by Susan Pease
‘You are so much like your aunt it scares me. Dear Jo, you and your brother keep me on my toes. I don’t know what I’d do without you both.’
‘Probably travel the world like Aunt Pepper and have a great time. Sometimes I feel that we are nothing but trouble,’ said Jo sadly.
‘Never, never in a million years are you not worth it or any trouble. That’s all slurp, gulp, nonsense and fiddlesticks.’
Jo was impressed; her tenth birthday must have turned a switch in her mother as she was talking to her as if she was a grown-up and not a silly kid. This made her feel important and very grown up. Her mother had never talked before about her sister or their life when they were small.
Jo’s mum asked her to go to the shops for some groceries. She couldn’t leave Geoffrey in the house alone. He was being such a big pain; it would be a disaster if Jo had to look after him. Most likely a huge fight would start causing havoc in the household between the two darlings.
Jo was all grown up, well, sort of, so she didn’t mind going to the market place. As she paddled her bike down the road she considered ditching it and taking a detour into the bush to visit her friends. For a split second it seemed like a good idea until she remembered that she was ten and with that came responsibilities so she kept going into the town. The fruit shop was the first stop and her list had bananas and mangoes on it, Geoffrey’s favourite.
‘Typical, he gets everything he wants because he has a sore bum. I’d like to kick him up his fat swollen bum. The brat always gets away with stuff.’
Mr Clay ran the shop and walked over to Jo with a huge smile on his face.
‘Hi Jo, how’s your mother, haven’t seen her in a while.’
‘Oh she’s fine, just busy with my tenth birthday and all that stuff. Had a great sleepover with some of my friends, we pigged out and had a snorting good time,’ answered Jo.
‘Do you mean you’re ten already? Goodness! I can remember when your dad shouted everybody at the pub a drink to celebrate your birth. I hate to say it but now I feel very old. I hope you had a gulping good time at your party.’
What did he say, a gulping good time, how strange?
Next she went to the supermarket and bumped into Mrs Banner.
‘Hi Jo, what can I do for your today? Hear Pepper is back in town. Give my love to her; she is a lucky one travelling the world. If I had my life over, I would have a Slurp-it-Downs time.’
What did she say, a Slurp-it-Downs time? Oh gosh, I think the hot sun has baked my brain, should have worn a hat. Mum always tells me to wear one because the sun’s too hot, better listen in the future.
This type of thing happened all morning.
It can’t be a coincidence could it? Everybody seems to be in a Gulp-a-Waters or Slurp-it-Downs mood. Better get back as soon as possible, maybe I’m overtired from the weekend. School starts soon, better get all the rest I can.
The basket on the front of the bike was full and heavy. This of course made the bike hard to steer and quite wobbly. The sun was so hot that Jo imagined that the frozen chicken would be cooked and ready to eat when she got home. The strawberries would have turned into mushy moose and the potatoes would be baked with the cheese melted all through them.
Yum, what a delicious meal, I’m starving, thought Jo.
Just before she reached the front door she noticed a small figure up ahead.
‘Jo girl, come with me, need to show you something. Need your help today, know you will help.’
It was the old Slurp-it-Downs, he seemed keen to show her something and for once, was quite polite.
‘I can’t come now. I have to take the groceries home. Mum’ll be waiting for me. I’m ten years old now and Mum is trusting me to do grown-up things.’
‘Slurp, gulp, nonsense and fiddlesticks come on. I will travel the groceries onto your mother’s kitchen bench. Get a Slurp-it-Downs move on, it’s important.’
Jo didn’t know what to do, you can’t argue with an old Slurp-it-Downs. So she did what he asked and followed him into the bush.
‘Don’t worry girl, groceries on the bench, Mother happy. Nobody will miss you; she will think you are upstairs in your room. Won’t have a clue; remember, we can alter the time. Hurry up for goodness sake. We are running out of time before the important visitor arrives.’
There it goes again, who on earth is the important visitor? Beats me why everybody is running around in a big rush.
‘We are not running around in a big rush, get a grip,’ said the old Slurp-it-Downs. Instead of going to the village the old fellow took the girl to the banks of Corkuparipple Creek. Jo noticed her two old friends were trying to catch some yabbies.
