by Eva Brandt
But Alarians were not human, and the only information I had about Darius’s health came from people who intended to let him die.
I stared at his hand, and it struck me as jarring that he wasn’t wearing his gloves anymore. Touch was a big deal in Alarian society, but it wasn’t just a social taboo. Skin contact with the wrong person could easily harm them. It actually had, in Darius’s case.
What would happen if I touched him again? Should I risk it?
“I don’t want to hurt you again,” I confessed. “I’ve already hurt you and everyone else enough. What should I do? Should I touch you?”
Darius’s eyelashes flickered. I didn’t know if that was an answer or not, but I could no longer contain the impulse that had been plaguing me from the moment I’d first stepped into the room. With shaking fingers, I reached out and touched his bare palm.
At first, nothing happened. His skin felt nice against mine, soft, a little dry, but normal. Both relieved and disappointed, I clutched his hand a little more tightly and blinked.
When I opened my eyes again, I was no longer in the healing room. Instead, I was standing on a white beach, in front of the Alarian prince I’d just seen comatose. The change in positions was so jarring I stumbled and almost tripped, but Darius caught me before I could fall. “Hello, Lucienne,” he murmured as he held me close. “I’m so glad you heard me.”
Well, at least I’d gotten something right.
Five
The Unlikely Ally
Darius
When Mathias Vandale had mentioned Bjorn’s plan to mind control Cardinal Vaughn, the last thing I’d expected was such quick results. It was difficult to properly assess the passage of time while in the astral plane, but I was pretty sure it couldn’t have been more than a couple of hours. And yet, Lucienne had arrived to see me, something which my family had not allowed before.
Sadly, I wouldn’t have known about it at all had my nemesis not decided to suddenly show up again. “Great news!” he declared as he manifested in front of me. “Your soulmate is paying you a conjugal visit. Aren’t you lucky?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Lucienne, of course. She’s in your healing room right now. Don’t you think it would be a shame to leave her staring at your motionless near-corpse? Wouldn’t it be dreadful if you were unable to actually see her, despite her having made such an effort to help you?”
I wanted to say ‘no’ or ignore him, but the horrible thing about my every conversation with Mathias was that he always guessed my most secret thoughts and desires, even if I didn’t really acknowledge them. It could have been due to his presence in my mindscape or because of his obviously superior skill at such magic, but either way, I couldn’t hope to hide from him.
This time, I didn’t even try. I wanted to see Lucienne. Claiming I didn’t would have not only insulted Mathias’s intelligence—which I didn’t necessarily have a problem with—but also my connection to Lucienne. I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
“I’m glad you agree with me,” Mathias said, disregarding the fact that I hadn’t actually answered him. “I believe it’s time for us to have a proper, friendly chat with the lovely Miss Hastings.”
His words made me recoil because I now realized his enthusiasm had nothing to do with me seeing Lucienne once again. He intended to approach Lucienne himself, and that was something I could not allow. “That’s a horrible idea, Vandale. You can’t honestly want to talk to Lucienne.”
“And why wouldn’t I?” Mathias tilted his head at me, scanning my face with those deep blue eyes that seemed to see straight into my soul. “She’s so very fascinating to me. I quite look forward to another meeting. Perhaps we can continue our conversation from where we left off. Last time, we were regrettably interrupted.”
“Interrupted by your desire to kill us,” I snapped.
“Don’t be so childish.” Mathias rolled his eyes. “As I keep telling both you and former Guardian Whelan... If I wanted you dead, you would be dead. That goes for your beautiful soulmate as well.”
Yes, and I still wasn’t sure he hadn’t killed Declan, even if he had mentioned the werewolf before. “Just out of curiosity, what did Declan say to that?”
“Sorry, that’s one of those things I can’t share.” His lips twisted in an almost impish grin. “I wouldn’t want it to influence your decision or opinion about me. And anyway, this isn’t about Declan, but about Lucienne. Don’t you think she deserves to talk to you as well, after everything she’s suffered? She blames herself for your affliction, you know, and she feels so alone and frightened.”
