by Amber Burns
“How long is he going to be out?” the curt question came from the Captain.
That was enough to tug me from my sleep. “The fuck are you doing here?”
I caught them both off guard.
“Mister Miller you need your rest,” the doctor came to me and put a stethoscope to my chest. “Your accident was serious, and you’re lucky you survived it. Motorcycle accidents take lives every day.”
“Yeah,” I grunted. “Because this was an everyday accident.”
“Doc, if he’s stable,” Captain interrupted any lecture that the other man had at the ready. “Let me have a moment with him. I have some questions for him, and I’d like the opportunity to speak with him alone.”
“If you’re going to be questioning him about his involvement with a crime--” there was procedure that the doctor was interested in.
“I’m a cop,” I had to set the record straight. “Fuck off so he can talk to me.”
I watched as the older man floundered for a minute before he nodded his acceptance and walked out of the hospital room I’d apparently been left in. I took a shallow breath because my chest hurt. Of course it would. I looked to the man that had put me in this position, that left me to face a danger I wasn’t prepared for.
“It wasn’t an accident,” he said after a beat, though that wasn’t what I was concerned about.
I knew it wasn’t an accident. I might not be a pro rider, but something would’ve had to set me off for me to lose control like that.
“Care to tell me why you were wearing Kevlar and just where you managed to get ahold of a bullet proof helmet?” He continued.
“Gifts,” I grunted. “You know, from people that gave a shit about me.” I shifted, trying to find a comfortable position and failed. Everything protested. My left leg was propped up on pillows, and from what I could tell looking at it, I probably shouldn’t move around too much. “I was wearing them because law enforcement is more concerned about a group of vets than they are about a group of violent meth heads.”
“I’m surprised you sound angry,” he folded his arms and looked at me curiously. “Was I wrong putting you in that group?”
“Did you have another alternative come up? You should’ve said something sooner, it would’ve been helpful,” I licked my lips, my mouth feeling like a desert. “I’ve been with them going on two years now. How’s the evidence you’re getting from me? Anything useful to shut them down?”
“From your tone and from the fact that this is not a secure area, I’m going to elect not to answer that,” he cleared his throat and went to the oval window that took up one wall. “Was this orchestrated?”
“I didn’t willingly volunteer to be shot at or to get into an accident on my bike,” I grimaced not from pain, but because I knew the answer to my next question. “My bike was trashed, wasn’t it?”
“That usually happens in accidents, vehicles get damaged beyond repair,” he said without looking at me. “This other group did this?”
“We made no attempt to provoke them,” I closed my eyes, feeling so tired now. “If you listen to the conversation we had you’ll know that. It was just riding around for the sake of riding around.” I brought my hand up and frowned with how heavy it felt. I rubbed my brow as I spoke again. “Talk to Ricky. He’ll corroborate it.”
“I’m pulling you,” it was said in an even tone, like he was talking about the weather. “Not that you can do much while you recover. But there’ll be a post at your door so that no one but family is allowed in.”
“What about the Brotherhood?”
“You’re disappearing as soon as you’re able,” he informed me. I opened my eyes to see him walking to the door. “I’ll have the paperwork ready for that. All you need to worry about is making a speedy recovery.”
This was it. I knew eventually the lie I had been living would come to an end, I just didn’t expect it to happen so quickly or bluntly. My stomach twisted up, and I found the nurse’s call button. I pressed it as my head started to pound and I could only hope that she’d bring me something good to take care of it.
21
I spent more time in the hospital that I would’ve liked to. I lived off of hospital food longer than I would’ve liked to. I spent far too much time alone. The only visitor I had, besides doctors and nurses, was Tara. She’d come to see me semi regularly, usually after her shift was over. The visits didn’t seem strained in the least, but I couldn’t face the pity on her expression. She knew the attachment I had gotten to the group of men I was supposed to be spying on.
“Did they arrest anyone?” I asked her since I knew nothing about what happened after I had gotten laid up. “Are they at least looking in the right fucking direction?”
“They didn’t arrest anyone,” she sat in the plastic recliner beside my bed.
It didn’t look comfortable, but I wasn’t going to deter her from visiting me. I missed seeing her, touching her and kissing her. Since I got put into the hospital, she had gotten into the frame of mind that I was her partner and less of a lover. I could feel the heaviness of it sitting on my gut.
“They aren’t looking at your group anymore. I hope that makes you feel better,” she gave me a look like she knew they weren’t what they appeared to be. “Right now, from what I hear, they’re mostly just investigating complaints made towards the Crazy Aces. After the drive by that happened, they’re looking to connect them to that. I get the feeling that the Aces aren’t that smart.”
