by Radclyffe
Every firefighter recognized the dangers, guarded against them, trained to avoid them, and still, still, every year firefighters were lost. Everyone accepted the risks, no one dwelled on them. Jac tried not to. She’d spent enough time at the front—first when deployed, then on the fire line—to learn not to torture herself with what-ifs. She knew Mallory would be back, she just wished she knew when.
She’d skipped dinner earlier and opted for an extra-long workout, hoping to wear off her nagging disquiet. After too many nights with too little sleep, she’d turned in early, physically fatigued and mentally exhausted. If she’d been able to sleep propped up against sandbags in the middle of a godless desert, she ought to be able to sleep here. So she’d thought.
Now it was well into the deep hours of the night, and she was still wide-awake. With a sigh, she shoved aside the top flap of the sleeping bag and got up. Dressing hastily, she pulled on sweats and a navy blue sweatshirt, stepped into her unlaced work boots, and headed for the canteen. She expected the place to be empty, and she was nearly right. Sarah sat alone at a table with a steaming mug of coffee and a piece of pie in front of her.
“Tell me where you got that, and I’ll be your slave forever,” Jac said.
Sarah pushed a half-finished crossword puzzle aside and smiled up at her. “Really? And I could have your services for anything I desired?”
Jac felt a blush rise in her face, which was damn surprising. Ordinarily she’d pursue a harmless flirtation, just because bantering with a woman was pleasant. Instead, a vague sense of unease tripped her up, and she immediately thought of Mallory. Sarah was attractive, but she didn’t want to flirt with her. Innocent or not. Quickly, she amended, “Almost anything.”
“Well, I’m not so sure, then.”
“Please,” Jac groaned. “I’m in need.”
Sarah laughed and pointed toward the double-wide swinging doors to the kitchen. “Charlie is still here. Ask him nicely, and I think you’ll score a piece.”
“Thank you,” Jac said reverently and went in search of pie. Charlie was scraping down the grill when she found him. “If there’s something you need done back here, I’d be happy to help out.”
“Nice of you,” Charlie said conversationally, his attention on the grill.
Jac laughed. “Not really. Sarah said there might be pie.”
Charlie spared her a glance, his coal-black eyes studying her intently. Then he went back to methodically scraping the last of the oil from the gleaming surface of his grill with a flat spatula. “Not much left to do here. Go keep Sarah company, and I’ll deliver that pie in a few minutes.”
“You don’t have to do that. I could get—”
“Go on now, out of my kitchen.” His voice held no heat.
“Okay, thanks.” Jac got halfway to the door and then turned around. “By the way, you make the best chow of any line cook I’ve ever run into.”
He stopped scraping and straightened, his expression curious. “You know many?”
“I’ve done a few tours with the Guard. I’ve eaten lots of meals in lots of mess halls. Yours beats them all.”
He smiled. “I did some Army cooking myself, back in Southeast Asia in the seventies.”
“Then they were lucky soldiers.”
“The apple or cherry?”
Jac grinned. “Any chance I can get a sampler?”
Chuckling, he went back to his grill.
“So? Did you talk Charlie into the pie?” Sarah said when Jac sat down across from her with her own cup of coffee.
“I think so. I sure hope so.”
Sarah eased back in her chair. She’d changed out of the cargo pants and khaki shirt she’d worn earlier into black sweats and a soft, long-sleeved white T-shirt that was just tight enough to show off a very nice body. “It’s pretty late. Can’t sleep?”
A muscle jumped in Jac’s jaw, and she consciously unclenched her teeth. “Not that tired. Sitting in a classroom most of the day just wound me up.”
“Didn’t work it off in the gym?”
“Not much gets past anybody around here, does it,” Jac muttered.
“I saw you going over when I was on my way out for a run. When I clocked in for my own workout two hours later, you were still there. You didn’t see me.”
“Just felt lazy after an easy day,” Jac said.
“Was that what it was?”