His eyes glinted with satisfaction and humor, and he didn’t even try to pretend that he wasn’t emotionally blackmailing me. I still couldn’t argue with him, because once again, I knew he was right. Still, I had no intention of exposing Lucienne to him. “She deserves to talk to me, not to you. She’s met you twice, and on both occasions, you tried to kill her. You might claim that it was never your intention, but she doesn’t know that and, to be honest, I’m not convinced either. If you’re telling the truth and you do indeed mean well, prove it. Let me talk to her alone and explain.”
Mathias’s smug smile faded. He looked up at the sky and let out a dissatisfied groan. “I suppose I should have seen that one coming. All right, princeling. You win this round. I’ll leave you and Lucienne alone, this time. But I expect you to give her a head’s up and explain everything.”
Explain what? That he was a complete and utter nutcase who had decided to save my life and refused to tell me why? That he had found a method to spy on her, despite her being in the Palasion, surrounded by Alarian security? That he claimed he could be trusted when the sheer notion contradicted everything I knew about him?
He vanished before I could ask, and the veil that blocked my consciousness from the outside world lifted slightly. All of a sudden, I could feel her by my side, hear her soft voice, and sense her agitated magic. “I don’t want to give up on you,” she said. “I don’t want to give up on anyone, but I’m so scared.”
The words confirmed what I’d already known and a pang of sharp yearning rushed through me. I instinctively extended my hand toward the sky, willing her to touch me, to hear me. “Don’t give up. I’m right here. I’m with you.”
My body must have echoed my interior turmoil in some way because when she spoke again, she sounded different, both hopeful and tormented. Her whispered, loving words echoed so very loudly in my mindscape, making me ache for her even more. “I don’t want to hurt you again. I’ve already hurt you and everyone else enough. What should I do? Should I touch you?”
She’d obviously realized that I had been trying to connect to her, but was hesitant due to our less than ideal history with touch. I had no such fears. “Yes, Lucienne. Yes, touch me.”
It was such a selfish request. I shouldn’t be pushing us in this direction, not when I knew the consequences it could have. But maybe, it would be all right to allow myself this one weakness. I could perhaps talk to her, apologize and explain my train of thought. I could at least tell her that none of this was her fault and that she shouldn’t blame herself for something that was in no way her responsibility.
She must have heard me, because the next thing I knew, her luminescent figure manifested in front of me. She stumbled slightly when she realized where she was. I took advantage of the opportunity to pull her into my arms. “Hello, Lucienne. I’m so glad you heard me.”
Her body fit so perfectly against mine, better than I remembered. The only time I’d held her had been at the club, and I’d been too busy trying not to lose my mind to really enjoy it. I’d missed out on a lot, and at that moment, I couldn’t help but think that dying from the Alarian Vow was a small price to pay if it meant I could feel this, just this once.
“D-Darius?” she stammered. “Is this... I’m not seeing things, am I? It’s really you?”
“It’s me, yes,” I assured her. “One Alarian prince, at your disposal, Miss Hasti
ngs.”
She broke away from my hug and scanned my face with hooded, dark eyes. Whatever she saw must have satisfied her, because she proceeded to punch me in the face. “That’s for lying to me about being my soulmate and unilaterally deciding to die without even telling me about it. Do you have any idea how worried I was?”
A mix of guilt, happiness, and shame filled me at her angry inquiry. As much as I hated the thought of her experiencing any kind of turmoil for my sake, I couldn’t help but be a little pleased that she cared, and I hated that even more. “I apologize,” I hesitantly said. “This is exactly why I lied, because I didn’t want to upset you.”
Lucienne’s shoulders slumped and she let out a heavy sigh. “It’s all right. I’m not mad at you. I just needed to take advantage of the occasion to punch you in the face. As you pointed out yourself during our first real chat, if I tried in real life, I’d break my hand. And I’ve tried every other method to shake sense into all of you. I might as well attempt this one too.”