‘I don’t want to fish today, the water’s too yucky and it’s very hot and steamy. My fur is getting all crinkled and sticky and I feel a headache coming on,’ moaned the Gulp-a-Waters.
‘We have to catch a huge amount of yabbies for Pepi. Remember, her important visitor will be here soon. Want everything to be just right. It’s very important to make them both happy,’ answered the Slurp-it-Downs.
‘Well, I think too many people are putting too much thought in it being “very important”, I’m fed up with it all. Can’t even have a joke or do anything that is fun – all because of her visitor. It’s not at all Gulp-a-Waters fair and that’s that.’
‘Oh for goodness sake bite your bum and get a grip. It doesn’t happen all the time. This is a special visit and we don’t want any trouble,’ snarled the Slurp-it-Downs.
‘We’re not even allowed to have fun and muck around, no fighting, no swimming or anything; it’s all a bit much.’
‘Well, I guess you’re right, I can’t understand why we can’t have a bit of fun while we catch the blighters,’ complained the Slurp-it-Downs.
They seemed out of sorts and not the funny creatures Jo was used to seeing.
The old Slurp-it-Downs looked at Jo and shook his head.
‘Can you cheer them up? Never seem them like this before. Pepi’s visitor is important but unfortunately it has caused the village to go into a spin. We need a bit of light humour to set things right.’
Jo was shocked as they certainly were not happy.
‘This isn’t right at all, the poor creatures, I actually feel sorry for them. I have never seen them so down. Who on earth is Pepi’s visitor? The visitor must be rather special to be creating such problems for everybody in the village,’ said Jo.
‘Yes very, very Slurp-it-Downs and Gulp-a-Waters important I’m afraid. No time to muck up. These two fellows are not used to being serious,’ said the old Slurp-it-Downs.
‘So you want me to stay with them for a while and keep them company? Maybe get them laughing, is that right?’
‘Don’t know who else to ask, everybody is running around preparing for the visitor,’ said the old Slurp-it-Downs.
Jo thought it must be because she is now ten years old. Everybody is giving her adult tasks. At least she was being treated like a real grown-up. The old Slurp-it-Downs patted Jo on the back.
‘Knew you would help dear girl, you’re just like your aunt. Have every faith in you, just remember, no slurp, gulp, nonsense and fiddlesticks.’
The two creatures turned around and smiled when they saw Jo.
‘Happy days, at least Jo is here to help. Come on over here and grab this fishing net,’ said the Gulp-a-Waters.
‘Yeah sit by me, you don’t want to sit near him, I’m better at catching yabbies,’ said the Slurp-it-Downs.
‘No you’re not, you think smelly socks will attract them? Look Jo, see the old socks in his stupid net. Don’t get too close as the smell will knock you over!’
‘Well, I don’t think raspberry tarts will help to catch the yabbies,’ yelled the Slurp-it-Downs.
‘Yes they will because yabbies like the raspberry colour and they are sweet and tasty.’
Jo shook her head. If it wasn’t Vegemite and buttered bread it was now socks and raspberry tarts. Where do they get all their informat
ion on fishing?
‘I think it would be better if you used scraps of meat,’ suggested Jo.
‘What meat? I don’t think so; that’s a stupid idea,’ said the Slurpit-Downs.
Jo gave up, how they would be able to catch yabbies with smelly socks and raspberry tarts was beyond her.
‘You know Jo girl, we heard the old Slurp-it-Downs say “no nonsense”. That’s what we are all about,’ complained both the creatures.
‘Well maybe we can have a little fun as we try to catch the yabbies,’ answered Jo.
‘Can I push the Gulp-a-Waters in the creek?’
‘Definitely not, we’ll get into heaps of trouble for that, and all the yabbies will swim away,’ replied Jo.
‘Tying the net to his tail would be a hoot.’
‘No, don’t even think about it.’
‘What are you both talking about?’ asked the Gulp-a-Waters, walking up to his friends.
‘Nothing for you to worry about my dear fellow,’ said the Slurpit-Downs.
