If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, then it’s a duck. Or something along those lines. I could never remember that one correctly. Granted, most of Momma’s sayings were common ones, but the sharing the pickle one always made me laugh.
I bit a huge hunk off my pickle and chewed slowly. It was a good thing I had a refrigerator in the garage. I was never going to have to go back in the house for as long as he decided to stay.
Though, I didn’t have a bathroom. “Dammit.” I could always drive to the gas station to take care of business if he stayed that long.
“I have never seen a bigger jar of pickles in my life.”
I jumped up, pickle juice sloshing over the top of the jar. “Jumping reindeer. Why the hell are you sneaking up on me like that, man?” I dropped my half-eaten pickle back in the jar and set it at my feet.
“Babe, I knocked on the door. I figured you were ignoring me.” He leaned against the doorframe and crossed his arms over his chest.
“Well, if I had known you were there, I would have been actively ignoring you.”
He shook his head. “You’re crazy amplifies when you drink.”
I grabbed the half-drank bottle off the floor. “Why don’t you join me, and we can be crazy together.” The booze was in full effect now. My brain was screaming for him to get away from me, but yet, my mouth was telling him to stay.
“I’m surprised you haven’t noticed.”
I took a swig straight from the bottle and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. “Noticed what?” I drawled.
“I don’t drink.”
I sat back and curled my lip. “Bullarky.”
“I’ll have a beer or a drink every now and then, but getting drunk hasn’t happened in a long damn time.”
I lifted up the bottle. “Don’t worry, I’ll make up for you the time.” I squinted one eye and tried to figure out if what I had just said made sense. “I’ve lost my making sense.”
He pushed off the door frame and moved over to the fridge. “I’ve never been in here before I showed the movers where to put the couch. I should start parking my bike in here.”
“You’ll have to go through the door. I can’t find the damn opener.” I held up my hand. “But wait, you can’t come in here. This is my garage, and you were supposed to be gone.” I slashed my hand through the air. “Way gone.”
He grabbed a can of soda and shut the door. “You and I both know that isn’t what you want.”
I nodded. “Uh, ‘tis to.”
“If you wanted me gone, you wouldn’t be talking to me right now.”
“That’s what it takes for you to leave?” I slurred. I drew a finger across my lips. “Zip, zip.” There. That would show him I didn’t want him here. “Silence.”
He sat down on the end of the couch and popped open this soda. “You know I’m only interested in one kind of silence from you.”
“Da nakey kind, and I can tell you right now, Cary…Cary whatever-your-last-name-is, you and I no longer have uglies to bump.”
“Babe,” he drawled.
He could give me that sexy smirk all day. It wasn’t going to get my vagina any closer to his mega wiener. Ha! Mega wiener. It sounded like he was a brand-new Transformer. A dirty Transformer, but a Transformer nonetheless.
“Now you gotta tell me what the loopy smile is for.”
I shook my head. “I’m not going to tell you I have now nicknamed you Mega Weiner.” I closed one eye and pursed my lips. “Shit, I think I just told you.” Gah, the booze was betraying me now.
“I’d love to spend one day inside that mind of yours.”
I wagged a finger at him. “It’s crowded up here, Beardilocks. It’s a no for me.”
He quietly looked at me. I hated when he looked at me. He could see things that I didn’t want anyone to see. “I’m sorry about your couch, babe. If I had known it meant so much to you, I wouldn’t have gotten you a new one.”
I shrugged. “It’s just a couch.”
“That why you’re sitting in your garage getting drunk while you sit on it because it’s just a couch.”
I took another swig from the bottle. I reached down and fished around for another pickle. “I was saying goodbye to it.”
“With a jar of pickles.”
“Momma wouldn’t have it any other way. She loved pickles almost as much as she loved me.” I found a big pickle and pulled it out. Juice ran down my arm, and I took a huge bite out of it. “She liked the spicy ones best.”
