I felt immediately fueled by anger toward my father. My cheeks burned, and my head spun. The fighter in me, however small, wanted to kick him in the nuts. The more passive side of me that flees in the face of conflict wanted to sulk away and hide in a corner, too embarrassed to show my face again.
I bolted from the room. Before I pushed my way out of the chamber, I felt a firm hand on my shoulder and looked up to see the big, bad William Frost, my absent father, grinning at me.
“Just tell her to accept my deal. She can find a nice hut somewhere on the other side of the highway if she insists on living here.”
“Let go of me!” I used both my hands to shove him away with all my strength, hardly enough to send him staggering back more than a few feet. I heard whispers from those around me, shocked by the scene we created, and used the free moment to book it from the building into the parking lot where I could breathe again.
“Fuck!” I said as I kicked a nearby trash bin. The plastic bin fell over, spilling its contents down the stairs.
The cool breeze, the empty parking lot, and the setting sun were hardly enough to stem my tension buzz. I staggered down the stairs toward my car, breathing so quickly some might think I just ended a marathon sprint. I prepared for my fourth panic attack in the last two weeks, the former being my previous hallucination of Night Marchers on Big Beach.
At my car, with my arms resting against the roof and my face hidden from sight, I did my best to calm down, chasing away thoughts of how worthless I was, how I deserved all the abuse I received from Jeff, from my father, and how much of a disappointment I was to my family.
I felt another hand on my shoulder and lashed out. “I told you to leave me alone!”
Spinning around, prepared to lash out at my father, I was surprised to see the young man from earlier, the gym teacher, Calder Wright.
He jumped back from me, a bit freaked out, and raised his hands to block my swing.
He didn’t need to. Realizing it wasn’t my father calmed me almost immediately. My breathing improved, but the episode left me exhausted. I stumbled back into the car, then sank into a squatting position.
“I’m sorry. I thought you were someone else,” I said.
He didn’t respond. He just squatted in front of me. I looked him up and down. He was young, like me, with vibrant brown hair that didn’t tame well in the island heat, his skin tanned after too much time on the island.
Most of all, he looked nothing like Jeff. Where Jeff had broad shoulders and a narrow waist, Calder was stocky, a little plump in an entirely appropriate way — less gym bunny and more weekend warrior. Jeff had a slender face and a sly grin. Calder had a rounder face, bushy eyebrows, and at the moment, a warm, albeit concerned half-smile.
“I saw what happened. Are you okay?” Calder asked.
“I’ve been better. How about you? You didn’t do too well, either.”
“Nah, but that won’t stop me from coming back. I’ve been at this meeting every session for the last five months. I just can’t wait for election day when I can vote against this jackass of a chairman.”
I watched Calder while he spoke, paying particular attention to the unique way he formed some of the words with a slight hint of a Scottish accent.
“You’re not from Maui?”
“My father moved us here for work when I was seven. You and I met before, you know, although I doubt you remember.”
“What do you mean?”
“My family used to live in Lahaina before we moved to Hana. We were always over at your auntie’s place for dinner. You were just a little kid then, no older than four or five. You were always too busy following Tad or your sister around to play with me, though.”
“That sounds like something I would do. My sister and I were joined at the hip when I was that young.”
I felt completely at ease again, more now that I knew we weren’t total strangers, and felt a tightening in my shorts as Calder and I locked gazes.
I knew immediately he was into guys. Straight men don’t share glances like that. You can’t get a straight guy to look you in the eyes for more than a few seconds. They always seem too conditioned against the intimacy it implies.
“Come on,” Calder said. “Let’s get you out of here before the meeting ends. My dad told me you were staying with Alana? I take it you’re going back there?”
I nodded as I fished my car keys from my pocket. “How about you? You’re not driving back to Hana tonight, are you? That’s a two-hour drive.”
“Nah. I have a few couches I can crash on tonight on this side. Plus, I don’t need to be to work ‘til noon.”
