by Katie Ashley
When I came, it was harder and more intense than I had ever experienced with a guy. Cade followed close after me then his head collapsed forward against my back. “Oh Avery,” he grunted as he continued to pump into me.
Once he was finished, Cade began pressing kisses onto my sweat-slicked flesh. He kissed a trail from one shoulder blade to the other. After he slid out of me, he continued to kiss my skin as he turned me around. He then kissed his way up my neck and to my lips.
Cade’s eyes met mine and he smiled. My heart, which I tried to keep in check, instantly melted. In that moment, words seemed inadequate. Instead, Cade cupped my face in his hands before bringing his lips to mine. This kiss lacked the desperation of before. It was sweet and tender, the kind of kiss a lovesick girl would dream of.
When Cade pulled away, he stared intently into my eyes. “Will you stay the night with me?”
I didn’t even hesitate before replying, “Yes.”
While Cade went about disposing of the condom, I did a little cleaning up myself. Although it could have felt awkward being so intimate around him, it didn’t. The familiarity between us seemed to erase all of that.
Once we were finished cleaning up and redressing, Cade took my hand in his and led me out of the bathroom. When we got into the bedroom, he went over to the bed and pulled back the covers before motioning for me to climb inside. Where I had a double bed back at my apartment, Cade had a lush king. I practically melted into the mattress, not having realized how tired I was until I actually laid down.
Cade climbed in behind me and I scooted closer to him so our bodies were touching. He raised one of his arms so I could prop my head on his chest; listening to his heart beating beneath me made me felt safe and secure, and very alive.
“Darion’s mom probably doesn’t have any money for a funeral.”
His comment had taken me by surprise. “I’m sure she doesn’t.”
“What will happen to Darion?”
“From what I understand, people who die at the shelter are often buried in one of the indigent cemeteries outside the city.”
Cade’s body tensed. “You mean they’ll just throw him in a pine box with nothing but a number on his grave?”
The thought of that happening to Darion caused stinging tears to pool in my eyes. “I guess so.”
“Fuck that. It’s not going to go down like that.”
I rose up to look at him. “What do you mean?”
A determined expression had come over Darion’s face. “I’ll pay for his funeral.”
My mouth gaped open in surprise. “Seriously?”
“Hell yes. I’ll make sure he goes out with dignity.”
I swiped the tears from my eyes. “Oh, Cade. That’s so sweet of you.”
“I just wish I could have done more for him while he was alive, maybe get him and his mom out of that shelter. Maybe then he wouldn’t have been hanging around with some of the people he was.”
My hand rubbed over his heart. “You couldn’t save him from the world, no matter how hard you tried.”
“I know. It’s just wishful thinking.” A curious look came over Cade’s face. “Maybe I can’t save Darion, but what if I could save other kids like him?”
“What do you mean?”
“What if I started a foundation to help at-risk youth?”
“Something like The Ark?”
Cade nodded. “Maybe I could team up with Amad Carlson and make more Arks.”
“That would be amazing.” I smiled at him. “Anything you do will be amazing, I know it.”
He leaned up to kiss me. “Thank you for staying with me, Avery. I needed you now more than you’ll ever know.”
“You’re welcome.” I then motioned to the TV. “Think we could find a John Hughes classic on Netflix?”
“It wouldn’t hurt to try.”
CADE
When I woke up Tuesday morning, my stomach felt as though it was clenched into a barbwire ball of grief and anxiety. It was the day of Darion’s funeral. His mother, Denise, had been so overcome with grief that she had handed over all the arrangements to me. It was both an honor and a burden. His funeral was the last thing I could do for Darion, and I didn’t want to fail him.
With Avery’s help, I’d organized a wake at one of the downtown funeral homes close to the shelter where Darion had lived. We had held the visitation the night before, and my heart had overflowed at the number of people who came out. The line to see Darion went out the main room and overflowed into the hallway.
