by Kip Nelson
Even the city still was familiar. He had lived there his entire life, although his neighborhood had been on the other side of the city. Perhaps one day he would be able to make it back there, although he wasn't that bothered about it either way. Life moved on, and he had to move on with it. He moved from family to family, talking with them about their problems. Some still were struggling, especially those who had lost spouses and had to explain that to the children who now were reunited with them. Sometimes he spoke with them as a group, and other times he spoke to the parents alone. He always made sure to have some time with the children alone, though, because there were some things they wanted to talk about that they couldn't share with their parents.
Maggie and Tristan were still the example he pointed to when he tried illustrating that it could work, but he was pleased with the progress that Deborah and Sharon were making as well. Deborah had been shocked at first to discover what Sharon had done, and there had been many tears as the two women came to an understanding. From what Freddie saw, the two of them hadn't been that close. Later, Deborah confessed her husband had been a strong, imposing figure bordering on abusive, and it had caused a strain between her and Sharon as Deborah often had surrendered to her husband.
Freddie asked her what happened to her husband. Deborah told him she hadn't heard anything from him since the apocalypse happened, and that for all she knew he was dead. She said the words dispassionately, and Freddie made a particular note of that. It explained a lot. Even though the experiences had been harrowing, it brought them closer together, as Sharon now realized how easy it was to fall for an unsuitable man.
Deborah felt great sympathy for her daughter as well as she knew what it was like to have a sense of self eroded by an abusive husband. She hated Peter for what he had done to her daughter, but they both agreed it was time to put all that behind them and try focusing on the future. The two of them had spent a lot of time together by themselves, which he encouraged all the people he talked with to do. Yet, gradually they were getting more and more involved in New Haven, and discovering what it meant to be a part of the settlement.
It was good to see people sharing laughs, and the traditional family unit was adjusting. Freddie noticed how parents trusted others to look after their kids and, and how Saul, someone completely unrelated, had taken the responsibility of looking after the kids. Everyone was helping everyone else, and to Freddie this was amazing to see. It provided a good example to the kids who still were learning about the new world. Many of them were struggling with the hierarchy as they were so used to Peter being their king. Freddie had to explain to them that Mack was the leader, not a king, and that everyone had a say in what happened in New Haven. They also asked if they were going to hell, or if they were going to be punished for what they had done. Many of them were reduced to tears frequently as they relived all the bad things they had done.
Freddie tried telling the children that they only had done what they did because of circumstance, and that punishing them really wasn’t going to make much difference. He said that living with what had happened was punishment enough, but that it didn't change their future or who they were inside. They still could choose the kind of people they became, and they still could add to the value of New Haven and the world. This seemed to reassure them, but it would take a while before they truly believed it. It was difficult for Freddie to see so many children lost in sorrow. Although Saul helped distract them by teaching the children practical skills, Freddie still could see they were haunted by everything that had gone before. And yet, for all that he could talk to them, there still was one of the Lost Children he couldn't reach.
Peter.
Freddie saw him as something of a challenge. The counselor believed in rehabilitation. While he didn't condone what Peter had done, he hoped that, at some point, Peter would show remorse and still could enter New Haven and contribute, but Peter was not being cooperative. Freddie had tried getting him to talk about his past as he was sure Peter had suffered when he was younger, but he was getting nothing. So, Freddie decided to go to Mack and ask if he would talk to Peter as nothing Freddie said was getting through to him. Mack wasn't convinced it was worth the effort, but Freddie pleaded with him. He said it was better to try getting Peter back out into the world rather than just keeping him under lock and key. Not only did it mean they had to feed Peter, but it also meant that someone had to guard him instead of doing something else that could be more productive.
“Whatever you think, you're the professional,” Mack said, and went to speak to Peter. Freddie allowed him to go inside on his own.
When Mack entered Peter first sighed, as the young man assumed it was Freddie. When he saw that it was Mack who was coming to see him, he regarded him skeptically.
“Finally, someone who I can have a proper conversation with,” Peter said, his voice dripping with venom. Mack pursed his lips and sat on a chair opposite Peter.
“Freddie was telling me you weren't being very cooperative. I'd have thought you'd have liked someone to talk to, that it would break up the monotony of your day.”
“There's no point talking to him. He's just one of your minions. He can't change anything. Not like you can.”
“And what am I going to change?”
“The way you run this place. You must know by now it's not going to work. I bet my Lost Children are running rampant, protesting against you holding me here. I can't imagine the lengths you've gone to keeping them quiet.”
“I'd have thought Freddie told you. They've actually been adjusting quite nicely.”
“I expected better from you than to lie to me like he did. I know you're keeping them. They all were loyal to me!”
“Because they were afraid of you. They're not afraid of you any longer. You're alone now, Peter. You're not a king anymore.”
