“I've spent my whole life doing this, Devon,” she said. “I don't know how to do anything else.”
“That's what I thought, too,” he said, and she shook her head.
“I can't. I can't. I miss you so much, but I can't.”
“Would it help if I came to you?” he asked.
“Where?”
“Finish your mission. I'm due to visit the school, anyways, I was going to see Laura. I can meet you there.”
“That would be wonderful,” she said. “If Nathaniel lets me.”
“Sienna, one day you'll be making the rules,” Devon said. “He's got to start letting you do things sometime.”
She tried to smile, but her heart was too broken.
“I miss you,” was all she managed to get out.
“I miss you, too,” he said. “Have you been well?”
“I've been mostly well,” she said. “A few mishaps. You look well.”
“Mm,” he replied. “The same. Much better since you brought me back to life.”
“That could be a metaphor,” she answered. “For so much. Except it isn't. That was something I could do, once.”
“You can do so much more than that, my love,” he answered. “So much more.”
“Right now, I feel like I can't do anything at all.”
“Oh, Sienna.” He sighed, trying to think of what he could do from world's away. “You can. Think of all the lives you've saved, all the people you've helped.”
“But what good is it if I can't do any of those things anymore?”
“Maybe it's just a sign that your life is headed in another direction,” he answered. “But I don't want to get to into this, when you've had a shock and it's clearly late. I'm sorry I woke you up.”
“It's all right.” She wiped the tears from her eyes. “I needed to hear from you. I just needed to know that you were out there.”
“Call me anytime,” he assured her. “I'll answer, for you.”
“I will,” she promised and he blew her a kiss before needing the call.
She fell back onto the pillow, her heart pounding. Talking to Devon, no matter how long they had been apart, always made her long for him. She wanted to be beside him almost every moment, and in the days following the interaction, she felt like she couldn't live without seeing him. It would fade, of course, but not by much.
On the other side of the small hallway, Desmond was locked in his own video conversation. He and Mariah had been talking for nearly an hour, but it wasn't getting any easier.
“What you're asking is the Jurors to overlook a huge incident,” she said. “They went out on a limb to give you Sienna.”
“I know they did,” he said. “But I won't be the first witch to see that his Tiro is not learning anymore. They have disagreed with every choice we've made with her. They never wanted her to be trained.”
“And you went against them, which is your signature,” Mariah said, with a sad smile. “And now you'll bring them another questionable source.”
“I didn't say I wanted to train this one,” Desmond answered. “And I don't see how making my obvious decision about Sienna affects my judgment of…”
“Desmond,” Mariah said, picking up a note in his voice. “Don't put me in the same box as the rest of the Jurors. You know I will not judge you for your choices. My only concern is that broken-hearted girl that you're bringing back. With your permission, I need to let her know that I will always be there for her.”
“You don't need my permission,” Desmond said. “Not anymore.”
She sighed. “I thought you wanted to train this new one.”
“No,” he said. “No, not for a moment.”
Mariah paused. “What do you want to do, then?”
“I think you know,” he said. Across a galaxy, she felt her heart leap.
“But that's not the reason,” she said. “That you left her, is it?”
“No,” he replied. “It's not the reason, but it could be a happy end to the story.”
She let out a long breath. She had waited years to have him say those words.
“When do you want to go?”
“I need to see this through,” he said. “But after that....”
“Well, we waited so long,” she replied. “A few weeks more is nothing.”
“I am serious this time, Mariah,” he said. “My mind is tired. My body is tired.”
“Then we shall rejuvenate each other,” she said. “Go, get some rest. It's late and you still have a dangerous day ahead.”
“Knowing my future, it will sail by,” he answered. “I'll see you soon.”
“Until then,” she said, and signed off.
Desmond sighed, putting his head in his hands. When he had taken this quest, he knew that it was going to be difficult. But he never would have been able to comprehend so many life-changing choices in one quest.
Saying the words out loud made things feel final, decided. He knew making the others understand his decision was going to be an upwards roller coaster He and Nathaniel hadn't really been apart in over 20 years. Nathaniel had grown so much, and today had forced him to step up to a whole new level. But would the young Maestro truly be all right on his own?
Would Sienna perhaps understand that he was tired. He was exhausted and not going to recover? Or would she stay angry and hurt for the rest of her career?
He couldn't think straight, shutting down the tablet and turning off his lights. He knew the morning was going to bring a difficult day, but right now, he just wanted the sweet oblivion of sleep.
It lasted about an hour, before commotion awoke him. He wasn't linked to Sienna, but he was linked to Nathaniel and he felt the panic as his former Tiro bolted down the hallway to Sienna's room. He scrambled out of bed, slamming his leg on the metal door frame as Nathaniel shot by.
There was a blue explosion that Desmond recognized as Sienna's unconstrained magic, the door crumbling and the momentary flash lighting up the room.
Desmond had never seen such an uncontrolled flash of power. Controlled, yes, as witches who were top of their game learned to divert their entire life force into their magic. But uncontrolled and raw was a brief reminder of how much power Sienna had within her.