Jac ignored the gentle probing. She didn’t want to talk about what was really bothering her. “Worked out good for Ray—all this class time.”
“He’s symptom free. He ought to make up the physical fitness part easily enough.”
“Excellent.” Jac asked as casually as she could, “Did you hear from Mallory?”
“No, but that doesn’t mean anything.” Sarah paused, looking thoughtful. “She’s probably in constant communication with the local station up there, but we won’t hear anything, even when they’ve pulled out. If they’re packing out, that could take a few days right there.”
Jac massaged the back of her neck and winced. Her muscles were knotted and tender, and she rubbed her thumb over a sore spot at the junction of her right shoulder. “Waiting—I don’t do it very well.”
“That’s a lot of this job.” Sarah gestured to her crossword puzzle. “Long stretches of boredom interspersed with frantic activity. Then, when a crew goes out and you don’t hear anything for days, sometimes a couple of weeks, it wears on you.”
“Yeah.” Jac rubbed her face with both hands and sighed. “A lot like the military.”
“You served?”
Jac nodded.
“Then you know how it goes.”
Charlie walked up and slid a plate with two pieces of pie on it in front of Jac. “Keep that to yourself, trooper.”
Jac looked up at him. “I will. Thanks.”
Charlie grunted and headed back to the kitchen.
Jac pushed the plate toward Sarah. “Want some more?”
“Yeah, I didn’t get any of the cherry.” Sarah picked up her fork and cut off a healthy piece from Jac’s plate and slid it onto her own. “Thanks.”
“So I wanted to ask you,” Jac said, teasing a slice of apple free from the flaky crust.
“Yes?” Sarah asked absently.
“You and Mallory—” Jac looked up into Sarah’s eyes.
Sarah regarded her curiously. “Me and Mallory, what?”
“Well, you know, the coffee the other morning—we were playing cards and we made this bet and I didn’t want you to think—”
“Mallory is a really good friend, one of my best friends. It’s probably dumb of me, but I don’t sleep with my friends. Maybe if I did, I’d have better luck.”
Jac grimaced. “Not too subtle, am I?”
“Subtlety is overrated. We’re not lovers. I suspect she would’ve told you that if you’d asked her.”
“I think so too.” Jac stared at the table. “But I didn’t want to ask.”
“Why not?”
Jac traced the edge of her plate with her fork. “She’d run for the hills.”
“Probably.” Sarah sipped her coffee. “You know, Jac, Mallory…” She sighed. “I’m claiming best friend’s right here, so I have something to say.”
“Go ahead.” Jac straightened. She knew the tone—she wasn’t going to like what was coming.
“Okay.” Sarah nodded, as if making a decision. “Maybe Mallory isn’t such a good idea.”
Jac pushed back a surge of anger and kept her voice even. Here came the “you’re not the right person for her” lecture. “Oh? Why is that?”
“She’s just…vulnerable right now.”
“And you think I’ll be bad for her? Hurt her somehow?” Jac carefully cut a wedge of pie with her fork but didn’t lift it to her mouth. “Based on what? My reputation?”
Sarah colored. “I’m not going to pretend I don’t know what you’re talking about, but that’s not what I meant.”
“What, then?”
“I don’t k
now you, and I’m not about to ask your intentions. But I know Mallory and I love her.” Sarah bit her lip and let out a breath. “Since the incident last summer, she hasn’t been herself. She still isn’t.”
“Maybe,” Jac said softly, “she never will be. Not the Mallory you knew then. Wounds change us, but they don’t have to destroy us. You should trust her.”
“Yes.” Sarah winced. “What I really should do is mind my own damn business. I’m sorry. I was out of line.”
“No, you weren’t. Mallory’s lucky to have a friend like you.” Jac couldn’t resent Sarah championing Mallory—she envied their friendship. No one had ever stood up for her, and she’d learned not to hope for it. She finished off the apple and started on the remaining cherry. “Nothing has happened and probably won’t. I just… If you and she were together, I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea.”
