by Lucy Smoke
I let out a shocked squeal as he landed on me, shoving me back. Taylor laughed and then—before I knew what hit me—Darren and Cody were diving for us and we were a mass of laughter and love.
It was the best fucking feeling in the world, being loved by those four men.
Epilogue
A little over a year later...
"Can you believe it's finally happening?" Roxi whispered.
I shook my head as I watched first Cody, then Darren and Dex, and finally Taylor ascend the dais in the middle of the university coliseum. The stands were filled with parents and extended family. Cheers erupted as each student accepted their certification of graduation. I couldn't believe we had made it. I mean, I knew we would. I knew the day would come when the four years I had spent at Winthrope University would be over and all of the days I had spent studying my ass off, attending classes, and preparing for my future would come to an end.
It was time to stop preparing for the future and start living it.
"Jamie Houston." My name was called and my heart jumped into my chest as I stood up and went over to the line leading up to the stage. I ascended the stage as flashes went off. Photos were taken and dimly, I heard Taylor calling out in excitement. I looked over the sea of fellow students and smiled. I couldn't help it. I was absolutely terrified of what the future held. I wasn't quite sure if the degree I had would really help me. But whatever happened, as soon as my eyes landed on my guys, I knew it would all be okay.
I was proud of myself for working so hard, but whatever pride I held for myself was no match for the amount I held for them. I was proud of them. I loved them. I wanted to support them for the rest of my life.
I shook the hands of my professors, accepted their congratulations—all the while trying not to cry.
"Yes, girl, yes!" Roxi called from the crowd as I made my way out of the coliseum. She rushed up to me, flinging herself on me as she clutched her degree certificate in one hand. "Can you believe it? We're done! Really done! Guess who's getting drunk tonight!"
"Hopefully not you," a deep voice answered. "You can't handle your liquor worth shit."
I smiled as Bastian Lander approached with an easy smile with Oliver Dubois close behind. Roxi pouted at the both of them as they approached. "I'll have a big dinner," she said defensively.
Oliver laughed. "Are you asking us out to dinner?" he asked teasingly.
I watched in amusement as her eyes lit up. "Would you do something naughty to me afterwards?" she replied.
Oliver stiffened, a blush creeping across his face as Bastian let out a booming laugh. "Yeah, spank you, brat. Stop giving Oliver ideas, he's sensitive."
"I-I wasn't—I mean, I didn't—" Oliver stuttered, his blush stretching down his neck.
I chuckled as warm arms circled around my waist and a familiar set of lips pressed against my bare neck. "I like you with your hair up like this," Darren said.
"Oh yeah?" I laughed.
"Yeah."
I looked behind me. "Where are the others?"
"They'll meet us soon. They sent me to grab you. We're heading to a special celebration."
"A graduation party?" I asked. "Right now? But we just got out."
Roxi slid an arm through Oliver's and then Bastian's. "We're heading to the same party," she said. "Meet you there soon!" She tugged and dragged her friends away, Bastian continuing to call her a brat and Oliver watching the two of them as his blush slowly faded away.
"Okay," I said flipping around to sink my hands in his hair. "Fess up, where are we really going?"
"You didn't hear Roxi?" Darren grinned down at me before pressing a quick kiss to my lips. "We're going to celebrate."
"I know for a fact that Roxi was lying—probably so that Bastian and Oliver didn't catch onto her plans—she's going to get them and herself drunk as hell."
"Planning to take advantage of those two?" he asked, curious as his hands fell to my hips.
I shrugged. "She's been trying for years," I reminded him.
"True." He tipped his head to the side. "I know where she's going, though—Maroon's Bar—we'll see them there later."
"We will?"
Darren nodded as he took my hand and began to lead me towards the parking lot. I narrowed my gaze on him when I noticed my vehicle was the only one left; the guys had arrived in one of theirs. "Keys." Darren held his hand out. I rolled my eyes and tossed them at him before hopping into the passenger's seat.