“Couches? Why don’t you stay at the inn? We have plenty of rooms.” I didn’t know what came over me, inviting him over out of the blue. But as I looked up at him, now smiling from ear to ear, I knew I did the right thing.
“Sure! I’ll meet you there. Thanks. I’m glad we ran into each other again.”
“Same,” I said as I turned the key in the ignition. The car rattled, popped, but failed to turn over. Another attempt produced similar results, and then it died entirely. Further tries produced only barely audible clicks. I slammed my palm into the steering wheel.
“Umm… You think you can give me a ride there as well?”
“Only if you don’t mind a motorcycle.”
I raised my eyebrows. The idea of me pressing against him for almost an hour made me twitch involuntarily. I hadn’t felt this about anyone, even Jeff, in so long. My heart skipped a beat at the perceived flirtation and immediate attraction we seemed to share. I hoped he didn’t notice what was happening in my pants. For once, I was glad I wore briefs and jeans rather than boxer briefs and shorts.
He walked me to his bike and handed me a spare helmet from the small trunk. Noticing I struggled with the strap, he took a moment to help me put it on, then straddled the bike, waiting for me to join him.
I hesitated. At that moment, the doors to the council chamber slammed open. A crowd of people began pouring into the parking lot. This drew Calder’s attention long enough for me to reach down my pants and adjust myself in vain.
Fixing my pants proved a futile exercise. Whether I pointed it left, right, down, or up, I knew Calder felt it the moment I swung my leg over the bike and pressed myself into him. His trunk left me very little room to slide backward.
As I placed my hands on his shoulders, my groin pressed firmly into his back. He gave no indication that he noticed or cared. He just took one of my hands and placed it around his waist.
“Wrap your hands around me. It’s safer that way.”
As I settled my feet onto the passenger footpegs, I had no other choice but to oblige. Holding onto him like this was the closest I had been to another man in years.
Even Jeff and I never got this close. Instead, Jeff usually had me strip down, bend over, and take it on his schedule without caring about my pleasure. He certainly didn’t like to cuddle, and came to bed drunk more times than sober. With so much space between us, it often felt like I shared a bed with a stranger.
But now, the novelty of Calder and my chest pressed into his strong back, with my hands wrapped around his stocky waist, I could barely contain my arousal. And it definitely showed. He definitely knew. There was no working around a stiff one pressed against his ass.
“You ready?” he asked as he fired up the beast between our legs. He cranked something on the handlebars that caused the engine to rev up, violently vibrating my legs. He laughed as I clutched him tighter and slowly pulled out of the parking lot. The last sliver of daylight slipped beyond the horizon, and the soft yellow street lights lit our way.
8
Evening 15 - Part 2
As we sped down the highway, I tried to come up with words, any words, to describe how I felt. The ever-present anxiety over the inn, Jeff, my father, and money worries disappeared amidst a sense of numbness between my thighs, trepidation over my attraction to Calder, and euphoria as the island breeze caressed my arms.
With nowhere to put my head in my current position, I rested my cheek against Calder’s back. He radiated a warmth that chased the chilly breeze away. I inhaled his scent of earth and sweat and sunscreen. I remembered a favorite episode of Doctor Who — Petrichor, the smell of earth after the first fat, wet drops of rainfall on a dry summer day, the smell of dust after rain.
His was a comforting aroma, an island perfume that entranced me and heightened my arousal.
“Lean into the turn with me!” he shouted over the roar of the engine. Speeding up through the final tunnel before the turnoff into Lahaina, he zipped by a tour bus filled with travelers weary from a long day of island excursions. As we switched lanes and zoomed by them, I spotted a child pressing their face into the window, waving as we passed.
Soon enough, we coasted by the ocean-side highway I’d driven a handful of times since my return to the island. I never really noticed how beautiful it was at high tide. I squeezed Calder tighter and shifted my weight into him, watching each wave crash against the rocky shore, splashing us with a warm, salty mist.
