“I promise I will stay with you as long as I’m allowed. I’m not going anywhere yet, and if by some grace from God I’m able to get out of here, I will spend the rest of my life looking for you.”
Tears ran down his cheeks. The sight of such a strong and beautiful man crying made my fears all the more real. I couldn’t remember a time in my life that I had ever witnessed my father crying.
Suddenly there were footsteps again, and they stopped outside our door. One of Javier’s men brought in two trays of food, pretty much tossing them onto the floor.
“!Comer, ahora!”
I decided to wrap the tortilla around the meat so it would be easier to get down, and shoved it in my mouth without taking my eyes off the guard. I was not going to make the same mistake again. My dirt-covered lunch still weighed heavy in my stomach, but I just kept eating. Swallowing proved difficult. It felt like the tortilla was stuck in the back of my throat, and my mouth was parched. I picked up the disgusting water and took a big gulp. It also tasted like the dirt. I would never forget the taste and how much I hated it.
With a satisfied smile, the guard left and slammed the door.
“Dalton,” I whispered, “I promise that if I ever get out of here, I won’t give up until I find you either. Thank you for everything.”
I was trying desperately to just get the food down so I could go back to sleep. As I looked toward Dalton, I saw that he wasn’t having the same trouble eating. He gave me a small smile as he picked up his taco. With a shrug of his shoulders he finished his meal in just a few bites. “I’ve had worse.” He admitted with a laugh.
I tried to return his smile, but my eyes were drooping again as I finished up. I swallowed and looked at my arms, remembering about my shortened chain, but maybe if we both stretched, we could at least touch each other. Taking a chance I said, “Will you meet me in the middle again?” Then I yawned. “I would sleep so much better having you next to me.”
“I was hoping you would say that. I need you as much as you need me,” he said with a smile as he wiped his eyes and moved to the middle of the room. “I just know that men have been putting their hands on you all day, and I thought you might want your space.”
We both stretched as far as our chains would allow. It was enough to let us lie next to each other on the floor, but we could only touch hands now, just as we had in the trunk. And just like before, we rubbed fingers. Before long, we began to drift off.
“Goodnight, sweet Maddy,” Dalton said in a sleepy voice.
“Goodnight, Dalton,” I said, giving his fingers one final squeeze.
The next morning, Dalton woke me up. “Maddy,” he whispered, “are you awake?”
I tried to stretch and moaned a weak, “I’m up.” Suddenly the memory of where I was shook me fully awake. “What’s going on? Is something wrong? Are you hurt?” I panicked as I looked around the cell for any danger and then came back to Dalton. His face was still a mess from yesterday. I wished I had something to clean him up a little.
“Sh. No, there’s nothing wrong, and I’m feeling better. I was just thinking about something, and I wanted to wake you up before one of the men came in to take you for your shower.”
I attempted some deep breaths to calm down so I could listen, but I couldn’t stop shaking. I didn’t know what he was going to say. I was scared of everything at this point.
“Maddy, when they come to get you, I want you to look at your surroundings. Find out where we are if you can, but at the very least count the steps and note the direction of each turn. Remember how many doors you pass. Everything is important. Do you think you can do that?” he said in a quick and frantic burst. “You’re the only one who gets to leave the cell, so it’s important for you to help us get our bearings. If…” He paused and shook his head. “When we get out of here, we need to have a good idea of how to find our way. Do you think you can do this for us?” He looked so hopeful that I couldn’t deny him.
“Yes, I’ll try,” I said, my eyes wide. I could do this. I tried to remember something from my walk to the shower the day before, but the only thing that came to mind was being scared to death and trying to keep up with Frankie. “I can do this.”
The door flew open, and Frankie strolled in with my plate of food. I moved myself as far away from him as I could, but he continued to stalk toward me with a faint smile.
“Please,” I whispered as I closed my eyes.