I could barely believe my own ears. Just when I’d thought I was prepared for everything she could say or do, she threw something like this at me. How could she be so practical, generous, warm, and fierce at the same time? She humbled me with her kindness and courage. High King help me, I loved her so much.
I only realized I’d said that out loud when she jerked and looked at me with wide-eyes. Her face flamed and she started to stammer incoherently. “Oh. Ah... Err...”
“It’s all right,” I hastened to say. “You don’t have to say anything back. I know this isn’t a situation conducive to vows of long-term devotion and eternal love. I just... can’t help myself. I’m sorry.”
She narrowed her eyes at me in renewed frustration. “Don’t. Don’t apologize for the way you feel. I... I admit I don’t really know what to do with any of this, but your feelings are your own and nobody has the right to tell you they’re right or wrong.”
Her impassioned statement drew a small, bitter smile out of me. “A lot of people would disagree with you. I’m Alarian. I’m not supposed to feel.”
“Well, all the idiots can go suck a dick for all I care,” she snapped at me. “Their opinion is neither wanted nor needed. Only yours...”
She trailed off and drifted into silence, as if her own words had made her have a sudden realization. “Do you hate it?” she asked, her voice now soft and hesitant. “Do you hate being forced into...? Into this?”
“Hate it?” I repeated. “No, of course not.”
It was difficult to put my thoughts into words when I was looking into her eyes, so I turned and stared out into the distance, at the ocean that was a representation of my consciousness. “I admit it hasn’t been easy. For an Alarian... Like I told you, we’re born without the ability to feel. So when I first gained the capacity to experience emotion, I didn’t understand three-quarters of the things I felt. Affection, concern, jealousy, and yes, even love... These things were alien to me. I couldn’t understand them. I had to fight to intellectually identify each of them, to put a label to each individual emotion.
“The Alarian Vow made the situation worse, since the stronger the feelings were, the more it hurt me. But I had help, and in the end, we figured out a workaround.”
“Bjorn,” she murmured, interrupting me for the first time since I’d started to speak.
She didn’t say anything else, and I wasn’t sure she even intended for me to hear the word. I did hear it, though, and it stirred the same emotion that had been lurking inside me since my meeting with Mathias. “Yes, Bjorn. But I probably shouldn’t have mentioned it, since I understand you’re familiar with him now.”
The words came out a little sharper than I’d have liked. Lucienne’s eyes widened. “How do you even know that? You’re... How could you possibly know?”
She didn’t deny my claim or act offended at my tone, but that might have been because she was suddenly eyeing me with suspicion. Right. The comatose Prince Darius would have had trouble finding out something that had happened recently and was a secret known only to Lucienne, Bjorn and, possibly, Malachai.
“It’s a long story.” I groaned and buried my face in my hands. “Some days, I don’t believe it myself and I don’t know how to explain it.”
I sat down on the sand, and Lucienne joined me without me having to ask her to. “The truth is, Lucienne, the Alarian Vow should have killed me by now. Despite your best efforts, the damage I suffered during the battle with the plagues should have made it impossible for me to resist it long enough to receive medical attention. Do you know why I lived?”
It was only a rhetorical question, but she shook her head and answered me anyway. “No. Why?”
“It’s because of Mathias Vandale. For some reason, he decided to isolate this part of my consciousness from my body, thus keeping the Alarian Vow from connecting to my physical form. He’s also the one who told me about you and Bjorn. I’m not sure how he knows these things. My best guess is that some kind of mental connection formed between him and us when we entered his mind, but it’s just that, a guess, speculation.”
All color drained from Lucienne’s face. “Vandale? Are you serious? But he wants to kill us. He hurt Declan, maybe even killed him.”
“He claims Guardian Whelan is alive and well.” I sighed, unable to believe that I was acting like the devil’s advocate when I was just as reluctant to trust Mathias as Lucienne was. “Believe me, I understand how you feel. His actions make no sense. I assume he has a secondary motive, something powerful enough that would determine him to dismiss the threat we represent.”
