more positively in the situation.
Levels of control
Evidence presented in Chapter 5 points to behaviour being determined by at least two levels of control (Carver et al., 2009; Meyer et al., 2012; Toates, 1998, 2006). In the case of desire, these are:
1 A low-level control that acts somewhat as a magnet causing the attraction towards a sexual stimulus. This can act at least in part at an unconscious level.
2 A high-level control involving conscious processing and intentions.
To reiterate briefly, circumstances can be such that level 1 acts in the same direction as level 2, that is both causing a move towards the attractive other. For example, a stimulus whether drug, food or sex-related could trigger unconsciously a magnetic-like pull and when this reaches conscious awareness, the intention is put into effect in keeping with the low-level lure. However, factor 2 can also act in the opposite direction to 1 causing restraint on behaviour (Chapter 12). High-level control (‘executive control’), can override the low-level system. When the capacity for executive control is high, people tend to act according to their conscious intentions and long-term goals. This is exemplified by low-level ‘automatic’ desire being restrained by a (‘higher’) rational level of inhibition that anticipates future problems. Conversely, the low level might be resisting sexual behaviour (e.g. as a result of disgust or a depressed mood), whereas the high level is tending to trigger it (e.g. perceived duty or for financial gain). Inhibition will be described later, while the emphasis of the present chapter is the excitation acting at either level or both simultaneously.
How Sexual Desire Works- The Enigmatic Urge Page 16
