by KT Strange
“Can I be excused?”
My uncle just stared at me.
“Well?” I glared at him.
“I’ll clean up,” he said, his voice wooden.
“Yeah, thanks,” I muttered, shoving away from the dinner table. Well… he’d asked me how school was.
The next morning, I woke up to find a note from my uncle, telling me to stay home for the day. He’d make my excuses to my teachers, and would bring home any make-up work.
A small warmth blossomed in my chest. I needed a day by myself to figure out how I’d move forward with my world splitting apart. I curled up on the couch and planned to watch cartoons for most of the day. Netflix had enough to keep my mind occupied and my fragile heart from focusing too much on what was hurting.
I napped on and off as sunlight slid across the floor, the sound of cartoon voices in the background.
Wheels on gravel, and the rumble of an engine had me sitting up. I looked at my phone. No text from my uncle saying he’d be home for lunch.
Before I could move off the couch, Buck was pushing open the screen door. My words died in my mouth as he strode toward me, determination on his face.
“Mia,” he breathed, reaching for me. My heart thumped twice, and I scooted away, not ready to believe it, and not ready to forgive him for ghosting me like that for days.
“I cried,” I said, “I cried myself to sleep every damn night.” I held up my hands so he’d stay away. “What are you doing here?”
“God, I’m so sorry, I had to wait until… he’s not letting me talk to you. Your uncle, he told me to stay away from you. But I can’t.” He closed his eyes and fell to his knees in front of me, putting us at eye level, even though I stayed at the far end of the couch. “Babe, you gotta believe me.”
“Shiv told me to go kill myself,” I blurted out. Buck’s eyes darkened. He sighed.
“Shit.”
I looked down, hating that I was about to cry. My nose stung, the prickling feeling moving to my eyes. And, yep, tears dropped down into my lap, spattering onto my hands. I was so damn weak.
“Please don’t, Mia.” Buck sounded like he was out of breath. He shifted on his knees, moving toward me. This time I didn’t duck away. He slid onto the couch, his arms curving around me. I gave in, sobbing into his shoulder. It wouldn’t make it better, nothing could; I just knew things had broken in a way that couldn’t be fixed. Our perfect little moment—that secret, beautiful thing we’d shared, and the love we’d grown together?—it had been ripped apart like wolves had gotten to it.
All we had left was that moment of him holding me as I cried out my feelings until I was struggling to breathe.
“It’s going to be okay,” he promised me, even though I knew he was lying through his teeth.
How?
I didn’t ask out loud. He didn’t have answers. My uncle was stubborn as a goat, and determined to give me a ‘better life’ or whatever. A life without Buck in it, or at least without openly having Buck in it.
I didn’t like the idea of sneaking around behind my uncle’s back, but he wasn’t leaving me with a lot of options.
“I can come see you, right?” I asked, my voice wet with tears.
“Yeah, anytime, at my place. Just not at school. I know the other teachers are on the lookout—it’s getting around that I did wrong by Coach Quinn’s niece… I’m in the shit with at least three of my teachers. After Noah… nobody is putting up with any bullshit, or at least what they think is bullshit.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“You did fuck all wrong, you know that, right? Nothing. You’ve never done anything to hurt anybody, and I’m sorry that this is all ending up on your shoulders,” he replied. “Look at me?”
I tilted my head up. His gaze was soft, apologetic. It did a little bit to mend over the pain I was feeling, seeing him looking so wrecked like that.
“I don’t deserve you. I don’t. I’m fucking lucky you can even stand to look at me after all of this shit. Can… can I kiss you?” he asked, his eyes searching my face. I gave a brief nod. He sighed and bent, pressing his mouth to mine. I moaned and leaned up into it, that feeling of rightness, of completeness, settling over me.
His hands wandered over my shoulders, then curved down along my spine, sending tingles and sparks through me. My breath shortened, coming in soft pants as he leaned back, pulling me halfway on top of him.
I shuddered, then stopped him.
