by Amiee Louise
“OK, one coffee, and I’ll walk away. You’ll never have to speak to me again.”
I am silent and walk a few inches away from him. We go into a greasy spoon cafe called The Breakfast Club, five minutes around the corner from the shop. I sit down at a table in the corner by the window and put my phone on the table in front of me.
“Usual, coffee two sugars, loads of milk?”
I want to say no, but I smirk and nod. “Yeah, please.”
He smiles. “Some things never change, baby cakes.”
I roll my eyes, and he goes over to the counter to order the coffees. He places the order and comes back over to the table, sitting opposite me.
“You’re looking good, Peyton.”
He smiles a flirty smile. A short, plump, middle-aged woman with greasy blonde hair and a moody look on her face comes over and puts the coffees down on the table.
“Can I get you anything else?” she asks in a bored tone, and Callum shakes his head whilst never taking his eyes off mine. She shrugs and walks away, leaving the awkward atmosphere unfolding between Callum and me.
“So, how long have you and the rock star been an item? Looks pretty serious from what I’ve seen in the papers and on the Internet.”
“What was it you used to say? Never believe anything you read in the newspaper apart from the date?” I snap.
“Is it your time of the month, babe?”
He smirks. Fucking smarmy bastard. I clench my fist under the table, and it takes all I have not to launch myself across the table at him.
“Say what you need to say, Callum, I need to get back to the shop.”
“OK, if that’s what you want. Look, I wanted a chance to say sorry, and before you jump in, I am genuinely fucking sorry for hurting you, babe, I really am. It was unforgivable; I have spent the past couple of days thinking of nothing else. I was such a shitty, insensitive, heartless bastard, and I deserve everything you throw at me. I was a crap boyfriend, and I don’t blame you. When I found out our baby had died, I thought it was punishment for me cheating on you.”
I almost choke on my coffee. “Are you actually fucking serious?” I spit out.
“Peyton, I need you to know why I did what I did. When you told me you were pregnant, I was fucking scared. Actually, I was terrified. Yeah, we had talked about kids maybe in the future, but we were being careful, and I wasn’t ready to be a dad. I thought you had gotten yourself pregnant to trap me. When you showed me the scan picture, I thought I would feel different, but I felt nothing. I had been seeing Savannah at the gym for a few months before we actually hooked up, she would come for a workout at first a couple of times a week and then more regularly. She was being flirty, she would always stop to chat, and we got to know each other. Well, friendly banter at first, then it led to more. When I found out you were pregnant I went straight to the gym to get away, I was snapping at everyone at work, being a complete prick to be around. She came into the gym and sensed something was wrong.”
I roll my eyes. Here we go, typical Callum spinning me lie after lie.
“I broke down on her in the changing rooms, told her everything, I was so fucking messed up, I don’t know what happened. We ended up at a hotel around the corner, and we had sex. It instantly took my problems away, and it made me forget for a while. I was terrified of being caught, and we started meeting up at hotels stealing moments together where we could, but know it was never ever in our bed. I couldn’t do that to you.”
I raise my eyebrows. “And I’m supposed to be grateful for that?” I spit sarcastically.
“Hear me out. I wanted to tell you, but when I got the call that you were in the hospital having a miscarriage, I ended it with her. Literally told her I didn’t want to be with her and that I wouldn’t leave you for her.”
I slam my cup on the table. “And this conversation is helping how, Callum? Ease your fucking conscience, telling me all the sordid little details? How fucking dare you?”
“No, I want you to understand, Peyton,” he says calmly, and I shake my head.
“No, if you left her as soon as you got the call that I was in the hospital, why didn’t you show up until the next morning? I needed you, Callum, I fucking needed you with me, and I was grieving for our unborn baby all alone.”
My eyes glaze over, and I swallow back the lump in my throat, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry in front of him. He reaches across the table for my hand, and I quickly snatch it away.
“I’m so sorry, babe, I need you to believe that. I went to a bar and got completely wasted because I felt weak that I couldn’t be the strong one, and I couldn’t be the rock you deserved.”
I sigh audibly and take a sip of my coffee.
“I got completely wasted and passed out in a bar; I don’t know how I got home that night. I turned up at the hospital the next day, and I didn’t know what to say to you. I was hung-over, you were crying and completely inconsolable. Ruby was shouting the odds at me, your dad and your brother wanted to punch me, your mum was staring daggers at me, and I was a total fucking mess. I know that’s no excuse for my behaviour, but the day you walked in on us, I didn’t intend for it to happen that way. After you got out of the hospital, I didn’t know what to say or how to act around you. You’d sit in the flat with the curtains closed crying all day.”
