In all my time spent here in the kitchen with Renee, I’ve never seen her stop working until now. She relaxes back against the counter with a pleased look on her face.
“What?” I throw my arms up.
“Do it.”
“Excuse me?” Did she not hear what I said? I need time.
“He’s offering you a safe place to start your new life. It’s clear he cares about you as a friend. It sounds like a great starting point to me.” She lingers a little longer on the word ‘friend,’ which knowing her like I do, I won’t be leaving this kitchen until she’s had her say about me not only taking this opportunity but also the mixed feelings stirring inside of me.
“I have nothing and made it clear I’m not going to be a charity research project.” I plop down onto a stool. Frustrated. “I mean, I’m just going to move in with a gym bag with three outfits in it and nothing else.” I follow her lead, going with what’s really important here. I don’t have a thing to my name. No money. No means. And I’m definitely not taking anything more from Zeke. Not without earning it.
“Sweetie, the fact is, you have to start somewhere. You have an amazing support system around you right now. Why not utilize it?”
I shrug trying to process her words.
“I don’t have many regrets in life, Amelia. I always wanted to have kids, but God had other plans for me. It’s as if my heart has always had a missing piece to it, but I’ve learned over the years I was put on this earth for other things. What if this is your other thing? You’ll never know if you don’t try.”
“What are we trying?” Zoe bounds in butting into our conversation.
I swear these two women first pitied me and the lack of support and family I had to lean on while in here, but it’s changed into so much more. They’ve become my family.
Renee spills the story, leaving out my tumultuous feelings for Zeke, thank God. I literally watch Zoe swoon and dance in excitement. Sometimes her girly reactions are just a bit too much, but I love her all the same.
“Do it,” Zoe repeats over and over. “I’ve been so worried about your next step in life. You deserve this opportunity, Amelia.”
Zoe has told me several times that her door would be wide open to me if her living circumstances were different. I’ve never dug for more information knowing if she needs someone to talk to she’d come to me.
“I’m off in an hour,” Renee announces with finality in her tone. “I’m taking you shopping. And before you say a damn word or protest, Amelia, let me do this for you. Even if I have to guilt trip you, I’m doing it.”
“Renee,” I warn.
“I’ve never had children of my own. Shopping for a little girl has always been a dream of mine.” She’s overdoing it, and it’s quite comical.
“For one, I’m not a little girl. I’ve put on quite a bit of weight thanks to the two of you.” She raises her hand and cuts me off by placing it over my mouth.
“No, you are not a little girl. You are a beautiful young woman with a bright future ahead of her, and if I can help send you off with the confidence you deserve, then don’t you dare deny me. Besides, I’m the one who taught you how to cook and bake. You owe me.” My mouth hangs open when she drops her hand. The little guilt trip conniver.
“Fine. We can go shopping for a few things.” I put extra emphasis on the word ‘few.’
“I’m in,” Zoe invites herself. Which is fine, but I still wanted to talk to Renee about Zeke. Something tells me that she wants me to make up my own mind when it comes to him.
And that’s exactly how I find myself in the middle of Target. A store that has everything.
“I’m here. Are you happy?” I look over to a smiling Renee. “I said yes to shopping, but I still need to think about moving in with Zeke.”
“What’s there to think about? The man wants to help you out. It’s nothing different than what we’re doing here.” Zoe loops one of her arms in mine, guiding us to the women’s section.
“He’s a man. A very hot-looking man, and I…I’m not sure it’s the best route for me to take by living with him.” They are both ignoring me. Not helping me make my decision at all. They seem to believe I’ve already made up my mind by the way they are looking at flowy dresses and bright-colored shirts. Beautiful bras and panties.
It’s very overwhelming being surrounded by friends and smack center in racks of clothes. My fingers tingle from all the fidgeting, and I have to focus on breathing to fight the impending panic attack. I honestly have no idea where to start in a place like this.
