by Leta Blake
He watched Leo and Lucky settle into the visiting area seats. Lucky was obviously nervous, her small feet kicking back and forth, the fingers of her right hand knotted into the long sleeve of Leo’s shirt.
Leo cuddled her close and whispered something in her ear. She nodded and faked a smile. Grant’s stomach twisted up, and he licked his dry lips, thinking about how she’d looked the first few times he’d seen her—like she was inside of herself—and how she’d relaxed so much over the last few months. He hoped that Leo knew what he was doing and that this meeting with Hannah didn’t set Lucky back or make her act out in school again.
Grant had seen photos of Hannah, but he wasn’t prepared to see the woman the nurses escorted in. Though perhaps he should have been given what he knew of her recent life. She was so malnourished that the bones of her ankles and knees, visible beneath the short robe she wore over the hospital gown, stuck out with sharp edges. The smile on her face was tentative and faltering, and it fell off completely when she reached toward Lucky and the carrot pulled back under Leo’s arm.
“She’s feeling shy,” Leo said, holding Lucky against his side as he stood up to embrace his sister.
Hannah seemed to recover from the surprise that whatever she’d imagined would play out between her and her estranged daughter wasn’t, in fact, going to happen. It wasn’t the Lifetime Movie of the week.
She smiled again and let her eyes wander over Lucky like she couldn’t get enough of her. Then they all sat down without another word while Lucky hid against Leo and Hannah stared.
“She looks like you,” Hannah said, and her voice sounded fragile and a little brittle, like broken glass, but she didn’t look anything but contrite. “Like she’s really yours.”
“She is really mine,” Leo said softly, and Hannah nodded, wiping the tears that welled in her eyes.
“Yeah, she is,” Hannah said. “I know that. Of course I know that. I’m glad you adopted her. She’s so beautiful, Leo.”
“She’s smart and funny, and she’s the best thing that ever happened to me,” Leo said. “So thank you for that.”
Hannah sobbed a little and held the back of her hand to her mouth the way that Leo sometimes did when he cried. Grant clenched his jaw, holding back the urge to step into the midst of them and shake the girl.
“Ah, Hannah,” Leo said. “I’m so glad you came home.”
Leo rubbed Lucky’s arm as she turned her head into his stomach and refused to look at her mother.
“I’m sorry,” Hannah said through the tears. “For, you know, everything. For not being there for you, or for…Lucky. I like that name, you know. I was going to name her…well, something else. It doesn’t matter now. I like Lucky better, anyway.”
Leo said, “It’s okay, Hannah. We’re glad you’re here, and we just want you to get better. That’s all we want.”
“I know,” Hannah said. “And I want to get well, Leo. I really do. And I want to give you my kidney, because I want you to be around for a long time. She needs you. I need you, Leo.”
“Don’t, Hannah. Don’t even worry about that right now. It’s not important. All that matters is that you get healthy and well. Everything else can wait.”
Grant rolled his eyes. Actually, it couldn’t wait, he wanted to interject. Actually, it’s all that matters. But he kept his mouth shut, though it was hard.
“I want to be better,” Hannah said. “I don’t want to be this person anymore. I want to come home.”
“We want that, too,” Leo said, reaching out to take Hannah’s hand. “I’ve missed you so much, and Lucky—she should know her mom.”
Hannah bowed her head and her shoulders started shaking. Leo pulled her close and she wrapped her arms around his neck crying on his shoulder while Lucky still clung to Leo’s middle.
They were an anxious, emotional clump of humanity, and Grant wanted to grab Lucky out of the middle of it and take her with him somewhere more peaceful, like the gossip-hell of the nurses’ lounge. Because Lucky didn’t need all of this. She didn’t need these messy tears and declarations. She just needed Leo to be well, and if Hannah could give them that, then Grant didn’t give a damn what else Hannah had to say.
Lucky slipped out of Leo’s arms then, and Leo pulled away from Hannah to try to grab her. But she was fast, and she made a very obvious beeline toward the potted plant that Grant was not-so-well-hidden behind. Leo’s eyes met his, and Grant gave a close-lipped smile as he bent down to pick Lucky up. She clung to his neck, and Grant stepped out with her, lifting his chin toward Leo and Hannah, saying, “Well, then….”