Not only did the support and love of Darion’s friends touch me, I was amazed at my own friends really stepped up to support me. Jonathan and Brandon stayed at the funeral home with me from the time the visitation started until it ended. I couldn’t fathom how Jonathan did that given it hadn’t even been two years since he’d buried his brother. Presley helped Avery with some of the more girly funeral details like making sure the room was filled with beautiful fresh flowers as well as catering in food. I couldn’t believe it when I walked into the funeral home’s kitchen to see a whole sit-down dinner for the mourners, most of whom hadn’t had a decent meal in a long time.
In the last three days, I’d come to realize I couldn’t have survived without Avery. She wasn’t just there to make phone calls or bounce ideas off of; she was there for me emotionally. After staying with me Friday night, she hadn’t been back to her apartment except to grab some clothes and toiletries. She was a truly calming presence, and she never left my side. I came to realize then why it was so important to have someone not just in the good times, but in the bad. I guessed that’s what real love really is.
Even though I had felt such love for her, I still hadn’t managed to say those three little words to her. I wanted to, and I didn’t know why they wouldn’t come out. I had no problem saying, “Man, I love this sandwich,” or “Damn, I love this song.” Why was it I couldn’t say the words to the girl who meant everything to me?
“Hey,” Avery whispered.
I glanced over at her. “Hey.”
She gave me a sad smile as she snuggled her body closer to mine and brought her hand to my chest. “How are you feeling?”
“Like hell,” I answered honestly.
“Are you nervous about the eulogy?”
I nodded. “I should’ve had someone like you write it—someone who knows how to express their emotions. You could make a hell of an argument for how amazing Darion was.”
“But then it wouldn’t mean as much because it wouldn’t be from here.” She rubbed the skin over my heart. “Whatever you say will be beautiful because it’ll be how you truly felt about Darion.”
Avery had more faith in me than I deserved; she always had and always would. “Thanks. I hope so.”
“I know so.” She placed both of her hands on my cheeks and gave me a long, lingering kiss. When she pulled away, she smiled. “Come on, we need to get ready.”
I reluctantly nodded. While we showered together, nothing X-rated happened. I hadn’t touched her sexually since Sunday morning. It wasn’t that I didn’t want her that way a million more times; it was more about the fact that we had both been so exhausted that we’d fallen into a deep sleep the moment our heads hit the pillow.
After we finished showering, we went our separate ways to get ready. Once I had shaved, I went to my closet. As I pulled out my tailored black suit, Avery came out of the bathroom in a short-sleeved black dress with a simple strand of pearls around her neck. “Can you zip me?” she asked as she held up her long dark hair.
“Sure.” I moved the zipper up from her waist to the top of her shoulders then turned her around to face me. As I stared into her questioning eyes, I placed a chaste but sweet kiss on her lips. “Thank you.”
She smiled at me. “It should be me doing the thanking since you just zipped me up.”
“But you’re the one who kept me going these last few days.”
“You don’t need to thank me for that. I wanted to be here for you.”
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“And for that, I’m eternally grateful.”
Avery’s soft hand cupped my cheek as she gave me a kiss. Her breath warmed against my lips as she said, “I’ll always be here for you, Cade. All you have to do is let me.”
“Why?”
Her brows furrowed. “Why what?”
“Why do you want to be here for me?”
She nibbled her lip as if she was unsure how to respond. “Because I care about you.”
“How much?”
“A lot?”
“Do you love me?”
“Of course I do.”
“I mean, do you love love me?”
“Cade, please.” She started to brush past me, but I pulled her against me.
“Why won’t you answer the question?”
“Because now is not the time.”
“Then let’s make it the time.” I wrapped my arms tighter around her. “Avery Prescott, I love you. I’ve loved you since I was eighteen years old. There has never been anyone else for me but you, and walking away from you was the worst mistake I ever made.”
