by Eva Brandt
“Who? Who was I?”
“I can’t tell you that,” Alois croaked out. “I’m sorry. It’s too dangerous. Souls need to remember such things on their own. If I were to push you too hard or try to make you remember, your psyche could collapse. But you are already halfway there. You are doing so well. That’s how I know you can do this too.”
I wasn’t so sure. I still felt like I’d fallen into some kind of dream, something my mind had fabricated out of sheer desperation.
I was only a vampire from a small coven in Germany. I’d left that life behind to join The Pure Kingdom of Alaria more than a century ago, and I’d eventually met and fallen in love with my fellow guardian Declan Whelan. We’d fought side by side for years, respecting the Alarian creed, protecting our soulmate, even if we hadn’t known her identity at the time. And when we had finally met her, we had made such a mess that I still couldn’t believe we could actually claw our way out of it.
To put it bluntly, I wasn’t anything or anyone special. I was Malachai, Declan Whelan’s partner and Lucienne Hastings’ soulmate. That was the only certainty I had.
Alois looked at me with sad, blue eyes. “Your past life doesn’t erase the life you’ve lived as Malachai Braun. It just adds to it. You need to find the strength to tap into that, to tap into the person you were.”
Slowly, gently, he entwined his fingers with my own. It shouldn’t have been possible, but his skin felt warm and real to the touch. “If it helps, you were a kind man. A good man and a brave warrior. In that sense, you haven’t changed at all, and that’s what matters. I believe in you, so you need to believe in yourself.”
I wanted to protest, to tell him that having faith in my own abilities had never been the problem. I knew myself very well and at every point in my life, I had always been aware of what I could and could not do. That was why I’d made the choice to feed on the plague’s blood, because I’d realized that, in my previous state, crippled by the inappropriate diet I’d been on, I wouldn’t have been able to save Lucienne.
Something in his expression froze the words on my lips. The true meaning of his words finally processed and I managed to stammer an incoherent question. “Are you... Were you... Did we know one another?”
“Yes, of course,” he replied. “But don’t ask any other questions about that now. We’ll have time aplenty to discuss it when you’re not in danger. In the meantime, please believe that whatever I was and whatever I can be, I will help you.”
It was crazy to put my faith in something so sketchy, in a stranger who had shown up out of nowhere and claimed we’d known one another in a past life. But I supposed that as of late, plenty of crazy things had happened to me. My heart told me that he might be telling the truth. At the very least, I needed to keep an open mind and hear him out until the end.
“Okay then, Alois. I’m listening, and I’ll believe you. Just try to not make me do anything too crazy, all right? I already have my hands full with Bjorn.”
“You have no idea how familiar that sounds.” He grinned cheekily at me. “All right. You have a deal. And in exchange, you won’t mention our little arrangement to anyone. That includes Lucienne Hastings, Bjorn Lindberg, and any other person who might ask.”
I didn’t much like that idea, as keeping secrets never worked out well in the long run. I’d tried to hide my bond with Lucienne from Declan, and Prince Darius had kept it from everyone except me and Bjorn. The only thing we’d accomplished was to make ourselves vulnerable to an attack from Mathias Vandale.
But on the other hand, would Bjorn even be capable of dealing with the concept of reincarnation right now? After his earlier display, I doubted it. Lucienne’s situation was perhaps even worse. She already had so much to worry about, and until recently she had thought she was human. Dumping this on her shoulders as well would be selfish and stupid.
A compromise, then.
“For the moment, I will keep your secret,” I told Alois, “but if it becomes relevant or if I think that hiding it is dangerous, I’ll tell them.”
Alois smiled again, and this time, the expression held an entirely different type of joy. I had the feeling I’d passed some kind of test. “That sounds great. I’ll trust your judgment. In the meantime, here is what we need to do.”
* * *
Lucienne
I officially hated Mathias Vandale. I hated him with a passion and I wanted him to burn in the fiery pits of hell.
That was the first thought that went through my mind when I opened my eyes once again, and I found myself on the floor of Darius’s healing room in the Palasion. My head was throbbing, my hand hurt, and I was more furious than I remembered being in a long time.
I got up on shaky legs and plopped back onto the bed, glowering at Darius’s unconscious body. “I hate you. I hope you know that you’ll pay for that little stunt.”
I would have probably said more, but it was already weird to address the words meant for Vandale to Darius’s comatose form. Speaking Vandale’s name out loud was out of the question, so I’d just have to wait until I saw the asshole again to properly give him a piece of my mind.
Just when I had decided to maybe give him a chance, he came up with that bullshit with my father. What the actual fuck? What could have possessed him to say something like that and then shove me out of Darius’s mindscape?
Ugh! I hated him so much.
Taking Darius’s hand, I considered the possibility of trying to wriggle my way back into his mind. It seemed much too risky, especially with my powers so out of control, but there was still so much I hadn’t gotten the chance to tell Darius. We hadn’t even spoken about Bjorn and that weird comment Darius had made regarding me and the incubus.
