Toby is pale as a dead man, and he’s really terrified. “I do not…I swear…”
“I do not make any of your justifications, asshole!”
Part one slap, a snap, and a red dwarf revives Toby’s pallor.
He cries, like a kid.
“I did not…I did not…”
The princess is upset. Nobody ever shouts at her. Whatever she does, nobody has ever scolded her. If they take it with others, always. If she breaks anything, the waitress is punished. If she tries to run away, it’s up to those who should watch over her. And now Toby. It’s not right! It’s not right!
“Tomorrow you will come back to grandparents! I should not even bring you here! I knew you would made only troubles. I do not know what to do for you, you are useless!”
He now cries desperately. Singing, the tears come down copious, as if it were a fountain. “Daddy, please…Dad…”
He grabs his shoulders and shakes it as if he were a lot of potatoes. “Be quiet! Stop whining! Sissy! I am ashamed of you!”
“Dad…please…do not beat me.”
He said it. The drop that overflows the pot, which makes it explode. “You call it beaten?”
He pulls a crack, so loud to slam him against the wall. “Now take she back! And no one will realize she’s gone!”
Another mock, then grabs him by the shoulders and blows his head against the wall. “Beating? If you lose my job I’ll kill you! You understood me? I’ll kill you!”
This shakes her. That word, killing, comes to her conscience. The princess moves, just. The paralysis that struck her is disappearing.
That man is right above her. To get to his son, he had to do it. It’s gigantic, strong and violent. And terrorizes her. He ignores her, as if she did not even exist, as if she were a squirrel. Is this what you she is? Is that how they consider her, even Mummy? A pretty ornate to admire and guard and protect? Has anyone realized that she exists? Anyone besides Toby?
She has nothing to fight, nothing to defend Toby. Then she attacks him with the only things that remain, her nails and her teeth. She goes up and throws herself against the man.
She throws it in his throat, and when he screams she pushes his teeth deeply.
The man shouts. “Help me, Toby! Help me.”
But there is no noise, a sign that Toby has remained motionless on the bed.
There is so much rage in the princess, anger against the whole world, because they want to deny her the only thing she wants, the only thing she has ever really wanted in her whole life.
The man starts filling her with fists, hips, and head, and he continues to scream. The princess bites even more, she puts all her strength, though not much. He feels the blood flow, its metallic flavor.
She hates him for what he did to Toby, for what he is doing, and for what he can do in the future. That man incarnates everything that does not work in her existence. She hates him and wants him dead.
It happens. The man falls on his knees and is already banging. The princess does not loosen the grip and feels the bones fracture. The blood buzzes and splints on him. It is a little shaky for the shots received, but its determination has never been so strong.
The man crashes to the ground, but she does not leave him and follows him in the fall, the teeth always planted in his neck.
He contorts for a few moments, then he stays motionless.
After a century or two, the princess feels Toby’s delicate touch on her shoulders.
The guy is kneeling on the floor beside her.
Then she stops biting and retracts. Jaws are stiff, they work. The mouth is still full of blood. She is covered, has it all over the body.
“Did you…you killed him?”
She is terrified. Wrong? Did she do the wrong thing? Will he understand, Toby?
“Did you do it for me?”
She turns and meets his eyes. He is pale, the face beat up from the slaps he receives. He has a cut on his lip and drops a drop of blood. There is no fear in his eyes, nor hate.
She does not resist and kisses him, right on the cut.
He laughs. “No, no, you’re messing around!” Then he gets up. “Come with me. We must wash.”
She follows him, quietly, in another room, the bathroom.
Toby ticks a towel and sits next to her. Start washing her face with the tip of the towel.
The princess never misses sight, her heart in her throat. Understood? Does he want her the same? It seems impossible to her.
“I think… we have to get out of here before they find out. Do you want to come with me? Of course, you have to come, they will understand immediately that you were you.” Then those beautiful words, which she would never have thought to hear, “I do not want them to hurt you.”
True, it’s not just a dream. It really happens. That two souls are one. A look it’s enough to recognize each other. That nothing can stop it, ever.
Toby is embarrassed as she cleanses her body. The princess does not even notice it, just look at his eyes.
Then she follows him, when he leaves the bathroom and returns to the room.
Toby is not worthy of the father’s corpse. Put a backpack on the bed and start filling it. “We’ll fix it, you’ll see. A place to stay we will find it. I think of you, do not worry.”
And she does not. There is no fear. There is no reason now that she has Toby.
“I hated to be here. And I hated him!” Indicates the father’s body. “If we had met before…we’d have fun, you know? I was bored to death. Why did not you show up? Did they forbid it?”
Toby understands how nobody before, no need for words, among them.
“You do not say anything?” He does not wait for the answer and closes his backpack. Then he puts it on his shoulder. “Let’s go.”
They join, side by side, and the princess is proud of him. Even for a moment she turns to look at the luxurious villa that has been her home for twelve years.
They continue together, like one being, down the driveway, toward the park’s gates.