When I heard his callous laugh, I peered up at him as he stood directly over me and said, “Eat.” throwing the plate down at my feet. The tortilla bounced off and landed in the dirt. I quickly picked it up and ate it, the dirt hardly even bothering me anymore.
I never took my eyes off Frankie until he turned and gave Dalton a quick look. There wasn’t much to eat, but it still took me a while to get it all down. My stomach was a mess, and the crunching between my teeth was not helping to quench the nausea.
After a few minutes, Frankie yelled something in Spanish and grabbed my arm.
“Move!”
Dalton nodded in my direction as Frankie undid my chains. I gave him a slight nod in return.
Frankie motioned toward the waste bucket in the corner, and I remembered that I was supposed to clean it out each day. As I shuffled over to the bowl, I was thankful that neither of us had used it much. However, that thought was short lived as I realized that the lack of fluids meant we should be worried about dehydration, especially since we were sweating so much.
As Frankie closed the door behind us, I stayed alert, taking in everything I could, which wasn’t much. The walls were rock or concrete, and the floor was dirt. We walked past five wooden doors that looked just like the one that led to our cell, so I assumed they were more cells, but didn’t want to imagine what was behind them. There were only three turns in our journey, which surprised me. Yesterday, it had seemed like we were going in circles. Unfortunately, there were no windows or doors leading to the outside, and before I knew it, we were in the disgusting bathroom.
I immediately dumped our waste bucket and went to the sink to rinse it out.
My mind was reeling from trying to remember everything from my walk that I didn’t even notice I was naked in front of Frankie until the water hit my face. I guess my nonchalance must have made it less fun for him, because he left me alone until I was out of the shower, when he handed me a hairbrush and pointed to the mirror over the sink. As I brushed my hair, he reached up and roughly tugged on my breasts. I tried to focus on my image and not his leering face, but it became more difficult as he got rougher and it became more painful.
As he moved his hand down my body, I tried to protest, but he got directly behind me and pressed me into the sink. He went directly to my most private area, and I expected the worst. I closed my eyes and tried to will my body to be anywhere but in that bathroom. Shaking my head from side to side, I chanted, “Please, no. Please, no.”
All at once, there was a knock on the door, and Frankie moved away from me in an instant. I fell forward as my knees gave out and landed on the cold floor. The pounding on the door never stopped, and I looked back at Frankie, who surprisingly looked scared as he went to open it.
I pulled myself up and continued to brush out my hair as Frankie spoke quickly to the man and then shut the door again. He came and stood behind me again, but he made no move to fondle me. Instead, he had a new dress in his hands and motioned for me to put it on. I quickly complied.
As I slipped it over my head, I felt a pinch in my upper arm. When I could focus in the mirror, I saw Frankie with a needle in his hand and a devilish smile on his face. The last thing I remembered was the sound of his voice.
“Buenas noches,” he said and laughed as I fell to the floor.
I came to as someone dragged me down the corridor, my feet making little trails in the soft earth behind me. I tried lifting my head
up to memorize my surroundings, but nothing made any sense.
By the time I returned to the cell, I was crying. Everything ran together, and I couldn’t remember if there were five or ten doors. How many steps and turns had we made? I’d failed this one simple task, and now I had to face Dalton and tell him how pathetic I was.
Luckily, Frankie was done with me. I wasn’t sure what happened back in the bathroom, but he was visibly shaken by the incident. I didn’t care, I was just glad to be away from him again.
“Maddy, are you okay? What’s going on?”
I burst into tears, “I’m so sorry. I tried really hard, but something happened to me in the restroom.” I reached up and rubbed my arm. “I think they drugged me. I tried to remember what I saw while I was being led back, but I got so confused.” My stomach suddenly turned over, and I desperately looked for the bucket. I had just enough time to throw up into it. My ears were ringing, my sight was blurry, and I couldn’t seem to get enough air into my lungs.
“Maddy,” Dalton said, sounding alarmed.