“This is my…this is Grant,” Leo said, putting his hand on Hannah’s shoulder. “He and I…well, we’re…um, you’ve been gone a long time. Curtis and I….”
Grant shook Hannah’s hand. “Dr. Grant Anderson. Leo and I are together. As for this one,” he continued, patting Lucky’s back, “I’m taking her to the nurses’ lounge.” He raised a brow firmly at Leo.
Leo nodded and put his own hand on Lucky’s back, rubbing soothingly. “Lucky, I’ll talk more with Hannah, and you go with Grant, okay?”
Lucky nodded against Grant’s neck and refused to look at her father or mother. Grant nodded at Hannah and carried Lucky away toward the coffee and gossip of the nurses’ lounge.
Lucky snuffled tearily against his shoulder and Grant’s heart ached even as he made a mental note that he’d need to get a fresh lab coat and have this one laundered now that she’d snotted on it. The lounge was full of too many nurses talking about a lot of nonsense, but most of them scattered when Grant came in with Lucky, and then the rest left, too, making noise about heading back to work.
Finally alone, Lucky lifted her tearstained face and looked at him solemnly. “I don’t like her,” she said finally. “I don’t like Hannah.”
“Yeah, well…” He plopped her down in one of the cushioned chairs the nurses had lobbied successfully for a few years ago. He scratched his fingers over his scalp and sighed. “Want some coffee?”
Lucky smiled and wiped at her tears and snotty nose with the back of her hands.
Grant rolled his eyes and pumped a handful of the liquid antibacterial soap from the dispenser on the wall. He rubbed it over her hands and passed a box of Kleenex her way.
“So, coffee?” he asked again.
“I’m too little,” she said, giggling. “You know that.”
Grant shrugged. “Suit yourself.”
He poured himself a cup of coffee and grabbed someone’s unopened cola from the fridge and handed it to Lucky. “Here,” he said. “Wanna play chess?”
Lucky popped the cola and said, “I left my iPad in the car.”
Grant nodded. He pulled out a sheet of white paper, drew the squares on the page, and passed a pen to Lucky. “Color in the black squares.”
Lucky’s eyes lit up and together they made a chess board out of a sheet of paper, and then they tore up small pieces marked to indicate the pieces. They had just started their first game when Leo came in, his eyes red-rimmed and worried.
Lucky ignored him, and Grant smiled up at him before making his next move when it was his turn. Leo stood nervously behind Lucky’s chair and watched them until the game was over. Then Grant sipped his coffee and waited for Leo to make the right move for his daughter.
Leo knelt down next to Lucky and said, “Baby, I’m sorry. Come here.”
Lucky chewed on her lip, glanced at Grant, and then launched herself into Leo’s arms. “I don’t want her to be my mom,” she cried. “I just want you.”
“You’ve got me, baby. Shhh, you’ve got me,” Leo said rubbing her back and looking at Grant with sad, tired eyes.
Grant sighed, pinched his nose, and shook his head. Hannah better come through with that kidney if she was going to upset Lucky like this. The kid had already been through too much, and with Leo so sick, she might still have to go through more. Grant let out a short huff of fear and frustration thinking about it. The kidney—Grant had to focus o
n that. It was all that mattered.
Chapter Fifteen
Five Months Ago
“She’s doing so well,” Leo enthused, threading his fingers through Grant’s as they walked toward Meryl and Chuck’s front door. They had to stop in to leave a check for the housekeeper because Meryl had forgotten to put it on the counter before going into work. But then it was back to the farm for Leo to rest and get ready for his stay at the hospital. It could be up to two weeks or more.
“She’s really excited to help me, too. I can’t believe it. I really can’t believe that by this time tomorrow I’ll have a functioning kidney, and Hannah will be starting her long-term drug counseling so that she can stay clean. Maybe, in the end, Lucky will be willing to give her a chance, too. I just…I feel like this all worked out this way for a reason.”
