I sigh quietly in the dark, the sound echoing around the small room. Looks like I'm on my own from now on.
Chapter Fifty Eight - Life must go on.
My head vibrates and I groan, my eyes twitching in the morning sun. I reach under my pillow and pull out my phone, glancing at the screen.
Unknown Caller ID.
I frown and answer it, sitting up straighter in my bed.
"Hello?" I yawn sleepily, rubbing my eyes. I must have had around two or three hours sleep max. My mind eventually collapsed early hours in the morning and I was able to finally close my eyes and sleep.
"Emily?"
I hear a low husky voice on the other end of the phone and my stomach does a quick somersault inside my body. My eyes widen and within a split second, I'm now wide awake.
"Jake," I breathe out, my voice shaky and quiet.
"Can we talk?" He responds and I feel my stomach tighten in several different knots, twisting in different direction. I shake my head, my teeth clenched tightly together as I struggle to stay composed.
Don't cry Emily, don't cry.
"I don't know," I whisper down the phone, closing my eyes.
"Please? Let me explain, it's not what it looked like," he pleads, the desperation and exhaustion lining his voice.
"It's exactly what it looked like. You had a gun Jake, you threatened to shoot everyone, including me!" I responded angrily, my hands shaking.
"After everything that happened with Jones, do you know how terrified I was? I found out my boyfriend is the leader of some silly little gang. You roam around with guns, thriving off other people's fear, it's sick." I say angrily, my teeth clenched together.
I pause for a moment, my chest rising and falling quickly as I catch my breath. He's quiet on the other end, his breathing shallow. He eventually chuckles quietly at me down the line, his words icy.
"You think I'm the leader of just a silly little gang?" He asks rhetorically, humour lining his voice. I hold the phone away from me in shock, my eyes widening at his tone.
"Yes," I respond timidly, my voice quiet.
"Our silly little gang own the whole of this town! We don't just scare people, we give them reason to. We kill people, we take away lives. We tear families apart, it's what we do Emily!" He snaps down the line. Chills immediately shoot down my neck and I shudder, unable to believe his heartless words.
"Do you also put people in coma's?" I ask rhetorically before continuing —
"Do you tear loved ones apart? Like Jones did to us? When I was in a coma, how did it feel for you Jake? Knowing that Jones had shot me, put me in a coma, your loved one. You do the exact some to other people!"
My breathing quickened up and I inhale deeply, closing my eyes and forcing myself to focus. He remains quiet on the other end, my words obviously causing him to rethink his whole argument against me.
"Everything Jones did to me, you do too. Jones never killed me but your gang kill people and don't think twice about it. You've taken away mothers, fathers, uncles and aunties, children, friends and family! How can you live with yourself? Knowing you're part of something so cruel, so evil."
I finally finish and let out a quiet sob, my hand clutching my chest. He remains un-phased on the other end of the phone, taking a moment before he responds. His words only caused me to suck in a harsh breath, feeling like he was ripping me apart, piece by piece. His voice is cold, flat and dangerous —
"I am evil, it's who I am."
And with that, he hangs up on me.
*****
I grimace at the sight of me in the mirror. Dark deep bags circled underneath my eyes and my skin is blotchy and red with a pale undertone. I look unhealthily skinny due to my weight dropping vastly in the past few weeks. When I stretch, my ribs stick out sorely and I clench my teeth tightly, a glossy sheen covering my eyes. I look a mess.
The bandage still covers my gun wound and I don't dare remove it to unveil the ugly scar that lies beneath. I hear a knock on my door and I grab my bath robe, pulling it around me.
"Come in," I say quietly, taking a seat on my bed. The door opens and Pops glances around the door, giving me a small smile.
"Sleep well princess?" He asks me and I nod tightly, feeling terrible for lying to him.
"Good. Emily, you need to attend school today," he says and I groan, throwing a hand over my eyes. I'd completely forgotten about college. The thought of education right now is not appealing in any way, shape or form.