Zoe doesn’t flinch or even think twice before she’s pulling clothes off the racks. Renee relaxes watching the two of us with a huge grin on her face. God, it feels fucking amazing to have a woman like her in my life. A breath of fresh air giving me strength to take the next steps in life.
“Off to the dressing room you go.” Zoe whirls me around with her free hand and then pushes me in the direction of a row of rooms.
“I’m sure they’ll fit,” I try to protest.
“Nope, you’re giving us our Pretty Woman moment, Amelia,” Zoe remarks, while Renee opens the door then helps Zoe push me in. I lay my head against the door. My breathing starts to become erratic and my heart is ready to jump out of my chest. I don’t think Zoe realizes that Julia Roberts was a prostitute in Pretty Woman. “It was a simple expression of words. She didn’t mean anything by it. Don’t ruin this fun you're having, Amelia,” I whisper.
“We want to see every single outfit,” Renee says, reminding me they are still waiting outside the door.
“Especially that flowy periwinkle dress,” Zoe chirps.
I run the pad of my fingers over the material of clothes, feeling my heart warm. I dress quickly in a pair of skinny jeans and a peach top that fits me perfectly. I take a moment to stare at myself in the mirror. “Wow. I don’t recognize the woman in front of me.” I smile and open the door before the two bust in on me.
“What do you think?” I raise my arms out to the side and do a little twirl.
“Those jeans. My God, your legs are fabulous, Amelia. And your ass, all that basketball, squats, and jogging has paid off. You are beautiful, Amelia.”
I know exactly what Zoe is referring to. I’ve gained weight while in therapy, but have also toned up working out. I’ve become addicted to pushing my body to the brink of the edge.
“Okay, we need two more pairs of those in different colors.” Renee winks at me. “Off you go.”
I follow orders perfectly, going back into the dressing room and digging through the pile of clothes. A bikini? I didn’t see that sneaky little shit pick this skimpy number out. There’s no way in hell I’ll be trying it on and then modeling for them. I don’t need one, period.
I go for the dress Zoe insisted on, sliding the soft material up over my hips and then squeezing the girls in. I don’t cringe anymore seeing my bare skin, nor do I get the urge to have sex finding the next high. I’ve grown comfortable in my own skin, which is something I thought I’d never be able to do. It’s all because of him.
Zeke could’ve turned his back after he had me stable in the hospital, but he didn’t stop there. He gave me the window to change. And I know he’s the reason why the police haven’t been around. Why would they anyway? I’m homeless. Homeless people are beaten up all the time. And now he’s offering me so much more. There hasn’t been one time where I’ve had an inkling of him having ulterior motives. And that’s what has me nervous. I’ve always been used for something, and to have someone walk into my life for the fact of just being there for me is foreign.
The sound of the door creaking open has both women turning their heads to look at me. Renee has tears welling up in her eyes.
“Don’t you dare.” I point at her. “I’ve come a long way. Gushy emotions I’m not going to deal well with.”
“It’s just dust.” She brushes at her eyes, while I roll mine. “You’d think this store would have a better ventilation system.”
�
��You big old’ momma bear,” Zoe taunts.
“I love this dress,” I squeal. “I swear once I’m up and on my feet, I’ll be paying you back, Renee.”
“Like hell, you will. I haven’t had this much fun in a long time, Amelia.”
“Bikini. I’m dying to see you rock that shit.” Zoe claps her hands.
“No, I’m drawing the line there.”
“C’mon. You’ll need one,” she begs.
“Not a chance.” I go back into the dressing room sorting all the clothes into two piles.
The for-sure-I-have-to-have pile and these-damn-things-can-go-back-on-the-rack pile. I’m hoping like hell the two maniacs out there have had their fill of Pretty Woman. I smile remembering how that used to be one of my favorite movies ever. Quite ironic, I find myself giggling realizing I’ve found my very own Richard Gere in a way.
