by Sian Ceinwen
“You’ll see,” he said with a grin.
He intertwined his fingers with hers and led her into the main backstage area. It was completely empty, which wasn’t unusual considering Ariana and Gabriel should’ve been heading back to the hotel as it was.
There was a big red beanbag in the corner of the room, and Ariana’s eyebrows raised as Gabriel picked it up. He carried it towards the stairs that led on stage, but instead of walking up the stairs as Ariana had expected that he might, he dropped to his knees and, pushing the beanbag ahead of him, entered a tunnel next to the stairs that Ariana would never have known was there.
She shrugged, dropped to her knees, and followed him before anyone who was still hanging around happened to walk into the room. Gabriel obviously wanted to keep whatever they were doing or wherever they were going private.
She’d crawled about ten yards and had just started to feel slightly claustrophobic when the space opened up. She wouldn’t have been able to stand up without hunching over, but the area was large enough for her to relax.
“They’ve changed the show,” Gabriel said by way of an explanation as he pushed the beanbag to the center of the open space and beckoned her over to it.
“How so?” Ariana asked as she crawled over to him.
“I’m going to be appearing on stage from down here,” Gabriel indicated to a platform and trapdoor a few feet away from them.
“Wow, sounds awesome,” Ariana said as she sat on the beanbag.
“Yeah, it should be,” Gabriel agreed, “the other guys have new entrances too. Sebastian’s going to fly down from the rafters.” He rolled his eyes, and Ariana laughed.
Gabriel sat on the floor next to her and lay on his side while resting his head in her lap, staring off into the distance as they talked.
Ariana began stroking his head and running her hands through his hair. One of his hands was stroking up and down her lower leg, and Ariana felt any tension she had seeping out of her body. Being here with him was making her feel like they were the only two people in the world.
“This place is amazing,” she told Gabriel.
“I thought you would like it,” he replied, “when they sent me down here; all I could think about was how much I wished you could be here with me.”
Ariana smiled, “you know me so well.”
“I like to think so,” he said, “so tell me, how are you enjoying the tour?”
That was a loaded question. How was Ariana enjoying the tour? There were parts of it that she loved, and she wasn’t fooling herself about what those parts were—they all involved Gabriel. Then again, there were bits she didn’t like; she still missed home often, and she hated the media, even the fans to an extent.
It was totally unfair; she knew. The fans made everything possible. She had been a fan herself. But seeing them throw themselves at Gabriel time and again was hard, even though he rebuffed their advances every time it happened. She decided to go with the simplest answer.
“I’m having a lot of fun.”
“Talk to me, Ari,” Gabriel said, “I don’t want there to be any walls between us. Sometimes you seem so sad and closed off; it’s like you’re on the other side of a window. I can see you, but I can’t really get to you.”
Ariana flinched. He had probably gotten closer to her over these last months than she’d ever allowed anyone else in her life, but there were absolutely times that she pulled away from him. She hadn’t realized that he’d noticed. Here in this place, though, her defenses were down, and she didn’t feel like she could put them back up if she tried.
“I don’t mean to do that,” she told him honestly.
“I know you don’t, and that’s what scares me. I don’t know what more I can do,” he rolled onto his back so he could look her in the eyes.
“There isn’t anything you can do, Gabriel,” she felt so exposed talking to him so openly; it felt as though his eyes were staring into her soul, “all you can do is bear with me.”
“I intend to do that,” Gabriel said, smiling at her, “I just worry sometimes that you’re not as invested in this relationship as I am.”
“Is that really what you think?” Ariana asked, amazed.
“Yeah, I really do think that. You know how in relationships there’s a balance of power, and one person always loves the other one more? In our relationship, you have the power, and I think that I love you more than you love me.”
He shrugged as though it was no big deal, but his eyes betrayed a vulnerability that Ariana had never realized was there before.
She shook her head, “I don’t think you’re right.”
“I’ve given it a lot of thought, actually. It’s okay; I’m fine with it. It’s just how it is.” He smiled wryly at her.
“If I’m closed off from you at all, it’s not because I have all the power,” Ariana frowned, “I suppose I’m just scared that you’ll hurt me.”
“I would never do that. Not if I could help it,” he said sincerely.
“I know you wouldn’t do it on purpose, but it’s pretty terrifying being with you sometimes.”
“How so?”
“Well, for a start, you’re absolutely gorgeous,” she reached her hand down and began playing with his hair again.
“So are you,” he interjected, and she smiled.
“According to you. Anyway, secondly, you’re a famous rock star, and that fact is pretty damn intimidating in and of itself.”
“I would’ve thought that you’d be past the whole fame thing by now,” he said and closed his eyes, enjoying her stroking his head.
“To be honest, I thought I’d be past it by now too. I don’t see you as Gabriel Knight much of the time anymore. You’re just Gabe to me.”
With his eyes still closed, he smiled at her words, and Ariana thought that she could stare at him for hours and still not want to look away from him, particularly in this contented state.
“It’s still hard, though. Even though I don’t see you as just a rock star, you still are one. There’s still all the paparazzi to deal with and the fans who want a piece of you whenever they can get near you.”