I leaned with him turn after turn, pleased with how synchronized and smart I felt riding a motorcycle for the first time. I wasn’t scared of crashing or falling off. For some curious reason, Calder made me feel safe.
By the time we pulled into the crumbling parking lot of the Estate Inn, I was sad the ride was over. Calder put the bike in park and turned it off.
I realized how fast my heart had been racing the entire ride, and how hard I had been holding onto him, with my arms wrapped around his torso.
I lingered there, holding onto Calder for longer than I should have until he cleared his throat.
“Sorry,” I said, letting him go. I swung my leg over and jumped off the bike, fiddling with my helmet as he set the kick-stand.
“Here, let me,” he said as he fiddled around my chin. I heard a little click, and the strap released.
“Your first time on a bike?” he asked while he stored my helmet in his trunk bag.
“Could you tell?”
“Not really. I’m just glad you were comfortable being close to me. It makes riding much easier. Most guys try to sit as far away as possible. Makes turning the bike a bitch.”
A few moments later, I led the way inside, beyond the pile of broken planks that previously made up the tattered picket fence.
Although I left Auntie in her chair before the meeting, it was empty, gently shifting back and forth with every small gust of wind. Inside, the lights were all off aside from the front hallway.
“No guests tonight?” Calder asked.
“Or last night, or the night before. We have a party of five checking in this weekend, though.”
Calder joined me in the hallway from the porch. “That sucks. I can pay a little for the room if you—”
“Nah. I was going to put you in my old room. We don’t use it for hotel guests.”
“I remember. The tiny one in the corner, right? With all the trucks under the bed?”
Suddenly, a memory came to me. I recalled a much larger Tad with a ginger-haired boy about the same age playing with my trucks. And I remember wailing at them because I didn’t want to share my favorite firetruck with them after the boy broke the ladder.
“I remember now! You broke my firetruck!”
“I’m sorry?” Calder offered a fake, jovial apology.
“You’re lucky I’m in a forgiving mood tonight,” I joked. The two of us awkwardly laughed away our lousy sense of humor as we sauntered into the parlor.
Calder claimed one of the loveseats near the entry with a plop and a loud sigh while I worked my magic on Auntie’s liquor cabinet. Pulling out two glasses and a bottle of rum, I poured each of us a drink before claiming the only other seat near him, an overstuffed leather chair cracked and dried from decades of heavy use.
Swirling the liquor in the glass, I took a sip, realizing I was now getting used to the potent concoction. Instead of just burning my tongue and throat, I detected hints of ginger masked behind a sugary mouth punch.
Calder sipped from his glass like a professional, as though he had been drinking the rum all his life. We both poured ourselves another glass. I imagined neither of us was sure how to break the silence. I silently wished Auntie would rescue me from this tense moment, made worse by my ever-mounting attraction to Calder. Now, under the overhead parlor lights, it became apparent my appeal was justified.
In the dark parking lot, I didn’t notice the faint trace of facial hair that, given a few more days, would grow into a full beard and mustache. Nor the thickness of his thighs and calves, nor the way his ginger sideburns faded into fluffy, vibrant brown hair.
All in all, he enticed me. We locked gazes again, and I knew he felt the same way. Sometimes, you just knew when things were mutual, like when you check out a guy walking by you in the street only for both of you to turn around, slow down, and linger long enough to psychically say, “Damn, you’re hot!”
The second glass of rum in too-few minutes didn’t help. My heart fluttered. I involuntarily tugged at my collar and cleared my throat.
I could feel my cheeks blush, and, for the second time that night, my pants tighten. The way he adjusted himself made it clear he was in a similar jam, although I guessed both of us were well out of practice and didn’t know how to proceed.
I broke the silence. “When was the last time you were here?”
“In Lahaina or the inn?” Calder asked, taking the opportunity to sit further upright and adjust himself.
