Cricket didn’t want him to talk about the turd. It wasn’t good that she knew he could talk. But Little Mouse couldn’t resist, he seized every opportunity to insult her.
She, however, being a turd, answered in the same way.
“Dear Little Mouse”, she would say, “your ugly tongue will bring you a lot a trouble someday.”
And when he actually managed to make her angry, she always ended with: “Sooner or later I’ll cut it out.”
Cricket had explained it was a metaphor, which meant it was a lie and she wouldn’t cut anything at all. Not his tongue, nor his tail, nor his ears and whiskers. She just loved to scare him.
The pleasure was reciprocal. He liked to attack her from behind, when she didn’t expect it, shouting dreadfully.
“Oh, Little Mouse, it’s you! I knew it!” she’d say.
But she was actually shitting herself.
Little Mouse knew it well, it had happened to him many times. He had soaked his little paws. But this was much time ago, before Cricket came. He never thought back to that horrible time.
In his dreams yes, it still happened, but it was different. The turd was completely different. She was nice to him, she even took him in her arms.
Sometimes he wondered if they were memories of the past or inventions of his mind.
Cricket said they were memories, but how could he know, he wasn’t there yet.
The turd had loved him once, he said, she really loved him. Before he started talking.
What kind of explanation was that? Was it his fault? She should be angry with Cricket then!
“You can’t understand, Little Mouse, your mind is too simple”, said Cricket, “but hers isn’t, she’s very smart. That’s why she can’t love you.”
Little Mouse had seen himself in a mirror, a long time before, and he thought himself really cute. Lively little eyes and taut ears, (mousy) gray hair, a lovely little tail, and those long whiskers! Who could deny he was a marvel?
Of course, in the beginning he hadn’t understood it was him, and he had been frightened. Cricket had explained everything, in particular what a mirror was.
He said the turd was pretty, though a bit mature. Mature meant old, he explained. She didn’t seem old to Little Mouse, she had remained the same as the day he had seen her for the first time. Even if he couldn’t remember when that was.
He was tired of listening to Cricket and his tales. He was tired of all the information he poured over him. It only confused him more. When would he need it? He was there, imprisoned inside that cage, and there he would stay forever.
He scampered back and forth inside his prison that looked smaller every day, and since Cricket had taught him those, he threw insults right and left.
“Stupid door! Damn lock! Shit table! Idiot clock! Oh, what a boring life I must lead! A shitty life!”
Yeah, sometimes he was very depressed.
The turd, according to Little Mouse, was called Eleonora. She didn’t think of herself as mature, since she had just turned forty-five. And she was pretty, yes, a very small woman, a little slip of a thing, like her dad used to say.
She cared about Little Mouse much more than he thought. Actually, he was her constant worry. And to think he was so cute, when she’d bought him. A shy little mouse, so scared, in his little cage.
How could she had imagined that in just three years he would become two meters tall? She had to change eight cages, and every time their volume doubled. The last cage almost completely filled what once was her study room.
And what a boor he was! She remembered with longing the time when he could not talk yet. Who could have imagined he would learn certain terms? She sure hadn’t taught him.
What could she do? She spent the morning doing shopping for him, then hours cutting his food in little pieces, and she did nothing but insult her. He was right about some things, his cage looked like a pigsty, but she didn’t feel like going inside.
Not that she was really afraid of Little Mouse, he was still an adorable mouse, but he was often so angry he didn’t realize his own strength. Once, she had been subjected to a tail blow that left her with a red mark for weeks, just on the cheek. He had apologized afterwards, but since then she had become cautious.
He ate too much, smelled too much, and he was rude too. Sometimes she wondered why she still looked after him.
Well, she couldn’t free him for sure, as much as he would be happy about it. She doubted the world was ready to welcome him. When she was very angry she always threatened to call the zoo, even if she would never do it.
After all, if she called the zoo, she wouldn’t know what to say. She could already imagine the conversation.
“Are you saying, madam, that you’d like to get rid of a two-meters tall mouse?”
“That’s right. I can’t keep him anymore, he’s destroying my house.”
“Have you ever thought about deratting?”
“I’m not joking, he’s really two meters tall. And he talks. Are you interested?”
No, no, no, she couldn’t even think about it! And even if they believed her, how could they accept the rest?
“How did you acquire him?”
“I bought him in an animal shop.”
“Are you kidding me?”
“No, I swear! But he was a normal mouse then, very small. He was lovely.”
“And you didn’t realize there was something strange?”
“Well, at some point he started growing. Yes, of course I realized it! I had to change the cage, there wasn’t enough space.”
“But two meters!”
“What could I do? I was fond of him. Should I have sent him away just because he was growing too much?”
“Now you’re not ok with it anymore, though.”
“It’s not that. It’s that he started talking. And he always tells me bad things. He makes me cry. To think he was so cute at the beginning!”
Here, her imagination didn’t go beyond that point, it was unlikely that her interlocutor wouldn’t have hung up already.