It’s dark, and the air is wet, moist, and yet it’s like being on a sunny meadow, caressed by the wind. You do not even have to close the eyes.
This is the life she’s waiting for now. She and Toby, forever.
“I always wanted you, you know?” he chuckles. “One like you. I never wanted more.”
Me too, Toby, think the princess.
The gates are getting closer and the freedom. But when they are a few meters away, they are lit by a car’s headlights with a dry shot the automatic gates begin to open.
They lock both.
The princess recognizes the car. Yes, you cannot forget it. Once, long ago, she too went up there many times. When her mom still loved her. Before she became just a burden for her.
Mom is coming home. From some party, or some reception.
The machine only takes a couple of feet before braking abruptly. The doors open.
Two men stand tall, robust, dressed in black. One shout: “Alt! Boy, what are you doing?”
The other: “Where do you come from? What’s in that backpack? Did you come to steal?”
The princess does not know them. There are always strange men around mom. To protect her, they say. Because she is an important character and she needs to be protected.
Toby is paralyzed, again. In the face of danger, he cannot react.
“Come here!” one of the men screams.
“Do not try to run away!” screams at the other.
Toby trembles.
The princess looks at them with hatred.
Then the back door opens, and she comes out. Mother.
Strange, the princess looks at her but cannot try anything against her. So many memories fill her mind, but they are just memories. Now it’s nothing, now there’s Toby.
“Do you know it, ma’am? Have you ever seen him?”
She just looks at him and shakes her head. How could her have noticed a little boy, the son of a housewife, just her? And t
hen the villa does not come back almost anymore.
“Hurry up your backpack and raise your hands!”
One of the two men put a hand in his jacket and took a gun.
All eyes are pointing to Toby. Nobody noticed the presence of the princess, with all that darkness.
No, the princess is not silent. Screams, with all the voice that stays there. A raunchy, angry scream, which makes the two men jump.
She sees Toby snapping behind her, running, and she is happy.
Both men have guns and are pointing at them. First against Toby, but the princess again screams, even stronger.
And then they both forget about the little boy who is running away and points to her.
Mom screams.
“No! What are you doing? Are you crazy? It’s the princess!”
Men stop, undecided.
Mom continues to shoot orders. “Do not be fooled! Follow that thief! Do not you want it to run away? And do not worry, I think about her.”
Chasing Toby? Do they hurt Toby? Because? They have already put the guns on, even if they are not convinced, because they are used to obey orders. They run after Toby, be careful not to get too close to him.
The princess weeps, only a tear. Because the dream is over, because she can never run next to Toby, she cannot hug or kiss him anymore.
No, those men will not chase him because she will stop them. Toby will flee and be free. He will have that freedom that she has always dreamed of and for a moment she almost touched.
I love you Toby, it’s her last thought.
Then the woman in front of her extends her arms with a smile. “Come love. Come from mom. That bad guy wanted to kidnap you! But we’ll send him in jail, you’ll see. Come from mom, my princess!”
And the princess launches.
FAMOUS ACTRESS KILLED
BY ITS DOBERMANN
Chiara Falchi, 49, the unforgettable interpreter of Tormented Souls and The Bell of the Heart, found a horrible death between the jaws of her Dobermann, Princess. The actress’s bodyguards, promptly intervened, managed to break down the vanquished Dobermann. Unfortunately for Chiara Falchi, who was thrown into the throat, there was nothing left to do. She was sprained a few minutes later in the ambulance as she was being transported urgently to the hospital. The dog had previously attacked and killed the driver of the actress, Fernando Braschi, 42 years old. The tragedy took place in the Roman villa of the actress. The causes are still not fully established. The princess was twelve, a very unusual age for a Dobermann. This re-engages the controversy over the use of such dangerous animals, and their propensity to attack insanity. Agata Landi, housekeeper of Villa Falchi, stated that Princess had never given signs of imbalance. The dog, too old and ill, had been relegated to the house for years, and they cannot explain how it has run away. Mrs. Landi keeps us in mind that Princess has never been a guard dog or has received any such training. “She was a family member”, she said, “was treated just like a real princess. Mrs. Falchi had a passion for that dog, she was a daughter for her.” The young Tobia Braschi, a 12-year-old son of the murdered driver, has disappeared at the moment. The police believe that the child has witnessed the death of her father and has been so upset about being leaked. The authorities are confident that he will be found shortly.
August 2009
CHICCO
Translation by Cinzia Albanese
“Chicco…”
“Leave me alone, dad!”
“Chicco, I beg you, you don’t realise what you are doing.”
“It’s about Jessica, isn’t it? They don’t want me to see her anymore! They say it’s your fault. What do they mean?”
A long silence. Sat on the porch, father and son, one next to the other.
“They say you are a bastard! What do they mean? They are scared that I would do the same to Jessica, what you did to mum.”
Total Silence.
“What does Bastard mean? What did you do to mum?”
“Jessica is not for you.”