“You know how to fix the fan situation,” Gabriel said sternly as he opened his eyes to look at her again.
“Yes, I do. However, that would make the paparazzi situation worse, and there’s the rub,” Ariana sighed deeply.
“I don’t know what to say, Ari,” Gabriel told her, “nothing I say will change our situation; it is what it is. The only thing that can change is how you deal with it.”
“I know that Gabe, I do, and I’m trying to get past it, but there’s so much stuff flying at me on a daily basis that it’s hard, I guess. I don’t know,” Ariana was at a loss to explain her position.
Gabriel sat up, and her hand fell to her side. She pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapped her arms around them, and rested her head on her knees. Gabriel moved, so he was sitting on the hard, wooden floor opposite her. He spread his legs out in front of him and leaned back on his hands after glancing quickly at his watch.
“I don’t know about you, but I’ve got all the time in the world during which you can explain it to me,” he smiled at her kindly, and she felt her heart race.
Ariana chewed on her thumbnail while she contemplated what she was trying to convey to Gabriel. She wondered how she could possibly explain something to him that she couldn’t even work out for herself.
She knew that Gabriel wasn’t her uncle, and she wasn’t her aunt. He had proven time and time again that he was committed to her. Yet she still couldn’t get past her anxiety about the media, her fear of them being seen together was all-consuming sometimes.
Any time they were alone together, she wondered if she was doing them a disservice by refusing to let the world know about them. She felt so sure of their relationship and of his commitment to being with her. Then she would see the celebrity blogs online, and she would be reminded that she didn’t want every aspect of her life to be dissected by complete
strangers.
If something went wrong between them, she still had a chance at a normal life as long as nobody knew she existed. She clung to the security blanket of her privacy even though she knew deep down that it was hurting them both.
“Okay,” she said finally, “I get that you love me, and I know that I love you. That’s how we both feel right now, but what about the future? In ‘real life,’ people break up all the time, and it’s no big deal. You grieve the end of the relationship, and you move on with your life. Not a problem. With us? For me to openly admit to being in a relationship with you means so much more.
“First, it could hurt your popularity and, consequently, affect the band. Second, it’s not something that I can ever take back. Once it’s out there, I’ll become public fodder. If heaven forbid, we do break up; then I become ‘Gabriel Knight’s ex-girlfriend.’ How do I move on from that?”
Ariana spread her arms wide as she finished her point. She’d run out of steam, and those were the major issues that she was struggling with. Ultimately, she did want to be with Gabriel, but she didn’t want to get hurt.
“I hear what you’re saying,” Gabriel paused for a second, “those are all very valid points, but I have a question for you. What if we don’t break up?”
Ariana was floored. In all of her internal debates, she’d never considered what would happen in the future if they never broke up.
“I’m not sure. I hadn’t really thought about it,” she told him, and Gabriel looked pained.
“Well, I have,” he said in a flat voice, “at what point in our relationship will you give in, Ari? How many years would we need to be together before you would feel comfortable telling the world about us? I can see how it tears you up seeing women flirting with me, and I don’t want to hurt you like that, but there’s nothing I can say to stop them without looking like a total asshole.
“I’m at a loss as to how I can possibly show you that I will never hurt you if I can help it. What can I do to show you that I really love you and want to be with you? Because you say that you know I do, but you act like you think that giving you my love means nothing, and it’s driving me insane.”
Ariana felt like a complete bitch. She hated that she’d made him feel that way. It was certainly nothing that she’d meant to do. Sometimes she wondered if she was good enough for him. In so many ways, he was better than her, and not because of his fame. He treated her like gold, yet time and again, she found herself pulling away from him, and she knew that it hurt him when she did.
“I’m not sure what to say,” Ariana said truthfully. They were so close, and yet it felt like there was a massive chasm between them.
“Say something, Ari. Just say something, anything,” Gabriel said in the same, deadened voice as before.
“It’s not something that I can change overnight, Gabe. It’s my own issues that are causing me to be unable to imagine a future with you. I can’t even fathom it. I know that I won’t be ready to tell the world about us anytime soon, but I hope that it’s enough for you that I want to.
“I want to be with you, and I hate that sometimes I give you the impression that I don’t want to be with you, because I do, more than anything, I want to be with you. I know it’s not exactly what you want to hear, but I hope that it’s enough.”
Ariana opened her arms, inviting him to close the gap between them. She felt so exposed, so vulnerable, and she gulped as she waited for him to come to her. Every word she’d said to him was true, and she hoped he believed it. If it wasn’t enough for him, it would kill her because she couldn’t offer him the relationship that she knew he wanted, only the promise that it might happen in the future.
Gabriel moved forward slowly. It seemed as though an age passed in the time it took him to move to a position just in front of Ariana. He was on his knees in front of her, their eyes level.
Ariana’s heart was thudding in her chest, and she knew that this feeling was the reason she couldn’t walk away from Gabriel. He raised his hands to cup her face and looked into her eyes. Ariana could barely breathe; the air around them was thick with tension.
“I love you, Ariana Chamberlain. Remember that,” he brought his lips to hers; they felt as soft as velvet.
