by M. E. Carter
“It’s way faster and sexier when I read about it.”
“I’m not worried about being sexy, I just need better access to that sweet spot right there.” My thumb grazes over top of her again just as the offending material falls away. “That’s better.”
I explore for just a few seconds longer before my cock demands attention of his own. Balancing Ellery on my thighs, I quickly work the button and zipper of my jeans, sliding them down over my hips as far as I can without losing my balance.
Ellery keeps her gaze down, watching the reveal as she licks her lips. When I’m finally fully exposed, she wraps her tiny hand around me and I feel like I’m going to fall over from her touch.
“Wow. That’s… bigger than I expected,” she breathes, slowly stroking me, building up the fire inside me.
Ripping the condom packet open, I hand it to her. “You want to do the honors?”
Her hands shaking ever so slightly, she takes it from me and with expert precision, sheaths me quickly.
Both of us pant in anticipation of what’s about to happen. Gripping Ellery by the hips, I lift her up and we watch as I slowly impale her on me. We groan in unison as inch by inch she slides down until she’s fully seated on me and all remaining thought is lost from my brain.
Pushing her up against the wall again, I begin thrusting slowly, then circling my hips, then thrusting quickly, learning what her body responds to and what makes her the wettest. My body feels like it’s on fire, both wanting to find my release quickly and wanting to take it slow so she can find hers more than once.
When her nails dig into my back, I know it’s game on.
“Liam… oh my… oh please keep going. Faster or… something. I don’t know. Just please, please keep doing that.”
Sliding my arms under her legs I open her wider and pound into her, taking her with a passion I didn’t know was inside me. I need her to come, need it, before I can even think of letting myself go.
“Take all of me, baby,” I whisper in her ear. “Feel all of me. Ride me and use me. This is just the beginning.”
Ellery leans her head back against the wall and with a groan from deep within, she comes, igniting the spark that sets off my own orgasm. It races up my spine and slams into me, rendering me speechless with the force of its pleasure.
I come and I come and I come, until I feel like I’m wrung dry.
Ellery’s small pants of breath make the hairs on the back of my neck tickle, but I have no desire to move. I could stay like this, inside her, up against this wall, forever.
This woman has fucking ruined me. And I never want to look back.
Chapter Nine
Ellery
Lauren is going to know I had sex with Liam. She’s looking right at my face. I bet she can tell he gave me several orgasms in a row and even licked places that have never been licked before. She can tell. I’m sure of it.
“Why is your face turning red?” Lauren pulls the sponge back and cocks her head to look at me.
I’m sitting on an office chair she rolled into her giant elegant bathroom. I’ve never seen a tub that big, but I guess that’s what happens when your live-in boyfriend is one of the hottest NFL players in the league.
“Are you blushing?”
“No,” I blurt out faster than anyone who doesn’t have a secret night of hot sex ever would.
“Aaaaahhhhhh,” she singsongs with a knowing smile on her face and begins patting my forehead with whatever foundation she’s been using again. “Does this have anything to do with you leaving the bar with Liam the other night?”
If it’s possible to blush any harder, I’m sure I do. I also deny, deny, deny.
“I didn’t leave with him. I mean, I left. But like, not leave leave. Or anything. Because I don’t do things like that…”
My words fizzle out quietly because I’m the worst liar in the world. We both know it.
Lauren, thankfully, doesn’t have a judgmental bone in her body, nor has she ever felt ashamed of having sex, so she doesn’t even stop applying my makeup before calling me out.
“Ellery, did you have super-hot sex with a super-hot guy and you’re feeling a teensy bit guilty because the breakup is still in its infancy?”
I sigh, relieved she’s always so nonchalant about things I struggle with. I really need to talk this out before I explode.
“Yes. But it’s not because of Kevin.”
“Then what has you feeling guilty?”
It’s a struggle to put into words how I feel because I feel so much.
“Honestly, I’m not sure.”
“Can I take a stab at it?” She pulls back, pinching my chin between her thumb and forefinger, turning my face this way and that. “Just tell me if I’m wrong.”
“Okay.”
Satisfied with her handy work, she nods and picks up an eye shadow pallet, beginning the process of blending a couple of colors on a small brush.
“I think you grew up with very conservative parents who were wonderful people and love you dearly, but who you never wanted to disappoint because of how much they love you. Somehow in the middle of always looking for their approval, you began to associate conservative Suzy Homemaker, or in your case working Suzy Homemaker, as the type of woman you should be. Close your eyes.” I comply and she continues to paint my face while she talks. “While there is nothing wrong with that particular kind of woman, in your case, it means you never had the chance to explore other parts of yourself, including your sexuality which is suddenly something you want to do. So currently you are at odds with the fact that the conservative version of perfection you always thought you were striving for may not actually be so perfect. Oh, and that maybe you happen to like sex with someone who likes having sex with you, too.”
That about sums up all the jumbled feelings I’ve been having.
“How did you know?”