I rubbed my eyes to clear my vision, and I willed my body to move. Everything around me was in a fog.
“Please come over here,” he said, his calm voice. I was a nervous wreck, but his soothing words helped to slightly relax me. I got as close as I could, and he looked at my arm. I saw a flash of fear and anger in his eyes, but he continued to speak to me in a composed manner, “I can see a bruise there. Just tell me what you remember.”
I took a few calming breaths as he waited for me to continue. “The only thing I can say for sure is that I saw more cells, so they might be holding more people here. I’m sorry I can’t tell you more.”
Dalton made a grunting noise. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m not worried about what you saw.” He was still staring at my arm, and I rubbed it again.
“What do you think they did to me?” I asked, not really wanting to hear the answer.
Dalton sighed again. “Do you feel any different?”
“I just feel really sick.”
“No, I mean…do you feel like someone may have…touched you?”
My mind was foggy, and because I was so dizzy I was having a hard time standing straight. My throat was dry from vomiting, but I was still very nauseous. I shook my head to try and clear my mind, but I couldn’t understand what he was asking.
“I don’t understand. Frankie touched me in the shower. Is that what you mean?”
As he shook his head, I noticed that he looked very uncomfortable, and it dawned on me what he was asking.
I cringed. “Do you think I was raped?” My voice cracked and I could feel a lump form in my throat. I could feel my body starting to loose control, but before I could begin to panic, he attempted to put me at ease.
“I’m so sorry. That’s not what I meant. No, I don’t think that they raped you, but I do think they checked you out.”
“Checked me out? What do you mean?” My thoughts were still jumbled.
He looked down at the ground. “I’m sorry for asking this, but.” he was struggling with his words, “I have to ask, are you a virgin, Maddy?”
Now, it was my turn to blush. “Umm…yes,” I replied as embarrassment washed through me.
“Don’t be embarrassed,” he said with a smile. “I think it’s refreshing. Sadly, it’s a rarity in today’s society.”
“That’s me, Maddy the social outcast,” I huffed. “So, you think they checked to see if I was a virgin?” I pulled my hand away and wrapped myself up in a ball. The thought that some strange men had touched me while I was passed-out made me sick. God, what did they do to me? I would have thrown up again if I had the energy.
“He said he wasn’t going to drug me,” I whispered. Dalton squeezed my hand, and I looked up into his eyes.
“We’ll be okay.” He tried to sound confident, but I didn’t believe him. We sat in silence for a while, both of us lost in our own thoughts.
“Can you tell me more about what you saw on the way there?” he asked. I briefly thought that he was only trying to get me to think about other things, but then again maybe he was as hell-bent on getting out of here as I was. In any form, I was glad for the distraction.
“I don’t remember much, but I didn’t hear any sounds coming from the other cell doors. Maybe we’re in an old prison or something. I didn’t see any doors that looked like they led to the outside.” I shook my head. “See? I told you. I didn’t get much.”
Dalton reached for my hand again. “They’re probably trying to keep you confused, but you did great. You learned a lot.” I knew it was a lie, but it was nice that he was trying to comfort me.
“Yeah, I did great. I learned we’re stuck in a hole. Yay for me,” I grumbled and looked away.
Dalton laughed. “Hey, but each time you go out, you’ll find out more information. Don’t get down on yourself. I’m very proud of you.”
I didn’t say anything else for a while. My mind went back to Frankie’s reaction to the person at the door. It just didn’t make sense that he was suddenly terrified, but then again, nothing made sense in this horrible place.
Yes, Dalton was right. I would be going out again each day, and I would continue to learn about my surroundings. I would get what we needed to escape.
“Dalton?” I whispered wondering if he’d fallen asleep. He moved to sit up and looked at me. “I’ll do better tomorrow. I want us both to get out of here.”
He smiled at me. “I know you will. You’re so very strong. Keep fighting, and we’ll both get through this, I promise.”