“The inn,” I clarified, as I reached for the bottle to fill our glasses for the third and final time, emptying it completely.
“I pick my father up here all the time, although I haven’t been inside for a while.”
“Wait. Your father rides your bike with you?”
Calder laughed. “Oh, God, no! He’d freak out. He hates the motorcycle. I usually only ride the bike around Hana, but my truck is in the shop. My parents don’t like the idea of me riding my motorcycle on Hana Highway. All the twists and turns.”
Calder tossed his glass and stood up a bit too quickly, wobbling back and forth to the dance of too much rum. “So,” he said while he balanced himself, “care to show me around?”
He reached his hand out to me and helped me up. Like him, the alcohol rushed to my head. He stabilized me with a firm grip around my waist while I finished off my glass.
After a quick tour of the house, which was more like a fast pass through the kitchen, a moment of admiration of the ocean view, and my quickly glancing into Auntie’s room to spot her snoozing in her armchair, we made our way upstairs.
I didn’t need to tell Calder where to go. Both of us, driven by whimsy and rum, entered my childhood bedroom.
“It’s a bit smaller than I remember,” he said, poking his head in the small, three-piece bathroom.
“Well, we’re both a bit bigger than we used to be.”
Calder moved closer to me, invading my personal space in a way that caught me by surprise. “I’ve noticed.”
His looming presence, although welcomed, triggered something in me that made me quite uncomfortable, in part because I didn’t expect him to be so suddenly forward. I cleared my throat and stepped back until I stood in the doorway. It was my way to regain some control over the situation.
An image of Jeff invaded my brain, and the pain and psychological torment that usually followed came to mind. Now my heart raced for a very different reason.
I looked up at Calder. He seemed confused and dejected.
“I’m sorry,” I said, rubbing and stretching my neck. The motion was one I was familiar with, a coping mechanism I developed to hide what had become a nervous tick, an inability to look people in the eyes when I felt uncomfortable. “You just caught me by surprise.”
“I’m so sorry, Adam. I thought you felt the same…”
“I did. I mean… I do. It’s just been a while. Can we, you know, slow down?”
Calder smiled and ba
cked up a few paces until he sat against the window sill. The room between us made me feel more at ease. Although he seemed a little frustrated and still confused, he definitely possessed much more self-confidence than me. “Absolutely. What did you have in mind?”
“Well, I haven’t been back here for very long. How about a tour of your favorite places on the island?”
He perked up, straightening his back and smiling. “Absolutely! I can show you all my secret places around Hana, places tourists don’t go. Sounds good?”
“Sounds great. How about next weekend, once our guests leave?”
He nodded, and both of us were soon back to our semi-drunk selves. Now that I was in control of the situation again, I approached Calder. He was kind, friendly, and more than eager, given the tent he was pitching in his pants.
Considering he was taller than me by a good six inches, I stood on the balls of my feet to reach up to him and kissed him on the cheek. He blushed and rubbed where my lips had been.
“What was that for?” he asked.
“For being nice to me tonight. And for giving me a ride.”
He returned the favor, slowly closing the distance between us. Being much gentler than a minute ago, he leaned down and kissed me on the cheek as well, a little closer to my lips. “You’re very welcome.”
A few moments later, both of us were alone. I could hear him banging around the tiny bedroom, preparing for bed. Knowing he didn’t pack for an overnight, I wondered how he was going to sleep. Shirtless? Pantless? Wearing nothing at all?
Despite my brain telling me to slow down, my body screamed at me to speed up, to go back to that room and hop in bed with him.
Or was that just the rum talking? It wasn’t long before I heard the squeaking of mattress springs through the wall, then nothing. If I wanted to spend more time with Calder tonight, it had to be in my dreams.
Peeling off all my clothes, lying down in nothing but my briefs, I pondered the implications of tonight as I watched the ceiling fan circle above me. The shadow of the fan blades spinning around the room hypnotized me.
Sunset Sanctuary Page 8
