by Amber Burns
“Just because you’re some long legged freak doesn’t mean you can make fun of me,” she gripped as she got in and started the engine.
“Whatever shortie.”
I leaned the seat back to relax a little as the day started to catch up with me. I didn’t even pay any mind to where she was taking us.
Before long, Tara pulled into a little craftsman style cottage about thirty minutes from my apartment. I calculated that her commute to the station was nearly an hour. I got out of the car and stretched.
“Does this mean I’m staying the night here?” I asked through the groan of my stretch.
She led the way to her door step and made a scoffing noise, “You wish.”
I decided to chance it, despite what Eddie said. I leaned in close, pressing along the length of her back as she unlocked the door. She halted and stiffened as I found her ear.
“I do,” I breathed into her ear. “I’m not the one that thought it was a mistake.”
Tara turned towards me a little, and I had hope shoot through me that she would respond, but she only opened the door. She didn’t even say a word as she went inside and led the way to a small kitchen. Captain was sitting at the table fidgeting with his phone.
“Do you usually get home at two am?” He asked, obviously perturbed I had kept him up.
“Sometimes it's later,” Tara said as if I were a perp she was bringing in. “It’s gotten better. Before he was patched in it was damn near dawn when he was rolling in.”
Captain looked at me and started right into the questioning: “You’re a member now? How long and what have you found out?”
“Three, maybe four weeks,” I intoned, making it a verbal report. I kept my voice even and respectful. “So far,” I struggled to think of all the things that I’d done over the last few days. There was nothing I could think of that was incriminating. All I had was suspicion and the rule Eddie mentioned about drugs and dealing. “I ain’t got shit. I haven’t seen anyone carrying a gun much less shooting up. There’s not even any under aged drinking I can think of.” I ran a hand through my hair. It had gotten so shaggy that my fingers started to get tangled. “Everyone there’s done time in the armed forces. Even if the guy only did four years that’d put him over twenty-one. Honestly, I ain’t got shit.”
“Ain’t got shit?” Captain echoed as he sized me up. He stood from the table and looked at me hard. His expression was guarded, a look I had only gotten when I first got the assignment to his precinct. “Is that how you end a report?”
“I didn’t realize this was it was an official report,” I tried to backtrack. I had slipped, I guess. Had I let go this easily in the middle of chatting with him. I was even fallen into a more relaxed stance, I hadn’t stood at attention for the Captain, but my stance wasn’t far off from it.
“Maybe not,” he nodded, and he pulled out a small note pad. “I want you to wear a wire full-time,” he turned his hard gaze to Tara. “Make sure he’s on par and sticking to what’s important.”
It clicked then I didn’t want to bring this group down. I nodded as if I was listening to him and then asked: “Are we done?”
While I knew there was something going on that I wasn’t privy to, I wasn’t ready to bring the group down. I’d have to figure out a way to keep things from getting hairy.
“That was my only concern,” he nodded and went to the door. “I’ll take you home.”
“He was going to stay the night,” Tara offered, giving me a curious look.
“I’ll take the ride home,” I quickly objected.
Whatever was between Tara and I didn’t matter now. I needed to take the time in the ride home to find a way to make this sting seem pointless. The Brotherhood seemed to be too important now to set it into a sinking ship.
9
I decided the way to handle the Captain’s insistence was distance. Anytime I went to work at the shop I’d have the wire on like I was ordered. I only worked my shift, and anything that was recorded was just the random bullshit you hear around a bunch of men or interaction I had with customers. Of course, there was nothing incriminating to present. But, I did as I was ordered.
After my shift, I went to the gym. I sweated out my frustrations. I found that hitting the bag, putting pressure on myself, helped to clear my mind. I built a routine that I had intended to start but never really found the time to. Now that I wasn’t working the hours of my shift, I found myself with more time. I dropped body fat and worked on building muscle, there was something satisfying about it.
I knew I had lost sight of the reason behind this sting. Motorcycle clubs that committed violence and other crimes were gangs, they needed to be stopped. But this group didn’t seem to be violent. These guys weren’t bad, they were a group of men that had sacrificed a lot. Looking at the way Sid got around, they were still hurting from all the shit they’d given. I wasn’t going to break their shit up because other groups made them look bad. So I spent as little time at the clubhouse as I could.
It didn’t go unnoticed either. Usually, we’d end the night with dinner and a few beers at the clubhouse. The best way I could find to get out of the dinner and beer was to leave early. Often we would linger and talk shit, but I didn’t. I cleaned up, took inventory of my tools, clocked out and left before anyone got the chance to approach me. It was cold, it left me feeling heavy, and the guilt gnawed at me.