“I don’t think they’re as concerned about the consequences as we are,” I said without thinking.
Tara frowned at me and stood. “You’re stuck in here because of them. They knew what you were and they put you into a position where you would be hurt. How can you still think like that?”
“It was the first place where I felt like I could be myself and no one would judge,” I drug my hands through my hair then brought them down around to tug on my beard. “I never would’ve come on to you without the confidence I got from these guys.”
“But where does this leave us, Chase? Where do you think this can go? Are you ready to have a relationship that we can’t really be open about?” She stepped closer to the bed and took hold of my free hand. “I care about you, I really do. But how far can this go?”
I pulled her hand to my lips and I kissed it. I didn’t like the questions, and it was something that had me very afraid. I needed her now. If she was going to run away from me, I didn’t know if I was going to be able to handle it.
“As far as you’re willing to let it go,” I held her hand tightly. “Don’t walk away just because shit started to get rough.” I watched her look away from me, and my chest started to feel tight.
”I’m not walking away from you,” her eyes found mine, and there was something nervous in her gaze. “Just think about how much you’re willing to sacrifice for me.”
“More than you realize,” I told her.
She looked surprised, and instead of pulling away, she leaned down and gave me a sweet kiss.
“The next time I’m in here,” she started, “I’m going to break you a razor so you can shave.”
“That sounds like a horrible idea.”
“I know you’ll be out for a while, but you’re going to have to get a shave and a haircut to get back to the grind. You can’t be looking like a dirty biker in a squad car,” she chided as she walked out. “Don’t worry. I’ll miss it, too.”
That was a relief. “I’ll keep that in mind,” I sighed as I relaxed back into the hospital bed.
We would figure something out, I knew it. I just had to figure out the how. The realization came to me that I’d have to return to my ordinary life, my empty apartment with no mode of transportation. While I did have a job, I wasn’t exactly excited about leaving the shop and getting back into a patrol car. It would strain the already shaky relationship I had with Tara, that much was obvious. I could understand why. Women had to work hard in fields dominated by men.
Then there was the bureaucracy, the paperwork, the uniform and the code of conduct that I would be expected to slip right back into. Could I do that after being let loose? Did I even want to? Here I was thinking that working in a garage for less money was more appealing than my real job. Did I lose my damn mind?
I had time to think about it. I had time to go over what I wanted and what was important. I looked down at my left leg, now in a cast. I would be down and out for a while, and then there’d be the physical therapy after that. I probably was looking at a psyche evaluation, too. Another opportunity for a doctor to poke around my head and report their findings to someone else. I felt fine. Well, bored and a little lonely, but otherwise okay. I wasn’t looking forward to the inevitable meeting that would occur.
“All I need,” I said to my empty room, “is the roar of my bike and the wind in my face.”
I wasn’t cut out to be in law enforcement anymore.
22
I had learned, after leaving the hospital and getting back to my apartment, that the Brotherhood had tried to seek me out. Ricky was especially persistent about finding out that I was okay. The only officers that had checked on me were Tara and Captain, the latter wanting to make sure that I didn’t have any viable information on what happened.
I didn’t realize how little friends I had outside of the force and the Brotherhood. My family, my parents, were on the other side of the country. Any contact I had with them was just a beckon to come home. Not something I wanted to do. I just entertained my mother and reassured her I was fine; I left out the details of what happened.
Physical therapy started while I was still in the cast. I didn’t like the idea of scooting around in a wheelchair, and I demanded a better way to get around. I was taught how to get around on crutches and still manage a light workout routine with a cast. The girl working with me put a lot of emphasis on what she meant by light.
“You’re not just getting your leg to heal. Your ribs also need time to heal. They’re around vital organs, not really something you want to splinter and break into a lung or worse.”
“I was in bed for too long,” I grumbled. “I’ll take it easy, but I still need to be active when I can.”
“I can only tell you what to do,” she frowned at me. “You either listen and do it or you end up worse off. The choice is up to you.”
After hearing that I opted for lighter workouts that I could manage with my leg in a cast.
I didn’t think there would be an opportunity to see anyone from the Brotherhood again. That was, until I was making my way out to wait for Tara to pick me up that I finally saw one of my brothers. Sid was limping into the gym, and he spotted me immediately.
“Chase!” He intercepted me before I could get to the bench. “Where the fuck have you been?”
I floundered since I didn’t have a good answer. I just stood there staring at him dumbly. Out of all the guys in the Brotherhood Sid was one that had been easy to get along with and seemed to be taken care of by everyone. Something about being confronted by him left me disarmed.
“Shit happened,” was all I could come up with.