“I wish I could have met her.”
Gah, that went straight to my heart. She would have loved Wrecker. “She probably would have made some inappropriate comment about wanting to climb you like a tree.” I set the bottle of booze next to the jar of pickles. “If you ever wondered where I got my weirdness from, it is a straight derivative from her.”
“Derivative, babe?”
“I don’t even know what that means, but it came out of my mouth.” That about summed up me when I was drunk.
“Finish your pickle.”
I shoved it into my mouth and crossed my eyes. “So dem bessy.”
“Try saying that when your mouth isn’t full.”
I rolled my eyes and chewed. “You know, I hated this couch growing up. You think it’s bad now, but it’s been like that for a long damn time. She got it from the local thrift store so it was well worn by the time it graced our living room.”
“I’ll get it moved back into the living room tomorrow. I already texted Brinks and Freak to get their asses here right away in the morning.”
“Uh, really?” Dammit, he was fixing it again. Fixing it when I was getting used to the idea of having a new couch. I didn’t want to get rid of this one, but I wanted a new one in the living room. I picked at a loose string on the cushion. “I bet the new one doesn’t have rips in it and springs that poke ya in the hoo-ha all of the time.”
He sat back on the couch. “Gotta tell ya, babe. I took a nap on the new one before you got home. Felt like I was sleeping on a cloud.”
I flicked the leftover pickle juices on my hand at him. “No fair. You got to be the first one to take a nap on my couch.”
“It’s going back to the store, babe.”
“You know you’re making an awful lot of work for people. It’s not very nice.”
“Well, what do you suggest I do? I don’t want you mad at me for buying you that couch. I’ll easily return it, and then we can move this back in.”
Crap. How to tell him I wanted the couch even though I had thrown a major hissy fit. A hissy fit that I still felt was warranted, but a hissy fit nonetheless. “You’re gonna make me say it, aren’t you?”
“Seeing as you just ripped my head off for doing shit without talking to you, yeah, I’m going to make you say it.”
“I hate you.”
“Now who’s not being nice?”
I rolled my eyes. “I want the couch, Wrecker. It’s pretty, looks comfy, and I’m tired of my hoo-ha being poked all the time.”
He raised one eyebrow.
“By the springs, Beardilocks. Not you.”
“Good to know you haven’t gotten sick of that yet.”
That was something I was never going to get sick of. Even when the man had pissed me the hell off, I knew that wasn’t something I wanted to give up. When I had told him to leave, I had only meant for the moment. Though, as you could see from the fact that he was sitting on Momma’s couch, he didn’t give me much of a moment to myself. “I did just give you the nickname Mega Wiener.” Why did I keep telling him that? Damn you, whiskey.
“So, the couch stays, then?”
I nodded. “Both of them stay. I can always come in here if I wanna get my hoo-ha surprisingly poked and think of my momma.”
“I’m going to assume you meant those as two separate thoughts.”
I nodded. “You’re catching on, Beardilocks.”
“You wanna come over here now and tell me how your day was?”
He was spra
wled out on the couch, his legs spread out in front of him, and his lap looked rather inviting. “Only if I get to pet your beard.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever said no to you doing that before, babe.”
“You weren’t a fan of the brushing I gave it the other day.”
“Because you gave me a beard fro.”
I giggled and shook my head. “It wasn’t that bad.”
“Come over here and tell me how bad it wasn’t.” He grabbed my hand and hauled me across the couch.
“I’m still mad at you,” I complained as I straddled his waist and laid my hands on his shoulders.
“You can be mad at me while my dick is buried inside that sweet cunt of yours.”
A tremor rocked my body, and I moaned as I dropped my forehead to his shoulder. “You can’t say things like that,” I whined. I wasn’t going to have any control when he was around if he was so blunt and to the point.
“How about we do a different kind of talking.”
“Silence?” I chirped.
“Silence, babe.”