Before I could make a decision, the door to the healing room burst open, and a harried-looking healer rushed in. I blinked in surprise and apprehension at the unusual sight. Seeing Alarians anything except perfectly stoic and composed was always a bad sign. Healer Vaughn was no different. For as long as I’d known her, she’d been as straight-faced and irritating as her father, the cardinal. I hoped her arrival didn’t mean that she had noticed something off about him.
Vandale had seemed alarmed before he’d unceremoniously interrupted our conversation. Could he have had another reason for his behavior other than his natural propensity for being an asshole?
There was only one way to find out. Squeezing Darius’s hand a little tighter, I faced the healer without flinching and asked, “Is everything all right?”
I half-expected Eileen Vaughn to hedge or give me one of those ‘I’m not cleared to provide you with this information’ responses. She didn’t. “We’re not certain,” she said instead, already making her way to Darius’s other side. “There was a surge of magic all over the Palasion earlier and it had an effect on every passive and ongoing enchantment we cast. If it affected the healing spell on Prince Darius, it might have harmed him.”
I stole a look at my soulmate’s face, then looked back at Healer Vaughn. “He seems fine to me, or at least as fine as he can be, considering his previous state. But please, do check.”
As I spoke, I reluctantly released my hold on Darius’s hand and stepped away from the bed, giving the woman room to work. I really didn’t think Darius had been hurt, but it was better to be safe than sorry. Besides, my astral projection abilities were weird and unstable. Something could have easily happened while I’d been out of it, and I might have been unaware.
Thankfully, my worries proved to be for naught. Only a few minutes later, Healer Vaughn pulled away, the glow of her magic fading into distant golden sparks. “It appears that you were correct. The enchantment on Prince Darius was unaffected, and he remains in the same condition as before. Nevertheless, it would be preferable to monitor his state for a little while longer, to make sure there isn’t a delayed side-effect. At this time, it would be better for him to not receive any visitors.”
The not so subtle rebuff made me grit my teeth in outrage and frustration. No
one had bothered to show any concern before I’d arrived in the healing wing and now, I was being sent away. I was suddenly inconvenient. Stupid bitch.
I reminded myself that assaulting a healer would not help any of my long-term goals and smiled tightly. “I understand. Thank you for your help. If there is a change in his condition, please notify me. I will be in my quarters.”
“Yes, of course, Ms. Hastings,” Healer Vaughn answered. “I will keep you posted.”
She probably meant the words, but at the same time, they were meaningless, since the Alarians didn’t have any real interest in keeping Darius alive. Taking a deep breath, I pivoted on my heel and stalked out of the healing room. I shoved my way past the group of paladins hovering outside, growing more infuriated with every second that passed.
One of these days... One of these days, I would show them, show them all... Show them the error of their ways. I would make them pay for everything they had done.
I moved on autopilot, not really paying attention to where I was going. A haze of bright-hot anger clouded my thoughts. It was a minor miracle I managed to avoid running into the first wall in my path and making a complete fool of myself in front of this nation of people I so despised.
I did end up running into a person. As our bodies collided, I fell back and instinctively lashed out with my magic. The other person cursed and grabbed my wrist. “Lucienne!”
The single word—or rather, the familiar voice that had uttered my name—was enough to slice through the mist that had settled over my mind. I blinked in shock and confusion, staring up into Bjorn’s concerned eyes. “Oh. Hi, Bjorn. Is everything all right?”
Bjorn clenched his jaw and his grip on my wrist tightened a little further. “Not really, no. But I think you already knew that.” He took a deep breath and slowly released me from his hold. “I need to talk to you, Ms. Hastings. It is a matter of great importance.”
His sudden shift into formality temporarily threw me, but then I realized we were still in the corridor, where anyone could overhear. No one seemed to be around, so our brief greeting might have gone unnoticed, but we couldn’t take any more chances.
“Yes, of course,” I replied, chastising myself for my carelessness. “I’m at your disposal.”
The episode was very similar to our earlier exchange, except this time Bjorn didn’t drag me into a secret passageway. Perhaps there wasn’t one nearby. Instead, he guided me to the closest empty room he could find and locked the door behind us. “This will have to do, for now,” he said. “I don’t think anyone can hear us here, but still, keep your voice down.”
He passed a hand through his hair, and I realized he was very pale. The time we’d spent together had been limited, but whenever we’d spoken in public, he had always been perfectly calm and composed. The sole exception had been during our little... feeding session. I suspected that his current agitation had nothing to do with pleasurable activities. “What is it, Bjorn?” I asked, already tasting dread in my mouth. “What did you want to talk to me about?”
“I tried to track down the Garniers like you asked me to. Their home is abandoned, and the inquisitors that investigated their case were unable to find any clues, but I went there anyway, just in case. And... Well, there’s no way I can really explain this. They left a message for you. You should read it yourself.”
Without another word, Bjorn offered me a letter. For a few seconds, I could only stare at the envelope, half-expecting that it would come alive and try to attack me. I instantly recognized the penmanship on it as belonging to Pierce’s mother, and I didn’t think I wanted to know what they really thought about me.
“Did you read this?” I asked Bjorn. “What does it say?”
Bjorn grimaced. “I read it, yes, and I’m sorry about that since it’s your personal correspondence and I had no right to pry. As for what it says... It’s an explanation of why they acted the way they did.”