When I would see Tara in the evenings, I found that I wanted to blame her. If I hadn’t wanted her, if my inhibitions hadn’t been deluded, it wouldn’t have gone that way. Not really her fault, I know. But having someone to blame helped me feel better. Made it so I didn’t feel like I was drowning. However, this was becoming something impossible. The longer I thought about it, the more I wished I had been given a choice. I wasn’t up for shit like this. I couldn’t do this shit without getting sucked in and involved.
After the first week, Tara took notice of what I was doing.
“You’ve been coming home early a lot,” she chided. She was in my living room as I walked in the door. It was a little after 10pm, and I didn’t even bother to acknowledge her presence. I was raw now that she considered everything we’d done to be a mistake. “You’re pretty obvious, too,” she continued as she followed me. I had gotten back to my bedroom, intending to take a shower before I lay down for the night. “If I’m noticing it I know Captain is, too. What do you think will happen? You think you’re going to keep them out of trouble by not collecting any evidence? How long before they pull you? What happens then?”
I shrugged, not really having thought that far ahead. I hadn’t considered the consequences. I just knew what I couldn’t let happen if I just stopped going to the clubhouse. I just figured I would rather this group stay safe than anything else. The rest I would figure out later.
“So you’re going to give up the career?” She sighed.
“I don’t have anything to add.” I tugged my shirt off and threw it into the large pile of dirty clothes just inside the door. I took the time to pry off the tape that held the microphone to my chest. I then carefully pulled off the tape that held the device to my stomach. I tossed both of them at her without a care. “If you want to let Captain know about it, go ahead.”
I didn’t wait for her reply. I went into the bathroom and shucked my jeans so I could into the shower. I didn’t wait to see if she left. I just went about getting ready for bed as if she weren’t there. At that moment I was so bitter with the entire situation that I was ready to give up everything. They forced me to do this, now I was just determined to ride it out .
10
I was in the club damn near a year before I got tapped for anything serious. The Brotherhood allowed me to be distant for the entirety of it, though I was assured at work that if I needed help, they were there for me.
“If you need to talk,” Coleman said one day as I was slipping out after my shift. The deep bass of his voice frightening me to the point I whirled around as if on the defensive, he merely
raised an eyebrow at me. “You know you’re not alone. You have people that can help and if we can’t help we can find you someone who can.”
I stood at my motorcycle considering his words. If I came clean what would they do? Would they still be my brothers?
“I’ll keep that in mind,” I sat down on it. “Thanks.”
I didn’t wait for any further prodding, but I found once I reached the gym that I wasn’t bogged down. Even with the attitude I had been presenting, they were still there for me. It was comforting compared to the bitter feeling I had been carrying with me. I had been wearing the distance broodiness for so long that it had become a second skin. The only visitors I had now was Tara, though she just came in to ask if things had changed or if I had come to my senses. I’d grunt a negative, and she’d leave.
It was a routine that left me hollow. I didn’t expect it to change. I figured I might just live the rest of my days brooding and waiting. I should have been tipped off that things were changing after the gossip of Eddie getting shot. The ‘how’ was a rumor, and I wasn’t sure if it were true or not.
“Ed gets around sometimes. I’m betting he probably knocked boots with the wrong woman,” Coleman said as if it wasn’t a big deal. “Would surprise me if he got shot because someone caught him in bed with their old lady.”
It wasn’t until I had my night interrupted that I realized that I had gotten someone’s attention with my lack of participation. There was a pounding at my door, like someone was trying to break in. I went for my pistol and crept out of bed. I peered out the peephole and should have been relieved when I saw Jose, Terrance, and Ricky. But, it only seemed to raise the hairs on my arms. I opened the door, and Jose held up a six pack like it was a peace offering.
“What’s up?” He asked while handing me the beer. Cole stepped into sight behind them, and his dark eyes narrowed.
I almost joked, “There trouble?”
“Nah,” Cole brushed me off. He was an intimidating broad wall of muscle, and he edged his way to the front of the little group. I knew right then that he was suspicious of me. “We’re planning a ride through and wanted you in on it. Can we come in?”
I wedged the pistol into the back of the shorts I wore and moved back to let them in. I watched as they made themselves at home, save for Cole that seemed to be scoping out my apartment. I was suddenly glad I had packed up everything police related and left it in my locker. I picked up a beer and settled down with Jose and Terrance as they pulled up the sports channel to catch the highlights.
We talked nonchalantly about the impending ride, and it became obvious that the ride we were going to go on would have something illegal involved. This was a test, I knew it. I could only hope that all the times that Tara had been in here, she hadn’t bugged it. I didn’t know what was going to happen, but I would prefer that they didn’t find out about this. The plan was for it to be a late night ride. I figured as long as I checked in with Tara at what had become our usual time, she wouldn’t have a clue as to what was going on.
By the time they left, I knew I hadn’t helped with the suspicion. I was a shit liar, though I figured as long as I wasn’t asked out right, I would be okay. I stayed up and tried to think of what I would do if this ride through the territory turned violent. I wouldn’t be able to stop it, short of reporting it to my superiors. Though they wouldn’t do anything until after it had been done.