I pressed a kiss to his neck and sighed. He was going to piss me off. It was his nature to be bossy, and it was mine to fly off the handle and be absolutely ridiculous.
We seemed to work good together, though. He hadn’t gone running for the hills yet.
*
Chapter 16
Wrecker
“Roll off and go get cleaned up, babe.” I slapped her bare ass, and she didn’t even move.
“Ugh, no. I’m just staying here all night. Just think of me as your blanket.” She wrapped her arms around me and sighed. “We can’t have sex like that, and then you expect me to do things like roll off of you.”
“What if I order pizza?”
She slapped my arm. “Why do you toy with my emotions like this, Wrecker? You don’t even understand the deep, dark, things I would do for a pizza.”
“Pretty sure you just let me do two of those things to you.” After she had let me fuck her on the couch, we had made it to the bed where she had worked out her pissy mood on me. I had to say that angry sex with Alice was something even more out of this world than anything we had done before.
She pressed a finger to my lips. “Shh...Only speak if you have the phone in your hand and you’re ordering pizza.”
I knocked her hand away. “I can’t order pizza unless you slide your ass over.”
She tipped her head back and squinted at me. “My mind can’t decide if what you just said was hot or bossy as hell.”
“Go with hot and scoot over.”
She rolled over me like it was the hardest thing in the world to do. “Make sure you order extra pepperoni and banana peppers.”
I grabbed my pants off the floor and tugged them on. “On your half. I don’t want those damn yellow things all over my shit.”
She blinked slowly. “Are we disagreeing about what to put on our pizza? Here I thought we were like a match made in Heaven because we both liked the same things.”
I shook my head. “Banana peppers on pizza sucks, babe.”
She clutched a hand to her chest. “Our whole relationship has been a lie up until this point.”
“Fucking crazy,” I mumbled under my breath. “Next thing you know, you’ll be telling me to put pickles on the damn thing.”
Her jaw dropped, and she jack-knifed off the bed. “Oh. My. God. You are a damn genius. I had forgotten they had cheeseburger pizza. I’m going to need you to order a large and tell ‘em to put extra pickles on that sucker.”
Like that shit was going to happen. “Uh, fuck no.”
“It’s amazing, Wrecker. You have to order. I promise that you won’t regret it.”
I combed my fingers through my beard and grabbed my phone. “You don’t play fair, babe. You can’t beg for something when you got your tits just hanging out. It’s going to be a yes every time.”
She cupped her breast in her hands and lifted them up. “You mean these old things?”
Fucking Christ. “Yeah. Put ‘em away and go get cleaned up.” I strutted out of the room before my dick decided that we needed to fuck her again.
I ordered the pizza, grabbed a couple of sodas from the fridge, and headed back down the hallway to the bathroom. “Babe, pizza is gonna be here in half an hour. You wanna watch a movie?” I pushed open the door, and steam rolled out from over the shower curtain.
“What’s that?” she called.
“Movie and a pizza?”
She pulled back the curtain, and my dick stood at attention. Damn this woman for flashing her tits at me all the time. It had become a passing thing with her. “Yeah. I wanna test out the new couch even though you took a nap on it today.”
“That was your own fault for keeping me up last night. I’m old and can’t seem to keep up with you.”
“You’re full of shit. You were the one who woke me up in the middle of the night with your mouth.” Water coursed over her body, and she pulled the curtain back all the way. “You see this?” She pointed to a hickey above her nipple. “I sure as hell didn’t put this here. I’d say you’re keeping up with me just fine.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“Oh, hell no.” She threw closed the shower curtain. “You are not coming in here. There is no way in hell your dick can even get up right now. It isn’t scientifically possible.”
“You wanna bet?” My dick was rock hard, and my hands were on my zipper.
“No, I do not want to bet because I’m pretty sure that is one bet I am going to lose because you are some sex freak that just can’t seem to get enough of me. I really think we should consider getting you into some program to help curb your urges.” She was babbling, and I was dropping my pants to the floor after I set the sodas on the counter.