He stood there just looking at me; I knew I looked rough. I hadn’t bothered with a haircut, not yet when it wasn’t a complete requirement. I still had two weeks in this cast so I figured until I could let the hair go wild. I saw him take in my leg and he immediately gestured to the bench just outside the door.
“There was a rumor going around about an accident, but why disappear after it? You know we’d take care of ya, right?” He sat down heavily first. “I know you’re not blind to what the guys do for me. What makes you think you have to suffer this alone?”
He didn’t know. After me being gone for weeks no one outed me.
“I’m a cop,” I said without thought or care.
Sid just stared at me, there wasn’t anger in his expression. There was no look of betrayal, just a little raise of his eyebrows.
“That explains a little bit,” he said after a beat. “I assume Wilson and Teddy know?” I nodded. “Cole, too?”
“He put a gun to my head,” I rubbed the back of my head like I could still feel the barrel of a gun at it. “I think the only thing that kept him from pulling the trigger was Wilson.”
“Sounds about right,” Sid shifted over and motioned for me to sit. “I’m guessing since no one was arrested that you didn’t find anything incriminating?”
I shook my head, “I didn’t make a real effort to.”
“Can’t say that I’m sad to hear that,” Sid laughed a little. “I guess that means you joined the Brotherhood then you got won over by who we are and what we do for one another.” I shrugged a little because he wasn’t wrong. “It’s what happens,” he released a breath. “What happens from here? Are you still in the Boneyard?”
“Would they let a cop stay in their club?”
“Honestly, I don’t know,” he didn’t look like he thought they would. “I think after all of this, probably, you would be the exception.” He drug his hand through his beard as he considered it, “We both know appearances are deceiving. They’re not exactly innocent men.”
“Do you know what kind of shit they are into?”
He shrugged a little, “I don’t get to know that shit. I know I got arrested. I know I was probably the reason why they put you in our group. But I don’t get to know what it is they do outside of the support group front.” He gave me a hard look, “They don’t hurt people though. We are protection for the community we’re in. We keep gangs out of the area, we keep violence down.”
“If you ignore the drive by,” I pointed out.
“That,” he paused for a beat. “That has something to do with the illegal shit they’re into. Plus, when you get assholes moving into your territory you gotta show them who’s boss. They just didn’t get the hint.” He looked away, his expression sober. “Where do you go from here?”
Tara’s car pulled up in front of us, and I looked away from him. I saw the concern on her face through the window. The car remained running, but she opened the door and got out.
“Everything okay, Chase?” she rested on the roof of her little car.
Seeing her concern, I knew what I wanted. But I didn’t know how to get there. I hadn’t figured it out yet.
“I don’t know,” I answered Sid’s question as I looked back at him and offered him my hand. “I hope it leads me back to the Boneyard.”
He smiled in response and took my hand, giving it a squeeze. “Once a brother always a brother.”
I let him go, and I maneuvered myself to my good foot with the help of my crutches. I hobbled to Tara’s car and opened the door.
“Everything’s okay,” I told her as I turned and sat down, shifting my crutches so that I could close the door and buckle up and they would still be within reach when I got home. “Take me home, I’d love to finally give you a chance at that rain check I owe you, but,” I gestured to the cast. “My throwing game is gonna be off.”
“You don’t always have to be on top,” she sat back down and put the car in gear. “But I’m okay to wait. I wouldn’t want you to feel obligated to sex me up.”
“I’m tempted, but I’m just going to have owe you one with interest,” I said as I relax back into the seat. “I got too much shit to figure out before I try to do any impressive feats in the bedroom.”
We drove the rest of the way to my apartment in silence. Once we arrived, Tara helped me out. I gritted through it because I hadn't gotten used to the stairs, yet.
“Two weeks,” I huffed. “Just two more weeks of this cast.”
“I don’t mind waiting,” she unlocked my door for me. “It doesn’t matter if you’re one hundred percent or not, I’ll want you either way. But, I’m waiting for you to get your head straight.”
I looked at her, carefully standing in my doorway watching me with affection.
“Remember when I told you I loved you?” I asked.
Her face went pink, but she didn’
t look away from me. “I do.”
“Kind of making it hard to feel anything but that right now,” I told her and shifted around her carefully into my living room. “You’ve done nothing but help me, and I can’t help but love you more.” I paused, so there was only a little bit of space between us. “We’re not going to have to hide this. As long as you want me, you can have me, and it can be as real as you want it.”
“I can’t give up what I worked for,” she whispered, but she closed the space between us and wrapped an arm around my middle. “I think I’ll just take what I can get from you until you decide it's not enough.”
