by B. T. Narro
“Very much so, unfortunately. He did say one thing that was of interest. He basically admitted that Pearson was a demigod. Now I’m not completely sure he’s telling the truth, but from what we’ve seen, I think it could be possible.”
“And you came to me with this because…?”
“Because you’re the smartest person I know.”
She appeared shocked at first, but then she took the compliment with a smile. “Thank you. I didn’t know you felt that way.”
I feel a lot more than that. “I would normally disagree with someone who argues that the demigods are real when there is no proof to go on, but proof of their existence keeps showing up. I think it’s about time to stop pretending.”
I thought this would make her happy, as she’d always tried to convince us of the existence of these demigods in the past, but she held a frown as she looked down and away from me.
“I thought you would be pleased,” I said.
“I’ve never cared whether the demigods exist or not. The only reason I’ve argued for their existence is because my family believes it wholeheartedly. There are records, historical events, evidence that cannot be explained any other way. I’m not happy that they exist. They are extremely powerful, and their desires are mostly unknown to us. I’m scared of anyone or anything with those two attributes.”
I had misunderstood Kataleya. She didn’t strive for us to believe the demigods were real for reasons of pride, but because we needed to prepare.
“Who is Pearson really, Kat?”
“I would say he must be Valinox because Airinold has transformed into Gourfist, and the other demigods are women.”
“I was thinking the same thing. So what can we do about it?”
She let out a laugh that was mostly a sound of shock. “Jon, you handsome fool. Sometimes I think you are joking, but then I remember that it is not something you do often.”
I wasn’t sure if I was flattered or insulted. I decided to ignore both comments. “There must be something.”
“There is one thing, I suppose. We can hope to make contact with the demigods who seem to be on our side in this, Souriff and Failina. I have already expressed this opinion to Barrett, who told me he would speak with the king. There’s not much more we can do ourselves. Only train.”
“I bet you tend to be right about these things,” I said, though my ego was still a little hurt.
“I shouldn’t have called you a fool, Jon. You are steadfast, fixed, determined. That can make you inflexible and sometimes too quick to act, but you are brave. You always persevere.” She paused, though it seemed as if she had more to say as there was a twinkle in her eyes. “I think you might be the strongest person I’ve ever met.” She paused again and looked at me pointedly. “Yes, I do believe that to be true. But you are also quite easy to read, as I’ve mentioned.”
She patted my shoulder. “I think we could’ve made something beautiful between us if things were different, but you should let go of your feelings for me.” She kissed my cheek, then stepped back. Her blonde eyebrows lifted apologetically. “I can’t reciprocate them. I hope you will leave it at that.”
I was embarrassed. I had just begun to notice my feelings for her. I had wanted to express them, but I’d thought I’d mostly refrained.
“Could you at least tell me how you knew?” I asked.
“I didn’t actually know,” she said to my horror. “I’ve had a feeling for the last couple of days, but now you’ve given me the answer.”
All right, now I was really embarrassed. Seeing as how she wanted me to leave it alone, I just wanted to get away from this conversation as soon as possible.
Maybe I was better than I thought at letting a girl know I had feelings for her. Maybe it wasn’t so hard after all. I wished I could use that knowledge to make myself feel better—I could open my heart to someone else—but Kataleya’s quick wit just made me like her even more.
“I hope this won’t put a strain on our friendship” was all I could mutter.
“I won’t let it if you won’t.”
Sometimes I felt like Kataleya was too mature for the rest of us. Everything I’d gone through since my father passed made me feel older than I was. However, a few words from Kataleya could erase the fabricated years in my mind like a cold breeze could reveal a hole in a man’s trousers and erase his confidence.
Lost in my embarrassment, I just gave a quick bow and prepared to walk away, but she stifled a laugh as she curtsied in return, making me realize that this was not our common way of saying goodbye.
Strangely, it didn’t bother me. Probably because there was no way to make this any worse than it already was.
*****
I spent much of the rest of the day practicing and soon overcame my embarrassment. I tried not to look at Kataleya, as it only reminded me of our conversation, but one question kept circling my mind. Why couldn’t she reciprocate my feelings? She didn’t seem to want to give a reason. I feared that the truth might be an insult and that was why she hadn’t spoken it.
I couldn’t let myself ignore it and forget about her. I didn’t know why. I knew it would be better for me, but I just couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to. I couldn’t make myself want to.
I wondered about it all throughout lunch as I listened to the other boys guess what the king would do with Cason.
“The king is probably going to have him hanged eventually,” Reuben said.
“I don’t understand.” Charlie chewed while he was speaking, as usual. Even though we thought it bad manners, we had all gotten used to it. “Why doesn’t the king just kill him now?”
“Because he needs to stand trial publicly,” Reuben explained patiently.
Charlie seemed perplexed. “For what purpose? He’s guilty.”
“Actually, I agree with Charlie,” I said. “He’s too powerful to be kept alive, especially when we don’t know Pearson’s whereabouts or what he has planned.”