"Can I have the day off please?" I ask him, feeling my stomach tighten further knowing I have a chance of running into Jake. Right now, I want to avoid everyone, curl up in bed and watch Disney movies with a jar of Nutella.
"No Elly, you need to go to school," he sighs, opening the door a little wider. I nod grimly, knowing he's right. I can't hide away forever, no matter how heartbroken I feel right now. I give him a small smile —
"I'll be ready in twenty minutes."
"Good girl," he says brightly, his head disappearing before he closes the door over softly. I throw myself back onto the bed, my body instantly sinking into the warm covers. I nibble on my bottom lip as I try to figure out a way I can avoid Jake. I don't have any lessons with him today so that's a plus however we always spend lunchtimes together with Ivory, Trish and a few other friends.
I groan once again as I think of Ivory. I hope Jake and I breaking up doesn't mean our friendship will go in the same direction. I view her as a sister and really don't want to lose her too.
I sigh heavily, pulling myself up off the bed an wince a little as a sharp pain jolts through my stomach. Take it easy. The doctors exact words.
Ha. The irony. . .
So much for taking it easy.
My thoughts turn back to Jake as I search for an outfit through my little belongings. I can't believe how icy his tone changed towards me. . . It reminded me of the first time I'd seen him.
Dangerous, piercing blue eyes and a glare to scare off even the toughest of people. I shudder before remembering how sweet he can be. Underneath his bad boy facade is a genuinely lovely, caring person and that's the boy I'd fallen so deeply in love with. Not the dangerous scary bad boy that had the town shake in fear whenever he was in their presence.
His words keep ringing through my head but I refuse to believe them. . . Maybe because I didn't want to believe them.
I am evil. It's who I am.
*****
I've opted for a black hoodie that hung low ending just above my knees. Underneath I wear denim jeans with some black converse. My hair is pulled into a high ponytail and I wear little makeup, only using it to attempt to cover up my dark under eyes.
I sigh deeply as I look in the mirror of the college bathrooms. I still resemble a sleep deprived zombie and my eyes are as puffed up as ever.
I grab my bag off the floor and headed for my first lesson as the bell rings, signalling the start of the day. My feet drag against the floor and I feel exhausted, physically and mentally. My mind is hazy and I keep my head down, out of sight.
I bump into someone and apologise quietly, shrinking myself against the walls.
"Emily!"
I turn and my gaze meets Ivory's. She's waving through the crowd and I give her a small smile, waiting for her to catch up.
"Hey!" She says, approaching me. She glances at my outfit before her eyes reach my face, looking sympathetic.
"How are you doing?" She asks me, pulling me into a bear hug. I feel myself instantly relax, my shoulders slumping against her. I murmur a response into her hair and hold her tightly, feeling grateful to have such an amazing friend. She isn't treating me any different now that Jake and I aren't together. I pull back and smile tightly at her —
"How is he?" I ask quietly and she looks at me, chewing on her bottom lip.
"You don't know, do you?" She asks nervously and I frown at her. My heart begins to pick up in speed, beating against my chest.
"Don't know what?" I ask. She pauses for a few moments before
pulling me closer, out of ear shot.
"Jake's boss beat him up Emily, he was barely alive when me and Tobias found him. Oh my god, it was horrible."
My mind blurs and I hold onto the wall for support as I feel my knees weaken.
"Why did Amil beat him?" I ask quickly, my heart rate increasing.
"I don't know, Tobias wouldn't tell me."
"But he rang me this morning, he sounded fine. . . A little angry but not in pain."
"It's Jake, he doesn't show when he's in pain. He's all patched up now but he's resting at home. He's not the same without you Em, he's just . . . Sad." Ivory explains, her voice softening. I feel my heart clench tightly and I take a step back, fiddling with my hands.
"I don't know what to do," I murmur, closing my eyes. The corridors are almost empty now and I sink to the floor, pulling my knees towards my chest. I feel Ivory's hand squeeze my shoulder before she crouches next to me —
"It's okay to need some space," she reassures me and I nod in a daze, my mind unable to think straight.
