by JJ Ellis
**********
Logan and Jayna laid there on the couch holding each other for a long time. Words didn’t seem to be necessary to express what they were feeling after their time together – joy, fear, and sadness enveloped them.
Logan scooted around her and stood. “Come on, let’s get your back to bed. My mother demanded my presence at nine a.m. to explain what's going on. I was hoping you and CJ would want to come. She might relax a bit if she can hold a cute baby.”
Jayna smiled and grasped the hand he held out to her. “We’d love to come. I really liked your mom the one time I met her."
“We’re both talking about Evelyn Harper, right? Red hair, loud, absolutely crazy…” he said ushering her into the bedroom.
“From the sounds of it, I’d be crazy if I had to raise you and your brothers too.”
“Hey,” he whispered loudly, pulling her into his arms. “Not me, just my brothers. I was an angel.”
Jayna leaned in to Logan’s chest to stifle her laughter so she wouldn’t wake CJ. When she pulled back, his eyes were shining with mischief. “I can hardly imagine you ever being an angel."
“If you were going to be here when your six weeks was up,” he shrugged as he released her and waked to his side of the bed. “I’d show you how much of an angel I can be.”
Jayna took a deep breath and crawled into her side of the bed, pulling the covers up over her chest. “I sometimes think you used the wrong word,” she whispered. “I’m pretty sure you meant to say devil.”
Logan looked into the distance, his expression contemplative. “Devil, huh? Yeah, you’re right. I think I would show you how much of a devil I am.” His gaze shifted to her and he smiled.
Jayna leaned in and kissed him, her left hand caressing his face. “You’ll have to come to Vegas and see me in two weeks,” she whispered. Switching away from him, she laid down and settled into her pillow.
“When are you leaving?” he asked gently.
“The day after tomorrow,” she murmured. “I made reservations when you were on your run.”
The room was completely silent for a moment. “Okay. I’ll drive you guys to the airport."
Chapter 15
Logan pulled up to his mother’s house and turned off the ignition. “Are you ready for the third degree?” he asked.
“Hell, it will be good to finally talk about it,” Jayna admitted. “I can actually live in the open again.”
“Maybe I should just let you go in and talk to her,” he said as he lifted CJ out of his seat.
Jayna put her hand on his arm. “What do you have against seeing your mother today?”
Logan sighed and handed the baby over to her. “Because she’s going to try to convince me that I need a family - that you and CJ came into my life for a reason. She’s going to insist that I’m in love with you and just don’t know it."
“Are you?” Jayna asked, heading up to the porch.
Logan remained silent as he ran up to open the door and usher them inside.
**********
Logan and Jayna found themselves sitting down to breakfast with not only his mother, but also his niece Miranda and the man who had saved their lives just the morning before. Ethan Ellis was the son of Logan’s uncle’s best friend, Jackson Ellis. The two older friends had been visiting Harper’s Rock for hunting season when they were injured. The younger Ethan had come to check on his father and honorary uncle and namesake.
Miranda hurried through her breakfast so she could go outside and play with her puppy Rizzy, so the adults were soon free to talk about the events of the last month.
When the story was over and Jayna asked to go someplace private to feed CJ, Evelyn showed her to Logan’s old room upstairs.
“Thank you, Mrs. Harper,” Jayna said shyly.
“You’re welcome dear. And please call me Evie.”
“I will, thank you.”
As Evelyn was about to leave the room she turned back. “My son is fond of you.”
Jayna smiled as she sat down on the bed. “He just doesn’t realize it. I don’t think he ever will.”
Evie nodded knowingly. “I just keep hoping that when the right girl comes along, eventually, he’ll come to his senses.” She slipped out of the room and shut the door.