“Cason cannot escape.” Reuben gestured as he seemed to be lecturing us. “No matter how powerful he and Pearson are, there is no way out of a prison cell without us stopping him. He must stand trial even if he is guilty. The people need to see we have captured him. They need to witness what happens to men like Cason who commit high treason. They need to understand that we have everything under control.”
“I’m with Reuben,” Michael said. “I just hope he’s hanged sooner rather than later.”
They’d changed my mind. “I suppose I agree as well now.”
“Really, you’re not going to argue against me?” Reuben asked dubiously.
“There’s no shame in changing one’s mind when presented with evidence or a compelling argument. It’s called being reasonable.”
I noticed my biting tone after everyone fell silent and glanced at each other.
“Everything all right, Jon?” Michael asked.
I wished I was better at keeping things in. “Yeah,” I said, “just tired.” It was my common excuse, usually true as well. “Sorry, Reuben.”
For now, I wasn’t physically tired. I was just fed up with how nothing seemed to go our way, to go my way. We’d finally caught Cason, yet Pearson, an even greater threat, had escaped with the king’s coin. The dark mages were leaving, only to return with a much greater force. The beautiful Kataleya made it clear something would’ve happened between us, but only if things were different. Different how?
It was either that there was something about me she didn’t like, or there was something about my status, or my lack of it, that she didn’t approve of.
“I’m testing weapon enchantments with Eden now,” Charlie said proudly. “We’re beginning to enchant swords to make them more durable.”
“I’d really like Eden to make my sword more durable,” Michael jested.
Reuben rolled his eyes.
“What about leather, Charlie?” Michael asked seriously. “It’s more important that armor is made sturdier than our already durable steel swords.”
/>
“Enchanting leather is too difficult. Metal would be easier, but it’s impractical.”
“Why is leather difficult to enchant?” Michael wondered
“Because vtalia is needed—life—to enchant something that was once living.”
“That doesn’t make sense,” Michael said. “What about all the animal parts that are used in enchantments? They were once living as well, yet not all enchantments require vtalia.”
“It’s not what’s being used that requires a certain spell, it’s what you’re enchanting,” Charlie explained. “If you were to, say, enchant an animal part—though I don’t see any reason why you would—that would require ordia and vtalia. Most enchantments are done to gems, though, earth. However, Eden has recently become strong enough to enchant metal as well, using mtalia.”
“I see, but she can’t melt metal like you can?” Michael asked.
“No, and I still don’t know why some of us are stronger with certain notes than others. She can’t track with earth like Aliana can, either.”
“It sounds like Eden has quite a wide range,” I commented.
“Yes, she is very impressive indeed,” Charlie said.
Michael sighed longingly, drawing gazes from all of us. “Oh, did I make a sound just now?”
“She’s not that beautiful, Michael,” Reuben said.
He gave Reuben a look as if Reuben had gone insane. “A woman’s beauty is more than the size of her chest, you should know.”
“It’s not just that.”
“Especially when her backside is so very ample.” Michael spoke in an eloquent tone, as if his comment wasn’t at all crude.
I wasn’t in much of a better mood by the time I returned to the courtyard. I tried not to pay attention to Kataleya, though I did find myself glancing over many times throughout the afternoon.
It was a little later in the day when she was already looking at me when I did it again. She was sitting on the side of the well, no water spell in the air. I looked away as soon as our gazes met, but I could feel her staring. I looked back to find her gesturing at the apartments.
It seemed like she was trying to signal me to go inside. I looked around at the others training, but no one seemed to notice. We were supposed to keep tabs on each other, but people regularly left for bathroom breaks. It would probably just look like that.
I was right to assume that Kataleya would not follow immediately. I had to wait near the stairs for a little while before she showed up.
“Can we speak privately?” she asked.
“Yes,” I said, figuring this was the explanation I had been hoping for.
I was a little surprised that she took my hand and pulled me up the stairs after her, quickly. She didn’t drop my hand as we came to the hall on the second floor. I followed her to her room, where she tried the handle tentatively as if it might be locked.
It was. “Darn. Can we speak in your room?”
I nodded.
My blood ran hot. I knew I was probably expecting more than I should, but there were few things I wanted more than having Kataleya alone in my room, especially as she didn’t seem to want to let go of my hand.
I unlocked my door, glad I was trusted enough by the king to retain my key. I opened it for Kataleya to enter first, then went after her.
She frowned at the sight of me closing the door, but she didn’t say anything.
“I feel bad about how I handled things earlier,” she said. “You should know that I think you’re handsome.”
“You do?” I said, a little surprised but completely flattered.
“Yes, very,” she added. “And I know I’m not alone in this thought. It was because of that fact that I figured you would be fine with my rejection, but I was watching you during lunch and after, and I think I was wrong. I think I may have hurt you. May I ask, how strong are your feelings for me?”
I felt like my shirt was choking my neck as I pulled it away from my throat. I knew it was best to be straightforward with her, but that didn’t make it any easier.
