by Katie Knight
When he realized a small part of him hoped she was carrying his child, he was overcome with guilt. She deserved a lot more than he was ready to give.
“What makes you think you’re pregnant?” he finally asked.
“Well, either I missed my period or it’s running very late—which never happens to me,” Hanna said. “And then I took a test before leaving Tokyo, and I’m pretty sure it was positive.”
“Pretty sure?”
Hanna nodded. “I mean, I don’t speak Japanese, but I Googled the results, and they seemed to indicate that I am indeed pregnant.”
“But you’ve only taken one test?”
“Yeah.” She held up the package. “I bought this at the airport to confirm the results.”
Jake swallowed hard. He almost didn’t want her to take the second test. Because if she really was pregnant—and they knew for sure—that was going to change everything. This was one of those situations where it was better not knowing. As long as they didn’t know, nothing had to change. If she were to take the test, on the other hand, and the results were positive… well, Jake didn’t want to think what that might mean for him. Or for her.
Or for them.
“I was planning on taking the test as soon as I got home,” Hanna said. “Seeing as that won’t be happening anytime soon, though, I’m going to take it here.”
She turned and headed back toward the bedroom. Jake followed her. She went into the master bathroom, and he sat on the bed.
“Are you sure the other test was positive?” he called through the door. “I mean, do you feel any different? Do you honestly think you could be pregnant?”
“I threw up a few times on the flight,” Hanna called back. “And I have been pretty tired lately.”
“Well that could just be motion sickness and jet lag,” Jake pointed out.
She didn’t respond, so he just looked at his watch. Two minutes passed. Then three.
When five minutes had passed, Jake couldn’t contain himself any longer.
“Well?” he asked. “What does it say?”
Hanna stepped out of the bathroom and handed him the test. He looked down at it and saw two bright pink lines in the little window. Next to the window was the key: one line equaled not pregnant, two lines equaled pregnant.
There were definitely two lines on the test.
Which meant Hanna was definitely pregnant.
“Wh-what does this mean?” Jake asked. He was dumbfounded. She sat down on the bed next to him.
“It means we’re going to have a baby.”
“This is going to take me some time to process,” he said. “I’m honestly not sure what to think.”
“I understand.”
“You’ve had time to process the news, though, yeah? I mean you’ve suspected you were pregnant for at least a few days?”
Hanna nodded.
“So have you decided what you’re going to do?” Jake asked. “Or what this means for you? Have you devised a plan?”
“I had a plan before getting pregnant,” Hanna said. “I was going to find a man who checked all the boxes, marry him, and then have a baby.” Sighing, she shook her head. “This was never part of the plan.”
“So you don’t know what you’re going to do?”
“I told myself we’d figure it out together. You are the baby’s father, after all. I think you deserve to have a say. And I know this wasn’t part of your plan, either.”
That was the understatement of the year. Jake wasn’t planning on having a serious relationship until he retired from the military. And by that point, starting a family would be silly considering his age. So he’d always assumed children just weren’t in the cards for him.
He realized none of that mattered now. His plans were out the window. And as far as them devising a plan together… What did that mean? Was she still committed to finding a husband who checked all the boxes? Or would he be enough for her? Could he be enough for her? Did he have it in him to be the fearless SEAL he always strived to be, the devoted partner he’d always planned on being, and the proud father he’d always imagined having?
Jake was starting to realize—albeit reluctantly—that if he gave it his all, he might be able to handle the first two. As long as he and Hanna weren’t running for their lives, he could see them actually building a relationship. Something lasting. As for the third, though… Jake didn’t have a very good role model in that department. His father had certainly never been proud of him growing up.
Jake knew that was a big part of why he was hesitant to take on the parent role that was being thrust upon him. And since his dad had died from heart disease about a year ago—he had been an alcoholic for as long as Jake could remember—Jake would never get the chance to address their issues.
As he thought about being a SEAL, a husband, and a father simultaneously, he realized the bitter irony of the situation they were currently in. It was undoubtedly the perfect opportunity to see what he was made of. To see if he could be an operator, a partner, and a protector all at the same time.
Despite having just heard the news, Jake already felt an overwhelming sense of protectiveness over both Hanna and the baby. Now it wasn’t just about keeping Hanna safe, but her baby, too. Their baby.
He wanted her to know he would stop at nothing to ensure their safety, and he needed her to believe he was fully capable of doing so. Now that there was a baby in the picture—another life—he found himself craving her approval. She may not have chosen to have a baby with him, but he wanted her to know she couldn’t have found anyone better as a provider.
“What’s on your checklist anyway?” he asked. “Who were you hoping to start a family with someday?”
“Someone who would never let me down,” she said. “A real man who’s strong and loyal. Who’s committed to providing for his family no matter what it takes. And maybe someone who’s handy around the house.”
“I’m strong and loyal,” Jake said. “I would never let my family go without.” He pointed to the dresser across from them. “And I built that with my own two hands.”
Hanna laughed. “I have no doubt you’re all of those things,” she said. “But that’s only half the list.”