I stretched forward and fiddled with the radio as Darren drove. Once I found a tune that I mildly liked, I sat back and hummed to it. Soon, Darren was humming right alongside me. I was so focused on his humming and my own that I didn't realize where we were until he was pulling into the parking lot.
"What are we doing at the library?" I asked.
Darren winked my way. "It's a secret." He parked the car and got out. I followed.
"It's closed today," I reminded him. "Everyone was at the ceremony."
"I know, but I still have a key," he said. "I have to turn it in."
"So, this is just a stop? Should I go back and wait in the car?"
"Nah, come in with me. I have to drop it in the box. The door will lock behind us when we leave."
"Oh, okay." I followed him to the front doors and watched him unlock it. There was something off about him. He was still humming, I realized.
I laughed as we ascended the stairs to the second floor—where his boss's office resided. "You really like that song, don't you?" I asked.
He shrugged. "I guess. Hey, let's go take a look at that study room," he suggested suddenly.
I paused and frowned. "Now? Don't we have somewhere to be?"
"Just a peek," he promised, grabbing my hand and pulling me behind him.
I couldn't say no to his boyish smile. I shook my head as he dragged me towards the study room doors, past the rows of bookshelves was the study room where it all began—the guys and I. My chest tightened as we neared it. Four years ago, I had met Darren, Dex, Cody, and Taylor—well, I had more than met them, I had fallen in love with them.
As we neared the room, a shifting sound drifted to my ears. "Darren? Are you sure we're the only ones in here?" I asked.
The lights were out, but I swear I heard moving. I opened the door and flicked on the light. It didn't occur to me that Darren never answered. My lips parted, my mouth dropping open.
Dex, Cody, and Taylor all dressed in the suits they had worn under their graduation gowns were down on their knees—one knee, to be precise. I looked behind me and my eyes widened even further as Darren, too, fell to one knee. The exact way someone might be if they were about to...
"Jamie Houston," Cody said.
Oh shit.
"You have made us the happiest men alive for the last four years," Taylor said.
I was not going to cry.
"And we want you to make us the happiest men alive for the rest of our lives," Darren said.
I flicked my gaze back and forth between them. Fuck. Yes, I was going to cry.
"You're beautiful and smart and wonderful," Dex said.
Big, honking, ugly-ass tears. It wasn't going to be pretty.
"We love you," they said as one.
But who gave a shit about pretty when four of the hottest athletes—four of the most amazing men in my life—were proposing to me?
"Will you marry us?"
Cody was the one who lifted a velvet covered box and opened it. I stared down at the prettiest little blue rock I'd ever seen. It wasn't a diamond. A diamond was too plain for us. We were unique. We were different. I loved that about us.
Just as I predicted, large, fat tears began to trail down my cheeks, dripping off my chin. I nodded fast, almost giving myself whiplash as I tried to answer before they could think that they’d made a mistake and decided change their mind.
Dex smiled at me. "You want to verbalize that, Baby?" he asked.
"Fuck yes," I said with a trembling hand as I reached out for the ring. Tayl
or took it from Cody and slid it on my finger. "I want to marry the fuck out of you. Out of all of you."
Taylor whooped, but before he could lift me into the air—Darren was there, doing it for him and swinging me around as I cried and laughed and cried some more.
I couldn't believe that one fateful night almost four years ago would lead to a lifetime of forever. One night was all it was supposed to be until they realized they couldn't let me go. Until I realized, I couldn't let them go.
WANT MORE?
Continue reading to for a sneak peek at Lucy Smoke’s dark contemporary romance, Expressionate.
Expressionate: Chapter One
Love
Present Day
21 Years Old
The light bulb flickers overhead as I flip on the bedroom light switch, and Beverly strides through the place in her ginormous high heels. The aroma of her floral perfume permeates the apartment causing me to wrinkle my nose. It’s not that the smell is unpleasant – it’s simply overwhelming, like choking on dollar store air freshener when she passes by. At least I know she'll pay her rent; my last roommate moved out without telling me and she still owed me two months in back rent. Now that I think about it, that's probably why she moved out while I was at work.