No, no, there was nothing to do: Little Mouse was her problem and she had to deal with him.
“I brought you apples, little mouse. And the cucumbers you like so much. And look, what a surprise… asparagus! I know you love them.”
“Go away, turd.”
It was always like that, now he wouldn’t even turn to look at her anymore.
“Can’t we go back to how we were before? We got along so well!”
“I can’t remember it!”
Stubborn, Little Mouse wouldn’t turn.
“It’s Cricket, right? He’s the one who’s turning you against me.”
“Cricket only tells the truth! He tells me how things are.”
“Well, he must have told you to accept it then! That you can’t get out of here!”
Of course, he’d told him, but Little Mouse didn’t care.
“I’m going crazy here! Crazy!”
Yes, it was true, Little Mouse was right, but she didn’t know what to do.
“You should stop listening to Cricket, it only serves to hurt you.”
Little Mouse turned, furious. He was disturbing, towering over her, his red eyes not so cute anymore.
“You’re the one who hurts me, turd! Only you!”
Eleonora ran away crying.
“That’s Eleonora. She’s all crazy.”
It was a normal occurrence that the housewives would point at her at the supermarket.
“She was a teacher, you know, but she went out of her mind when he left her. Renato, remember? But how could he be with someone like her?”
“Does she still teach? I don’t see her at school anymore.”
“No, no, she stays at home all day, cooking. Maybe she’s hoping for him to come back. Can’t you see how much stuff she buys?”
“The neighbors say strange things about her.”
“Don’t listen to them. Those ones, they’re even crazier than her!”
A
nd they laughed.
“Cricket, get me out.”
“You don’t listen to me! The world out there doesn’t want you!”
“I don’t care what the world wants or does not want! I don’t want to stay here anymore!”
“Why? What do you miss?”
“What you talked to me about.”
“It’s just words, how do you know I’m telling the truth? How can you miss something you never had? How do you know it actually exists?”
“When the sun sets the sky colors pink, pink and orange, yes, and you must be quick to see it, because then it soon becomes dark. And dawn, dawn is different, it’s a lightness in the air that expands, like the slit of a door.”
“I told you that, so what? What does it mean to you?”
“I want to see it.”
“You know she can’t open the windows, they could see you. Don’t even ask.”
“I don’t want to open the windows! I want to go out! I want to see it with my own eyes!”
“I wish I could help you.”
“But you won’t.”
“I can’t.”
“You don’t want to, it’s different.”
“I can’t.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, Miss Eleonora. That’s what’s written here.”
“And it couldn’t be wrong?”
“Well, no, not wrong. There could be exceptions, sure. They won’t all behave the same way.”
She was crying. She didn’t even understand what was happening to her. The shopkeeper was embarrassed. “Don’t do this, Miss Eleonora, come, sit down.”
She gave him a desperate look. “You sold him to me!”
The shopkeeper tried to remember. “Are you talking about the mouse?”
She nodded. “Little mouse, I bought him here. Three years ago.”
He immediately understood the problem. “Oh. Well, you don’t have to obsess about it, it’s not sure…”
“Three years! More, almost three years and a half! And he wasn’t even just born, how old could he have been?”
He shrugged. “Two months. Maybe three.”
Eleonora burst into tears again. “Why didn’t you tell me right away?”
“What?”
“That mouses live so little!”
He gaped. “But…”
“He should have died already, right? He doesn’t have much left.”
The man was confused, that woman’s reaction was too weird. What fault did he have if he sold her a mouse three years before? And most of all what fault did he have if that was the maximum life expectancy of a mouse? If he’d died the day after he would have given her a new one, but after three years what did that crazy woman want?
“You must accept it. Yes, your mouse doesn’t have much time left.”
“I knew I shouldn’t have shown you.”
Little Mouse was crying in floods. His red eyes were even more red. “No, no, you did well, it was beautiful.”
“Judging by how sad you are, I wouldn’t have said so.”
“And this is a movie? Not reality?”
“Well, there are movies and movies. Even if they’re not real, they are inspired by reality. I mean, this is what’s out there. There was a dawn too, did you see? And a sunset!”
“Am I like him?”
“King Kong? No, what are you talking about! I showed you this one because I had it lying around. It was for the sunset. And the dawn.”
“He was put in a cage too.”
“But it doesn’t matter! He’s not real! He’s a fictional character!”
“And he had a horrible end! Horrible! Is that what would happen to me if I left this cage?”
A long silence.
“I’m afraid so. The people wouldn’t accept you. They would be afraid of you. Like of King Kong.”
“What am I?”
“You know. A mouse.”
“Are people afraid of mice? The turd isn’t.”
“Stop calling her a turd, she’s not.”
For once he obeyed. “Eleonora isn’t afraid of mice.”
“You’re not just a mouse. It’s different. You’re different.”
“How?”