“Sienna!” Nathaniel shot white magic to block hers, knowing that his paled in comparison Desmond pushed his wrists forward, adding to Nathaniel's shield as Sienna shrieked in horror. She hadn't done this in years, and she certainty hadn't done it since they started blocking her magic. “Sienna, you have to control this.”
“I can't,” came her anguished cry. “I can't.”
“Yes, you can,” Desmond said. “You have to, or you're going to bring this entire ship down.”
“Where's her meds?” Nathaniel asked. “Why does she have magic? What happened? Did you skip a dose?”
“I—” Sienna's tears were fresh all over again. “I wanted to-- I'm a witch. I'm a witch, I am.”
“Of course, you are,” Nathaniel said, confused. “No one said you weren't.”
“I did,” Desmond realized. “I told her she wasn't. I told her she couldn't be.”
“Wha---?” Nathaniel turned his head, and Desmond had to force the air out of his lungs.
“Not the time,” he growled but Nathaniel was stunned.
“Creator, damn it, could you not have—”
There was a sudden crack, and Nathaniel realized she was going to take the ship down in the next few moments. He didn't blame her. It wasn't entirely in her control. But if he didn't stop her, she was going to launch them into the nearest planet.
His Tiro was so powerful, so strong. She could have had such a bright future – had it not been for the fault in her stars. His heart was heavy as he pushed toward her, finally closing his fist over hers.
With her magic active, he could reach through the bond, trying to push calm into her, even though it would make it worse in the long run.
“Stop,
stop, stop,” he cried, fighting against her as she whimpered. Having been this long without magic meant that she had lost any measure of control she would have had when using it constantly. “Sienna. Hush.”
Even as he was working with her, trying to absorb her magic through the bond and flood it out safety, his heart was breaking.
He knew what this meant for her future. She could never come off the magic blocking drugs, never slowly attempt to regain control. Every time she would try, there would be this pent-up explosion, this uncontrollable energy that she had all along.
“Ssh,” he said, as he was able to filter most of the magic out of her hands, looking up to Desmond. Sienna was shaking in pain, and he knew they would be in for a rough few days. She would be virtually useless in Eliza's negotiations, especially if they turned hostile.
Desmond was right, although he would never say it to her. She would never be a witch.
Chapter 17
“I never intended to have her pull a stunt like that,” Desmond said, near dawn, as they went to meet with Eliza. Neither of them had gotten any sleep since Sienna had nearly blown up the ship, eyes red tinged and moves slightly clumsy. “I would never suggest she try something so dangerous, you know that.”
“I know,” Nathaniel said, taking no offence. He felt incredibly odd that Desmond was apologizing to him for the treatment of his Tiro. They shared opinions and choices up until twenty-four hours ago. Now, Nathaniel was solely in charge and it was odd. “It's been an emotional bit. She wasn't thinking, and if it were any other circumstances, I would reprimand her. But now is not the time.”
“Your attention is divided,” Desmond said. “Between her treatment and this quest.”
“Eliza's safety will not be in danger,” Nathaniel replied, determined but Desmond gave him a look.
“You cannot take her out on a hostile mission, not when she's at risk at any moment. And I know you will not leave her here alone.”
“I'll figure it out,” Nathaniel answered, as they approached the board room, where Eliza was supposed to meet them.
“You have figured it out,” Desmond said. “You just don't want to admit it yet.”
Nathaniel said nothing, as they entered the board room. Eliza was sitting at the table. Her face was set, and Nathaniel knew that she had heard what happened the night before. She would never judge him for the choices he was making, but she would stand her ground when it came to her people. Her first and foremost responsibility was Jeffro, no matter what else was at stake.
“Can you do this?” Eliza asked, with no nonsense about her.
Nathaniel's mind flashed to his Tiro, hooked up to an IV and barely conscious as the magic she was allergic to flooded her veins He was the only one who knew how to work with her if something went wrong and that could be a matter of life or death.
“I—”
“Nathaniel,” Eliza said, firmly. “There is no time for me to call in another team. There is no time for me to reschedule, to try and negotiate for another second. If they launch those weapons, my planet will no longer exist.”
“Leave her here,” Desmond said, to Nathaniel.
“And come back to find the gene takes over at last?” Nathaniel turned to Desmond. “We took an oath, we swore...”
“We swore to serve Nature, the magic and the galaxy,” Desmond said. “The Queen of Jeffro needs your support, thousands of lives are at stake.”
“I know,” Nathaniel turned to Eliza. “Don't think I don't know. I just don't know what to do.”
“I need you,” Eliza said. “You have to decide whether Sienna's life-force needs you more.”
“Witches save hundreds of thousands of lives in their career, whole planets over and over again,” Nathaniel wavered “Our training is what determines whether or not we can do that.”
“Nathaniel, I'm not asking you to leave her forever,” Eliza said. “But I am asking you to do it now or step down from this quest.”
“This is the life of an entire planet,” Desmond said in his ear. “You cannot walk away from this.”
“I know!” Nathaniel cried. “I know. I'll leave her here, and beg Nature that this is not her time. I'll do it.”
But his voice wavered and his hands shook.
