by Leta Blake
“Oh, beg,” Ellen said. “You asked for it, Riley. Look at him blush. Dr. Anderson totally makes him beg.”
“That’s it! I’m done!” Riley declared, and there was the sound of a chair scraping on the floor, and Leo’s exclamation of innocence—“Ellen said it, not me!”—and then, once the laughter settled down, it was clear Riley hadn’t actually left, because they were back to chatting again.
“So, I guess this is awkward and all,” Riley said strangely. “Um, ’cause I know you’re with Dr. Anderson now and all. But Curtis was our friend back in the day, too, so I guess we’d just like to know. You know?”
“Know what?” Leo asked.
Ellen answered for Riley, “What’s going on with Curtis? Are you guys really over?”
Leo dragged some air though his teeth and let out a long sigh. “Looks like it. The forms have been signed, pretty reluctantly on his part to be fair, but I have them. Well, my attorney has them now.”
“But why?” Riley asked.
“Yeah, Leo,” Ellen said. “You guys were together a long time. How do you just turn your back on that?”
Leo sighed. “Ask Curtis. He turned his back on me and Lucky every chance he got.”
“He came here and got you, man. Just like he promised. So don’t tell me he turned his back on you,” Riley said defensively.”
“Hey,” Ellen said. “Let him talk. Curtis is our friend, but Leo’s not a dick.”
“I know, it’s just…”
“It’s okay,” Leo said, and Grant had a hard time remembering why he didn’t want to stand up and clock Leo’s pals. The last thing Leo needed was to get upset. But Leo went on, “I don’t want to get into it too, much, but… At first, it was the little things. Like refusing to include me in his decision-making or his filming schedules. Be he always expected me to still be standing right where he’d left me when he wanted to come home. Never mind how it affected me or what I wanted in life. So I dealt with that for a long time.”
“You couldn’t travel with him?”
“No. He didn’t want me around. He said I pulled focus from his work.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Riley asked.
“That I wanted too much attention and asked too much of him. Or at least that’s what he said.”
Grant ground his teeth together. He wanted to find Curtis Banks and kick him in the balls.
“But honestly, that was bullshit,” Leo said sharply. “Truthfully? I don’t think I asked enough of him. When I was deathly sick with myocarditis, and Lucky needed him? Do you think he was there for her? No. He sent a nanny to take care of her instead. He didn’t even leave his filming location when I had the transplant.”
Grant upped his fantasy from ball-kicking to throat-slitting.
“Yeah. I know, right? He said there was nothing he could do for me, really, so he just stayed on location and kept working.”
“Oh,” Ellen gasped. “My God, Leo. We had no idea.”
Leo huffed a bitter laugh. “Yeah, it would be one thing if I’d chosen to put up with that kind of half-love for myself, but it’s an entirely different thing to stay there and let it happen to your kid,” Leo said, and his voice sounded tight.
Grant fought the urge to stand up and put a stop to it. Leo shouldn’t have to explain himself. He didn’t owe that to anybody.
Leo sighed. “I shouldn’t have ever left Blountville with him. After his first big break in Los Angeles? When he came back here, sought me out, and promised me the world? I got swept up in the romance of it all. He’d just landed that big movie deal. I thought our lives would be a fairy tale. Ridiculous, right?”
“We all thought that,” Ellen murmured.
Riley huffed.
“But the truth is, that was all for show, too. He wanted to be out, and his agent said that having a steady, non-celebrity boyfriend would make him look wholesome. Can you believe that? It was all for appearance’s sake. And I thought it was love.”
“Leo, man.” Riley sounded pissed.
Grant couldn’t blame him. He was pissed, too.
“Yeah, so, that’s the truth. Curtis loved his work more than he loved me and Lucky. Not that he doesn’t love Lucky, mind you. Because he does. In his way. But being famous, or trying to be, consumed him. For a long time I blamed myself. I thought it was my fault for being so…I don’t know, so me that he couldn’t put me first. But, in the end, when I got sick again, when my kidneys failed, and he couldn’t be bothered to stay home to help me? That should have been the final straw, but, if you can believe it, it wasn’t until he started shoving Lucky’s needs aside and then trying to use his money to buy her love that I knew I had to go.”