She let out a startled scream when I pulled back the curtain, and she splayed her hands over her pussy and tits as if that was going to stop me from taking her against the shower wall. “Wrecker, my vajayjay can’t handle much more.”
“I’ll take you from behind, babe.”
Her jaw dropped, and she tilted her head to the side. “I don’t think that’s how it works.”
I stepped into the tub and pulled her into my arms. “New angle.”
“That’s not how any of this works, Wrecker.”
I turned her around in my arms and slid my hand down her slick body. “Bend over and I’ll show you just how it works.”
*
Alice
He showed me just how it worked.
Lord. Have. Mercy.
*
Chapter 17
Wrecker
“What?”
“Wrecker, man. I need help.”
I sat up and clutched the phone in my hand. “What the fuck is wrong?”
Boink was on the other end of the phone breathing heavily. “She’s gone, man. They fucking took her.”
“Raven?”
“Yes, Raven. She ended up being called into work tonight. I just pulled up to her apartment, and her door was wide open, and it looked like a damn tornado went through the place.”
I threw back the covers and slipped out of bed without waking up Alice. After I had fucked her twice in the shower, we had eaten pizza, watched a couple of movies, and then passed out in bed. It had been a damn good night that was now being fucked up with the news Boink had just delivered to me. “Tell me everything you know.” I closed the bedroom door behind me and stalked down the hallway.
“I just did, man. She worked. I kept an eye on her all night. No one talked to her besides the customers and one other waitress. She walked to her car. I gave her a five-minute head start because that's what I normally do. I walked to her front door, and the damn thing was wide open for anyone to walk in.”
I laid my hand down on the counter and tried not to scream. “You didn’t see anything on the drive to her place?” I really wanted to ask why in the fuck he gave her a five-minute lead, but that wasn’t going to fix anything. Though yelling ‘til I went
hoarse was what I wanted, I kept a lid on it and tried to figure out what to do.
“Not anything out of the usual.”
“Fuck.”
“I’m sorry, brother. I was doing what you told me to do. I didn’t want to get to close in case someone was watching her. I told you shit felt weird around there.”
“Find the waitress she was talking to tonight.”
“Mayra?”
“If that’s her fucking name, then yeah. Find Mayra and see if she knows anything.” The last time I had talked to Raven, which was before I had hooked up with Alice, she had talked about a waitress she had made friends with. I had to assume the Mayra he was talking about was the one she had been talking about.
“How am I supposed to find Raven?”
I rolled my eyes. “Well, since you couldn’t seem to keep her safe, I’ll be there to fucking find her.” That was, if they hadn’t done anything to her. I had to assume it was The Ultra who had nabbed her. “I’ll be there by daylight.”
“You want me to call the police to report her missing?”
“You don’t even know her fucking last name, Boink. How the fuck are you going to report her missing? Tell them you had never talked to her, but you were watching her? They’d have you arrested within the hour. Find the other waitress. Talk to her. By the time you do that, I’ll be in town.” I jammed the end call button and tossed the phone on the counter.
Jesus Christ. I just couldn’t catch a fucking break when it came to The Ultra. I combed my fingers through my beard and sighed. I was going to have to leave now, and I didn’t know how long I was going to be gone. It was half-past three, and if I left now, I could be to Boink by six.
Unfortunately, The Ultra had tied my hands behind my back by grabbing Raven. I was going to have to show them all of my cards and pray they showed me some mercy. I just hoped Raven would be fine while I figured out how to get to Oakley.
Fifteen minutes later, I tossed Alice’s helmet on the porch, threw my leg over the bike, and revved the engine. I had pressed a kiss to the side of her head, whispering to her that I needed to head out, and she had rolled over with a muttered grunt. The note I left on the counter was going to clue her in on where I was in the morning.
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