Could I cover it up? I didn’t even know if anything was going to fucking happen and here I was trying to find a way to keep them out of trouble. I was willing to sacrifice to keep them out of trouble.
***
The night of the ride through had been something I found myself craving in the days leading up to it. The hollow feeling that the distance that I had created seemed to have filled itself with the roar of multiple motorcycles. The rumble of the engine between my thighs vibrated through me in a way that I didn’t get on the short rides to the shop.
The growls of the engines were enough to block out any thoughts that might have had me questioning the motives behind the ride. Riding in a group wasn’t against the law, even if I had my suspicions as to what we were doing. The night was dark, and the road was only lit by the stars and headlights of the bikes around me. It was a calming, and I found myself letting go of all the issues I had saddled myself with. I was so relaxed I didn’t know the danger we were in, even after they had passed out bullet proof vests and pistols.
They were expecting the worse out of this, from what I didn’t know. Eventually, we came to a halt and lined up in front of a run-down looking store. The windows were papered over with newspapers and posters. I saw a clear poster that said ‘Fuck the Police!’ I felt my hackles rise just by looking at the outside of it. This group appeared to be the exact opposite of the Boneyard. How had they crossed us?
The reality of the situation began as we lined up. Somehow I ended up beside Cole. I felt the unease in my shoulders, but I was determined to ride this out without exposing myself. Since Tara hadn’t been aware of it made it, I was able to leave the wire at home. As we stood outside this run down building, I didn’t feel the air of authority that came with being a cop. I was all in with the Brotherhood now, despite any suspicion I had kicked up. I didn’t have a clue just how dangerous this was until the guy stepped out and the pissing contest began.
After the guns had come out, at Ricky’s order, I began taking a mental count of all the crimes we were committing; starting from reckless endangerment to attempted manslaughter to the property damage. It didn’t keep me from following commands, it didn’t keep me from following the lead of the man in command. Not only was this an assignment, but as far as I was concerned, Cole might as well been my CO. When the guy from the building finally caved under the force of our intimidation, I was beginning to feel the rush. My heart was racing, and I was so hot that the entire ride back to the clubhouse was damn near painful.
As soon as we pulled in the clubhouse, I pulled out my phone and sent Tara a message without even a thought about the time. I didn’t think, all the blood was throbbing in my cock and thinking was asking too much. The message just said, ‘Need you to my house, first thing in the morning.’
The hours ensuing where Cole had us report our thoughts on the ride through was agony. When he called for my report, I kept it to the point without any consideration to what they thought of me. He watched me with a penetrating gaze, and it was an effort to not squirm. I saw Danny across the bar, rubbing his face and looking wore out like the majority that loitered about the room. As soon as I was dismissed, I found a clear piece of wall, and I tried to get comfortable. I spent the majority of the time watching Cole, Wilson, and Ted filtering through the group that had gone on the ride. I might have been in something of a daze when a clap cut through the chatter of the main room.
“First,” Wilson started, getting everyone’s attention. “You have earned your patches here tonight by going into a position that was dangerous. You’ve shown that you still maintain a quality of life that you were trained in, that you suffered through, and what you sacrificed for. I don’t intend for the Boneyard to be as rough as that of the government. I don’t intend to ask for you to put your lives on the line for the Boneyard. But the fact is everyday clubs form. They start whether with the intention of being a group of guys riding together or a group of guys giving a big fuck you to the police,” he paused to sip at a beer. “We are a group that stands on the fence. We took the mantle of protectors when we joined the service, no matter the branch. You’re here because you still have the drive to be honorable, even if it’s just to fuck off and ride a motorcycle for two hours. I hope,” he raised his bottle to us. “That a situation like this won’t come up again. I can’t claim that it won’t. From your words that I’ve heard, words that Cole heard, and words that Tillman heard, this shit ain’t over. Be vigilant. Keep your eyes open. We take no shit,” his voice turned into a growl with his growing conviction. “And if those fuckers think we believe the bul
lshit they tried to hand us they’ve got another thing coming.”
“It’s late,” Ted stood up next to Wilson. “Go home. Get rest. Tomorrow we’re going to relax to shake off the tension from tonight. After that, we’ll be getting ready to test this asshole’s word. We’ll save that plan for later,” I watched as he nodded to Cole. Apparently, everyone wasn’t dismissed. “You got anything to add to your report, any concerns we haven’t heard, yet. This is where we’ll be.”
I was the first out the door. The ride home was quick, not a lot of traffic at five in the morning. When I got home, I was still buzzing, but I felt the fatigue starting to catch up with me. Tara was waiting on the couch in sweats, and her expression was pensive.
“Why are you just now getting here?”
“I guess I’m lucky you got my message,” I said without bothering to look at my phone.