“You should go,” I said, sounding way more adult and responsible than I was feeling. Really, I wanted him to stay, but the risks if my uncle came home by surprise…
Buck groaned, his eyes shadowed.
“Alright,” he said, “but…” He kissed me again, tongue sliding over mine. “Fuck, you drive me crazy.” He pulled himself out from under me, leaving me on the couch, bereft and alone.
We stayed like that, staring at one another.
“I promise you, I’m not going anywhere, even if I have to pretend like I don’t even know you at school,” he said. I swallowed hard, nodding.
“It’s okay-”
“None of this shit is okay. Don’t pretend it is. You don’t have to pretend with me, Mia. I’ll even… I don’t think I can stand by and watch you be hurt. I can’t.”
My eyes watered at his words. It was such a relief to be honest about my feelings.
“You have to. It’s okay. I’ll be okay. I just want the pain to stop,” I confessed. Buck looked furious for a moment, like he wanted to punch something.
“The girls are giving you a hard time?”
“And… Reid. He keeps turning up wherever I am and giving me these looks.”
Buck nodded.
“I’ll take care of him.”
That was a promise that worried me.
“Just don’t get in more trouble, okay?” I pleaded. Buck smirked. “Buck, seriously.”
“If he comes near you again, you text me right away. He’ll regret it.” Buck looked like he was going to enjoy it if Reid approached me. I wasn’t sure whether or not I should tell him if it happened. I’d have to come up with a way to keep my boyfriend out of trouble.
I fell back against the couch with a sigh and nodded.
“Okay, I will. Just, don’t do anything stupid,” I said.
“Nah, he’s got that on lock.” He leaned over and kissed me again. Buck pulled away with a low groan that had the hair on the back of my neck standing up, my skin prickling. “I gotta go before I push my hand up your shirt, or something ungentlemanly like that.”
“That’s not the kind of threat a girl doesn’t like to hear,” I whispered.
“Mmmhmmm,” he said, keeping his eyes glued to me as he took slow steps toward the door. “Text me. I’ll answer,” he promised. I nodded hard. Then he was gone, and it was almost like he’d never been here at all.
My lips were hot though, and they tingled when I put my fingers to them. That was the only reminder that things were going to be okay.
Four
Things were not fucking okay.
Being a pariah at school was barely offset by knowing that Buck didn’t hate me. He sent me sweet texts throughout the day. We’d decided that talking via text was worth the risk of someone figuring it out. But the rest of the students who knew me well enough to care? They were thoroughly punishing me by either ignoring me outright during class when it was time to pair up for work, or making snide remarks under their breath all the time.
It was worst with the cheer girls, who had insulated Shiv from being near me. She never even looked at me—something that hurt so badly that I didn’t know how to deal with it, let alone put it into quantifiable words. I was in a place where everything had been ripped from me. I didn’t know whether or not I was strong enough to withstand it. Eventually, my uncle would have to give in, because he couldn’t stay mad at Buck forever. He would have to admit that he was in the wrong, and that, even if Buck couldn’t come and live with us anymore, it was okay for Buck and me
to be together.
In the meantime, though, every single class was hell. It was even worse when a teacher stepped in and got involved in my problems. That’s when things went from epically bad to incredibly, completely shitty.
Three days after Buck came over, I was in a class with Shawn. And there was nobody around who wanted to be my partner. The teacher, in his infinite wisdom, decided that it would be best if he found a partner for me, since nobody was volunteering. That’s when his eyes landed on Shawn, who was slumped down in his seat, looking disinterested and irritable.
“Shawn Riordan? Pair up with Miss Quinn, if you would?”
Fuck.
That was the only word that could possibly sum up my emotions. Fuck.
Shawn sat up in his seat, stared at me, and then gathered his books to move to the double desk, where I was currently sitting alone. My heart thumped in my ears as I heard the low murmur of other students, a few of them looking toward me. A flurry of movement under desks made my cheeks to burn. They were texting each other, probably about this—oh, god, hopefully word didn’t reach Buck, because he would be so… so mad…
“Hey, Quinn,” Shawn said as he thumped down into the chair next to mine, his expression going from mildly grumpy to megawatt cheerful in an instant. “This is cozy, isn’t it?”