Grant said nothing, preferring to let Leo ramble than to be the downer. The idea of Leo getting a new kidney made him so happy that he wanted to do something crazy like dance naked in the middle of the street. The idea of Leo going under the knife, though, made him sweat, toss around sleepless in the middle of the night, and generally feel like throwing up.
And any belief that Hannah would be able to complete her treatment was, essentially, nonexistent. He was just grateful that the girl was going to cough up a kidney for Leo, and he tried to keep the resentment that she was going to just turn around and break Leo’s heart to himself.
Leo desperately needed the kidney, though. In the last month, the dialysis hadn’t been working as well, and the AV fistula was becoming more and more unstable. There was some concern about the amount of fluid building up around Leo’s lungs and transplanted heart, and there’d been some bandying around of the terms “iron overload” and the terrifying “heart failure.” It’d become clear that whether or not Hannah was completely done with her rehab stint, time was of the essence. Leo was sick, and he needed help now.
“So, tomorrow, after the surgery, I know I’ll be too out of it to remember to ask, but will you take Lucky out for celebratory ice cream? Because I know she’s scared out of her mind right now, so—”
“Leo,” a voice called from the side of the house.
Leo stopped in his tracks and his hand clenched hard in Grant’s. Grant squinted into the afternoon sun, trying to make out the person by the house. Tall, dark hair, and he was walking their way.
“Of course,” Grant said, gritting his teeth together. “Why am I not surprised?”
Though he was. He was quite surprised. As far as he knew, Curtis Banks hadn’t even been in contact with Leo since things had gotten serious between the two of them, and now here he was, on the day before Leo’s surgery to, what? Complicate things, of course.
“Curtis,” Leo said, and his voice was tense, low. “What are you doing here? Is everything okay?”
Curtis smiled and scoffed. “Of course everything isn’t okay. You’re having surgery tomorrow. I couldn’t let you go through that—” Curtis took in Grant and then his eyes fell down to where Leo held Grant’s hand. “Alone.”
Leo’s fingers twitched, and Grant waited to see what he would do. Let go? Or hold on?
“I can’t believe you came all this way.” Leo held on tighter. “I thought you were in Tuscany doing a film.”
“I was,” Curtis said, his voice loaded with implication and not all of it good. “And it looks like you were busy, too.”
“How Alanis-ironic,” Grant said.
Curtis crossed his arms over his chest. “I wasn’t sure whether you were staying here at your folks’ place or out on the farm still. I thought I’d check here first.”
“If you ever called Lucky, you’d know,” Leo said, coldly.
“The time difference is a lot to work around!” Curtis exclaimed. “And I did talk to her. That’s how I even know about this surgery.”
Leo sighed and rubbed a hand over his face.
“I’ll wait inside your folks’ place,” Grant said to Leo. “If you need me, I’ll be in the living room.”
Leo attempted a reassuring smile. “It’ll be fine.”
Grant wasn’t so sure of that, but he figured the best thing to do for now was to give them some time to talk it out, and he knew that Leo needed to do that on his own. He just wished that Curtis Banks wasn’t so damn tall, dark, and handsome—because he looked like he might be gunning for a reunion, and Grant was cute enough, all right, but could he really compete with that?
“Where’s Lucky?” Curtis asked as Grant went into the house.
“With Memaw,” Leo replied, and Grant’s stomach clenched at how tired, how gutted Leo already sounded, when only moments ago he’d been bright with anticipation and joy.
Shutting the door of Meryl and Chuck’s house behind himself, Grant stuck his hands in his pockets, and rocked back on his heels. He stood in the middle of Meryl’s cozily decorated living room as he tried to figure out what to do with himself. There was no good way to pass the time. The magazines on the table were all knitting, hunting, or fishing related, like he gave a damn about any of that.
He fought the urge to stand by the window and spy. Instead, he sat down on the sofa and opened his phone, stared at his emails blindly, then stood up again, pacing to the bookcase and back. There was the kitchen. He could make something to eat. But he wasn’t hungry, not even close to hungry.
A few minutes into pacing, there was a crashing sound from the patio, and Grant raced to the door, jerking it open. His heart was in his throat and his hands in fists ready to attack. Rage and worry flooded him like a swollen river overflowing its banks.