“Open.” She shrugs as she inspects her handiwork again. “I think we all go through some version of it at some point.” Satisfied that everything looks right, she nods once. “Close again.”
“I’m not sure we all have this kind of existential crisis,” I argue as I feel her draw a wet line above my lashes and all the way out to the side of my face. Oh boy. She’s drawing practically to my hairline. This is going to be so bad, I already know it. “You never seemed to struggle with your sexuality. You’ve always been so confident in yourself.”
Lauren laughs lightly. “Not as much as you think. I’m just a master of covering up my anxiety when I feel vulnerable. Only the closest people to me can see through my defenses.”
My skin prickles at the reminder that I’m not one of those people. Not that I expect to be after half a decade of distance, but it still stinks to know I should have spent those years cultivating relationships and didn’t.
“It even took Heath forever to get past that wall. Open.” She takes one look at my face and smiles in delight. “Ohmygod I’m so good at this. I should have been a cosmetologist,” she mutters more to herself than me. “Close one last time.”
“I wish I could hide my emotions like you do. I feel like everyone always knows what I’m feeling and like they judge me for it. The girl who is always nervous and afraid. Who never has her own opinions. The pushover.”
“I’m glad you show your insecurities. It’s one of the things I like about you. All your emotions are genuine and real. And never once is it negative toward anyone else.”
“Except maybe Kevin right now.”
“Ah yes. The devil himself. What happened with him anyway?”
I try not to shrug, afraid I’ll be poked in the eye with some kind of utensil. “I don’t really know. He said things fizzled out.”
“And you believe that?”
“I don’t really know what to believe. Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure. But hold still. I want to get these lashes just right.”
I hold my body as still as I can, only moving my mouth. “Did you ever like Kevin?”
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She pauses and I know she’s trying to censor her words. “I didn’t not like Kevin. I just didn’t trust him.”
“Why?”
“Because of who his friends were. Because he didn’t have a backbone. Because it’s like he knew the right thing to do, but when it came time to choose, he followed the crowd even if they were wrong.”
I think on her words and remember all the times in college his “friends” were jerks and he didn’t do anything about it. He never participated, he just never told them to stop either. Like when his friend on the team, Conrad screwed Lauren, literally, Kevin just listened and laughed along with everyone else.
Or when his mom made me work tons of overtime a couple of years ago and then denied my request for an additional vacation day to go to my dad’s seventieth birthday party because things were “just starting to get back to normal.” Instead of confronting her about how much it hurt me, he said nothing.
Things like that happened all the time with him. Looking the other way when someone is rude at a restaurant. Saying nothing if he sees a neighbor take a package off someone’s doorstep. Anything that could result in any kind of conflict he walked away from. I always chalked it up to him being sensitive or not liking confrontation. But now I wonder if he actually just doesn’t care that much about anyone except himself.
How did I not see all these red flags before? Was I really that blind? Or was I too afraid to rock the boat—too afraid to lose the one relationship that I’ve ever had to see things how they really were?
“His mom never really liked me,” I blurt out. “She included me in holidays and family vacations and stuff. But I always felt this vibe around her. Like I wasn’t good enough for her precious baby boy.”
“So he’s a mama’s boy. Makes perfect sense.”
“She set him up on a date before he’d even broken up with me.”
Lauren pulls back but stays silent.
No words.
Still quiet.
I take a chance and open my eyes to see a look of anger mixed with disbelief on her face. Her nostrils flare just slightly and her jaw is clenched as she shakes her head.
“That is some bullshit, Ellery. You don’t deserve to be treated that way. What a piece of shit.”
“Kevin or his mom?” I ask with a small laugh.
“Both. With a mom like that and him being such a fucking pushover, I guarantee the break-up had nothing to do with you. Hell, I’m not sure the last few years of your relationship did either. Sounds like it was all about him.”
“I don’t know if that makes me feel better or worse.”
“That’s part of the charm of relationships.” Her sarcasm is thick. “You can’t have the good without the bad. Next time I just hope you see the bad a little quicker. You deserve so much better than that.”
Lauren puts down the mascara and claps her hands together, her expression drastically changing to one of excitement. “And we are about to find you so much better. Are you ready to look at yourself in the mirror?”
I hold my breath, anticipating some clown to stare back at me in the reflection. “No, not really.”
“Too bad.” She forces my chair around so I can see myself and I gasp.
I look like the girl in the picture on her phone. The one who was effortlessly glamorous and fashionable. That’s me. Glamourous. And fashionable.
“How did you do that?” I breathe, leaning in closer to get a better look.
“It’s the magic of makeup. It’s really not that hard to do. But you see how it makes your hair almost like an accessory to your new look?”
I turn my head this way and that, stunned by the beautiful woman looking back at me. She looks confident and self-assured. She’s the kind of woman people stare at on the street, not because they want to be with her but because they want to be her.
I want to be her.
I am her!
“I can’t believe it, Lauren. I never knew I could look like this.”
“You like it?”
“I love it. Thank you!”