“I know this is uncomfortable,” she said. “But I think it would be better to get all of it out now so we can address it.”
I agreed, but I still found it hard to speak.
“I thought your desire was primarily because of my looks or maybe my wealth, as I’ve experienced with other boys,” she said.
“It’s not,” I answered her curtly, as I was still finding my bearings.
“Then what do you feel?”
“I don’t know if any girl has ever been this blunt with me.” I laughed nervously. “It’s difficult to talk about. I’m not exactly sure. I feel many things.”
“You were the first one to be blunt, remember? I’m only trying to figure this out, and I of course trust you because you have been nothing but honest with me. I know you trust me, too.”
“I do.”
“Then let us address this bluntly so we can get past it.”
“Yes, let’s. You go first.”
“I want you to know that I’m flattered, and I really meant what I said. If things were different, I would’ve liked to see what might’ve happened with us.” She paused and looked down. “I’ve been attracted to you since the first time I saw you. I’ve never felt that way about anyone.”
I still couldn’t get over how honest and upfront she was about everything. She seemed to be nervous, her voice shaking, yet she kept going without pause.
“I’ve enjoyed getting to know you, and I like many things about you. However…” She paused again, clearing a knot from her throat. “I shouldn’t act on my attraction.”
I became more nervous now that it was my turn. This felt like one of those conversations that I might be able to steer in a different direction if I just had the right words, but I was still confused by it all.
Fortunately, she continued to disrupt the silence. “Our friendship could be difficult, seeing as how you might feel the same about me?” She stared at me, her eyes drifting down to my lips. “What do you have to say?”
I gathered my courage and spoke. “I’m still not sure why we can only be friends.”
She had a breath as if frustrated, then glanced at the door. “Perhaps this was a bad idea.” She turned back and told me with a quiet voice, “I don’t want for us to stay in here with your door closed for too long. I really hope you understand how difficult this is for me, because I do really like you. Do you understand what I’m saying? Can we leave it at that?”
No, I needed her to say the reason, but now she was heading for the door.
“Can I ask you just one thing?” I blurted, trying to contain my frustration.
She hesitated. “Yes, of course. I’m sorry.” She turned around to face me again.
“What is preventing you from letting me in? You can tell me.”
She sighed as she looked at the floor. “I was really hoping I had given you enough clues so I wouldn’t have to say it.”
“You wanted to be blunt. Let’s be blunt. I’m not saying we are destined to fall in love,” I continued. “But you seem to like me, and I like you—a lot. Now, I’m not as good with words as you are, but fortunately for me you seem to be quite intuitive. You know I’m interested in much more than your looks, and I certainly don’t care about your wealth. There are many things I like about you.” I was about to go on, but she stopped me.
“Yes, I’m aware of that now.” She had another sigh. “I think it was a mistake to open up to you, but it’s too late to change that now.”
It was a relief when she came back to stand with me near my bed, away from the door, though I did fear what she was about to say.
“I hope you don’t think less of me after this,” she said, “but my family has certain expectations of me. My family whom I love, and who love me.”
She was done? She looked at me expectantly. I wasn’t going to let her get away that easily.
“Are you saying that they expect you to be involved with someone like Reuben, not some
one like me?”
“That’s an unfair way of putting it, Jon.”
“I’m not angry,” I clarified. “I’m just trying to understand the truth.”
“Are you sure you’re not angry? I hope now more than ever that you can still be honest with me.”
Again she was right. I was angry, and I hadn’t even let myself realize it. This made me even angrier.
“Hell, are you ever wrong? I never knew the truth could piss me off so much!”
Her infectious laughter broke my anger, though, forcing a laugh out of my throat as well.
The moment was fleeting.
I asked, “Are you really going to marry someone you dislike just because of your family’s expectations? It doesn’t seem like you.”
“Not all the nobles are like Reuben. Many behave like I do.”
I didn’t know how to respond to that. Maybe there was nothing I could do and should give up before I embarrassed myself further.
“Can I share something with you if you promise not to tell anyone?” Kataleya asked. “Not even the king? It will shed light on this situation.”
“I promise I won’t speak of it.”
“My family has had close ties with another family for years, and there has been considerable expectation that I would marry the male heir of that family. That changed, however, because of the recent rebellion. Everything was put on hold when Nykal needed help taking down Oquin and his army. When it was all done, and an opportunity to train as a sorcerer was presented to me, I convinced my family to allow me to pledge service to Nykal. They agreed because they thought I might meet a sorcerer of nobility here, like myself.”
“Someone like Reuben.”
“Yes.”
“So it wasn’t all that strange that he thought you two would end up together.”
“No, it would be stranger for two people in our position to end up apart, especially when both of our families have interest in each other.”
“All this time I had thought Reuben was delusional, arrogant beyond belief.”
“He’s still Reuben,” she reminded me. “I’m not interested in him, though I am glad to see his personality losing some of its edge. I’m not talking about Reuben, though. I’m getting to the secret part that you cannot share.”
