by Mary Duke
Thanatos was the last to come through behind Sno. “Is she inside? Did we miss her?”
Illiah shook her head.
“I don’t get it. I tracked my magic. She has to be inside.”
“She is,” Ayana said.
I looked back to the cabin. “Then what are we waiting for?”
Ayana took a deep breath and held her hand out to her siblings. “It’s almost time.”
“For what?”
“Jadea is setting the souls free,” Ayana said.
“But the only way she can do that is…” I started to say.
Ayana nodded and handed me an envelope, sealed with my family crest.
“What is this?” I questioned, but before she could give me an answer, I could feel the release of energy. The Queen, Jadea, my mother, was dead.
Sno peered over my shoulder. “What is it?”
“I don’t know.”
Illiah rolled her eyes. “It’s a letter, genius.”
Sno shot back, “Obviously.”
“Well, then why did you ask?”
“I meant,” I said. “What’s inside, and why did she give it to me?”
“Well, there is only one way to answer that question.”
I slid my finger inside the corner of the fold and stopped. As much as I wanted to open it, I didn’t. I hated the part of me that cared for her. After everything she has put me through, I don’t understand how I could still feel some sort of attachment.
“Maybe,” Sno said. “We should give him some space.”
“Well, I’m not going anywhere,” Illiah said. “I want to be here in case these guys try to pull a fast one.”
Sno looked at me and back to the others, as they absorbed the souls and passed them on.
I can’t believe I’m saying this, I thought to myself. “Illiah is right. You guys stay here, I’m just going to…um. Take care of this.”
“You mean read it?” Sno asked.
I shrugged my shoulders. I didn’t know what I was going to do with it.
I inched my finger down the fold, stopping at the seal. I didn’t want to open it. I didn’t want to care what it said. “WHY DO YOU CARE?” I screamed into the woods once I knew I was far enough from the others before I threw the envelope at the ground. “THIS SHOULDN’T MATTER TO YOU!”
Before it hit the dirt, the wind swept it back up, and it landed back in my hands.
I looked around, to see if there was anyone there. There’s no way that just happened, I thought to myself. Not without someone’s help.
I ripped the seal of the letter before I realized it was too late.
“Zavery,” I heard her call to me, as she gently shook my shoulder.
My eyes popped open and I jumped to my feet, looking around for an exit.
“There is no way out,” she said.
“I should have known,” I said, still looking. “I should have burned the letter on the spot.”
“No matter what you did, this would have been the outcome. I made sure of that.”
“Of course you did.”
“Listen,” she said, her voice soft. “Once you hear what I have to say, once you see what I have to show you, this will end.”
“Right.”
“I’m not telling you a lie.”
“Why should I believe you?”
“Because. This…this is my way of saying goodbye.”
“Goodbye?” I questioned.
“Yes, Zavery. Goodbye.”
“And why don’t I believe you?”
“Because I have given you every reason not to.”
I bit my tongue. I was shocked. She was right, and I was surprised she admitted it.
“Everything that I let you know, from now till the end, I want you to know it is the truth. Every. Single. Word. I am setting the record straight. I am putting everything out there.”
I nodded.
“I don’t expect you to forgive me. Not now, not ever.”
I muttered under my breath, “Good.”
“Alright,” she said no aggravation in her voice. “I know I messed up. I know I went too far. I said things that I should have never said. I did things that I never thought I would do. I am not here to deny the things that I did.
“I’ve brought you here to atone to my mistakes. I brought you here, because for the first time in a long time, I am myself.”
I still didn’t know what to say. I was watching her every move, and the closer I watched, the more I felt that she was telling the truth.
“You don’t have to say anything,” she assured me. “I just want you to listen. I want you to know that none of this was your fault even though for years I made you believe that it was.”
I nodded.
“Even before I had you, I felt as though I knew you. Along with that feeling, I also knew that you would be a boy. When I shared this fact with my own mother, I was appalled by her reaction. She called for your death, right then and there. I was shocked…I was scared…and I reacted out of fear. The more they pushed for your death, the harder I pushed for your life. I didn’t care about a curse, I didn’t care about our family’s dark past. All I cared about was you.
“Days before your birth, I took the first step in what would be my slow unraveling descent into madness.
“I was a talented witch. I was not the strongest or the best, but I was better at it than my mother. Just days before your birth she came to me, and she wasn’t alone. She had brought a few of her friends, and that night they planned to kill you. I retaliated, and while protecting myself, I unleashed more energy than I ever had, and it killed everyone in the room. Which left us alone, with a clean slate.”
“What do you mean it left you alone?”
“Along with my mother, and her friends from her coven, was my father. The only person left, the only person who knew of your fate was my maid and long-time friend, Jayanatha. I believe you know her daughter, Illiah.”
I nodded.