His knee bumped mine. I glared at him.
“You’ve caused me so much trouble,” I hissed at him. He sighed and chewed on his lip for a moment.
“Yeah… I…” He looked away. “I’ve done some things I’m not proud of. But let’s get cracking on this project. I swear I’m not gonna try anything.” He leaned in close and pawed open his text book. “You good with that?”
His eyes slid to meet mine, and he looked so earnest that I had to believe him. I wanted to yell at him, grab him by his stupid face and shake it, tell him how hard he was making my life. But making a scene… I just couldn’t.
I sighed.
“Okay, whatever,” I said, “but… don’t tell Buck. I’ll tell him we’re working together. I want him to hear it from me.”
A few more days passed, then the weekend, and a few more days into the next week, all pretty much like the ones that preceded them. I avoided most people and sat in the library during lunch breaks, burying myself in books. On the plus side, I was doing better in my classes and catching up to where I needed to be. The perks of being an outsider. The small, bright spots were Buck’s texts and the few moments we snuck together. We met after school, halfway through my bike ride home; he’d pull up in his car to see me, and we’d kiss, leaning up against the side of his Rover.
There wasn’t much that could make me happier than being close to him. So could anyone blame me when I’d let telling him about my school project with Shawn… kinda slip into the background?
Of course, the longer I procrastinated, the more I dreaded telling him. Right up until he confronted me about it himself.
“So, you and Shawn?” Buck had pulled up to the small clearing that marked the halfway point between school and my uncle’s farmhouse. He stood, leaning against the side of his Rover, staring at me with a raised eyebrow.
He didn’t look mad… just confused.
“I-”
“Did you think I’d be pissed?”
I gulped for air. He reached for me, pulling me to him.
“A little,” I whispered, leaning up for a kiss, my toes straining to lift me to meet him.
“Maybe I should be,” he murmured back, “I think kissing you is a better option, though.” His mouth moved over mine. I shivered, melting into it.
“You shouldn’t be mad at me,” I said, fighting with my arousal to also tell him off a little. “It’s been rough.”
“I don’t know the half of what you’re going through, Mia, I wish you’d let me just fight every single fucker in the school for you-”
“Shhh, I don’t wanna talk about it. Let’s just…” God, I wanted him so badly. I shifted my body against his, listening for him to make a noise. And there it was.
He groaned low, his hand sliding down my back to rest at the base of my spine, his fingers heavy over the curve of my ass.
“Mia, don’t,” he rumbled, but his eyes were half-closed, and I could see the naked want in them. He shifted, hand scrunching, as he pulled up the back of my skirt. I held my breath, waiting for it. His fingers grazed the back panel of my panties, tracing the line down my ass until he touched me right where I wanted it.
The bright light of the sun was overhead, birds chirping everywhere, but all I cared about was the way Buck’s hand curled under and made my legs tremble.
I gasped into his mouth, back arching, trying to get as much of his touch as possible in this tiny, snatched moment.
“I wanna get you wet.” His words shook: a hushed exclamation. “Make you come just from my fingers, just like this.” He teased me through the fabric of my panties. I clung to him, desperate for more of what he had just begun. I knew if he stopped, I’d scream. Or at least whimper.
“Can you come like this?” He kissed my temple, then dropped his mouth to my ear, planting a searing kiss right on the lobe, his teeth grazing it. I bit my lip to ground myself, even as his fingers tucked into my panties, touching me skin-to-skin.
“I… not standing up.” It was too much. Trying to stay standing up was a distraction from what I wanted to focus on. He laughed, the sound setting me on fire, as his thumb dragged along my clit before he pulled his hand away.
“Here,” he said. He turned me around before I could even whine that he’d stopped. I needed it, needed some way to funnel all my grief and excitement at having him to myself for a moment. His hands scooped under my ass. He lifted me and set me down on the hood of his SUV.
