by Katie Knight
Even putting aside the risk of her being spotted and attacked out in the water, Jake couldn’t handle another near-drowning incident. Hell, he had almost frozen during the last one. He didn’t want to think about what might have happened if he had failed to make it down to the lake in time. When his sister had almost drowned, there were a lot of other people around. He had been the one tasked to look after her, but when he had failed, the adults nearby stepped in. There had been a safety net. Here, though, it was just him and Hanna. Which meant if he dropped the ball, there was no one else to pick it up. It was up to him to keep both of them—all three of them, he reminded himself—safe.
Jake had enough to worry about regarding Hanna’s client and the mess he had somehow gotten her into. He realized the only way to relieve some of the immense pressure that was hanging over him was by moving to a different safe house. One that was nowhere near a body of water.
Still pacing, he grabbed the phone off the counter and called Jefferson, the contact who had arranged their current accommodations.
“Hello?”
“It’s Jake.”
“Is everything okay?”
“Yes.” Then Jake shook his head. “Well, no, actually. Can you set us up with a different house?”
“Did something happen?”
“I just want to stay on the move until we can decrypt those files and get to the bottom of this.”
“Fair enough. Let me see what I can do.”
As he hung up, he heard the shower turn off. He was not looking forward to telling her his decision to move. He knew she would suspect it was because he didn’t actually trust her not to go swimming again. He was going to have to break the news sooner or later, though. And the sooner they left the safe house, the better.
Hanna was feeling a lot better after her shower. She was hoping Jake had used the time alone to cool down, too. She hated fighting with him. And even though she found his overbearing protective nature incredibly frustrating, she knew it was only because he cared. She just wished he had a different way of showing it. Honestly, she wished he would loosen up in general. The fact that he had caved and eaten a regular omelet for breakfast seemed a small victory, but she decided it was a victory nonetheless.
Hanna reflected on their dynamic as she toweled off. It’s not that she was trying to change him, she realized. It was just that she wanted him to live in the moment a little more. To actually enjoy life and be in the here and now, instead of always planning for the worst-case scenario right around the corner.
She had no doubt she could get him to relax if they just spent a little more time together, but she knew it would be a long process. In the meantime, they were still on the run, and she couldn’t blame him for being overprotective. Figuring there was no way he would allow them to leave the safe house for the rest of the day, she donned sweatpants and a t-shirt. There was no point in dressing up if they were going to have a lazy afternoon at the cabin. After wrapping a towel around her wet hair, she headed to the living room to see what he was up to.
Hanna half expected to find Jake working out again, but he was pacing in the kitchen. Since she wasn’t sure if he had cooled off yet—the pacing certainly wasn’t a good sign—she decided to tread lightly.
“Shower’s free,” she said. “Thanks for letting me go first.”
“No problem,” he said, without looking at her. She walked over to the table and sat down, but he continued pacing.
“Everything okay?” she asked after a moment.
He finally paused and looked at her. “Not really. I think we should move to a different safe house.”
“What? Why?”
“You never want to stay in one place for too long when someone’s after you. It’s just not smart.”
He couldn’t be serious. “We’re perfectly safe here,” she insisted. “They haven’t followed us. And they have no way of tracking us because we have a different vehicle. Plus, I haven’t used my phone since we left the city.”
“We might be dealing with a major network of international conspirators,” Jake reminded her. “Of course they can find us.”
Hanna sighed. “I don’t want to keep running from place to place,” she said, shaking her head. “And if you’re so sure they’ll find us here, what’s stopping them from finding us at the next place? Or the place after that?”
“Nothing. They eventually will find us wherever we are,” he said. “We just have to stay one step ahead of them for long enough to figure out what’s going on before they catch up to us. Then we can devise a plan to get out of this mess.”
Hanna felt a lump rising steadily in her throat. Today was the first time Jake had openly expressed how serious the situation was. Sure, they had literally been chased down by gunmen, and of course she knew they were in a dangerous situation, but she had always assumed he would be enough to keep her safe. She had never thought they were going to catch up to them at some point. But he made it sound as though it was inevitable. As if it was only a matter of time. Was that accurate? Or was this just Jake going into full “SEAL” mode again, planning for the worst?
“We have no reason to believe this cabin is dangerous,” she insisted. “At least not yet. There are no signs that they’ve caught up to us. Why can’t we stay? At least for a few more days?”
She remembered how he had secured the perimeter as soon as they’d arrived. And as long as they were in the cabin, she felt safe. The thought of hitting the road again was what made her nervous. It seemed much more likely that they would run into those unsavory characters again en route. At least here, they might be able to see them coming. And she knew Jake had probably stashed weapons all over the house anyway. What if they left and the gunmen rolled up alongside them at a gas station or restaurant? How would they defend themselves? Sure, they’d gotten away once, but if the people after them really were as resourceful as Jake thought, they surely wouldn’t let them get away again.
Apparently, he didn’t have an answer for her, because he just continued pacing.
“Aren’t we a team?” she asked in desperation. The silence was almost worse than anything he could say to her. “Can’t we make this decision together?” She paused, wondering what else might be going on. What was he really trying to protect her from?