Leo stood staring down at flowerpot shards next to his parents’ patio table, his mouth twisted in a mask of sadness. “It’s okay,” Leo said, looking Grant’s way. “I knocked it over.”
“It was an accident,” Curtis clarified, not taking his eyes from Leo. “Someone should fix that table. It shouldn’t tip like that.”
Leo sighed, stuffed his hands in his pockets, and swallowed hard. His skin was dull, and he was obviously having a hard time holding himself upright. That was happening more and more lately, but Grant blamed Curtis for Leo’s current weakness. He’d been fine before.
“So, what do you say?” Curtis said. “I could stay here. Just—let me be clear before you answer—I want to stay.”
“No, you should go,” Leo said, his voice quiet and tired.
“Seriously, Leo? Are you sure about that? Because I’ve already looked into selling—”
“No, really, Curtis.” Leo looked him in the eye and attempted a smile. “It’s all right. I’ve got my mom and my dad to help me out—” He glanced toward the door. “And Grant.”
Curtis crossed his arms over his chest again, glaring with startlingly handsome blue eyes. “So this is the famous Grant?” he gritted out.
“Yes,” Leo agreed softly.
“Look, I don’t know this guy from Adam. All I know is you were seeing him before, while we were broken up, and, well, I’m not sure I trust him around our kid.”
“Oh, come on, Curtis,” Leo said, his voice rising a little. “You’ve left Lucky with all kinds of paid strangers whenever you want. This is my boyfriend. And Grant loves Lucky.”
“What’s not to love?” Grant said, stepping out onto the porch before he realized that he was getting involved in something that he had no intention of being involved in. Leo did that to him. “Lucky is amazing.” He put on a softer smile, trying not to sound as close to anger as he was. “Mr. Banks, I assure you, I’d rather have my fingernails pulled off one by one with dirty tweezers than see anything bad happen to her.”
Leo sighed, his eyes cast down and his shoulders sagging. He was getting so tired. Grant could see that, why couldn’t Curtis? Leo should be resting. The surgery was the next day. He needed to be in good condition for it.
“Curtis, you left me. Over and over you left me, remember?” Leo said.
“I’m not the one who moved across the country!”
“To get help wit
h our daughter. Help that you weren’t able to give.”
“Would you just shut up and listen to me?” Curtis said to Leo, his face twisting with anger.
“I think you better go,” Grant said, stepping forward.
“Grant, you’re not helping,” Leo whispered.
“You know what? I can’t believe you,” Curtis bellowed. “You haven’t even been gone a year and you’ve already moved on. Did you plan this all along? Did you decide you’d made a mistake back then? Chose the wrong guy so you came back here to right your wrongs? Is that it, Leo?” His voice cracked, and he shook all over with rage or hurt, Grant wasn’t sure. Either way, it was a good show. “Because I don’t even know what to say about that!”
Curtis sounded so self-righteous, so accusatory that Grant had a hard time holding back from punching him in the mouth.
Leo’s face crumpled, and there were tears in his eyes, but Grant saw clearly that underlying rage kept him still standing.
Leo jabbed his finger at Curtis. “You don’t get to say that to me! You don’t get to show up here one day—one day, Curtis—before my surgery and pass judgment on my life.” Leo shook hard, and Grant reached out, putting a hand on his shoulder to steady him, to slow down the rage that could damage his already fragile body. But Leo jerked away, his focus still on Curtis.
“When we got Lucky, you promised you’d be there for her, for me, no matter what, but you never were. I don’t even know if you really meant it—”
“Of course, I did. I just didn’t know how hard it would be, Leo. You pushed her on me. I wasn’t ready yet. You—”
“No!” Leo shouted, his body shaking so hard that Grant stepped even closer, afraid that Leo would fall. “Don’t go there! Don’t even start with that again! I’ve heard that enough in my lifetime, and I won’t hear it again. You were there. You signed the papers. You walked away. None of it was my fault, Curtis. You did it all yourself. You’re the one who screwed it up. Not me. It was never me.”