“So you came back to Blountville. I get that. It’s home,” Ellen said.
“No, not at first. I didn’t really spread the word about all this, because I was ashamed. I felt like a failure. But, for the last year before I came home, I didn’t live with Curtis. I moved out of our house and took Lucky with me.”
“Oh, Leo, you could have told us.”
“Yeah, man, you know we’ve got your back,” Riley said, leading Grant to wonder if the man had already forgotten the jerky comments he’d made to Leo earlier. Because he hadn’t.
Leo kept talking, like now that he was spilling his guts, he had to get it all out. “I got a house not too far from Curtis, and I tried to make it work. Or I told myself I was trying to make it work, but the truth is, I knew I wanted to leave LA, and I’d known that for a long time.”
“You met someone,” Ellen said knowingly.
“Not out in California, no. But before I left Blountville…yeah. I made a choice back then. I ended things with a guy I’d just started seeing in order to run back to Curtis. And I spent a lot of years thinking about that decision, and wondering if maybe I’d made the wrong one.”
“It was Dr. Anderson?” Ellen asked.
“Yeah.”
“So you regret going with Curtis?”
“Regret is such a weird word. If I’d done it differently, chosen him over Curtis, maybe Hannah wouldn’t have gone to LA, and if she hadn’t gone to LA, maybe there wouldn’t be a Lucky. So, it’s hard to say that I regret it, but…yeah, in a way, I guess I do. Things were miserable between me and Curtis for a very long time, and as much as I’d like to say that it was entirely on him, I’ve got to admit that sometimes I wondered if…if maybe it was my fault, too. You know, for ever choosing him to begin with, for indulging in that ridiculous fantasy.” He grew quiet and Grant had to strain to hear him. “I’ve even wondered if maybe the myocarditis, the heart transplant, all these medications I have to take, everything I’ve gone though, and now my kidneys failing is some sort of cosmic punishment for going with Curtis to begin with.”
“No!” Ellen cried.
“I know,” Leo murmured. “Forget I said that.”
“Dude, we had no idea,” Riley said, sadly. “I feel like I just walked in on my parents having sex or something. All my illusions are blown.”
“Sorry, Ri. I don’t mean to bring you down.”
“No worries, man. I’ll get over it. At least there’s no nudity to block out, or sagging skin and bouncing—”
“Oh, God, Riley, shut up!” Ellen said before turning back to Leo. “So, is Dr. Anderson the real reason you came back here?”
“No. I mean, it sure didn’t hurt that I knew he was still around, but why would I think he’d be interested in sick ol’ me after all these years? Especially after I chose Curtis instead of him?” He laughed again, this time in a weird, wondering way. “No, I came back here because when I got really sick, I didn’t have any support from Curtis. He was traveling all the time, and when he was in town, there was just so much back and forth between us. It was complicated trying to raise Lucky that way. We fought so much. It started wearing me down. My health…everything. So I came back here to get help from my family.”
“And we’re glad you did,” Ellen said.
“I have to admit
, though, if it weren’t for you guys, and for Grant, and Alec and Dennis, I might not stay.”
Grant’s stomach clenched and he put down the fork he’d been using to shovel in the mashed potatoes from his tray. It had only been a few months, but sometimes Grant felt certain that all of this wonderful in his life, all of the things he was growing revoltingly attached to, would simply disappear.
Leo went on, “My dad’s great with Lucky, don’t get me wrong, and Mom loves her, obviously. But Lucky’s having a hard time coping with me and Curtis breaking up, and struggling with the culture here, too. If I don’t make it—”
“Stop that!”
“It’s a realistic thing to plan for, Ellen. If I don’t make it, she might have been better off staying near Curtis. I don’t know. But, for now, I’m planning to stay in Blountville. Mom and Dad are so helpful, and I have you all, and my cousins, and it’s comfortable here for me. I’m hopeful Lucky will come to love it, too.”
“Yeah, man, don’t count on it,” Riley said. “I mean, I don’t know anything that you don’t know, but this is Blountville and that child is a genius.”