I can’t stop myself from turning and launching into her arms and giving her a hug. I feel like she’s given me a gift. The gift of helping me find myself and who I want to be. I’m not there yet, but this is a better start than I could have imagined for myself.
Turning back to the mirror, I fluff my hair and press my lips together again.
Lauren, on the other hand, begins cleaning everything up. “Does this mean we’re going out tonight?”
“By out, do you mean the bar?”
“Of course!” she says with a giggle. “I drink free there.”
“You drink a lot there.”
“Nah. I’m a social drinker. And I’m social with my friends. You guys don’t see the massive amounts of lemon water and protein shakes Heath shoves in me during our everyday lives.”
“I didn’t know him that well in college but it seems like he’s a great guy.”
“He is.” Her expression turns all dreamy and I try not to laugh. Lauren is always tough as nails so to see her melt into a puddle just at the thought of her boyfriend is really cute. Pulling herself back together quickly, she can’t help but poke fun at me, too. “He’s not the only great guy, you know.”
Even through all the make-up, I see myself blush again. Lauren sees it too.
“You like him, don’t you?” This is not a question. This is her trying to force me to admit what I’m trying to hold back. Of course, I cave.
“I really do,” I breathe out, my shoulders dropping now that I’ve finally unloaded that burden. “But it was just a night of sex and I keep trying to remind myself of that. It didn’t mean anything to either of us, even if he is sensitive and kind and smart—”
“And sexy as all hell.”
“That too.” I drop back down on the chair and move to prop my fist on my cheek but Lauren swats my hand away.
“Don’t mess up your makeup.”
“Sorry.” Instead, I clasp my hands together. “Some woman is going to be super lucky to have Liam someday.”
Lauren’s brows furrow, looking at me like I’ve lost my mind. “Why can’t that woman be you?”
“Because I’m me.”
“You’re looking at me like I should be agreeing with you right now but I don’t. Kevin’s mom messed with your brain more than you realize.”
My phone alerts me of a message and I roll the chair to my purse. I’m sure I look like an idiot as I try to dig my heels into the tile to scooch across the floor.
“Do you see the choice I just made to get to my purse the hard way? I am not built to be the kind of woman Liam would be interested in for more than one night. I think I’m a little too immature.” Finally reaching my purse, I blow out a breath from the exertion. “That was so much harder than I thought it would be.”
Lauren snorts a laugh. “No doubt. But I don’t think it would be a deal-breaker for someone like Liam. For god’s sake, twice, twice he’s the one that approached you at the bar. Not the other way around.”
I ignore her, and grab my phone, not wanting to get my hopes up. I’m not in any emotional position to wish for more. I went into that night knowing it wasn’t the beginning of a relationship. If I allow myself to even consider that Liam likes me for more than what that one night was for, I’m sure to have my heart broken again.
As I slide open my phone, though, it would appear the universe does not agree.
“What?” Lauren asks. “Why do you look surprised all of a sudden?”
I laugh lightly at the irony I never saw coming.
Liam: Been thinking about you and would like to take you out on a real date. One that starts with great food and great company and ends with a chaste kiss at your doorstep so there’s no question of how much I like you. Would you be interested in going on a date with me? If you’re free, of course.
“Wait…” Lauren says because nothing gets by her. “Is that Liam?”
“Yep. And yes, you told me so.�
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She laughs loudly at this turn of events. “Did he ask you out? You’re going to say yes, right? You’re already made up and ready to go.”
“But didn’t you want to go out?”
She waves me off. “We can go out any night. I’ll still be around and Heath leaves for training camp soon anyway so I’ll be bored.”
I bite my lip, unsure of what to do. On the one hand, I like Liam. More than I probably should admit to myself, but this text is making me think all kinds of things I probably shouldn’t.
Still, I’ve missed out on building relationships with women for so many years by putting a man first and look where it got me. I don’t want to do that again.
Lauren puts her hand on my arm, like she knows my internal struggle. “Take a chance on Liam. He’s not Kevin. He’s the exact opposite. He might be exactly what you need. And then,” she adds with excitement in her eyes. “Come over tomorrow so we can hang by the pool and talk all about it.”
I smile, grateful that she seems to understand my hesitation. I’ve missed her. I’m so glad she’s back in my life.
Decision made, I click to reply.
Me: Pick me up at 8.
Chapter Ten
Liam
I chuckle when I knock on her front door, that Fourth of July wreath giving me way too much amusement. I don’t know why it tickles me that it’s still there. Maybe because it has me wondering if she’s one of those people who decorate for the whole month. I hope I’m around long enough to find out. In my imagination, the Christmas holiday season is extra festive on this door.
I like Ellery. A lot. Not just because of what she can do in the bedroom, and holy shit can she do more than she even knew. I was expecting her lack of experience to make her more reserved but instead, she wanted to try everything. To do everything. I haven’t been with a woman like that in, maybe ever.
But I like her for more than just the great sex. I like her dry sense of humor. I like that she’s number smart. I like that she always shocks me with her determination to experience as much of life as she can. It seems so at odds with her reserved demeanor.