“From that day on, I used what happened that day as an excuse.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, in the beginning, I told myself that I had already killed my entire family to keep you safe, so there was no reason anyone should stand in my way. It was that way of thinking that destroyed me. You see, I would get depressed that all my family was gone, that I was all alone, and when those depressive episodes would happen, I would blame you, I would hate you. In those moments I wouldn't see you as an innocent child that I fought to bring into the world. As you grew older, the episodes not only got worse, they got longer.
“More and more things began to set me off. Everything you did wrong, no matter how small, it threw me for a tizzy.
“Then came Quint. I think you were about four years old when he showed up the first time. He wanted you, he wanted to take you, train you to be the killer he needed, but at that moment I was your mother, at that moment I was willing to do anything it took to protect you. He told me I had forty-eight hours to say goodbye. I did anything and everything but that. I consulted every witch and wizard that I knew, anyone who could wield magic, who knew anything about reapers. I called them to help me protect you.
“It was at that moment I discovered dark magic. This was my second step down the path I ended up on.
“In forty-eight hours when Quint came back to collect, I believed I had bested him. The mark that you bore the one he said tied your soul to him, was gone. Now Jayanatha used her magic to conceal the mark when you were born, but the curse still ran through your blood.
“What he didn’t know was that just hours before, I used those who had come to me, to transfer the mark from you to me.
“We all believed that it would break the contract as the deal bound the men in the Blade family.”
“That wasn’t the case was it?” I asked.
“Well, yes and no. You see, he was the only one who could tear up the contract that bound your soul to him. The mark simply let other Reapers know that your soul was already clai
med, and the souls that you collected belonged to him.”
“Okay…”
“Well, when I moved the mark onto myself he took ownership of my soul, and not only did he do that, but there was no contract between the two of us, and that meant that he was free to collect anytime he wanted.”
“Then why didn’t he?”
“Because, that night that he showed up to collect you, he and I forged a new deal. I agreed to a double or nothing. I would collect thousands of souls in exchange for both of our freedoms, and for you to remain free. This was the third step, the step that sent me over the edge.”
“Over the edge?”
She nodded. “I killed my family, I tortured you, and this darkened my heart. I practiced dark magic, and this tainted my magic. Then I bound my soul to a reaper and agreed to kill thousands.”
I tried my best to feel sympathetic, and I would have if it would have been anyone but her. “I’m sorry, I still don’t see why you are telling me this. I don’t see why it matters to me.”
“You know of the prophecy, of two Faye born with the mark of Ayana. One would bear dark magic, and the other would bear light magic as equally powerful.”
“Yeah, I know that. Everyone knows that.”
“Well, I told you what my first three steps were, how I began my descent into who I became. This was all before your fifth birthday. Up until this point, you hadn’t shown many directions in your magic. There were only a few times I knew that you used magic. At some point around then, I’m not sure exactly when, I decided that you would be the one that was going to save me. I felt in my heart that you were the child of the light magic, and I knew that because I had sacrificed so much so that you would save me.”
“But I wasn’t that perfect child you wanted, was I?”
“Listen to me… You are perfect, absolutely perfect.”
“But…”
“But, when you showed signs that your magic was dark, I panicked. At that time, my soul was beyond saving, I had killed hundreds.”
Something crackled like thunder in the distance. “What was that?”
“I agreed that my soul would be the last one they passed through…I didn’t know that there would be so many of them…I thought we would have more time.”
I chewed at the inside of my cheek.
“Look,” she said, her voice getting shaky. “I just wanted to explain that everything I did, I did for you. I just wanted to save you, to protect you, but I didn’t go about it the right way. I messed up, and instead of owning up to my mistakes, I blamed you, I blamed anyone and everyone except for me. I became too ensnared in my own lies, in the lies that I made myself believe were truths, that I didn’t see it.”
“But you see it now?”
“I do. Not only do I see it, I feel it. The guilt, it’s consuming.”
I opened my mouth, I wanted to say something; I wanted to tell her that I understood, even though I didn’t, but nothing came out.
“I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I know I don’t deserve the fact that you’re standing here even listening to me. I just wanted you to go on from this point in your life knowing that none of this was your fault. I see now that I made the choices. I made me the way I am.”
I shook my head. I could feel my face getting hot. I was angry, though as angry as I was, I was also hurt. I couldn’t hold my tongue any longer. As much as I didn’t want to sink to her level, as much as I didn’t want to blame her because I saw that as giving her some sort of credit for making me who I was. I said, “I can still hear you in my head.”
“What do you mean?”
I looked her in the eye. I decided that if this was truly the last time I would ever see her, if she really was atoning for her sins, I was going to tell her exactly how I felt, take this weight off my shoulders. “I can hear you screaming how I was the reason your life was over. I was the reason our kingdom was in ruins. I can still hear that laugh you had when you watched me cry.”
The crackling sound grew louder. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Don’t say anything,” I said. “It’s my turn to talk. It’s my turn to get the weight off my chest.”