“There’s something you’re not telling me,” she said. “What is it?”
Jake stopped, midstride, and turned to look at her. He sighed and started rubbing the back of his neck. “You know everything I do,” he said. “I swear.”
“Maybe you’ve told me everything you know, but you haven’t told me everything you suspect. Why are you so insistent on moving to a different safe house when there have been no signs of danger?” She reached over and pulled out the chair beside her. “Tell me what’s really going through your head.”
He looked like he wanted to put up a fight but then sat down wearily. “Do you really want to know?”
Hanna nodded, but she knew not to say anything. She was going to let him carry this conversation.
“When I was eleven, I went to a pool party at a neighbor’s house. My sister tagged along, and my parents told me to keep an eye on her. But when my crush asked me to go inside with her and play foosball, I didn’t give my sister a second thought.”
Hanna could tell he was trying to stay calm as he told the story. He was taking deep, measured breaths, but the whites of his knuckles betrayed him. His hands, which had been resting flat on the table just moments before, were now clenched into fists. She realized he might need some gentle prodding to tell the rest of the story.
“So what happened?” she asked.
“I couldn’t have been gone for more than ten minutes, I swear. But in that time, my sister nearly drowned. I heard screaming and splashing, and I ran out to the backyard to see what had happened. I saw one of the parents doing CPR on someone. And when I got closer, I realized it was my sister.”
Hanna’s heart ached as she imagined Jake, just a helpless little boy, wa
tching his sister on the brink of death. It was clear the incident had changed him. It was also clear he was still riddled with guilt over it. Guilt he had been harboring for nearly twenty years. And she had seen firsthand in many of her clients what that kind of emotional turmoil could do to a person. Hanna put her hand on Jake’s arm.
“But your sister’s okay,” she said. “She didn’t die. And neither did I. We’re both still here.”
“That’s not the point,” he said, pulling his arm back and standing up. “She could’ve died. And you could’ve, too. All because I failed to do my duty. Because I wasn’t there when someone needed me. And I refuse to let that happen ever again.” He pushed the chair in as if there were nothing more to discuss.
Hanna wasn’t ready to let it go, though. She stood up, too, so she could face him. “Say something had happened to me out in that lake. It wouldn’t have been your fault.”
“Yes, it would have. That’s what you don’t understand.” He shook his head. “We’re not a team. I’m here to protect you. And I refuse to put you in jeopardy again.” Hanna opened her mouth to say something, but he held up his hand. “Or to let you put yourself in jeopardy.”
“That’s it, then? You’re back to playing the protective big brother role, and I don’t get a say?”
“I don’t want to fight with you.” He sounded exhausted, and Hanna found herself feeling bad for pressing the issue. And yet she couldn’t completely let it go, either. “Look. My job is to keep people safe. I’m the authority on it, and I’m wielding that authority now.”
“But I’m not people,” she said. She couldn’t help herself. She knew if she bottled up her own thoughts on the matter, she was going to resent him. And resentment could destroy even the strongest relationships. “I’m not some village you’ve been assigned to train to fight the Taliban.”
“That’s right,” Jake said, his voice rising. “You’re not people! You’re Hanna Masterson. You’re the woman I lo—” He stopped midsentence, eyes wide, as if surprised at what he had nearly blurted out.
“The woman you… love?” Hanna asked.
Sighing, he shook his head. “I’m not going to say it to you for the first time like this.” He took a step toward her, and when he spoke again, his voice was much softer. “Look. Keeping you safe is my sole priority right now. Keeping you and our baby safe. And if you don’t agree with the steps I take to ensure that, so be it. I don’t care if you get mad at me along the way, as long as you and the baby are safe.”
How could she argue with that? Hanna couldn’t promise that she wouldn’t put up a fight when it came time to move, but she wasn’t going to keep challenging him, either. Their conversation had started out promising—she was honestly surprised at how much he had opened up to her—and she wanted to have more like it. Once they both cooled down, of course. So she decided to let it go.
For now.
“Fine,” she said, nodding. “You’re the authority on keeping us safe.”
Chapter Twenty-One
It had been hard to lay down the law with Hanna, but Jake knew he didn’t have a choice. He hated telling her what she could and couldn’t do, especially when it left her accusing him of being overbearing. However, it was better for the mission if she kept to herself. That was the only way he could focus on the task at hand.
In other words, he was less than thrilled when she wandered into the living room a few hours later.
After their talk in the kitchen, she’d holed herself up in the bedroom. Normally, he would have taken the opportunity to work out, but since he didn’t want his music to disturb her if she was napping or reading, he decided to clean his guns instead.
There was a totally disassembled pistol on the coffee table when she joined him in the living room. She glanced at it, eyebrows raised, before sitting on one of the overstuffed chairs across from him.
“You’ve been keeping busy,” she said.
Jake nodded. He didn’t have much to say. He was horrified at how much he had already revealed that morning alone and thought it best to keep his mouth shut from now on. He went back to oiling the barrel of the gun he was working on.