"It's not the best," Beverly states, clutching her iPhone-whatever-number-they're-on-now, and takes another snapshot of a random place in the apartment before quickly texting it to her dozens of friends. Of course, none of her dozens of friends want to room with her either because she's bitchy, self-absorbed, and kind of a twit. I don't care about any of that though. I spend most of my time in my room, at work, or in class – the few that I actually have to attend in person. Most of my classes are online.
"The rent's cheap," I say, and Beverly looks up.
"Hmmm, then it'll do, I guess." She raises her phone to take a selfie. "New apartment!" she says with a wink and a smile as she takes the picture. When she lowers it to look at the screen, she squeals with glee. "It's perfect. Oh, my followers are gonna love this one on Instagram."
I sigh and take a step inside the bedroom. The window overlooks the back parking lot. It's nothing fancy, and the neighborhood isn't high class, but I've lived in worse places. It's fairly safe and I can get in without any sort of guarantor or cosigner. That's the main issue. I won't ask my father for help and Beverly doesn't understand how to do half the shit it takes to live on her own. She knows how to hand over money, and I don't mind that. I'll pay the bills as long as she gives me her half. Her face pops back in the doorway, blonde hair bouncing over her shoulder.
"When can we move in?" she asks.
"The landlord said we could move in tomorrow if we pay the deposit today," I reply.
"How much is that?"
"Three hundred."
She nods. "Okay, I'm going to head down to the ATM. I'll be right back." She scoots out the door faster than I can say anything. I guess we're moving in tomorrow then.
When Beverly returns, we head down again to meet with the landlord – an elderly person with white-gray hair and black bushy eyebrows. I still can't tell if it's a man or a woman. By the long hair, I'm inclined to think woman, but men can have long hair too. That, and there are a few scraggly looking hairs poking out of the he-she's chin. He-she tells us to call them Jordan. A gender-neutral name for a confusingly gender-neutral look. I nod and thank the he-she. Beverly is out the door before the ink is dry on the lease – telling me she’ll be around later.
"See you tomorrow." I wave absently to our new landlord – or landlady? – as I head out. As I walk across the parking lot to my old car, my phone buzzes in my pocket. I frown down at the text message from my boyfriend, Todd. That is, if you can call someone I barely see and only have sex with every now and then my boyfriend.
Todd: I know you've been really busy lately and we just haven't seen each other, but I'd like to see you tonight. Can I take you out? Pick you up around 7?
I grimace, my fingers sliding over the screen as I debate. I’m not really in the mood, but he’s right. We haven’t seen each other in a while, and I know there’s something I need to do. If not for myself, then for him. I shoot back a quick reply, agreeing to the time. Better now than months down the road, when he still thinks there’s a chance that I can love him.
I drop my phone in the cup holder between the front seats of my shitty Buick and turn the ignition. Backing out slowly, I watch as a medium sized U-Haul, followed by a couple more smaller cars, pulls in after me. A dark head of hair appears out the side of one of the cars – a Jeep – and a flash of golden hair in the seat next to the man catches my attention. It's a young girl, probably a teenager. She looks like a ray of sunshine – not unlike my sister – while the guy in the driver's seat is massive, barely fitting in the tiny excuse for a vehicle. Probably one of the new tenants, I decide as I turn out of the parking lot and head back to my dorm. Tonight will be the last night I ever sleep there, and I’m more than ready to get it over with.
Hours later, Todd texts me that he’s here. I snatch a light shawl off of the back of my desk chair and lock the door behind me, taking the long way down via the stairs instead of the elevator. My stomach cramps with every step. When I make it outside, Todd smiles as he leans up against his jacked, red Ford F-150. I step up next to him and he leans down to kiss me softly on the cheek. His light blond hair pokes the side of my face as he pulls away. It’s brushed awkwardly in a spiky disarray. “Ready to go?” he asks, taking my hand.