“I’m thinking of asking Curtis for money to send her to the private school in Nebo next year. It’s just a thirty-minute drive north. But I hate to ask him for anything. He always thinks I’m using him.”
“Asshole,” Ellen sniffed, her opinion of her friend utterly changed. Rightfully so, in Grant’s opinion. “So, this thing with Grant, though? It’s different?”
Grant could hear Leo’s smile. “Grant? Yeah. It’s…well, it’s surprising. I don’t think either of us expected it, but it’s become pretty serious, yeah. For me, anyway, and I think for him. I hope.”
“Does he, you know, treat you okay? He seems like such a hard ass here in the hospital,” Riley said. “And please don’t turn that into a gay joke.”
Leo chuckled. “He’s surprisingly kind and amazingly human. Usually when you least expect it.”
“Well…that’s…good? I mean, what can I say, man? I’m happy if you’re happy,” Riley said.
“Thanks, Ri. The best thing is that I know you mean that.”
“I do.”
Grant heard the thud of a soft punch to the arm.
“But, yeah, it’s been hard being back here,” Leo said. “Even with my folks trying to be available when I need them, I have to admit that I’m having a hard time getting the help I need for Lucky sometimes. I mean, Ri, you know that better than anyone. How many times have I had to leave her with you or Carrie here at the hospital?”
“A lot,” Riley agreed.
“Yeah,” Leo’s voice changed from frustrated to sweet and soft. “Grant, though, he’s great with her. And she really likes him.”
“Dr. Anderson and the kid? Really? Based on his reputation, I wouldn’t have seen that coming,” Riley said.
“Yeah, me either,” Leo said.
“Alec says he’s always been kind of great with Mina,” Ellen offered. Grant had forgotten that she was friends with Alec. But then Alec was friends with everyone. Even him.
“It’s really adorable actually,” Leo said enthusiastically. “He’s always so gruff and matter of fact with her, and Lucky just loves it. Though, she’s not all sunshine and smiles when he’s around or anything. Don’t get me wrong.”
It was true. Lucky was a pretty serious little kid.
Leo went on, “I don’t know how to explain this, but it’s like when she sees him walking toward her, she just relaxes. You can see her entire body just…let go. She’s comfortable with him. Secure.”
“That’s wonderful,” Ellen said.
“Yeah, she knows what to expect from him. And that’s really important to Lucky right now. Everything’s so unpredictable. She definitely trusts him. I think she likes knowing that if Grant says it, then it’s true. Or true enough. Or true to Grant.” Leo laughed. “When it comes to Lucky, there doesn’t seem to be much difference. She’s always telling me, ‘Dr. Grant says,’ and I have to laugh because, believe me, hearing Grant’s words come out of my five-year-old’s mouth?”
“Nothing funnier?” Riley supplied.
“Exactly.”
“So, you really like him, then?” Ellen asked.
“Who? Grant?”
Riley said, “No, man, the guy at the cash register who was, for the record, so totally checking you out—not that I notice these things—yeah, Grant.”
Grant sat his fork down, remembered the night before, Leo naked on the bed at the farm, curled up around Grant, and breathing slowly as he drifted off to sleep. He remembered the way Leo had been so warm tucked against his side, and how right his own body had felt, sated, at peace. It scared him that all of that and a lot more was riding on Leo’s response now.
“So much,” Leo said, and the embarrassment in his voice was only topped by his earnest joy.
“Aw, Leo,” Ellen said. “That makes me so happy. I’m so glad. And Curtis? You’re totally over him? It’s really done?”
“It’s done,” Leo said. “I just wish it’d been done a long time ago.”
“Well, after this conversation, I’m so taking that guy off my Christmas card list,” Riley said. “I had no idea he was such a douche.”
“Oh, come on, Riley,” Leo said. “Don’t be that way. Curtis’s still a good guy; he’s still your friend. He’s just not good for me. And, clearly, I’m not good for him either, so it’s even this way. Don’t deny him the pleasure of your rambling Christmas letter! He won’t know if you and Ellen are ever gonna get married or not!”