He was chuckling in a naughty manner. Jo rolled her eyes; these two were definitely going to be a challenge. Keeping them out of trouble and making sure their minds were on the task was going to be difficult. After sitting by the creek for hours with no yabbies, Jo got fed up. She demanded that they put some meat into the nets.
‘I’ve tried smelly socks, raspberry tarts and we still have nothing. How about the two of you consider trying my so-called stupid way,’ suggested Jo. She was starting to act like a very grumpy Slurp-it-Downs.
‘We have no meat, don’t you get it Jo, no meat.’
‘Well, what about witchetty grubs?’ asked the now frustrated Jo.
‘Goodness she’s right, the grubs are easy to find and they will wriggle. I bet the yabbies will love them cause they’re moving,’ said the Gulp-a-Waters willingly.
‘Live bait, I suppose it’s a good idea; that will probably attract them,’ said the other creature.
Thank goodness they are finally listening to me.
‘We always listen to you Jo girl, why would you think we don’t?’ said the creatures together.
Oh I forgot they could hear my thoughts. This is going to be a long day, sighed Jo.
The day was becoming a drag and quite hard work. Jo thought that after collecting the grubs they would for sure catch some yabbies. She pulled back some bark from the bottom of a gum tree to look for decaying wood crawling with any insects, hopefully witchetty grubs.
‘Grubs like to live and eat in these types of conditions. I just hope we manage to collect some big fat ones,’ said Jo.
The two creatures scratched their heads. Jo was going to a lot of trouble for bugs and they still weren’t convinced that it would work. After a while she had heaps in her pocket.
‘Let’s get going, time’s travelling on and I have to go soon. We need to have the basket full of yabbies for Aunt Pepper. Otherwise you two will be in heaps of trouble,’ announced Jo.
‘Can we tell you a joke? We are really bored with the day.’
‘Okay what is it; you can tell me while we catch yabbies.’
The two creatures stood side by side and said, ‘What are two things you cannot have for breakfast?’
‘Well considering we are trying to catch yabbies, is the answer yabbies?’ Cause at this rate we’ll have none,’ moaned Jo impatiently.
‘No – the answer is lunch and dinner.’
‘Oh gosh, today really is becoming too long,’ sighed Jo.
The grubs were eventually put into the fishing nets and before long there were heaps of yabbies!
‘Jo really knows how to catch the little suckers, so now all we have to do is eat the raspberry tarts,’ said the Slurp-it-Downs.
‘Good job too as I’m peckish, it’s taken a lot out of me fishing,’ said the Gulp-a-Waters. With that he snorted, and stringy, slimy snot slid slowly down his face. Jo gasped in horror as the Slurp-it-Downs raced to get a bucket to collect the snot.
‘See, it wasn’t a big waste of time, we have yabbies and a big bucket of snot. Pepi will think we are the smartest creatures of all. Not everyone can do two things at the same time.’
The old Slurp-it-Downs arrived and was delighted at the results.
‘Looks like you have caught heaps of yabbies for Pepi. I knew you guys could do it; seems you just needed a good friend to help you through a boring day.’
‘Yes you’re right, it’s all because of Jo, she knew what to do,’ said the Gulp-a-Waters.
‘Only because she listened to me,’ said the Slurp-it-Downs.
Oh boy, they’ll never learn.
‘Well, it’s time to travel you home, thank you for babysitting these two,’ said the old Slurp-it-Downs.
‘Babysitting! She didn’t babysit us, we babysat her and that’s a fact,’ said the creatures looking insulted.
‘It’s okay; I had sort of a good day. See you all soon, I have to go home to finish helping Mum.’
With that she was travelled back to her home. When she got there, all she could hear was Geoffrey yelling from his room. Things never change, it really was all slurp, gulp, nonsense and fiddlesticks.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Waldo Pickering
Aunt Pepper had been away for a while. Jo knew she was busy with all the snot and stuff. When she turned up at the front door with her important visitor Jo was surprised; the stranger looked as kooky as her aunt. He had a long straggly beard, lots of colourful beads, a cheesecloth top, flared jeans, and bare feet.
Who comes to visit with bare feet?