“How would I know? You’re just different! Maybe you come from some secret lab where they did experiments on your DNA. Maybe the animalists freed you. Maybe a ray from space changed you. Maybe you are a genetic mutation.”
“What are you saying? I don’t understand a word!”
“I’m sorry, I watch too many sci-fi movies.”
“Are you not afraid of me?”
“Of you? Are you joking? No, no, absolutely!”
“Crickets are not afraid of mice?”
“I’m not… No, crickets are not afraid of mice.”
“And neither is Eleonora?”
“Look, stop it! It was just a movie. If I’d known it would end like this I wouldn’t have shown you!”
“I treated her so badly.”
“Stop crying, now. Do you want a handkerchief?”
“He was so sad, Cricket. Alone, in that cage, and everyone wanted to hurt him! So sad.”
“Oh, hell! What a mess I’ve made!”
Eleonora came home very late. It was almost sunset. She’d cried a lot. She’d been to the park, sat on a bench, thinking.
She had to accept it, the storekeeper had said. But he didn’t know Little Mouse.
He didn’t know how different he was from anyone else. She’d always treated him so badly, always closed inside that cage. And now it was too late to fix it.
She’d understood he was getting old. She’d known for a while. It had nothing to do with his strange growth, nor his intelligence. Oh, inside his mind he was still young, just a child. But not his body. His body had come to an end.
Cricket said he was an experiment, there was no other explanation. She’d never looked for explanations. Little Mouse filled an empty life, and that was all that mattered to her. Let them call her crazy, Little Mouse was everything.
It didn’t matter that he insulted her, she deserved it. She’d been allowed to meet something special, unique, and she’d just been able to lock him in a cage.
And now it was over.
“I’m sorry, Little Mouse.”
“No, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have treated you like that.”
Eleonora gaped.
“I know you do it for me. You protect me.”
Those words, she’d hoped to hear them, but not in that moment, now they just hurt.
“I locked you in a cage.”
“How do you know? Maybe you’re in a cage. Maybe I’m free here.”
The room was dark, the huge mouse was too far for her to see him well.
“Little Mouse…”
“Am I a monster?”
“No, no.”
“Would you bring me a mirror?”
“I…”
“Cricket brought me one. He showed me how I am. I’m very different from you. And from him.”
“No, it’s not true.”
Eleonora was sobbing. Then, before she changed her mind, she pulled out the keys and opened the locks on the cage. There were many, because Little Mouse was very intelligent and there was the risk he would find a way to get out.
Little Mouse didn’t move.
When she finished, she opened the cage and left.
“Eleonora?”
He was at the kitchen’s door. A gigantic mouse, taller than the jamb. But for her he was her little mouse, he would always be.
And he was. Despite the size he was still just a mouse, not a horror movie monster. An old mouse with the mind of a child.
“Dinner’s almost ready.”
He didn’t dare enter. He’d kept himself away from the windows, because they scared him. They could have seen him. There was so much light, inside that house.
“Is it dawn or sunset?”
“What?”
“This light…is it dawn?”
“No, the
sun is about to set. It’s evening.”
“Oh. Can I see it?”
“The sun? No, I don’t think so. It sets on the other side. You can’t see it from these windows.”
He didn’t move, he stood on the threshold.
“Little Mouse, you can come in. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“Am I free?”
“What?”
“Am I free? Did you free me? Or do I have to go back to the cage?”
“No, no, not the cage.”
“Then am I free?”
“Yes, you’re free.”
“I can go out? Out of this house?”
“Why?”
“To see the sunset.”
She started sobbing like an idiot. “Yes, yes, you’re free to do what you want.”
“Thank you, Eleonora.”
Little Mouse went away.
Was she losing him? Was he leaving her alone? Would she ever see him again? Maybe he was just going to see the sunset and then he would come back to her. Where else would he go? He would see that the world outside is ugly, she was sure of it.
She kept making dinner. Then she remembered that maybe Little Mouse wouldn’t be able to open the door and almost went to help him, but then heard it slam and realized she didn’t need to.
Her Little Mouse was so smart!
“Cricket, you stole my dvds again! Mom, Cricket goes through my thing!”
“Cricket, leave your sister alone! You know how she is, she makes a tragedy out of anything.”
“Mom!”
The mother was forced to intervene. “What are you looking for?”
Cricket puffed. “I need a movie with the scene of a sunset. Or a dawn. Better both. I need it for school.”
“School!”, snorted his sister. “We all know what you need it for!”
Cricket kept rummaging through the dvds. Godzilla didn’t seem appropriate, and neither did Jurassic Park. “Don’t you have anything normal?”
“Look who’s talking! Normal! You don’t know what that word means. You and that madwoman of the apartment next door!”
“Leave Eleonora out of this, it’s not about her.”
“What are you always doing there, I’d like to know. But surely among crazy people you understand each other.”
The mother had to intervene again. “Lisa, stop saying those things about Eleonora, poor woman. She suffered so much. What’s wrong with Cricket keeping her company?”
The Prison Page 38