“Hey, jerk!” Ellen said, and there was the sound of someone’s arm being swatted pretty hard. Grant assumed it was Ellen hitting Leo.
“You’ve got to admit, you’ve been dragging this dating thing out for a long time now,” Leo said, and his voice was so full of laughter that Grant felt it in his own throat.
“And if you keep that up, we won’t watch Lucky for you this Friday night,” Ellen said.
Grant frowned. A babysitter for Lucky? On Friday night? Had he forgotten some plans that they had together? He hoped he wasn’t scheduled for rounds. He needed to check. Just his luck to forget something important right when things were really taking off between them.
“Why do you need us to watch her?” Riley asked. “Not that I mind! I mean, my goddaughter can stay over any time. I like it when she lectures me about Shakespeare and Zeus, man. It’s bizarre. And she knows more than me!”
“Well, since you barely read anything in school that wasn’t required, you can’t be too surprised by that,” Leo said.
“But, dude, she’s five.”
“She’s precocious,” Leo said. “In most ways she’s like any other kid. She likes to play, get dirty, and laugh.”
“Yeah, that’s true! She totally beat me in that spitting contest last time, remember Ellen?”
“Don’t remind me.” Ellen said, dryly. “They didn’t even do it off the back porch like I told them to. There was spit all over the kitchen floor. I don’t even want to talk about it. No, Riley. Shut. Up.”
“Hey, I cleaned it up!”
“If that’s what you call cleaning it up—”
“Yeah, well, so, on Friday I have that test with the new nephrologist,” Leo said, getting the conversation back on track. “It could last a while. I might be in overnight. I just don’t want her to be worried, and Mom’s flying to New York for some job-related reason or another, and Dad’s going with her because it’s their anniversary soon. So, guys, thank you. So much. I really appreciate it. You can’t even begin to know.”
“Did they find a donor?” Ellen asked.
“Maybe. It looks possible.”
There was a lot of joy at the table then, slapping sounds and hugs. Leo put a stop to it, though, saying, “It’s not a sure thing. It all depends on if this woman’s kidneys are okay. She’s on life support, and they’re letting her go. The tests match up, but she’s done a lot of drugs, apparently, and her kidneys might be affected.”
Grant folded the newspaper carefully and turned to the table next to him, studying Leo’s pale skin, the coloring not as healthy as right after a dialysis treatment. Leo’s eyes looked tired, and his hands were a little shaky. Leo was very sick, and Grant couldn’t forget it, not when they were alone, not when Leo was naked, and not now when he was sitting with his friends oblivious to Grant taking inventory. A donor. Leo needed one. The sooner the better.
Grant asked, “And was there some point in the near future when I was going to be privy to this information?”
“Grant! How long have you been there?” Leo said.
“Long enough,” Grant said.
“Well, why didn’t you say something?” Leo asked. “You could have joined us!”
Ellen raised a brow. “And miss the opportunity to eavesdrop?”
“Well, it was a very lucrative session,” Grant admitted. “Especially hearing about Riley’s spitting contest with the carrot.”
“Carrot?” Ellen said.
“That’s Lucky,” Leo explained.
Grant focused on Leo. “How long have you known about this donor? What are the levels of the match?”
Leo didn’t have a lot of information, but he said he’d probably have more after his meeting with Dr. Muresan in the afternoon. “I have to meet him in, oh…about ten minutes.”
Riley and Ellen ended up leaving then. They both had to get back to work. Before they left, they re-established that they were taking care of Lucky on Friday night while Leo would be in the hospital, and Leo thanked them again.
After dumping their trays, Leo walked out of the cafeteria with Grant and took hold of his hand, saying, “I was going to tell you. Tonight, actually. When you came over to watch TV with me and Lucky. I was going to tell you when she went to bed.”
Grant blinked at him, and he had a strange flash of Leo from the night before. On his big bed at the farm, his legs spread, knees up, and his eyes wide as Grant had fucked him with three fingers. Grant flushed hot with the memory, and then suddenly cold at the thought of Leo under the knife, followed by a surge of hope that Leo might be getting the kidney that he needed.