“I love you too, Gabriel Knight. I always will.”
It was the truth. Gabriel had permanently marked her as his own, and no matter what happened between them in the future, she knew that her heart would always belong to him. She reached forward and pulled his head back to hers to kiss him again. Ariana pulled him down on top of her as she leaned back into the beanbag. She was overcome with the desire to be with him.
Right now, more than ever, she needed to forget all the drama surrounding them and their relationship. She needed to forget about his fame and about the fans. She needed to forget about the fact that it was her own damn fault that they had problems. She let everything go and gave everything she had within her to this moment with him. This time together in this special place was all that mattered right now.
They made short work of removing each other’s clothes, and she lay back against the beanbag. He kissed her and reached down to finger her clit. She panted as he rubbed her quickly back and forth and began twisting her nipple with his other hand. She reached between them to begin stroking his cock in return.
“Oh, Ari. You’re so fucking sexy,” Gabriel groaned, watching her writhe beneath him.
It was enough to send her over the edge, and she moaned loudly as she came for him. He kissed her again and positioned himself over her before pressing into her. Gabriel made love to her desperately, as though he was trying to burn away the rest of the world from her memory. She lost her focus entirely as she tumbled over into orgasm again, and Gabriel followed shortly after.
He lay with his head cradled on her naked breasts. They were both breathing heavily, and after a few minutes, Ariana felt Gabriel’s tears rolling down her body. She wrapped her arms around him and held him as he shook.
She had never seen him cry before, and she wondered if she was really what was best for him. This man, so self-assured, had been brought to tears by their relationship. How could she do that to him? She began to cry as well, silently, though her body shook with his.
Ariana didn’t know how long they lay together, naked and sweaty from making love before Gabriel turned his gaze to hers. Without a word, he kissed her again. He traced the path of her tears down to where they intermingled with his and continued down her body. He stopped between her thighs, and Ariana groaned as he tasted her. She continued to cry even as he brought her to orgasm yet again. Everything she was feeling was so powerful, and she couldn’t control her emotions.
He came back up to lie next to her. Every time she and Gabriel kissed, she was sure he could taste her tears. But he didn’t say a word. He lay next to her, stroked her hair, and murmured words of comfort until, finally, her body cooperated, and she managed to stop crying. Gabriel gathered up their clothes and passed Ariana her underwear, top, and skirt. She began clothing herself as Gabriel got dressed, too.
Once they had their clothes on again, Gabriel sat on the floor and pulled her into his lap. He wrapped his arms around her, and she felt safe, but she also felt as though she might burst into tears again at any moment. Their lovemaking had been so intense that she still felt shaky.
“You are so beautiful,” Gabriel whispered.
“Thank you,” Ariana croaked around the lump in her throat.
“I love you,” he kissed her head and looked at his watch, “we should probably get out of here, though. People are going to be arriving soon.”
Ariana nodded her agreement, but she couldn’t speak. She followed Gabriel out of the area the same way they’d come in. When they reached the exit near the steps, Ariana felt an immense sense of relief to be able to stand upright again. Gabriel pulled her to him in a hug and then took her hand and began leading her towards his dressing room. Just as they walked into the corridor towards Gabriel’s dressing room, Co
oper walked towards them from the other direction.
“There you are,” he said, glaring at the two of them.
“Yes, here we are…” Gabriel said in a questioning tone.
“Everyone’s been looking for you. Nobody could get hold of you. You weren’t here, you weren’t at the hotel, and nobody could get through on your phone. We couldn’t even get hold of her,” Cooper nodded at Ariana, and she bristled at being referred to in the third person.
“‘Her,’ name is Ariana, and I’ll thank you to use it,” Gabriel said coldly.
“Whatever. I don’t give a fuck what you’ve been doing, but don’t pull a stunt like this three hours before a concert again, Gabriel,” Cooper strode off, lifting his phone to his ear and barking into it.
Ariana panicked, Cooper seemed furious. She was worried that Gabriel would get in shit for going missing.
“Fuck,” Gabriel said and sighed.
“Are you in trouble?” Ariana asked timidly.
“Nah, he’ll get over it. Come on, let’s go.”
He put his hand on her lower back and ushered her towards his dressing room. They walked inside to the sound of Ariana’s ringtone. She rushed over to pick up her phone and saw Heather’s name on the screen, but it switched to voicemail before she could pick it up. She had no fewer than fifteen missed calls and seven text messages. Quickly, she dialed Heather’s number.
“Ariana?” Heather answered the phone in a concerned voice.
“Yeah, it’s me. We’re fine. Apparently, you guys have been looking for us.”
“Yes, where the heck have you been?” Heather asked.
“Ummm…” Ariana stalled as she mouthed the question to Gabriel, who shrugged, “…we just went sightseeing and accidentally left our phones at the venue.”
“Oh my god, Ariana, don’t do that again, okay? It’s been total drama central here. We almost had the police out looking for you. Cooper is pissed.”
“Yeah, he seemed it when we saw him,” Ariana said dryly.
“Okay, well, I’ll see you when we get there. We’re leaving now.”
“Okay, see you then,” Ariana hung up.