"Is he going to be okay?" I ask, my throat tightening as I think of him in pain. Ivory nods, helping me up off the floor.
"I think so, he's as tough as old boots. Tobias and I miss you, the house isn't the same. It's like a piece of Jake is missing too," she adds sadly and I give her a small smile knowing exactly how she feels. I miss them too, both of them.
"I miss you too but I can't do it anymore Ivory, I just can't."
Chapter Sixty - Explaining the unexplainable.
I make my way to the living room and collapse onto the couch, letting my bag slide to the floor. Shutting my eyes, I immediately feel sleep wash over me and I sigh contently, cuddling further into the soft fabric.
It has been a long day.
I pull my phone out of my pocket and scroll down till I find Jake's number. I've thought about him all day, worried about what Amil had done to him. A pang of hurt jabs into my chest as I realise I wasn't there for him. I wasn't there to care for him like he had done with me, I had left him when he needed me the most.
Hey, Ivory told me what happened, are you okay? -Em
I send the text and nibble on my bottom lip debating whether I should have put an 'x' at the end or not. I decided against it, not wanting to give him mixed signals but it feels so wrong not ending the text with the little sign of affection. Even though we aren't together anymore doesn't mean I don't care for him.
I love him, I will always love him.
He's my first love, my first everything.
I'll always have a soft spot for him in my heart and even though I'm hurting right now, I can't just abandon him. Moments pass and my phone buzzes, causing me to jump in surprise. I can feel my heartbeat quickening up as I read over his reply --
Jake - Why do you care?
Emily - Of course I care, I can't turn my feelings off for you Jake.
Jake - You left me Muffin.
Emily - For good reason.
Jake - I know. Let me explain, please?
I sigh, re-reading his message. The last thing I can do is give him the chance to explain. I owe him that much at least. Holding the phone to my ear, I wait patiently for him to answer --
"Hey Emily."
"Hey, explain Jake," I say quietly, getting comfortable on the couch.
"Do we have to do this over the phone?" He asks me, his voice low and deep. A small tingle travels down my spine and I close my eyes, trying to ignore it.
"Yes, you've got one chance to explain yourself Jake," I murmur in response. Seeing him face to face will only cause my emotions to fly off the handle and I can't do that, I have to be strong.
"I didn't know you were at the club."
I pause, my face contorting in utter confusion.
"That's your explanation?" I ask, bewildered at his attitude.
"Emily, you knew what I am before you got involved with me. You know I'm in a gang, you know I'm dangerous! Yet you still made me fall in love with you and then left me. I would never have hurt you, I was just doing a job."
My mouth hangs open from his words -
"I made you fall in love with me? I didn't make you do anything, you turd!" I yell, punching the couch cushion.
"You told me you didn't enjoy hurting people! You practically said yourself you wanted to leave the gang yet you're waltzing around with a flamin' gun, robbing clubs! I hate violence Jake! Actually scrap that. . . I despise it. I despise people who put fear in others, who abuse their power and belittle innocent people! You are just like Jones," I say painfully, clutching my forehead as I feel a strong headache brewing.
He's silent on the other end of the phone and I debate whether he's actually listening to me or not.
"Do you know how Jones ended up? Dead. That's the exact same way you'll end up Jake if you don't leave this cruel world you've got yourself wrapped into!" I pleade with him desperately, my eyebrows scrunched together in desperation.
"Please Jake, leave the gang. If not for me then do it for yourself. There has to be a way!" I pleade, a tear falling down my cheek. Several moments pass between us that are full of tense silence. I can hear him breathing heavily on the other end and when I close my eyes, it feels like he's lying beside me. Finally he speaks, his voice so quiet and innocent, I barely recognise it.
"I'll die if I leave Muffin."
I know he's crying silently on the other end. I inhale deeply, wanting to wrap him up in my arms and protect him from the life Amil has planned for him.
"You'll die if you stay," I respond softly before I heard a soft click on the other side.