Renee takes charge in the body wash and personal items aisle, tossing stuff in like there’s no tomorrow. She even offers up advice and beauty tips. These women have made me forget everything, and by the time we check out, it doesn’t bother me one bit that she’s paying for all of it. Instead of feeling insecure or worthless, that familiar feeling blooms inside me. Gratefulness.
I spot a Starbucks on the corner and know one day I’ll be able to take these girls out for a special treat. That will be my first goal after gaining ground in my life. It will be a day I'm looking forward to. Giving back.
“Amelia.” I spin around from sorting through my new clothes, pulling off the tags and placing them in the suitcase Renee stopped by her house to let me borrow to see Ronan standing at my door. His forehead is wrinkled. He appears to be struggling.
“Ronan, is everything good?” I ask, gulping down my fear. It anchors me in my spot. The only thing running through my mind is the constant fear I have that the new family I’ve found will find out who my real family is. That the evil from my past will meet the good of my present and throw their authority around, demanding to see me.
“Everything is fine. I want to talk about what Zeke offered you. May I come in?” I relax in my spot, sit on the edge of the bed, and nod.
“I’m sorry for signing myself out before coming back to talk to you. It was wrong.”
He smirks. Shakes his head and plants himself just inside of my room the same way he always does. It doesn’t go unnoticed that there’s no reaction for a high or a need for sex. It’s these small victories I cherish the most.
“It wasn’t wrong, Amelia. It’s your right to come and go when you please. There aren't many facilities similar to this one where the patients can do exactly that. You were brought here under the intention you could leave whenever you wanted. I’m glad you went. You getting your GED, then going out shopping proves to me, and I hope it proves to yourself, that you are more than ready to see what’s waiting on the other side. Does all this mean you’ve made up your mind?” He gestures to all my new items scattered over my bed.
“Yes. I had mixed feeling at first.” The nerves of anxiety take flight deep in my belly, but I battle them away continuing to talk. “I trust Zeke. The same way I trust you. It’s me I’m frightened about. The fallbacks I’m sure will challenge me. The voices in my head will fight with one another. I’m the only one who can sabotage my life. You, Renee, Zoe, Zeke, and everyone else here have helped me see myself for who I really am. I’m a good person who just so happens to be an addict.”
My mouth begins dry all of a sudden. I begin to twist my hands, stop and stare around my room. This is good-bye in a sense. I can feel it. So much for taking my time and really thinking about this. I’m assuming Zeke further explained his offer and that’s why Ronan is here asking me about it. There’s a silent confirmation in Ronan’s stance; he knows I’m going to say yes.
“There are going to be challenges every day until you become used to living on your own. Just because you are technically living in someone else’s home does not mean you aren’t on your own, Amelia. Don’t forget that. You're free to come and go there as much as you were here. I have something for you. This is a gift. The same way all of this stuff from my sister was. The same way Zeke has done for you. I want you to take it, accept it, and do not argue with me.” He reaches into his back pocket to reveal a shiny cell phone.
I look from him to the phone and back again. It’s a sign of freedom. A rite of passage of some sorts. My jaw drops wide open with shock, respect, and so many other feelings.
“You know,” I say with strength in my tone. Aim in my gaze and a perseverance about myself that several months ago I never knew I had. “I’ll accept it. No conditions attached, except this.”
I stand, smooth my hands down the front of my jeans. They are sweaty, itching to be wrung tight. The last time I stood in front of Ronan with an intention behind my actions was a time in my life when I didn’t care about anything except to erase my mind. I lean in and hug him, tight. Closing my eyes and hoping with everything within me that he trusts me the way I do him and hugs me back. A tear, the first one of many I shed that night trails down my cheek; its slow travel has me telling myself that tears aren’t always sad. They don’t have to come from pain or a life led in a constant state of fear from what’s going to happen next.
I don’t have to be a victim anymore. My mother never lifted a hand to try to help me. A man and his son raped me, used me, stole things from me I can never get back. I’m stronger than the pain, the fear, and the constant panic of being found. I owe it all to the man who’s hugging me back. He forgave the ugliness I brought with me and battled by my side until I could once again see the sparkles of beauty in life.