Jayna looked around the room to see if she could get a clue as to what Logan had been like as a kid. Baseball seemed to have been his sport of choice. Even the bedspread she was sitting on had a baseball theme. As she fed CJ, her eyes settled on his dresser. There was an extensive collection of pictures of the Harper boys together at play and in celebration. One in particular caught her eye. She recognized Logan, Russell and Dylan from pictures in the apartment. But there was another young man in this one. She knew instantly that it was Ben. He looked so much like Logan. They had the same dark red hair, the same sparkling eyes and a similar jaw line. Ben and Russell were teasing each other with bunny ears, and Dylan and Logan were looking at them with such awe. The two little boys had obviously adored their older brothers.
Jayna noticed the pictures change through the years. All of a sudden there were only three brothers and a sadness in their eyes that you just couldn’t ignore.
When CJ finished on the first side he wouldn’t burp no matter what she tried, so finally she headed downstairs. Young Ethan was heading to the hospital to visit his father and Evelyn and her son were in the kitchen talking.
“Logan,” Jayna said, walking into the room. “I’m sorry to interrupt but he wants you. He keeps fighting me.”
Taking CJ from his mother, Logan put him on his shoulder and walked around the kitchen talking to him. “Hey little man, you should be nicer to Mommy.”
CJ whimpered and bobbed his head against Logan’s shoulder.
“Oh, now you’re trying to give yourself a concussion, huh? You know, Mommy and I don’t want to spend any more time in the hospital with you.”
CJ calmed down as Logan rubbed his cheek against the baby’s downy soft head and pressed an occasional kiss against his temple. “Come on my sweet little man, burp for Uncle Logan." As soon as he switched from patting to rubbing, CJ gave him what he wanted.
“He’s magic with him,” Jayna informed Evelyn. They had been silently communicating behind his back while he paced with CJ.
“I think my son has found someone he’s capable of loving. I just hope he won’t be the last.”
Logan gave his mother a dirty look as he handed the baby back to Jayna. She beat a hasty retreat back upstairs to Logan’s old room.
“You love that baby,” Evelyn stated matter-of-factly.
“I do,” Logan admitted without batting an eye.
Evelyn turned to him. “Truthfully, something I never thought I would hear coming from you. Now all you have to do is admit that you love his mother too.”
“Don’t go there Mother,” he said harshly. “They are leaving in the morning.”
Evelyn motioned to a bar stool and gave him a look that meant he’d better sit. “Letting them leave will be the biggest mistake you ever make. That young woman can make a home here just as easily as she can near your cousin and Deb.”
Logan sat quietly for a minute. “She said she wants to go, Ma. She knows I can’t love her.”
“You’re going to miss that baby.”
“I know, Ma,” he whispered. “I’ll see him sometimes.”
“Boy…” Evelyn started, then just shook her head in dismay. “Until she meets someone else and gives that boy a father.”
Logan didn’t even have time to respond before Evelyn stood up and walked out the back door. And Jayna had wondered why he didn’t want to visit. He got up from the breakfast bar and went to the bottom of the stairs in the family room. “Jayna!” he hollered. “Are you ready to go?” When he didn’t get an answer, he took the stairs two at a time.
Jayna was asleep on his old bed with CJ snuggled to her side. He walked over to wake her when something on the dresser caught his eye. It was a picture of him a
nd his brothers, including Ben. “It’s okay to love her.” The voice was calm and nearly a whisper. Was it his own voice? Maybe that of his subconscious? Or was it Ben’s voice. Was his brother trying to tell him something from beyond the grave?
Despite the tear that trickled down his cheek he had to chuckle. Now he was going crazy and hearing things. All of his mother’s and Jayna’s talk about love was warping his brain.
He looked at the picture again and his heart ached. If only his oldest brother could be there. But if he was still alive, Logan would probably be married by now. His life would be completely different. “I never wanted you to stop living.”
Had he really heard that or was his mind playing tricks on him again? He would give almost anything to speak to Ben one last time. “Damn it!” he uttered, slamming the picture face down on the dresser. “Jayna wake up. It’s time to go.”