He isn't listening anymore.
I drop the phone onto the floor and lie down, closing my eyes. My mind whirls with a thousand thoughts and I pray silently he'll listen to my words.
*****
Jake's POV -
A silent tear runs down my face as I take in her words.
"You'll die if you stay."
I know she's right but hearing someone I love say the words makes it a reality. I've missed her all day, an aching empty feeling settling permanently in my stomach. I miss her soft skin, her gentle voice, her lips on mine, having her presence around me.
My whole thoughts are consumed with Emily. Every minute I spend thinking about her, thinking about what I've lost. She's the best thing that has ever happened to me, my one true happiness.
Hearing her voice over the phone immediately makes me emotional, the tightening feeling in my chest increasing. I groan loudly as I shuffle in bed, my body flaring up with pain. I reach over and grab the tablets I've been prescribed and chuck a few to the back of my throat, drowning them with water.
Amil hasn't reached out to me for almost two days. This is the longest I've gone without hearing anything from the gang and it's worrying. An uneasy feeling settles in my stomach as I have a hunch he isn't finished with me just yet.
My jaw clenches tightly and I feel the anger inside me increase as I remember how he'd laid into me, punch after punch. If he'd only just release my arms, I would have shown him exactly what a decent punch feels like.
I want a life without constantly looking over my shoulder and having my loved ones fear for their life. I shouldn't have developed any feelings for anyone, never mind fall so deeply in love. But that was the thing about pure love, it creeped up on you when you least expected it and changed your whole outlook on life.
Before she walked away and left me, I imagined a future with her. I could picture little Emily's running around the house, forcing me to play dolls with them and braid their hair. I could picture marrying her, standing at the alter as I wait for her to walk down the aisle. I know she'd look so beautiful. No matter what she wore, she'd be beautiful.
A stab of pain hits my chest and I clench my jaw, blinking back the tears. She's gone Jake.
I know she was terrified of the lifestyle I live. She'd constantly worry about me when I would leave early hours in the morning and come home the next day with cuts and bruises. She'd tend to
them silently, her eyes full of sadness as she cleaned the dried blood over my knuckles or face.
I didn't realise how much it genuinely effected her until Tobias told me she left. Did I even take a minute to think about how it was effecting her? Lying in bed for the past two days had given me enough time to think about everything, figure out a way to make things right.
Ivory told me she was staying with her grandfather who I had never met before. I wanted to drive up there and see if she was being treated properly but then I remembered, she isn't mine anymore to protect.
She isn't mine to touch.
She isn't mine to cuddle in bed.
She isn't mine to wrap my arms around and breathe her scent in deeply.
"Hey, how are you feeling?" Tobias asks me, popping his head round the door. I immediately turn my face away from him, masking over the pain with an emotionless front.
"Im sore but I'll live," I respond, sitting up straighter in my bed. My tone wobbles a little and I clear my throat, pushing any emotion away. I clench my teeth tightly from the amount of effort it takes me and Tobias runs forward quickly to help. I hold my hand up, causing him to freeze on the spot.
"I can do it myself."
"Don't be an asshole Jake," he says causing my head to snap up and my eyes to burn through his. I sigh in defeat knowing he's right, these past few days he had been a lifesaver. . . quite literally.
"Sorry man," I mumble, my eyes drifting over my bed. He walks over and takes a seat on the bottom before speaking again.
"I've got a plan," he starts, causing me to look back up at him, intrigued. I frown before replying --
"Plan for what?"
"Amil," he states obviously and I frown deeper, my jaw clenching at the sound of his name.
"Don't get involved Tobias, I can fight my own battles." I warn quietly and Tobias raises his brow at me --
"You're asking me not to get involved... are you crazy? My brother crawled through the doors two days ago, practically dead. Do you think I'm going to let that slide?" He questions and I breathe deeply, shaking my head. If it was the other way around, I would do the exact same for him.
His Mission (HIS SERIES Book 1) Page 35