“I am, and I'll always be a king. One day, I'll get out of here, and I'll take back what is mine. I don't know what you've done to my loyal subjects, but they'll remember what it was like to serve me; how I dragged them up to glory and promised them a future that you can't deliver to them. This place you're creating isn't going to work. It can't work. You're doing it all wrong. Only I've seen the light. Only I know what to do.”
“I've heard men like you before. Men who think they know what is better for everyone else. They never worked out either. What makes you think you're so special?”
“Aren't you doing the same? Why are you so special?”
“I'm not, I just listen to people and trust them. They've rewarded that trust by placing their trust in me to lead them, but I don't tell them what to do. We work together so everyone is happy, including the children. Right now, they're learning valuable skills to help them live in this world. They have structure and focus, something they never had with you. I'm sure Freddie has told you that if you work at it, you could be a part of New Haven, but between you and me, I think that's just because he believes in everyone.
“I'm a little more pragmatic than him. I don't think you're the type of person to contribute. I think you're selfish, and you don't care about anyone else other than yourself. You became a king to help those children, but you saw a chance for power and you wanted to grab it. You don't want to take the time to care for the people you rule over. For you, ruling is enough, and I'm not sure anything is going to change that.”
“So, what, you're going to keep me locked up in here forever?”
“If that's what it takes,” Mack said, and the words seemed to stun Peter.
He didn't know what to say after that. Mack left him and returned outside to where Freddie was talking with the guard.
“How did it go?” Freddie asked. Mack's face glowered.
“You can talk with him some more if you like,” Mack said, “but I think your faith in him is misplaced. I don't think he has any intention of changing, no matter what you tell him.”
“Are you sure there's nothing more that can be done?” the guard asked.
“Not for
the moment,” Mack said, then walked off.
Freddie smiled at the guard and sighed as he walked away as well, deciding it wasn't best to talk to Peter at the moment. For all of Mack's wonderful qualities there were times when he could be stubborn, but Freddie wouldn't stop believing that everyone had it in them to be good. He was determined that one day he would get to the root of Peter's problems and bring him back into the fold. The counselor had his job to do, and he was going to do it to the best of his abilities.
Chapter Eighteen
Grace just had finished her prayers. She pushed herself up and stretched out, yawning a little. The place of worship was quiet. She and Hank were there, and a few others were involved in their own private communions with the deities they worshiped and loved, and there was a comfortable silence in the hall. Unlike other places in New Haven that always were bustling with activity, this place was serene. Grace was thankful for it, since it proved a welcome respite from the rest of New Haven. She rubbed her eyes and smiled when Hank noticed her yawning. The preacher was making notes on a sermon he was going to deliver. Grace wandered over to him.
“Keeping you up?” he said cheerily.
She chuckled a little and pulled up a seat, peering over his arm to look at the sermon, but making no comment about it.
“Kinda. I don't realize how tired I am until I stop.”
“We are taking on a lot of work, but it's all worth it,” Hank said.
“Most definitely. How are you getting on with things?”
“Everything seems to be going fine. We've made a good inventory of the stock and everything is accounted for. It looks like we don't have anything to worry about. Hopefully, the other patrols will return with more food and we can have enough to last us through the winter. How about yourself?”
“Yeah, I'm okay, although I have a few things on my mind.”
“Do you need to go talk to Freddie about them?”
Grace shot him a look. Hank shrugged. “No, I do not,” she said, “just a friend,” she added, and playfully nudged him.
“Well, you know I'm always here for that. What's on your mind?”
“I don't know, I'm just trying to process everything that's happening, I guess. Things are changing quickly.”
“For the better, though. How's Luis doing in his new role?”
“Fine, I think. We've both been so busy that we really haven't had a good chance to talk. We spoke a little at the feast, and we meant to have a long conversation when we got back home, but we both were exhausted, so we fell asleep. As soon as we woke up, we both realized we had to be somewhere else.”
“It can be difficult when life is pulling you in different directions. It's easy to take things for granted, especially people. You're going to have to make an effort to spend time with each other, but I'm sure it'll be worth it.”
“Are you making an effort to spend time with Mindy?” she said, a playful look in her eyes. Hank set down his pen and blushed a little, running his hand around the back of his neck. Grace never had seen him embarrassed before and was enjoying it.
“We've been spending some time together.”
“I'm glad. She's a nice lady, and she's had her eye on you since the start.”
“She has?” Hank said with surprise. Grace rolled her eyes.
“Yes. So, it's good that the two of you finally are doing something about it. I've even heard that Saul has been getting close with that Alison,” Grace said, leaning into Hank and lowering her voice.
“You know gossiping is a sin?” Hank said, raising an eyebrow.
“Are you sure about that?” Grace said, leaning back, unsure if he was teasing her or not. He only offered a smirk in reply before he changed the topic of conversation.