His promise gave me hope for a brief moment, but then the lights went out, and I felt the panic rising again. I was close to having an attack when I heard Dalton’s voice.
“It’s okay. They’ve been going out at short intervals while you were gone.” Giving my hands a squeeze, he said, “You’re okay. We’re okay.”
My erratic breathing was coming under control again, and I settled down.
All was quiet except for the sound of the rats and bugs crawling along the walls.
The days began to run together. I lived in fear they were going to drug me again, and I went into a panic every time I was taken for a shower. Dalton tried reassuring me, but there was very little he could do. We both knew we were powerless. Some days it seemed that Dalton and I had given up. There were low points when we would lose hope, and it seemed like we were never going to get out of here. We tried to stay strong for each other, but we both knew that our time was running out.
Each morning would start the same way. One of three men would come to take me to my shower. Of the three, Frankie and José were the most volatile. Either would hit or slap me if they felt I wasn’t walking fast enough or not responding to a request in a timely manner. I tried my hardest to do as they said, but my body was wearing out. It was getting difficult to keep up with them, and my sleep-deprived mind found it hard to comprehend their broken English and Spanish demands. I couldn’t even look for a chance to escape.
Even Dalton’s promises of finding us a way out couldn’t bring me happiness. I couldn’t stand to watch him wither away before my eyes. The meager diet of one meal a day, which was little more than a scrap of meat and a piece of tortilla, was slowly taking its toll on his once toned body. His face was sunken, his cheekbones more pronounced, and his eyes had dark circles under them. He had to hold up his tattered pants whenever he moved. I knew that if we didn’t find a way out soon, there was no way he would survive this.
It was horrible that I had to eat in front of Dalton when he was in greater need of it than I was. During the early days, I tried to sneak him a few pieces of tortilla, but after we were caught, I never made that mistake again. Not only was he beaten in front of me, but Frankie forced his fingers down his throat and made Dalton vomit up every piece he ate.
My
body was a map of bruises and cuts from their punishments; however, true to their word, they never hit me hard enough in the face to leave a lasting scar. Javier would have killed them for that. I refused to think about the reality of why.
Frankie and José were the only two that would pleasure themselves when I had my shower. It was all part of the routine of the day, and I’d become accustomed to their grunts and moans. Frankie never touched me again as he did while I was brushing my hair, but he didn’t hesitate to relieve himself on me each morning. It no longer fazed me; I was numb to the whole ordeal and eventually learned to shut off my mind and think about better days. The sooner it was over, the sooner I could get back to Dalton.
The odd thing was that I was most comfortable around Frankie and José. Their behaviors were predictable, and in my new world, predictability meant safety. The third man, Acosta, was quiet and calm to the point of being unnerving. I never knew what he was thinking. He didn’t treat me in a kindly manner or show pity for my situation in the slightest, but rather, seemed indifferent. I could almost see the sadistic nature of his thoughts behind his cool hard eyes, and I knew that it was only a matter of time before he would let his innermost thoughts betray him. Each time I was forced to leave with him, I thought it would be my last.
As it was, these routines were my only way of marking time. Between breakfasts and showers, I assumed Dalton and I had been here for almost ten days. I shivered.
“How you doing over there?”
My legs were pulled up to my chest as I sat on my bony bottom. My head had been resting on my knees, and I raised my eyes to look at him. He had this uncanny ability to know when my thoughts were getting to me, and he was always there to help me through it.
“I’m okay. I was just thinking about how long we’ve been here, and figured it’s about a week and a half.”
Dalton rose to his feet. He liked to walk around as much as possible. He once told me it helped him think. “I had the same thought earlier.” He paused for a moment and stretched his arms above his head one at a time, never forgetting to keep one hand on his pants to ensure they didn’t fall down. The second night we were here, he’d given me his jacket as a blanket, but Javier was less than impressed with that act of kindness, and quickly took it away from both of us. “Unless, of course, they’re purposely trying to confuse us.”
Mistakes Page 11