She nodded and tried to take my hand in hers, but I pulled away.
“For over half of my life, I blamed myself for everything, and I mean everything. I had no family, no friends, and for years I believed that was my fault.”
“It wasn’t your fault. Please tell me you understand that, please.”
“I know that,” I said. “I’ve known that. Rowan helped me, he explained it to me. I didn’t ask for any of this. I didn’t ask to be born. I didn’t ask you to kill your family. I didn’t ask for your protection. The Curse. For you to make a deal. For you to kill for me.”
“I know, Zavery. I know you didn’t. I made those decisions. It was me.”
I opened my mouth; I wanted to say something. I wanted to unload more of the weight off my chest, but I couldn’t.
She took my face in her hands and made me look at her. “This is over, all of it. I want you to put it all behind you. I want you to start over. The kingdom is still yours, and it’s time that our people had a true leader.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“It is if you want it to be. Your life is not over; you are so young. You have so many years yet to live. Put all of this behind you. Everything I ever said to you, everything I ever did.”
“I can’t.”
“You can. You have to. You can’t let me be the reason you don’t live. Don’t let me take your life from you.”
I could feel myself waking up; I could feel her fading away. “But I don’t know how.”
“Live,” she said. “Don’t be afraid to live.”
Chapter Eighteen
ILLIAH
“Took you long enough,” I said as Zavery came out of the treeline.
“Where is everyone?” he asked.
“They’re back in the mountain. They needed to rest.”
“Rest?”
“Do you know how many souls they filtered?”
“No.”
I rolled my eyes. “Are you ready to go back?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“I don’t know. Ayana said to give you all the time you needed. So here I am, giving you all the time you need.”
“How are we getting back?”
“The Queen left the rest of Thanatos’ powers here. He is back to his full strength.”
“Okay…” Zavery said. “But I don’t see a gate. How are we getting back?”
“We’re paired, remember?” I said as I put my hands out in front of me and focused my energy to open a gate.
Vera smiled when we walked through the gate. “Good, you’re back. I was waiting on you.”
“Waiting on us for what?”
“To go over our plan.”
“Oh right,” I said.
“We have to work with the element of surprise on our side,” Vera said.
“Though,” Enzo added. “We are never going to be able to truly surprise her.”
“Wait,” I said confused. “We have to surprise her, but we can’t.”
“Our mother is beyond paranoid. She’s going to see us coming, no matter what we do.”
I shook my head. “Then how are we going to surprise her?”
“We have to act fast,” Enzo answered. “The second we are within the walls, we have to be face to face with her.”
“We can’t give her any time to react,” Vera added.
“If she has even a second,” Enzo pushed. “We can lose her and our chance…and this is our only chance.”
“Now,” Vera said looking at the five of us. “There can’t be any secrets between any of us; if you’re hiding anything that she knows about that she can use against you, you need to come clean.”
“Otherwise,” Enzo said picking up where his sister left off. “She will use it to turn us against each other, and we can’t do this without all of our magic togeth
er.”
I swallowed hard before I turned to walk away.
“Illiah,” Thanatos called to me first. “Where are you going?”
“I can’t do this,” I said walking through one of the doors, putting as much distance between me and them as possible.
“Hey,” Thanatos said grabbing my arm. “Where are you going?”
“I can’t do this.”
“You have to. They need your help. I need your help.”
“I. Can’t,” I repeated slowly.
“Illiah we made a deal.”
I bit my tongue, literally sank my teeth into it.
“What did you do?”
I bit down harder.
“Illiah,” Thanatos said. “I’ve come to know that face over the last few days.”
I looked at him.
“What are you hiding?” he asked.
“I made a deal.”
“Yes, with me.”
“No before that.”
“With who?”
“Your mother.”
“You made a deal with my mother?”
“No!” I blurted out, wanting to lie.
“No?”
“Yes,” I said correcting myself. “Yes, I made a deal with your mother.”
“I can’t believe this,” Thanatos said.
“I know.”
“I trusted you…”
“I know.”
“Then how?” he questioned. “Why?”
“It was before I met you. It was before I got to know who you truly are.”
“I just…”
“I had to, okay?” I snapped. “When Sno and Zavery found me, Jadea had stripped away my magic, drained most of my immortality. I was aging…and I was aging fast.”
“So you made a deal with my mother?”
“Like I said, it was before I met you. It was before I knew everything that I know now. If I didn’t get my immortality back, I would have died.”
He just stood there staring at me.
“Say it. Go ahead. I know you want to.”
“Say what?”
“Tell me that I should have just accepted my fate. Tell me that I shouldn’t have tried to…”
“I will not tell you that,” Thanatos said, taking a step closer to me. “I can’t tell you that. We have all made deals we are not proud of. There is no telling what a person will do when they are staring death in the face.”