With trembling hands, I took the envelope. “So you think I should read it?”
“As much as I hate to say this, Lucienne, you need to read it. You need to know.”
I could do nothing but trust his assessment. In my heart, I did want to know what Clara had written to me. I was afraid, yes, but I also needed the closure and the potential answers.
Besides, this wasn’t just about my hurt feelings and the relationship between me and my surrogate family. The letter could provide us with valuable information on the location of the Garniers, perhaps even a method to help them. Judging by Bjorn’s expression, that possibility was very high and as petty I might be, I still wanted the Garniers to live.
Biting the inside of my cheek so hard I tasted blood, I finally opened the envelope and extracted the piece of paper from inside. The first thing I noticed about the letter was that it wasn’t nearly as pristine as other missives I’d received from Pierce’s mother in the past. The words were occasionally smudged, and the page was stained with a crimson liquid. Was that blood? Why?
Torn between fear and confusion, I started to read. The beginning of the letter wasn’t promising. If anything, the opposite was the case.
“Dearest Lucienne,
If you’re reading this, we’re probably dead. You also probably already know the truth about our nature, about the fact that we are Accursed, twice-blessed.
I will begin by saying that I am truly sorry. I know it doesn’t mean much. I’d have liked to tell you that we never planned on deceiving you, but that would be a lie, and you deserve better than that. You deserve to know at least part of why we acted the way we did, what little I can share with you. My apology might be meaningless, but this, at least, I can provide.”
So far, so horrible. Was this letter supposed to be a ‘sorry, not sorry’? If so, Clara really shouldn’t have started it by mentioning her possible death. Hating my suddenly blurry vision, I wiped my eyes and continued to read.
“The story of our line dates back from the time of the Romans, when the Accursed came into being. However, the first ancestor I have detailed information about is a man named Gilles Garnier. You probably haven’t heard of him, but he is pretty famous among humans. He lived in the 16th century, in the town of Dole, in France, and he was a werewolf, the real cannibalistic kind. He was also a little indiscreet in his activities, and both he and his wife were discovered, tried, and burnt at the stake.
“But that is only the official story. It is not what actually happened. Due to the intervention of another supernatural being, Gilles Garnier and his wife escaped.
“You will perhaps wonder why I am telling you this now, of all times. Well, Lucienne, it is because the person who saved my ancestor is your father.”
Wait, what? Not this again. My father? The mysterious father Mathias Vandale had mentioned? Was this some kind of joke? If it was, I didn’t find it in the least bit amusing.
“I know this may seem shocking to you because you’ve believed all your life that you are an orphan, but it is true. You do actually have a father, a family. I don’t know anything about your mother, I’m afraid, but I did meet your aunts a few times.
“I cannot tell you too much about them, as we are under a powerful enchantment that keeps us from revealing too much information on this topic. But you do need to know that...”
The letter briefly trailed off, the following words crossed out and the paper tainted with those suspicious spots. From that point on, the handwriting turned visibly shakier.
“I’m sorry. I can’t seem to write that part.
“Lucienne, my dearest child. When Diane first approached you, it was due to your father’s command. We owe him a debt, one that we can never be free of. I have no idea why he chose this approach despite him being perfectly capable of raising you. I got the feeling that he might have believed it was safer for you to grow up in the human world. But... I cannot say.
“You were always so powerful, Lucienne. It was obvious to Diane from the beginning that she could not handle you alone, which was why she introduced you
to us, to Pierce and me. And then, I realized who you really were. I realized you were my son’s soulmate.”
That couldn’t be. I’d known Pierce for so long. Surely, I would’ve noticed if we could have had something more, if we were meant to belong to one another in such a way.
Then again, I’d considered it many times before dismissing the option because of my doubts regarding his behavior. What had made me act that way? Had it been the curse or something else entirely? How could this be happening? Was Clara even telling the truth?
I read on.
“Thinking back, it is so strange. For a long time, I hated you. I hated you because just being around you put Pierce in danger. I thought about killing you so many times, but I knew I could not. The vengeance your father would have enacted upon us would’ve been brutal and swift.”
My hold on the letter tightened as I read the brief paragraph. That hurt. It shouldn’t have, but it did. It hurt to know that so much of what we had shared had been a lie.
“I could do nothing but accept you in my life and limit the damage you unknowingly did. And in the process, I got to know you, and I began to love you as my own.”
Well, that was a huge and sudden change in tune. I wasn’t sure I believed it.
“I don’t know how and when it happened. For a little while, I actually thought it might have been a spell you cast. I know, it sounds crazy, but nothing is really impossible when it comes to the Accursed. Naturally, I soon came to realize that I was being stupid and that even among our people, love can exist, without it being romantic or related to soulmates. And I realized that it had to be for a reason, that if you were the daughter of my heart, there had to be a way for you and Pierce to be together.
“That’s when I figured it out. I don’t know if you’re aware, but the Accursed Syndrome always affects the person who is weakest in a couple. That is why Pierce would have been the person the curse targeted. His skills, while considerable, are weaker than yours.”