The offer he’d made me suggested that he might be planning to sabotage The Pure Kingdom of Alaria in deeper ways, but as far as I knew, he’d never taken such an approach. It seemed unlikely that he’d want to jump through so many hoops just to deal with Alaria when he’d shown no interest in doing that in the past.
Before I could share my confusion and concern with my soulmate, a familiar male voice interrupted our conversation. “Oh, how cruel. Here I am, making my best effort to try to help you. And what is my reward? Doubt and rejection.”
Both Lucienne and I shot to our feet and turned toward the source of the sound. I was not surprised to find that, while I’d been distracted by Lucienne’s presence, Mathias had returned and sneaked up on us. He clutched his chest theatrically and shot us a brief smirk. “I’m hurt, princeling, really I am. When are you going to realize that you can trust me?”
I ignored the question and glowered furiously at him. “What are you doing here? I specifically told you to leave us alone and you agreed.”
“Technically, I did leave you alone,” he pointed out. “I just came back.”
The answer made me even angrier. “Are you really relying on semantics to argue with me?”
“Of course not. Honestly, Darius, the matter is quite simple. I instructed you to explain everything to your lovely soulmate, and it occurred to me while I was away that you weren’t very likely to do that.” He winked at Lucienne. “You see, Miss Hastings, your punch, no matter how magnificent, isn’t enough to change his self-sacrificing nature. I have a plan that would save his life from the Alarian Vow, but he refuses to accept my help.”
Much to my dismay, Lucienne’s anger somewhat subsided. She still watched Mathias with clear wariness, but she seemed willing to listen. “What do you mean? What plan?”
“Well, it’s like this. The Alarian Vow is bound to the princeling’s soul. If we were to switch his soul to a different body, the vow would, in theory, snap. It would not be compatible with the vessel, so it would be rendered useless.”
Lucienne narrowed her eyes at him. “Uh-huh. That sounds very sketchy. Why do I have a feeling there’s a catch?”
“It’s his body he wants me to use as a vessel, Lucienne,” I explained. “It would probably work and break the vow, but it’s much too dangerous in every other way. It would automatically mean that his soul would take over my body.”
Lucienne
gaped at me, obviously shocked that Mathias had dared to make the suggestion. Nobody in his or her right mind would agree to such a thing. The potential for disaster was so extreme I couldn’t even begin to express it.
“Are you crazy?” she asked Mathias. “You tried to kill us, several times, and you expect Darius to just give you his body?”
Mathias hummed thoughtfully. “That’s not exactly accurate, Ms. Hastings. I never actually tried to kill you. You shot me before I could touch a hair on your head, remember? As for the incident at your apartment... That’s different. I admit I did come after you with the intention of eliminating the potential threat you posed, but I changed my mind. His Royal Highness is the same. That battle was the first one we actually fought, and believe it or not, none of the things I did that day were intended to kill him.”
Lucienne clenched her hands into fists, and sparks of green and purple started to dance around her fingertips. “How can you even say that with a straight face, you fucking dick? He was convulsing in front of me like he was in his death throes. He was vomiting blood. The healers later told me that you physically stabbed him.”
A shadow flickered over Mathias’s face, but he showed no other sign of being taken aback by Lucienne’s anger. “I did stab him, yes, but not in the heart. I have excellent aim, and even Alarians die if they have their hearts torn out of their chests. It was all for a purpose, although unfortunately, it didn’t work out the way I’d planned it.
“In any case, I can’t explain it to you right now. But even if you don’t believe anything, you should believe this. You have no choice but to trust me. I realize that you’re placing your hopes in Bjorn Lindberg, and his efforts are helping. But the only thing he’ll manage to accomplish is to buy us some time and perhaps visiting privileges for you. Cardinal Vaughn will not be able to push for more, because there is no way the Alarian royal family will let Darius live. He broke the Alarian Vow and that is a stain on their name and their dignity. They want to remove it and they will do so as soon as possible. It’s just the way it is.