“I’ve been thinking about what happened down at the lake,” Hanna said after a minute. “And I wanted to apologize.”
“For what?”
“For not thinking, I guess. I jumped in without even stopping to consider what might be down there. And I ended up putting us both in danger. So I’m sorry.”
“Appreciate it,” Jake said without looking up. He put the barrel aside and grabbed a clean cloth to wipe everything down before putting the gun back together.
“Do you have anything you’d like to say?” Hanna asked. The exasperation in her voice was evident.
“About what?”
“About what happened today?”
“I think you covered it,” Jake said. “You didn’t stop to think and you put yourself in danger when I wasn’t around.” Putting the cloth down, he finally looked up at her. “As long as I’m always around, it can’t happen again.” He shrugged. “Simple as that.”
Hanna sighed. She was clearly unhappy with his response, but apparently, she was determined to push on because she prodded him some more. “Well, do you have anything else to say about something else—not just today? Maybe something to do with the stuff we talked about?”
“What do you mean?”
“I just mean I’m a good listener. So if you want to talk about anything, I’m here.”
He had no doubt she could help him work through some of the guilt that still plagued him. However, it was neither the time nor the place to discuss it. Opening up to her meant letting her see him weak and vulnerable. Letting her see a side of him that no one else ever had. But if they became any closer than they already were, it would be impossible for him to adequately protect her.
He had no choice but to remain stoic. Surely she could understand that?
They sat in silence as he started reassembling the pistol. He had already made up his mind that Hanna wasn’t going to get anything more out of him. She was persistent, though.
“You don’t want to talk about anything then?” she asked.
“No,” Jake said. “And you can stop asking. I’m not one of your patients.”
“Is that what you think this is? You think I’m trying to analyze you?”
“Aren’t you?”
Hanna looked shocked. “Of course not. I just figured after everything we’ve been through, you’d be comfortable opening up to me now. Or at the very least, that you wouldn’t shut me out.”
“I’m not shutting you out.” Jake put down the gun and sighed. “I’m just trying to stay focused. Can you please just let me focus?”
“I don’t see how talking about what happened in the lake—or with your sister—will threaten our security right now. The house is secure. Your pistol is obviously clean. What else demands your attention?”
“Look, I just don’t want to talk about it. This isn’t the time or place.” He was getting frustrated, and he wanted to end the conversation before he said something else he’d regret. Something that revealed more than Hanna needed to know. “Can we just drop it?”
“Fine.” She held up her hands as if in surrender. “I just want you to know that what happened in the lake wasn’t your fault.” She stood up and walked across the room but stopped at the end of the hallway. “What happened at that pool party wasn’t your fault, either, by the way.”
She walked back to the bedroom and shut the door behind her. Jake should have been relieved that she was gone, but instead he felt more frustrated than ever. He finished putting together the pistol and slipped it in his waistband.
It was still fairly early for dinner, but since they hadn’t eaten lunch, he was pretty hungry. He realized Hanna was probably hungry, too, so he decided to fix up supper as a kind of peace offering. He wasn’t ready to open up to her—and was almost certain he never would be—but it felt like they had been ignoring each other
all day and he wanted to relieve the tension.
After scouring the cabinets and icebox, he found everything he needed for burgers. He was hoping the aroma of the sizzling patties on the cast-iron pan would be enough to draw Hanna from the bedroom, but she never came out. After plating the burgers, he headed down the hall. He was about to open the bedroom door when he realized he ought to knock.
“What is it?” Hanna called from the other side of the door.
“I made dinner. Figured you might be hungry.”
“Thanks. I’ll join you in a minute.”
Jake headed back to the kitchen and poured two tall glasses of water. They both needed to stay hydrated. Hanna appeared just as he was sitting down.
“Smells amazing,” she said.
“Well, hopefully, it tastes even better.”
Although they ate in silence, Jake chalked it up to their hunger. There was no time for talking when you were busy chewing. When they had finished, he cleared the plates.
“Aren’t you supposed to be taking special vitamins now?” he asked as he rinsed their dishes in the sink.
“Prenatal vitamins, yeah,” Hanna said. “I take it you don’t have any in your stash.” She nodded toward the half dozen bottles Jake had left on the counter that morning.
“Depends on what’s in prenatal vitamins,” he said. “I’ve got fish oil, creatine, calcium, cosequin, glutamine, magnesium, and vitamin D.
“I’m pretty sure prenatal vitamins are mostly folic acid and iron,” she said.
“Well, we’ll have to get you some as soon as possible. Maybe on our way to the next safe house.”
Hanna sighed. Sure, they may not have been having a jovial conversation, but there was a definite shift in her mood at the mention of moving.
“I think I’m gonna turn in early,” she said. “Do you want help with the dishes?”
“No, I’m almost done anyway. Thanks.”
After Hanna left the kitchen, Jake finished cleaning up. It was still pretty early, so he decided to clean one more gun and then get in a quick workout before bed. He needed to let out some pent-up frustration. Exercising also happened to help him focus.