“So noted.” Sarah waited a beat. “So, she’s got under your skin?”
Jac put down her fork and rubbed her belly. She was so tight she could’ve bounced quarters off her abdominal wall. Massaging didn’t help. “Yeah. Quite a lot.”
“Well, maybe I’m completely wrong. Maybe a little shaking up is just what she needs.”
“And you think I’m the one to do it?”
Sarah pointed a finger at her. “I think you very well could be. Hell, you managed to get pie out of Charlie. That took me three years.”
“She’s all right out there, isn’t she?”
“Jac, you know the job.” Sarah’s face softened. “Things happen, but Mallory is really, really good. One of the best. She’ll be fine. And she won’t like it if you worry about her every time she goes out.”
“I’ll hide it.”
Sarah rolled her eyes.
“You’re right. I can see how good she is.”
“You’ll need to trust her, Jac. You’ll both need that, in both directions, if you’re working together.”
“Trust.” Jac had learned young not to trust, not to expect people to do what they promised or mean what they said. She’d learned not to count on anyone, and she’d learned not to be disappointed. “I guess that’s the part of the training you can’t teach.”
“Nope.” Sarah’s expression brightened. “That you get from working your asses off together. You’ll see what I mean when we head into the mountains to set up camp and field train.”
If that meant living side by side with Mallory, Jac was all for it. She just wanted Mallory and her team to come home.
“You better get some sleep,” Sarah said. “We’re back on the tower tomorrow. You all have had enough class time for a bit.” As if reading Jac’s mind, Sarah squeezed her arm. “Mallory will be back soon, and you better look sharp.”
“Right.” Jac rose and grabbed their plates. “I’m gone.”
Sarah laughed. “Keep your head on straight, rookie.”
Jac wasn’t worried about her head. She just wasn’t quite so sure about her heart.
Chapter Fourteen
Mallory hung her gear pack on the peg inside the door in the equipment room and pressed both hands to her lower back, massaging the knots. She needed a shower to get the smoke out of her hair, the soot off her skin, and some of the kinks out of her muscles.
“See you in a few, Ice,” Cooper said as he passed by on his way to the barracks.
“Yeah,” she called, turning to wave good night to the rest of the crew. “Great job, guys.”
The guys grinned wearily, muttered see you laters, and wandered away.
Before her shower, she needed to take care of essentials. She hoisted her chute onto her shoulder and trudged into the adjacent drying room. The partial ceiling had been removed and a series of pulleys set up to hoist the forty-foot chutes up into the air where they could dry without risk of damage. She unpacked hers, laid it out on one of the folding tables, and carefully checked it over for tears, weak spots, and other signs of wear. When she found none, she attached it to one of the pulleys and winched it high above the concrete floor. By tomorrow afternoon it should be ready to repack, and she would be ready to go back on rotation.
The important work done, she headed into the locker room, stripped off her smoky clothes, and stuffed them into a plastic bag. She tied off the top to contain some of the acrid odor, propped that in the corner to drag over to the do-it-yourself laundry room, gathered her toiletries from her locker, and padded naked into the shower. She didn’t even bother to wait till the water was warm. She just wanted to be clean, cold water or not. Besides, the sun would be up in less than an hour, and she needed to see to the rookies. The cold water blasted into her face, and after the initial adrenaline shock, she got her second wind and started to feel halfway alive. She found the shampoo by feel, pumped some into her hand, and lathered her hair. The cleaner she got, the more human she felt. The icy water quickly became warm and then hot, and she turned and stretched and rinsed her hair. She was tired and sore, but satisfied. They had done good work, and she’d never found anything to make her happier. After switching off the water, she briskly toweled her hair and wrapped the slightly damp cotton around her body. The slamming of a locker door brought her up short.