“What else is on it?”
“Well… I always envisioned myself with a family man, you know? Someone with a stable job and predictable hours. Someone who would be around to help the kids with their homework after school and have the flexibility to go on weekend trips with the whole family.”
“In other words, someone who is always there when you need him.”
When Hanna nodded, a coldness settled over the whole room. Jake definitely didn’t meet that criteria. And he never would. Not as long as he was a SEAL.
He shouldn’t have been disappointed, but he couldn’t help it. What if she had their baby and then found someone who did meet all the boxes? Hanna and this other guy would get married and Jake would be left watching some other man raise his child.
It didn’t matter that Jake could jump out of a plane in the middle of the night or escape from kidnappers using just a shoelace or kill someone with his bare hands. If he couldn’t be a good father, he was not a real man.
Jake needed time to process everything without Hanna’s checklist getting in the way.
“You should get some sleep,” he finally said, standing up. “You’ve had a long day.” He handed her the pregnancy test. “I’ll be in the gym down the hall if you need anything. The washing machine and dryer are in the closet off the kitchen.” He turned to leave but then turned back around. “Oh, and there’s a gun in the safe under the nightstand. The passcode is 2727. If anyone should come tonight, I’ll get to you before they do, but the gun is there in case you need it.”
Hanna stared at him, eyes wide. “How many guns do you have?” she asked, no doubt remembering the one he’d pulled out of his waistband back at her office.
Despite the seriousness of the situation, Jake couldn’t help but chuckle. “If I told
you that, I’d have to kill you.”
Hanna rolled her eyes.
Jake shut the door softly behind him and headed to the makeshift gym he’d set up in the second bedroom. He needed to work off some serious pent-up energy. The conversation with Hanna had rocked him to his very core. He knew it was silly—he would never meet all the boxes on her checklist—but he still wanted to be enough for her. Maybe it was because he’d never been enough for his own father growing up.
When he was eleven and his sister was seven, he’d been tasked with keeping an eye on her at a neighbor’s pool party. The girl he’d had a crush on had been there, and when she’d asked if he wanted to go inside and play foosball in the game room, he’d jumped at the chance. In the time that he was gone, his sister had nearly drowned. When he heard kids screaming, he ran back outside and saw one of the kids’ parents doing CPR on her. It was the most traumatic day of his life, and the guilt had been following him around like a shadow ever since.
Even though he was just a kid, his father never forgave him for that lapse in judgment. From then on, Jake had vowed never to let anything—or anyone—distract him from doing his duty.
Chapter Eleven
When Hanna woke up, it took her a moment to remember where she was. As she rubbed her eyes and sat up in bed, the events of the prior evening all came flooding back. The gunmen, the chase, the ransacked office. The fact that she was in Jake’s bedroom meant it hadn’t just been a horrible dream.
Nausea suddenly overcame her and she darted to the bathroom. She made it to the toilet just in time. Was this the start of her morning sickness? If so, she was not looking forward to the next eight months.
After brushing her teeth and combing her hair, Hanna opened the bedroom door. Thumping music was coming from down the hall. Jake must have been working out. She didn’t want to bother him—considering how regimented his life was, she doubted he would welcome interruptions in the middle of counting reps—so she headed to the kitchen instead to see if she could round up some coffee.
Thankfully, he had left a French press and a container of grounds on the counter so she didn’t have to go scrounging through his cabinets. Wait a minute. How much caffeine was safe during pregnancy? Hanna realized she probably shouldn’t drink any coffee until she spoke to an OB-GYN. Great. Suddenly, the next eight months seemed even longer. Nausea she could handle. But no morning coffee?
Hanna sighed before heading to the bedroom so she could get dressed. Then she remembered she had left her clothes in the washing machine the night before. She walked back to the kitchen so she could transfer them to the dryer. There was a box of Snuggle dryer sheets on the shelf in the little closet. Grabbing one, she smiled at the thought of Jake opting for snuggly soft laundry products. Maybe he had a few “dad” qualities in him already. After turning the dryer on, she grabbed the burner phone Jake had left on the counter and strode to the living room, where she sat on the couch.
Since she had no idea how long they were going to be on the run for, she thought it wise to email her colleague Mark and ask him to take over her appointments in the meantime. He had been meeting with her clients while she was in Tokyo, so many of them were already familiar with him. Fortunately, she hadn’t missed any sessions yet—her first appointment after Tokyo was scheduled for the following day—so none of her clients had been left hanging.
It took several attempts to get her email password correct—had she been using her own phone, she would have been logged in automatically—but once she got it, she typed up a brief message letting Mark know that she would be unavailable in the coming days due to unanticipated travel delays. Then she pulled up her schedule for the week and took a screenshot, so he could contact those clients who had appointments with her. Although Mark would be getting paid for these sessions, he was still helping her out immensely, and she finished the message with a promise to repay the favor as soon as she could.