It was not the first time she had not gone on a quest. That was common. But when there was two of them, it was easier. They didn't take dangerous quests like this. They didn't risk everyone's lives against her own.
Nathaniel remembered the days when he and Desmond would head first into these quests without even blinking. They were warriors once, but the past ten years, they had been caretakers, exploring the emotional challenges of training. They weren't saving lives. They weren't the first line of defense
“Good,” Eliza said. She wanted to hug him, to comfort him, but now was not the time. She needed to be a Queen, not his lover. It broke her heart, but she couldn't waste a second. “We leave in twenty minutes.”
She left them and Nathaniel's head dropped, his eyes squeezed shut. Desmond put a hand on his shoulder, but said nothing for a long moment.
“Focus,” he said. “Trust Nature. Trust magic.”
“I find it hard.” Nathaniel raised his head, staring at the wall. “To trust magic right now.”
“That is when you need to trust the most,” Desmond said. Nathaniel wiped his face, taking a deep breath and turning his head.
“What about the potential witch?”
“She'll stay here,” Desmond said. “Even if she was properly trained, she's too young for such a situation.”
“Right,” Nathaniel said, trying to smile. “Just you and I again.”
“What memories,” Desmond answered. “Go, you have much to prepare.”
“Mm,” Nathaniel replied. He wanted to be angry. He wanted to hate Desmond, but his training was too good for that. He understood exactly why Desmond had done this, and that scared him.
His hands were shaking as he went back to the med bay, where they had pulled every trick in the bunk to keep Sienna's organs functioning normally. They were blocking her magic again, and he felt empty as he walked in, the brief moment of the bond was gone.
“Hi,” she said, surprising him by sitting up a bit.
“Hello, little one,” he said, glancing at the machines. Her heart rate was still off the charts, and there was enough anti-histamines in her to knock out a horse, but she was fighting it. “You should be resting it.”
“My tablet,” she pointed to the bed side table. “It rang but then disconnected.”
“Oh?” he asked, going to turn it on. His eyebrows raised as he saw who had called. “You missed a call from Devon.”
She yawned. “His signal is bad, he'll call back.”
“How do you know his signal is bad?” Nathaniel asked. “Where is he?”
“Dunno, he didn't tell me,” she said, watching him. “I'm sorry.”
“It's not time to talk about it,” he said. “Our quest is ahead.”
She said nothing, watching him, and waiting for a verdict.
“You're going to stay here, Sienna,” Nathaniel said, trying to sound like Desmond when he delivered a tough verdict. How did Desmond do this with such confidence, and a calm attitude? “I'm going to go.”
“NO!” she pulled upwards, her eyes wide in a panic. She reached for his arm, but he kept his distance. They had brought her up so attached, so dependent that it was too late to reprogram her for independence. “I need you.”
“I know you do,” he said. “But I need to go with Eliza.”
“She is not your Tiro,” Sienna shot at him. “You cannot separate from me.”
“I have to weigh the lives of her entire planet, of her people, of your people,” he said. “You will be all right, Sienna.”
“You don't know that,” she said, tears coming to her eyes. He looked away so that he wouldn't echo her emotions.
“No, I don't,” he said. “But I have to g
o.”
“What am I supposed to learn by you going?” she begged.
“Independence.” There was no way to say it without being harsh, although he didn't mean it that way. “I'm sorry, little one. I have to go.”
He turned before she could say another word, fighting every instinct to stay, to comfort her. His fists trembled as he walked back through the door.
Sienna pulled her knees up to her face, her shoulders shaking. She was so afraid, so broken. How was she supposed to be a witch when literally every factor was working against her?
She grabbed for her tablet, as her energy drained, and sank against the pillows. She called Devon instantly, hoping that his signal was good enough to talk for a while.
It only took Devon a moment on video to know something was very wrong. Her emotion replay broke his heart as she got half the words out, sobbing.
“Oh, my love,” he said. “I'm so sorry.”
“What if I die, Devon?” she asked. “What if this is it?”
“You won't,” he said. “And certainly not alone. How long will he be gone?”
“Days, if it's what I think,” she whispered. “Or forever, if it goes wrong.”
“If I leave now, I can be with you in twelve hours,” Devon said. “I think.”
Her heart rose.
“You're that close? You would do that?”
“Yes,” he said. “In a heartbeat, if you want me beside you.”
“I've never wanted you beside me more,” she replied. “But I…ow.” She winced. “This is getting worse.”
“I need you to hang on,” he said, alarmed at her paling pallor. “Promise me?”
“Yes,” she said. “I promise.”
“Good,” he said. “Then we'll steal a few days. Just remember that I love you. And I'll never leave you.”
That seemed to set her with a fresh set of tears. “That's what everyone has been saying,” she said. “I want to believe you but…”
“Believe me. Trust me,” he said. “I found a life, Sienna, when I thought my world was falling apart. I can show you how to do it, too, if you want.”
“I don't know what I want,” she said. “I just don't want to be alone. This is when I need my Maestro the most. I don't know what to do, or where to go.”
A Shift in Power (Shadow Claw Book 5) Page 59