Jac! Every fiber of her body went on alert. Her breath quickened and her fingertips tingled. She caught herself breathing quickly and forced herself to slow down. This reaction was ridiculous, and she definitely didn’t want Jac to get any inkling of what her presence did to her. Tightening the knot on her towel, she cursed herself for not having brought her clothes into the shower room with her. She’d gotten out of the habit of doing that with just her and Sarah there most of the time. She and Sarah knew each other so well, she never gave any thought to being naked around her. Jac was another matter. She couldn’t pretend they were just two women who worked together, not when the thought of Jac made her blood buzz, and actually seeing her made her downright stupid. She most assuredly was not going to be anywhere around Jac Russo naked. Quickly, she shoved her shower articles into their plastic case, zipped it up, and steeled herself for a brief, casual hello in passing.
When she walked into the locker room, her stomach sank. “Hey, Sarah.”
“You’re back!” Sarah threw her arms around Mallory, apparently not the least bit concerned that she was going to get wet. Keeping her arms looped around Mallory’s waist, she leaned back and gave her a thorough once-over. “Well, you look all right.” She ran her thumb over a bruise on Mallory’s cheek. “Is this the worst of it?”
Laughing, Mallory lifted Sarah’s hands from around her waist and pulled back. “I’m getting you soaked, silly.”
“So? I was about to jump in the shower anyhow. A little more water isn’t going to hurt. How did it go out there?”
“Pretty routine, except for the damn snow.” Mallory grimaced as she stowed her gear and pulled a dry towel off the shelf. After wrapping her hair, she loosed the one from her body and began to dry off. “We had the perimeter set up pretty fast, and the front never really challenged. It was just rough going, a lot of snow and ice on the ground. No injuries, everybody did great. How are things here?”
“Fine.” Sarah stripped off her sweats and underwear, threw a large towel over her shoulders, and stepped into flip-flops. “Everybody’s bored to tears—we’ve been doing a lot of the classroom stuff while you were gone. I scheduled more time on the tower tomorrow—well, today, really.”
“Good. Any problems? How’s Ray?”
“You haven’t been gone that long—what kind of problems did you anticipate?”
Mallory shook out her hair and ran her fingers through it to untangle the curls. “Well, considering the first day out I had a fairly serious injury and I’m not totally certain all the rookies are going to get along, almost anything could have happened.”
“Ray is doing great. I don’t see any reason he can’t get back into the regular rotation now.”
“Good.” Mallory pulled on clean underwear and jeans and made an attempt at sounding casual. “How’s Ja
c doing?”
“Jac? Jac who?”
Mallory felt her face flushing. “Sarah.”
Sarah grinned. “Jac has been doing fine, if you don’t count not sleeping and skipping meals.”
“What do you mean?” Mallory’s chest tightened, and an uncomfortable wave of anxiety fluttered through her middle. “Is she sick? Did she get hurt?”
“No,” Sarah said, collecting her shower articles. “She’s basically just been moping since you left.”
Mallory snorted. “I hardly think I’m the reason.”
Sarah looked at her as if she were dense. “Oh, don’t tell me you haven’t noticed she’s got a major thing for you.”
“I most certainly haven’t and she most certainly does not,” Mallory said hastily. “She’s a rookie, for crying out loud, Sarah.”
“Yes,” Sarah said, “and the last time I looked, quite adult and hardly someone who’s likely to be taken advantage of in this situation.”
Mallory quickly turned her back, busying herself straightening her already organized locker. She was not going to discuss Jac and something that didn’t exist and never would. “Well, I’m glad everything is stable around here. Thanks so much for taking care of everyone—everything—while I was gone.”
“Trust me, if Jac had been able to think about anything except when you were coming back, I would’ve considered giving her a whirl.”
Mallory whipped around. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
Sarah pointed a finger at her. “I’m not kidding. Mostly. She’s really nice and really hot, and you know what, Mark is an a-hole.”
“He is. But I’m not sure his being one warrants quite so big a change in your approach to dating.”