‘Don’t be so judgemental Jo,’ said her aunt softly into her ear.
Oh great, forgot she can read my mind.
Who on earth was this hippy and how come Aunt Pepper had the guts to bring him home to meet her sister? He didn’t exactly smell too good either, sort of incense fragrance. Or was it creature-like, stink of wet dog, Jo was not too sure. After introductions were over Aunt Pepper relayed to everyone that Waldo Pickering was a professor of environmental studies. She’d picked him up from the airport. He had come over from London to check out the waterways after the devastating fires and was going to stay in the town for a few months.
Pepper had met him on one of her spiritual journeys in India and they had become good friends.
‘Jo, do you think it would be okay if we use Charity to cruise around the creek? It’s important to get a real feel for what’s happened around the area. Waldo will be able to work out a plan of action.’
Great, now my personal boat has to take around this kooky dodo.
‘I suppose so, unfortunately for you Charity is only used to me and heavens knows what may happen if I am not there to keep an eye on her.’ She really meant, keep an eye on them.
‘I get your drift; maybe you should come along and keep things in order. There’s every chance that Waldo can teach you a thing or two about the environment.’
‘Great, more lessons and in the school holidays, can’t a kid have a break or something?’ mumbled Jo to herself. Jo’s mum was in the kitchen preparing some refreshments and wasn’t at all fazed by the visitor. After living with her sister most of her young life, nothing surprised her at all. She just took everything her sister threw at her in her stride.
Jo left Aunt Pepper and Waldo in the lounge and went to the kitchen to talk to her mum.
‘They want to use Charity to check out the creek. Do you think it’s okay if I go to keep an eye on them? Mum, he really is strange and did you see he has no shoes?’
‘Jo, you know your Aunt Pepper is different, in fact quite eccentric. I suppose all her friends are just like her so don’t judge, okay?’
Mum carried a tray of goodies into the lounge, shaking her head at Jo. She thought that the visitor was odd; of course she would never say it. There was something about him and she couldn’t put her finger on it.
‘Oh Dorothy this looks fantastic. I’m so happy that Pepper brought me here to meet you all. It’s like a family reunion,’ gushed Wal
do.
Jo’s mum blushed at such a compliment.
Family reunion, that’s a bit over the top, we don’t even know him. It’s strange to hear somebody calling Mum by her real name. Dorothy, how weird, thought Jo.
Geoffrey could be heard giggling in the hall; he thought the strange visitor was a real hoot. The kitchen door slammed and he ran off to tell his mate Ted about the hippy visitor. With refreshments over and preparations in hand they wandered down towards the river.
‘It will take a long time to get the waterways clean. I’m afraid there are heaps of rubble and trash that have been blown in from the town. No wonder the fish are struggling.’
‘I went down to the creek the other day and the water didn’t seem that bad,’ said a shocked Jo.
‘Well, sometimes it takes a while for all the rubbish to show itself. We’ll have to dredge the creek and have a working bee to pick up all the rubbish. Do you think the creatures will have the time to help?’ asked Waldo.
What did he say? Goodness, he knows about the Gulp-a-Waters and the Slurp-it-Downs!
‘Let’s drift towards the Gulp-a-Waters jetty; maybe we can offload into the village. There’s so much to discuss and I’m sure we could all go for something to eat,’ announced Aunt Pepper.
Something to eat, we really only just had afternoon tea, has she got worms or something?
‘Don’t be cheeky Jo, by the time we get to the village even you will be hungry. You keep forgetting I can hear what you think,’ said Aunt Pepper.
As they continued down towards Corkuparipple Creek, Waldo chilled out. Jo listened as he laughed and talked to Aunt Pepper about all the things they had got up to when they travelled the world.
It almost sounds like the pair has a romantic connection, could this hippy environmentalist be my aunt’s boyfriend? Surely not, I think I’m imagining it all. My mind is now starting to read like a silly romance novel. Who wants to even think about that silly romantic, yucky stuff, thought Jo with a shudder.
Nevertheless Waldo and Aunt Pepper definitely had some kind of “close” friendship. Waldo turned to Jo and asked her a question.