Logan was busy brooding for the rest of the day so Jayna hurried outside to sit on the steps leading to the apartment. It had been a long time since she’d had a heart-to-heart with her best friend. She dialed Deb’s number from memory. It rang three times before she picked up.
“Hey best friend. What’s up?”
“I just felt like I needed to talk to a friend,” Jayna said quietly. “And no, I couldn’t wait until I get there tomorrow.”
Deborah laughed. “You still know me too well. What’s on your mind? I can tell something is going on.”
Jayna was quiet, mentally trying to force herself to speak. “I…I love Logan and I don’t want to leave Harper’s Rock.” There, she’d said it. And now that it was out there in the universe, her heart ached even more.
“Well, then stay,” Deb said, confused.
“I can’t. Logan can’t love me back,” she said, fresh tears clouding her voice. “Or at least that’s what he believes.”
“I’m sorry sweetie. Jackson told me about Logan’s ‘love is for fools’ idea. If you ask me, he’s the one being a fool.”
Jayna giggled nervously. “That is so true, sister! I just don’t know what to do to change his mind. I want him so badly and he adores CJ. It seems like it should be so simple.”
“It should be, sweetie, but these men who have Mannon blood running in their veins are stubborn as hell and don’t know how to let go of the past! It’s quite frustrating.”
“I really love him,” she whispered over the line.
“I know,” Deb murmured. “Maybe you just need to let him go and give him time without you. He’ll realize what he's missing and come running back to you.”
“Yeah maybe,” she agreed through sniffles. “But what if he only misses CJ?”
“I think even someone as misguided as Logan knows that a baby can’t keep a relationship going. If he comes for you, it will be because he realizes he can love you.”
“I hope you’re right,” Jayna sighed. “I leave Wyoming tomorrow.”
“And I can’t wait to see you. It’s been so long,” Deb gushed. “Do you want to take bets on how long it will be before Logan comes to his senses?”
Jayna just chuckled. “So, how are Mikey, Maddie, and Leo?”
“They are great. This whole preteen thing with twins is getting on my nerves a bit, but we're managing.”
“And then you have a toddler running around. Right now I’m so glad I only have the one.” Jayna heard Deb talking to someone on her end of the phone.
“Hey Jayna, Jackson says hi and to have a safe flight.”
“Thanks Jack!” Jayna yelled over the line. “Hey, I’d better get going. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Okay sweetie. Just hang in there. Everything will be okay. I can feel it.”
“I hope you’re right. Bye Deb.”
Jayna hung up the phone and went back inside to see if Logan was in a better mood. Unfortunately, he wasn’t. Hopefully their last night together wouldn’t be brought down by his bad mood.
Chapter 16
After a restless night’s sleep for all of them, Logan, Jayna and CJ left Harper’s Rock for the airport in Casper. Thoughts of the eleven a.m. flight that would soon separate them kept talk to a minimum. Neither adult wanted to think about their reasons for not wanting to say goodbye.
Two hours and twenty minutes after they left the grocery store, Logan pulled his SUV into a short term parking lot. The pain and burning he’d felt in his chest, off and on over the last few weeks, had now spread throughout his whole body. Every movement, every step, felt nearly impossible to accomplish.
Jayna grabbed her suitcase and her carry-on, letting Logan have time with CJ. It might not be hard for him to say goodbye to her, but she knew that letting go of CJ would be hard on him. She could feel the tension rolling off of him in waves.
Logan stood by as Jayna checked in and checked her one suitcase for the flight. When she turned away from the counter, they both knew the time had come to say goodbye. She put the strap of her carry-on over her arm and looked into Logan’s eyes. “Thank you so much for everything you did for us.”
A slight smile appeared on Logan’s face. “It really was my pleasure.”
“Even if it nearly got you murdered?” she asked jokingly.
“Even then,” he chuckled. “I put that money in your carry-on. Pay Jack and Deb back for the plane tickets then use the rest to get your fresh start.”
"Logan no. I can’t take it.”