“Yeah.” His soft blue eyes remind me of robins’ eggs because they're so pale and flecked with nude hues. His chiseled jaw is highlighted by his high cheekbones and the passing street lights as we drive through the city.
Silence stretches between us. Out of the corner of my eye – across the seat – I notice Todd’s hand inching towards mine. My chest coils tight as I pull my hand away and settle myself closer to the door, even going so far as to roll the window down and let the hot air into the cab. If Todd’s disappointed, he doesn’t show it.
The dinner is over rather quickly – passing in a blur between the restaurant and the streets. Shapeless, nameless faces move around me, and Todd’s one of them. At least, he is until he pulls up to a stop outside my dorm. As his hand reaches for the key in the ignition, I stop him.
“This isn’t working out, Todd.” The words fall from my lips like scripted lines, hollow and insincere.
“What?” Todd’s robins’ egg eyes widen as he stares across the seat at me. When he reaches out for me, I shake my head. His hands stop a mere inch from my arms. “Love?” He sounds confused, upset.
“I think it would be better, for both of us, if we stop seeing each other.” I pop the door open and slide onto the pavement.
“Is it me?” Todd’s question follows me out.
I turn around. His brows are drawn down low over his eyes. I don’t get it. Logically, if something doesn’t work then you either care enough to fix it or you throw it away. I don’t care enough about him. It’s not his fault. It’s mine. But he should know, shouldn’t he? That something isn’t right with me. That I don’t feel the same way he feels. I can’t feel the same way he feels. That little piece that makes people care, that makes them love, connect, give even the most minuscule of shits about something outside themselves. Mine is small. Tiny. There’s barely enough room for my sister. And even her, I don’t understand.
I force a smile, feeling a chill sweep through me, loosening the coil in my chest, as I turn back. “No, Todd, it’s not you.”
“Love!” He reaches for me as I move to close the door behind me. “We’re good together, you and me. Why are you doing this?”
He truly thinks we’re good together? We exist together. I pass through the motions. He reaches for me and I stand still. He’s trying. He’s hoping. He’s fighting. And I don’t care. I don’t see what he sees. I see in black and white and he sees in color. He’s normal. I’m broken. He’s being human, and I’m just pretending. We don’t work well together
. I close the door.
I walk inside, leaving him staring after me, bypassing the girl at the front desk with her black lipstick and pentagram tattoo on her neck. My phone buzzes in my pocket. I lick my dry lips as I climb the stairs, once again, taking the long way up. The smell of my dorm room is moldy and dry and as I close the door behind me, I decide against turning on the light. My phone stops buzzing and starts ringing. Todd is calling. I block the call. In the darkness, I stare at the two empty beds before crawling into one, setting my alarm, and going to sleep, hoping at least one of us will be better off.
Beverly shows up in a flurry of perfectly polished nails and expertly teased hair to drop off the majority of her stuff. She directs a pair of professional movers who are obviously more interested in flirting and getting into her tiny shorts than they are with their actual job. That is until Beverly receives a call from a friend and bails. Only then do they actually get to work. I ignore them as I lug my own packages up to our floor, enjoying the quiet hallways. Already, this place is much better than the dorms.
When 5pm rolls around, and they've unloaded everything Beverly brought, I thank them and show them out. I'm left with an apartment full of boxes that make the entire place smell like it's built out of cardboard; a lot like another place I used to live.
I ignore all the piled boxes and head to my new room. I kick a box out of the way and start to assemble the new desk that I ordered from a cheap resale place online. The instructions are simple, but it’s hot as hell and after spending the entire day in the sweltering heat of the apartment – the AC hadn't been turned on in only God knows how long and it was taking a hot minute to kick in – I stop to crack open my window and let a breeze roll through the room.