“Don’t you dare fucking lay that one on me, Callum. I was grieving for our baby. I felt like my whole world was falling apart. You had an affair with another woman behind my back, and I walked in on you shagging her. It’s as simple as that. You don’t need to spin me some bullshit excuse. I needed time to get over that and then I walked in on you. My whole world crashed down around me. I felt so alone. Not only had I lost a baby, but I’d also lost the man I loved as well.” A tear escapes and rolls down my cheek.
“I’m not blaming you, baby cakes, you have to believe me. I was grieving in my own way too, and it wasn’t just your baby.”
As those words pass his lips, I want to smash his stupid smug face in.
“You’re un-fucking-believable, Callum, do you know that?” I say through clenched teeth. I am so angry with him, so I finish my coffee quickly and pull on my jacket.
“Where are you going, babe?”
I narrow my eyes and drop my phone in my coat pocket. “You don’t get to ask me that, you’ve got no fucking right. I listened to your pathetic story like you wanted, now I’m going back to work.”
He puts his hand on top of mine and looks me in the eyes.
“Please don’t go, you tried to kill yourself because of me.”
He lowers his voice. Low blow, Kennedy.
“It was all my fault, I know that now, and I couldn’t leave things like we left it yesterday. Talk to me, just five more minutes, please.”
I pull my hand away.
“I tried to kill myself because I couldn’t see another way out. I had constant nightmares, and I was on anti-depressants. I medicated because I felt dead inside, and I pushed everyone away, people who wanted to help me. I was a total and absolute mess. I slashed my wrists, took an overdose, and fell unconscious in the bath. Ruby found me just in time; I would be dead if it wasn’t for her. A minute longer and I wouldn’t have made it. I was lucky, apparently,” I say bitterly as I wipe my tears away, hating my emotions for betraying me in front of my cheating ex-boyfriend. “I saw a counsellor for a few months, and the rest, as they say, is history. So now you know how weak and pathetic I became all because of you. I’ll never ever forgive you for what you did, Callum. I have to go now.”
I stand up defiantly and push my chair back. I go to walk past him, but he grabs my arm.
“You’re not pathetic or weak. There’s not a day goes by that I don’t regret everything I’ve done, and the way behaved. I’ve never stopped loving you, baby cakes.”
He looks up at me, and I don’t know whether he is lying or telling the truth, but I don’t stick around to find out.
“Goodbye, Callum.”
“Hey, honey, what’s wrong? Come on, talk to me.”
Seb’s voice soothes me. I turn around and sob into his chest. He envelopes me in his arms and rubs my back, resting his chin on top of my head.
“It’s OK, I’ve got you, sweetie. It’s going to be all right. I’m here.” He strokes my hair, and I look up at him. “Who’s upset you, darlin’?”
I shake my head, unable to get the words out.
“Come on, sit down with me.”
He leads me over to the sofa where we both sit down.
“What’s happened? You’re scaring me here, and I haven’t seen you like this in such a long time, honey.” He tucks my hair behind my ear and wipes my tears away.
“Callum,” I choke out, and Seb stands up.
“I told you to tell me if that fucking prick ever bothered you again, babe,” he says through clenched teeth. I grab his hand.
“Seb, he is not worth it. Please, it isn’t your fight.”
“Yes, it is my fight. You’re like my little sister. If someone upsets you, they upset me. It’s just the way I roll,” he jokes, and I manage to laugh through my tears. He wipes my tears away with the pad of his thumb. “See, that’s better. Look, if you need to take the afternoon off, I can call in some favours to cover your appointments?”
I smile and shake my head. “I need to work, Seb. It’s fine, thank you so much for the offer, though. I need to keep my mind occupied.”
Seb smiles and kisses the top of my head. “Take as long as you need, babe, your station’s all set up for you.”
I kiss him on the cheek, and he goes back out into the shop. I splash cold water on my face and dry off with a towel. Checking my reflection, I’m angered to see my eyes are red and puffy. I put a little concealer to hide it and slick on some lip-gloss, then force a smile at my reflection and take a deep breath. I check my phone, and I have a text from Sam.
Can’t wait to see you later baby
Counting down the hours
S xx
I smile at the thought of seeing him again, and it is as if the events of lunchtime have just melted away. I stow my phone away and go out into the shop, quickly focusing my mind back onto my work, and start my afternoon tattooing session. I dedicate my afternoon to tattooing a semi-professional footballer—a lion and a union jack with a football in the centre. It is a large tattoo and takes me over five painstaking hours to complete the line work. I am glad of the distraction, almost forgetting about the dramas of the day. At the end of the day, I am wiping down my station and setting up ready for tomorrow. Seb comes over to my workstation.
“I told you I’d do that for you, babe.”
I smile. “It’s OK, Seb, I’ve got it.”
He brushes my arm. “If you need to chat, honey, you know I’m here.”