Avery blinked at me in disbelief. Her mouth opened slightly as she made a little strangled noise. “Oh Cade,” she murmured as tears pooled in her eyes.
“Well, that wasn’t quite the reaction I was going for.”
“They’re happy tears, I promise.”
“They are?”
“Of course they are.” Her fingers came to tangle in the strands of my hair. “I’ve waited so long to hear you say those words.”
“I meant them, and I swear it’s not the grief talking. I mean them from the bottom of my heart. I love you.”
“I know you do, and I love you just as much. I have since I was a seventeen-year-old girl. No one has ever made me feel the way you do, physically or emotionally. You are everything to me.”
I bent my head to kiss her. There was no lust behind the kiss; it was only love. It was sweet, pure, and honest. I’d never kissed another girl like that in my life, and I never would again. Avery was the only girl for me. I knew that without a shadow of a doubt, and as long as I had a breath within me, I would never allow anyone or anything to ever come between us again. I would work my ass off so she would never have to doubt my love.
A knock at my bedroom door interrupted our moment. “Yeah?” I called.
“Hey man, we need to leave in five minutes,” Jonathan replied.
“Okay.” I reluctantly pulled away from Avery. “I guess I better finish getting dressed.”
“I’ll go put my hair up.” As she started to go to the bathroom, I took her hand in mine. “I love you.”
She smiled. “I love you, too.”
As I pulled on my suit jacket, I thought about the last time I’d worn it: the night I’d taken Avery to Jamal’s performance at Ebenezer. Never would I have imagined that the next time I would be wearing it would be to Darion’s funeral. It’s amazing how quickly life can change.
Of course, something good had also happened since the last time I’d worn it. I’d finally told Avery how I felt about her. I knew if Darion were there, he would be stoked. He’d always ragged me about Avery and I ending up together. Knowing him, he had been working on getting us together from above. Tilting my head, I looked up at the ceiling with a smile. “Nice job, man.”
Once I had my suit on, Avery and I went to the living room where Jonathan was waiting on us. “Presley just texted me that she’s running late because Evie had a bad night. She’s just going to meet us there.”
“Okay.” Although it was the last thing I wanted to do, I grabbed my keys and headed out the door. After we came down the stairs, I saw the long black limo waiting for us. Jonathan lowered his sunglasses. “Did you seriously rent a limo?”
“I did. The funeral home doesn’t provide one, and Denise and most of Darion’s friends don’t have cars.”
Jonathan clapped my back with his hand. “Good idea, man.”
Avery smiled. “Yes. It was very thoughtful of you.”
“Darion would have loved it,” I remarked as a familiar pang of grief washed over me.
Before I’d met Darion, my life was focused on one thing and one thing alone: me. It was amazing to think how much you can change in just two months, and I was definitely changed. My heart had moved past its selfish focus, and my life felt full because of it. Currently, it was overwhelmed with grief, but it still felt full. Avery thought my decision to hire a limo was thoughtful, but I never would have considered it had it not been for her. All because of Avery.
We then headed to The Ark. Although Darion had a church he attended, it seemed to make more sense to have the funeral in the gym at The Ark. It was a large enough to seat everyone as well as somewhere he had loved spending time. The kids who weren’t comfortable attending the funeral would just stay in the other parts of The Ark.
Once we arrived, members of Darion’s family met us. Some had driven over two hours to make it. After talking with them for a few minutes, I went inside. I needed to be with Darion.
An agonized grief entered my chest when I walked into the gym and saw his casket sitting in the center of the floor. On top was a blanket of flowers made to look like a football. Although Avery had initially tried talking me out of it, I wouldn’t give up on the idea. It might have been tacky to some, but it represented Darion. Football was his life, his ticket to a better future, his joy, and his dying wish.
I remained standing by his casket for the next hour until it was time to start the funeral. I then took a seat in one of the chairs behind the podium in front of Darion’s casket. Even though she wasn’t speaking, Avery sat beside me to lend me moral support. On the other side of me was Darion’s minister, Reverend Prentiss.