“What else is bothering you?” he asked, sensing that relationship matters were not the extent of her problems.
Grace sighed and glanced around, then played with the ends of her hair as she often would do when she spoke about things that she was uncomfortable with.
“I guess it's just putting up the blockades today, and hearing about the other camps that were attacked. It made me realize that, despite everything we've been through, we're still not safe. There are still people out there who want to hurt us, even though all we're trying to do is make something good in this world.”
“Many things have changed, but human nature isn't one of them. Sadly, there always are going to be people who want to destroy rather than create.”
“Don't you ever get scared?” she asked.
“I mean, I know you have faith in God, and you believe He is going to protect us and is watching over us. Does that mean you don't get scared when you think about the future? I'm just wondering if maybe my faith isn't strong enough, that if I truly trusted God then I wouldn't be feeling this way.”
“I've never known any sane person to not be scared,” Hank said in a reassuring tone.
“Having faith in God doesn't mean we're invincible. It just means we trust in Him to protect us and nurture us. People see fear as a bad and negative thing, but it's just another emotion like anything else, and we can use it for good. It teaches us to be careful and examine things before rushing in. It allows us to prepare for various outcomes. And it also allows us to appreciate what we have, and what we want to preserve. But, like everything, it needs to be tempered and controlled, and we cannot let it overwhelm us.”
“You always make so much sense,” Grace said, impressed by the wisdom of the preacher.
“It's a gift,” he replied, smiling widely.
Grace laughed and then sighed again, for there were still worries troubling her mind. Hank waited until she spoke again, sensing that there was much she needed to talk about.
“What do you think about it all? Like what we're trying to do here? Do you think it's going to work?” she asked.
“I don't see why it won’t, as long as we work together and keep ourselves aware of what this place means to everyone. Do you not think it will?”
“I don't know. I've been thinking about the people we met along the way and, in some ways, I feel guilty that we're in this safe space, but we can't tell the others we've met. There are a lot of people who would benefit from them. I asked Mack if we should send someone to go talk to them, but he said we couldn't spare anyone.”
“Probably not, if they're back in the forest...I assume you're talking about people you met before the three of us came upon you?”
“Yeah...I just don't want to lose track of people.”
“I'm sure there will be time in the future to reunite with them. Why are you so worried about the future? It may not happen the way you think it will, and it is just wasted energy to get worried about something that may not come to pass. Enjoy life, enjoy the moment, that's the way to happiness.”
“It's just so hard...have you not sensed the mood around the settlement?”
“People seem happy. They're working together, and they seemed to be buoyed by the feast and all the performances. I must admit that their impression of me was rather more accurate than I'd like, but it was all in good fun.”
“No, I don't mean that. It's like there's been this underlying tension ever since we took New Haven back from the Lost Children. I know everyone has been working together and it seems as though people are happy, and I'm sure they are, but there's just this feeling I get. Maybe I'm paranoid, I don't know, but I'm not sure people really are trusting of some of the decisions we've made, like taking in the Lost Children. I know the reunited families are happy, but for everyone else it's like we've just opened our doors to the invaders. Like you said, it's impossible to change human nature, and I just worry that it's going to get the better of some of us. And I know there are more people unhappy with what we've done with Peter.”
“What do you mean?”
“You haven't heard the grumblings? Maybe they don't like speaking about it when you're around, but there are a lot of people who think we should have done something other than keep him locked u
p.”
“Like killing him? We're not savages.”
“I know, and I don't think people necessarily would like that. Although I think you'd be surprised at how many people wouldn't protest if that's what we decided to do. After all, he did execute Bob in cold blood in front of everyone to make a point, and Bob was the leader here before any of us arrived. A lot of people owed him their lives, and they just want to see justice done. I don't think they feel it's fair for him to be sitting in a room all day, eating our food that we have to go out into the city to find, and contribute nothing, and since nothing else has been said about it, it seems as though he's going to be there forever. It's not like the old world, where we can give him 50 years’ imprisonment, then see if he's rehabilitated.”
“Freddie still thinks there's a chance for him to get better. I'd have thought you'd be the first person to believe people can change if they're given a second chance.”
“There's a difference between hacking and murdering people,” Grace said, shooting him a look.
“I don't know how I feel about it. I don't think Mack could have done anything differently. I'm just telling you there are people out there who rather would see something else go down. Such as exiling him, even though that's basically just freeing him to come back and haunt us later on down the road. I think people are scared as well that we're keeping a murderer in our midst. What happens if there is an attack and he gets free? I have to agree with them on that point after Luis was shot.”
“Thank you for bringing it to my attention. Have you told Mack?”
“Not yet. I think he knows anyway. There's not much any of us can do about it. I think that's what I hate, you know, that sense of not being in control? It's what I hated about the old world. When I was younger, I bounced between orphanages and foster homes. It always felt as though other people were making decisions about my life.”