I carry on wiping down my station before saying, “Yeah, I know, babe, and that means the world to me, it really does.”
He takes a pile of paperwork into the back of the shop. The door of the shop opens, but I don’t look up.
“We’re closed.”
The door closes, and I look up. Callum is standing in the shop.
“Callum, I said all I had to this afternoon.”
He holds up my bag, which I didn’t even realise I had forgotten.
“You left this in the café.” He smiles, and I take it from him, keeping my face impassive.
“Thanks.”
He nods. “You’re welcome.”
He stands with his hands in his pockets, and I hear Seb’s heavy footsteps coming towards me. He stands a few inches behind me, his stance loose and predatory as if he is waiting for Callum to make one false move towards me.
“Is everything all right, babe? Do you want me to get rid of him?”
I put my hand on his hard, heaving chest. “Everything’s fine, babe, honestly.”
I look up at him and smile. The way he looks at me says he is reluctant to leave me alone in the shop with Callum.
“I’ll just be in the back, honey.” He winks at me and jabs his finger at Callum. “If you lay one finger on her or say anything to upset her ever again, I swear to God I will fuck you up.”
There is something in the tone of Seb’s voice that makes me believe that he would carry out his threats.
“Someone’s protective. Is he your bodyguard now? Does Newbolt know?”
I roll my eyes. “The number of times you fucking accused me of cheating on you with Seb and the whole time you were the one who was cheating, unbelievable.”
I finish setting up my station for tomorrow and Callum takes my hand in his.
“I meant what I said, Peyton, I’ve never stopped loving you. There’s not a day that’s gone by when I don’t think of what could have been, we’d have a baby son or daughter now.”
I pull my hand away. “Don’t.”
He leans his face down towards mine and strokes my hair.
“Tell me you still don’t get that feeling when I’m near you,” he whispers, and I step back.
“I feel nothing for you, Callum.”
Leaving him seething, I go to the back to gather my things. When I get back into the shop, he is still standing there with his hands in his pockets.
“Can’t you take a hint? I don’t fucking want you here, I don’t want you in my life, and I definitely don’t want you turning up here screwing with my head. I went for a coffee with you earlier because I thought you might have had something to say that I hadn’t heard before. But it’s always the same with you, Cal, same old lies, same old bullshit, and same old you. I don’t want to see you again, so stay the fuck away from me.”
He looks at me and takes my hand in his. “Now look me in the eye and say it.”
I look him straight in the eye and snatch my hand away, repeating my earlier statement.
“I feel nothing for you, Callum. I don’t want to ever see you again. Is that clear enough for you?”
He looks genuinely hurt by my admission, but after everything he has put me through, I want to draw a line under the whole Callum and me thing. I want to focus on my future with Sam.
“OK, you’ll never have to see me again, Peyton, that’s a promise.”
He turns to walk away.
“Callum,” I call out.
He turns back around and a whole year of pent-up anger towards him comes bubbling to the surface. I punch him hard in the face, catching him off-guard, and he stumbles backwards just as Seb rushes out from the back of the shop. I raise my fist to punch him again, but Seb holds me firmly back with his iron grip. My hand is stinging and sore, but I feel so much better. Callum’s nose is pouring with blood. Seb shields me from him.
“I suggest you get the fuck out of my shop, and if I catch you within even a hundred feet of her again, I will fucking kill you,” Seb says, his voice dripping with menace. Callum holds his hand up in silent defeat, walks out of the shop, and continues off down the street.
“Are you OK, babe? That was some punch! I’m going to start nicknaming you Rocky Balboa!” He laughs, and I join him. “Come on, I’ll wrap that hand for you, babe.”
He takes me into the kitchen area at the back of the shop, runs my hand under the cold tap for me, then takes out a bandage and wraps my hand with it. There is a silent understanding between Seb and me, that says he has my back and he’ll always take care of me.
“There you go, babe, just put some ice on it when you get home and if it gets worse, go to the hospital.”
I nod. He smiles, and I kiss him on the cheek.
“Thanks, Seb, I will do. You’re a diamond.”
“See you tomorrow, honey.”
He kisses me on the forehead, and I leave the shop to drive back to my flat. Parking the car, I go up the stairs, open the door and am greeted by the sound of low guttural groans as I step into the flat. I walk further in and kick off my shoes. I see Jax on the sofa with his arms spread out across the back, his head thrown back and his eyes closed.
“Oh, fuck yeah, that’s it, baby, take me all the way.”
I am shocked at what is unfolding in front of me. Ruby is on her knees in front of the sofa giving Jax a blowjob. Standing there with my mouth open, I don’t know what to do or where to put my face.
“Ahem,” I clear my throat. Jax’s eyes fly open, and Ruby looks up with a mischievous grin on her face.