41
Zeke
“Who the fuck is that?”
I peer my head around the corner of the kitchen and glare at Saxon standing in front of the bay window in my living room. His head is cocked to the side, and his hands are running down the scruff of his face. Dude is daydreaming or some shit.
How the hell he can stand all that shit on his face beats me. Fucker is going to have a full beard like Katch’s if he doesn’t get rid of that shit soon.
“I’m not expecting anyone,” I announce, wipe my now paint free hands on the dish towel, and make my way over to him.
After my talk with Amelia and then Ronan the other day, I got a wild hair up my ass. Went and bought paint for Amelia’s room in hopes she would say yes. I was just finishing up when Saxon strolled in with a six-pack and steaks, and plopped his ass on my couch, complaining about wanting a home-cooked meal. Lazy-ass fucker. I guess club whores are just that and not housewife material.
“What the fuck?” I yell, poke him in the chest, and shove him out of my way.
“That, my little brother, is Amelia. Put your Goddamn eyes back in your head.”
Christ, she’s here. And she’s lugging a suitcase out of the back of a car. Her blond hair is piled on top of her head, and her legs are fucking killing me in those shorts. My heart starts pounding wildly in my chest. I really had no idea if she’d take the offer. Deep down, I was on my hands and knees praying she would. The only selfish side of my decision wanted to know she would be in a safe environment to flourish. And flourished she has.
A grin tilts the side of my lips just imagining her face when she sees what I’ve done. It’s all set up, and fuck all if I care if she even likes it. All I care about is she’s here.
On her own. And that reason alone is enough for me.
Her bedroom is ready with brand-new bedding and freshly painted walls. That I know, she’s going to love.
“Shit,” I exclaim, watching a few bags she’s juggling tumble to the ground while she wrestles the damn suitcase in her hands.
Saxon starts rambling on about her family and not finding anything on them yet when my common sense kicks in. “Don’t say a word about that.” I poke him in the chest, rush over to the door, flinging it open and racing down the stairs two at a time. Real smooth, Zeke, real fucking smooth. You’re going to scare her away before she steps foot in the
house.
Amelia whips her head up, her eyes going wide and her blond hair bouncing on top of her head. That damn messy bun is sexy as hell on her. I’d love to yank it out and watch her hair tumble all around her stunning face, though. Damn.
“Hey,” she squeaks out.
“May I?” I hold my hand out to take her suitcase.
She doesn’t offer it up right away. “Sorry, didn’t have your number. Hope this is all right?”
“Yes.” I nod anxiously reaching my hand out even farther. She could have easily got my number from Ronan, the same way I’m sure he gave her my address. I’m not saying shit to embarrass her. This is her way of stepping out on her own. Christ, I want to kiss her so damn bad. Tell her I’m proud of her and lift her off the ground.
She huffs a little, then relents and hands me the suitcase. Zoe grabs a few more bags out of the car and is quickly by her side.
“Thanks for the ride, Zoe.” Amelia grins over at her. “I owe you even more.”
“Horse shit. You don’t owe me a thing except keeping our friendship.” Zoe nudges her in the shoulder. Amelia smiles so Goddamn wide that my breath catches. She’s stunning when she smiles.
“Would you like to come check the place out?” I offer Zoe, shaking all my thoughts away. I’ll have plenty of time to pick up on the changes Amelia has made.
“Of course. Need to check for bedbugs and all.” She waves her arms wildly in the air.
There couldn’t be a better person for Amelia to be friends with. I’ve worked with hundreds of nurses over the years, and there’s only a handful of them who are truly meant for the job. The ones who care deeply. Zoe is one of them. A woman with a heart of gold.
I let the girls walk in first. Desperately trying to keep my eyes off Amelia’s ass. It’s useless. I can tell from here how nice it would feel in the palm of my hands.
When Opposites Collide Boxset Page 31