I gasped. “Buck!” I leaned back my hands hitting the warm, painted metal.
“Close your eyes,” he said with an easy smile, pushing my skirt up my legs. I couldn’t, so I just stared at the clear, blue sky above me instead. His hands moved against me, stroking over my panties, making my hips lift up to meet each of his lingering touches. This was where I needed to be, right here with him, his mouth grazing over my bare stomach as my shirt rode up my belly.
I let my fingers tangle in his hair, holding him close, feeling the soft puff of his breath over my shivering skin. His fingers gripped my panties, pulling them down so he could touch me fully.
I shuddered as two of his fingers slid into me, spreading me. The pleasure was almost too intense.
He was saying something, talking against my belly as he finger-fucked me. It all whited out though, when he thumbed over my clit, teasing me just right-
I moaned, muscles going tight and tense, the hard unyielding surface of the car supporting me as I quivered into a desperate orgasm. Buck lifted his head, watching me.
“Ugh.” I let my head fall back. It hit the hood with a thud, and I winced. “Ow.”
“Ow?” Buck frowned. “Did I hurt you? Was that your head?” His fingers slipped from me, making me squirm from the overstimulation.
“No, no, noooo, no. That was so good.” He scooped me up as I spoke, lifting me off the hood so he could curl me in his arms. My legs wobbled, but I leaned into him and tried to manage my breathing. His dick was hard in his uniform trousers; every time I moved, I rubbed up against it, making it throb. Guilt bit at me. I had to get home soon. Every second we stayed, we could’ve been discovered.
“Good,” he sighed, his breath ruffling my hair. “I just wanna make you feel so good.”
“You do,” I insisted, pulling away with no small amount of regret. “I gotta ride home, like, now, though.”
A smug grin crossed his face.
“You’re gonna remember me with every bump in the road,” he said. I blushed hard.
“Oh, shut up,” I said. He pulled me back and kissed me.
“See you tomorrow, right here?” he asked, looking down at me, his expression hollow.
“Promise,” I said, pressing my fingers to his l
ower lip. He kissed the tips and then let me go. After climbing back into his car, he waited until I was on my bike and down the road before he made a U-turn and sped off in the other direction.
I only hoped that we’d get more time together sometime soon. Maybe, during the coming weekend, I could sneak over to his house where we could hide, uninterrupted, for more than fifteen minutes at a time.
Five
“Oops, sorry, Quinn.” Someone shoved me from behind while we waited in line for the school assembly on Friday. I didn’t see who it was; when I turned to look, laughter greeted me, along with furtive grins from students who wouldn’t meet my eyes.
My belly churned, and I tried to remember that this was worth it. Staying in Hidden River was my only option, and Buck was worth it.
My uncle hadn’t taken to checking my phone or anything, so Buck and I texted each other every night. I saw him in passing during the school day, and we had our after-school trysts in the clearing on the way home.
Still, not being able to be open about our relationship with my uncle was absolutely murdering me. All I wanted was to be happy, was that so much to ask?
I straightened my shoulders and swallowed hard, feeling the weight of eyes on me all the time. This was my new normal. They hated me when all they had against me was that I was poor. To these kids, poverty was apparently the worst thing in the world—didn’t they know that most people in the world were poor? There were more of us than there were of them, and if they weren’t careful… let’s just say I was having a few fantasies about eating the rich. Just a few. After Shawn kissed me, they wanted to crucify me, because I was also a homewrecker. Shiv and Shawn had been the darling couple of the school, high school sweethearts forever, meant to graduate and get married after college, right?
Well, along comes Mia Quinn to fuck all that up. Mia Quinn ruins everything, or whatever. Never mind I didn’t ask for Shawn to dump Shiv, I’d never flirted with him-
He caught my eye, a few lines over, and met my gaze. He looked guilty, and I wondered if he’d seen me getting pushed. Did he know the amount of shit he’d put me through? Idiot. I couldn’t help but feel furious with him on a different level.