Jamal, along with the other members of the Innercity Boys Choir, stood on risers to the right of Darion’s casket. Their angelic voices filled the air with old hymns like Amazing Grace, Take My Hand, Precious Lord, and You’ll Never Walk Alone. After they finished, Reverend Prentiss walked over to the podium. He spoke about how Darion never missed a Sunday morning service. When he’d realized Darion was walking almost two miles to get to church, he had started sending the bus to get him. Although I appreciated everything he had to say, it just made feel even more gutted over Darion’s loss. It certainly reiterated the fact that the good died young, and in Darion’s case, it was way too young.
When Reverend Prentiss finished, Avery squeezed my hand in encouragement. I drew in a deep breath as I stood up from my chair and made my way over to the podium. After adjusting the microphone, I cleared my throat.
“I met Darion in May when I was mandated by Georgia Tech’s athletic board to volunteer at The Ark. Over the last three months there, I’ve gotten to know a lot of kids, but from the moment I met Darion, there was always something about him that stood out. He had a megawatt smile that could light up a room, and a laugh that warmed your heart. Even though life hadn’t dealt him a very fair hand, he was never bitter or discouraged. He never complained about the things he didn’t have, like a car, or even a home. He just seemed to live each day in the moment and with a focus not on material things.
“His teachers could stand here and tell you how hard Darion tried in school, that although the cards were stacked against him, he always managed to have his homework or prepare for a test. Coaches could stand here and talk about what a gifted athlete he was—how as a sophomore, he was already being scouted by colleges. I have no doubt that after playing college ball, Darion would have been drafted to the NFL. He was just that talented. He had a bright future ahead of him.”
Tears stung my eyes and blurred the lines on the paper. I glanced out at the mourners.
“I stand before you today not only sad, but mad, really really mad. I don’t understand why someone like Darion was taken, someone who had so much to give this world, but life isn’t fair and bad things happen to really good people. Although I know Darion is scoring touchdowns in heaven, I selfishly want him here. I want to be able to sit on
the sidelines and watch him play for an NFL team. I want to take him for his favorite chili dogs at The Varsity. Most of all, I want to watch him grow older with gray in his hair, but he will remain forever young.”
I swept the tears from my cheeks. “His loss is something I will feel for the rest of my life.” I glanced down at Darion’s casket and called upon a line from Shakespeare’s Hamlet, which I had read many years ago. “So goodnight, sweet prince. May hosts of angels sing you to sleep.”
As I stepped away from the podium, the choir once again rose to their feet to sing. When I went to sit down, Avery popped out of her chair to give me a hug. “That was so beautiful,” she murmured into my ear.
I was so overcome with emotions I couldn’t speak, could only nod my head in acknowledgement of her compliment. When Avery pulled away, she kissed my cheek before slipping her hand in mine. We then fell in line with the procession filing out of the gym.
Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw when I entered the rotunda.
“What are you doing here?”
Dad glanced from Avery back to me. “She called to tell me your friend had died.”
My head whirled to stare open-mouthed at Avery. “You did?”
She nodded. “I thought he needed to know what a hard time you were going through.”
Jesus, I couldn’t believe this amazing girl. She had a million reasons to tell my father to go fuck himself, but instead, she had called him. Almost as surprising was the fact that he had shown up.
My father fiddled with his cufflinks before clearing his throat. “She also told me about how you stepped up to pay for the young man’s funeral along with planning it.”
“Her name is Avery, Dad. Avery Prescott. And yeah, I did.”
Dad ignored my correction. “That was very mature of you, Cade.”
I shrugged. “I just did what needed to be done.”
“I’m very proud of you for stepping up and taking responsibility.”
As if my emotions weren’t already frayed, my father telling me he was proud of me sent me over the edge. “Thanks. It’s nice to hear you say that.”