“Of course you can,” he insisted. “For you…for our son.”
“Only for him, Logan. I don’t expect anything from you, but if you could stay in touch with him…”
“I will. I don’t think I could do it any other way now. Despite my name being on his birth certificate, I feel…I feel like he’s mine.”
“He is, Logan. For all intents and purposes, he’s yours.”
“Jayna I…” he murmured, stepping close to her. “I’m sorry.” His lips came down on hers in a gentle, sweet kiss. “Take care of you both.”
“I will,” she promised, tears beginning to escape from her eyes.
Logan turned his attention back to CJ, setting his car seat on the ground and lifting him out. “You take care of your mama, little man. You’re in charge now.” The baby fussed and Logan smiled. “I know, I know, she’s the grown up and can take care of herself, but I’ll feel better knowing that you are helping out." This time CJ smiled and cooed.
“I love you, little man,” he whispered, placing a gentle kiss on his soft, sweet forehead. “I’ll come see you as soon as I can.” With tears burning at the back of his eyes, he handed the little boy to Jayna and bent down to affix the car seat to the base he had carried in. He handed it to Jayna in her free hand then bent to kiss her and CJ one last time.
“So long,” he said with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Call me when you get there.”
“Bye. Don’t forget that I love you.” Jayna turned and walked toward security, and Logan watched until they were both out of sight.
“Now what?” he murmured to himself as he slammed out the front doors of the airport and ran full speed to his SUV. The tightness and burning in his chest was so bad that for a brief moment, he didn’t think he could stay upright. Since when had he been able to feel? He’d been doing that a lot the last few weeks.
Making it into the car, he collapsed in the driver’s seat where a bunch of deep, steady breaths calmed him enough to be able to start the vehicle and drive out of the parking lot. Though tears threatened, not one fell and when he reached the I-25, his speedometer hit 95 and didn’t go below that until he reached the outskirts of Harper’s Rock.
Pulling up behind the grocery store, he jogged around to the front entrance and walked back into the world he’d left a month before.
“Hey Boss, is everything okay?” Andrew asked as Logan walked into the deli.
“Couldn’t be better,” he said with little emotion. “I’m ready to get back to work.” And that’s just what he did. By the time he was caught up on everything, it was eight p.m. He climbed the sta
irs to his apartment and collapsed on the couch.
Checking his phone, he noticed three missed calls. One from Jayna and two from his mother. He automatically erased the two from his mom and decided to wait to return the other one. They had made it to Vegas safe and sound, and that was what he was most concerned with.
The more he laid there, the more his mind wandered to places that it hurt to go. But for some reason he couldn’t bring himself to do anything else. His couch still smelled of Jayna’s body wash and that somehow made him feel comforted despite the crushing pain in his body.
Just as he gave in to his emotions and started to drift off, there was a loud banging on the outside door to the apartment.
“Go away. I didn’t order pizza,” he hollered.
“Logan Charles Harper, open the damn door!” his mother hollered, her voice demanding.
“Oh Ma, go away. I just want to be alone and I can’t very well do that if I’m having three meals a day at your house.”
It was quiet outside his door for a moment then he heard a key in the lock. He made a mental note to call the locksmith the next day.
“When was the last time you ate?” Evelyn asked as she burst in and headed to the kitchen counter.
“This morning,” he sighed, bracing himself for what would come next.
“Get your mopey butt off the couch and sit at the table. I brought you some tater tot casserole."
“Mama, I’m not really hungry.”
“Boy, you’re going to eat something even if I have to force it down your throat.”
Logan reluctantly got up from the couch and settled in at the dining room table.
Evelyn watched her son closely as she put some casserole on plates for them. “You know, the girl you spent nearly a month in close quarters with leaves and you stop eating, lie on the couch all night and ignore phone calls. That right there should tell you something, son.”
Logan’s hands balled into fists as he glared at his mother. “Enough! I don’t want to hear it Mom.”