Even coward, Chicco couldn’t handle it anymore. Coward and bastard.
“Bullshit! Jessica and I love each other, and no matter what you say we will always love each other! You will not break us up!”
“Chicco, you know how much I love you, but you have to forget her. For your wellbeing forget about her.”
“Why do they say that you are a bastard? It’s all your fault that they hate me! To them, I’m the son of a bastard!”
“Chicco…”
“What did you do to mum? What happened to her? They say she’s dead, that you killed her!”
“No, no!” A Sigh. “I maybe I did, but I didn’t do it on purpose, I swear!”
“What do you mean? How did mum die?”
Silence.
Chicco is fuming. “They are not allowing me to see Jessica because of you! Just because I’m your son!”
“It’ s better like this, believe me.”
Chicco hisses: “Bastard!”
His father doesn’t react. Always with the head down, ready to be beaten up by anyone. His disgusted.
“If you keep wanting to search for her it will be worse, they will hurt you. They will do it to you too. I beg you, forget about her.”
“I want the truth! Tell me what you did to mum! Tell me why they call you a bastard!”
“I don’t know, I swear.”
“How did mum die?”
“It’s happened… when you were born.”
Chicco gets agitated. “What do you mean?”
“Your mother died of childbirth, Chicco. But you’re not to blame.”
“And you are?”
“They say I am, that it was me.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know!”
A long silence.
“Dad, what does bastard mean?”
They get interrupted before he can answer. “Chicco, sweetie, come here!”
“Go Chicco, the master is calling you.”
Chicco wags, he can’t do less, masters voice always gives him that effect.
His human comes out to the porch and kneels in front of him. While sorting out the leash he talks to him.
“Now, let’s go for a walk sweetie. You are in big trouble, you know? Next doors poodle you had to leave her alone. Don’t you realise how big you are? You could hurt her. Do you want her to end up like your mum? Then they get upset, and they take it on me. They have so many reasons, they spent so much money in buying her, she’s a purebred dog, a pedigree, not like a bastard like you two. I’m sorry, really, but I think the only way is to sterilize you, like I’ve done to your dad. But don’t be scared, it won’t be painful. You won’t know a thing and after it there won’t be any problems.”
Chicco was happy, even though he didn’t understand what he was told. He shakes his tail while the owner takes him away, forgetting that coward of dad, only dreaming about his Jessica and the happy life he has ahead.
December 2010
SENSES
Translation by Cinzia Albanese
I don’t exist.
There’s nothing left of me, no thoughts, no memory, no desire. I’m blind and mute, every sense of mine has been mortified, cancelled.
The only thing that remains is the touch, although sometimes I wish I would have lost that too. I can touch and be touched. I can perceive everything around me.
There’s nothing else since he took me away.
From what?
What was there before this?
Am I young or old? I’ve got a home, anyone who waits for me? A husband? Kids? Even maybe grandchildren? I don’t know, everything had been cancelled, dipped in pain.
There’s only his hands on me. His body that adheres mine, that penetrates. Slaps, caresses, violence, I can’t recognize them anymore. The wishes are the same, the only things remaining from life itself.
He cries, laughs, screams, talks in a language that I cannot longer understand. And mine? Did I forget it?
He owns
me, completely. He possesses every part of me, my master. For him I’m important, nearly as much as he is for me. He keeps me next to him, always. He moves me as if I was a doll, he puts sin me into positions that he feels comfortable.
Sometimes he hurts me, the pain is so intense I just want to scream, if I remembered how to. Then he fills me with kisses and starts again. Sometimes his just happy keeping me straight, hugging me until he falls to sleep on me. Those are the most beautiful moments, when our skill touches. The moments without pain.
I don’t know what he did to me. I don’t know why I can’t see, or talk. I don’t know why I can’t make our sounds or the smells that surround me. I don’t know why I forgot my existence.
Maybe because there’s nothing outside this moment, because there’s no one outside us two. There’s no need to remember.
He talks and talk, and maybe he doesn’t realise that I don’t understand him. Even though I think he was the one that made me the way I am.
This is the eternity, the infinite.
This time I will try, I cling to something, I try to grab it. To retell a memory. Like the time my fingers touched that ball. It was soft, round, a bit sticky. I tried to think what it could be, I forced myself to use my brain.
I found a wall, a scary black wall. This wall protected me from knowledge. Because it was bad, if I knew what it was it would have been worse.
I think I’m tied up, hands and feet, from always. And I’m naked, I’ve never managed to have a dress. He plays with my body, He licks me, he bites me, every now and again he grabs me so tight it feels like his suffocating me.
And I grab to life. Whatever he does to me, I cling to life, to that semblance of existence that I still had. Why do I do it, if I don’t even know what I am?
A toy?
I can feel his breath on my neck, licking me, then he tightens my breasts with his hands. I feel him mounting me, crushing me down to the ground with his own weight. There, now he penetrates me and the pain will be terrible, I know already.
“Argh! It’s here! It’s here, soon!”
The Prison Page 44