Hanna wanted her clients to know they could rely on her, but given the circumstances, this was the most she could do. She was incredibly frustrated and would have preferred to contact each one herself to reschedule, but she figured the less she used the phone—even though it was a burner—the better. At least until she and Jake knew what they were dealing with.
After sending the email, she decided to try Gordon again. Maybe a simple phone call was all it would take to get to the bottom of this. She pulled up the phone’s call log and recognized his number from the area code. A woman picked up after three rings.
“Hello?”
“Um hi.” Hanna was surprised to hear a woman on the other line. Gordon had gotten a divorce four years ago, and he never spoke about a girlfriend during their sessions. “Is Gordon there?”
“Who’s speaking?”
“This is Hanna Masterson.”
“Hanna?”
“Yes.”
“His therapist?”
“Yes.”
“I’m sorry but Gordon has died.”
Hanna gasped. “What?”
“There was an accident a few days ago.”
Hanna started to reply—not sure what to say but wanting to give condolences, maybe ask for more information—but the woman cut her off. “I’m afraid now is not a good time for me to talk. I apologize for being abrupt but as the executor of his estate, I have a lot to do.”
“Oh. Um. Okay. Thank you.”
“Goodbye.”
Hanna was shocked. An accident? What did that mean? And why hadn’t she seen anything in the news? Sure, she had been in Japan, but she still received notifications on her phone from all the local and national papers.
With shaking hands, she pulled up his voicemail and listened to it again.
“Hi, this is Gordon. I just wanted to let you know I wasn’t totally honest during our last session. Everything wasn’t resolved yet, but I’m finally doing what you encouraged me to do. There shouldn’t be any cause for concern. If anything happens to me, though, I left something for you at the place where I had my first date with my ex-wife. I mentioned it during one of our sessions. I hope you remember. Thanks.”
Hanna decided his message was confirmation that he had, in fact, gone to the police. And whoever was after him—whoever was now after them—hadn’t liked it.
What did Gordon mean about his first date, though? She thought back to their sessions, trying to remember what he might be referencing. Nothing came to mind, so she used the burner phone to log in to her Google Drive account.
When meeting with a client, Hanna took handwritten notes, but she typed them out at the end of the week so her paperwork wouldn’t get out of control. It also allowed her to review everything before her appointments for the following week. Thankfully, she had started this system more than a year ago. Otherwise, there would undoubtedly be several more overturned filing cabinets in her office right about now.
She opened the notes from Gordon’s sessions and used the search function to find references to “wife.” He had talked about his first date with his ex-wife several months prior. As soon as Hanna found what she needed, she got up and headed down the hallway to the gym. Music was still thumping from the other side. In other words, knocking would be futile.
She opened the door to find a shirtless Jake doing bicep curls. His back was to her, and she got a clear view of the tattoo on his shoulder. It was a silhouette of a bird in flight, glistening with sweat and pumping with every curl.
As she entered the room, her reflection crossed the mirror in front of Jake. He smiled and did four more reps before putting the weights down. Then he strode over to the speaker and turned off the music.
“I hope I didn’t wake you,” he said.
“You didn’t. These doors are surprisingly efficient at blocking most of the sound.”
“Good.” He grabbed a towel and dabbed at his face. “What’s up?”
“Gordon is dead.”
“What?” He froze, mid-dab, and stared at her.
“My client? The art dealer? I
just tried calling him and a woman answered and said he was in some kind of accident a few days ago.”
“Fuck.”
Hanna nodded. That about summed it up perfectly.
“When you talked to that cop yesterday after we left your office, he didn’t mention Gordon’s death?” Jake asked. “If there was a fatal accident, the police should be well aware of it.”
“I didn’t tell him about the missing file,” Hanna explained. “I just said someone had broken into my office, and we suspected it was the same men who had been chasing us. They were going to send a detective to my office today to look for any leads. I don’t think we should stick around and wait for him, though.”
“Why not? They cops have been a lot more helpful than I thought they’d be. And once they realize the gunmen who are after us had something to do with Gordon’s death, they’ll definitely prioritize the case.”
Hanna shook her head. “We can’t go back to my office. You know how in the voicemail, Gordon said he finally did what I encouraged him to do? I think he meant that he went to the police. And I think that may be why he’s dead.”
“You told him to go to the police?”
Hanna nodded. Considering the fact that Gordon was now dead—and her and Jake’s lives might very well be at stake, too—all therapist/client confidentiality was out the window. “He wouldn’t delve into the specifics, but he let on that he was in some kind of danger. So I told him to go to the authorities. And I’m guessing as soon as it becomes clear we went to the police, too… well… the gunmen aren’t going to like it. And our fate will be the same as Gordon’s.”
“This is bad,” Jake said. “We need to get you to safety. We can check in with the detective later.”
“Okay, but there’s something we have to do first,” she said. “It was also on the voicemail.”
“The thing about the place he went to with his ex-wife?”
She nodded. “During one of our sessions, he told me all about their first date. It was at a local diner. And it sounds like he left something for me there. Something that might help us figure this whole thing out.”
