She snorted to herself and eased onto the seat, then gently lowered herself onto the pillow with a sigh that was abruptly cut off with a wince at another fresh bout of wetness seeping onto her panties. Seriously? There was more? How many gallons of sperm had he pumped her full of? A hundred? And where did he keep that much sperm stored? His entire body? At this rate, she’d go through her go bag’s entire emergency panty supply in one night. “Helpful my ass.”
“Tease.” He gave a soft laugh as he finished pouring a glass of milk. “How long will it take you to hack into Caliv’s computer?”
“About as long as it’ll take for him to find out I’ve done it.” She reached for the can of soda he set down next to a glass of milk. “A few minutes.”
He snatched the can out of her hand. “Think again.”
“Hey, that’s mine,” she cried.
He smirked. “Should have thought about that before you seduced the seed right on out of me.”
Her jaw dropped.
He chuckled and popped the can top. “Five years, babe.” He lifted the can and took a long swallow of her soda—all the while never taking his eyes off her—then put the can down. “No doubt about it. My swimmers locked on to that target and lit it up like the fucking Fourth of July.” His grin was unrepentant as he continued. “Both times. Hooah, I’m predicting multiples.”
Slowly her brain processed through his words and got stuck on a sobering thought. “Five years? Wait. You… waited?”
“Yes, ma’am, I waited.” Another sip of drink then swallow and then he set the can down and never looked away from her. “It’s called penance and the only way I knew I’d have a prayer’s chance in hell of getting your forgiveness.”
“But… why?”
“Told you. I left to protect you. No other reason than to keep you safe. Couldn’t—still can’t—handle there being a target on your back because of me.” He leaned in and kissed her, then pulled back and waited for her eyes to open and lock onto him. “And once this shit is done, you will go right back to being protected. Now, eat up.”
CHAPTER FIVE
He’d waited for her? Like been ‘celibate and waited for her’ waited for her? As in ‘not gotten any’ in the entire time they’d been apart? Was he for real? There was no way he could have waited. He was a man. With a more than healthy sex drive. Who was always ready, willing, and sporting an erection that’d lead to marathon sessions in the bedroom. There was no way he could have waited for her. It was inconceivable.
Maddie shook her head. “I don’t believe it.” Even though it explained the gallons of sperm he delivered straight to her needy womb, she still… couldn’t believe it. Because that was just… crazy.
Van sobered, went straight into warrior mode and braced his arms on the counter then leaned forward toward her. “You will be protected. That is non-negotiable.”
She waved aside his comment and focused on the important part. The part that definitely needed clarification. “Not that. You. Waiting. For me. That’s… not how it works.”
He snorted and pushed her plate closer to her. “It is in my book. Now eat your sandwich. You and baby-boo need your strength.”
Baby-boo? Seriously? “Who are you and what have you done with my husband?”
“Still the same man you married.”
“Uh, no, you’re not. The Van I married would be sweating bullets at the thought of me being pregnant and as for waiting… you’ve got needs. Serious needs and you going without for years… no way. A week maybe, but years? Inconceivable.”
He scooped up half her sandwich then held out for her. “Not gonna lie. Sweating bullets over baby-boo lasted a good minute but,” he shrugged, “adapt and overcome. It is what it is. Can’t change it. Not gonna regret it. Praying for all boys and no girls, because teenage girls scare the shit out of me.”
When she simply stared at him, unable to comprehend his words, and how normal they sounded for a man like him, he chuckled and raised the sandwich to her lips. “Baby, eat your sandwich and drink your milk. You’ll need your strength for round two. Because there will be a round two. We’ve got a lot of missed time to make up for.”
“But… you waited.”
“And you don’t believe me.”
“Of course I don’t because you’re…,” she trailed off and waved a hand to indicate him and all his yummy goodness. “You. Hot, built, sexy, and… so out of my league that I still don’t know how we ever ended up together.”
His jaw dropped, shocked. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
“No, I’m not. I mean, I’m me and you… could do so much better.”
He muttered a curse under his breath that sounded like un-fucking-believable. “Babe, love you and all your neurotic tendencies, but shut up and eat your sandwich.”
“No, Van, not until—”
“Until I what? Convince you that you’re worth it?” He dropped her sandwich back onto the plate, then stepped back from the counter and waved a hand over his abdomen. “That my junk doesn’t work for anyone else but you? It doesn’t. Never has. Never will.”
“But… you had to have had opportunities.”
“Yes,” he said deliberately in that male way that meant he was two clicks away from losing patience with her. “But I turned them down. Just like I’m certain that you turned down any offers that came your way.”
She rolled her eyes and waved aside the comment about offers coming her way and focused on the real unbelievable thing. “But why? Why be faithful when you didn’t have to? You were single. Still are.”
“Because I wasn’t and haven’t been single.” He tapped his chest over his heart with his fist. “Not in here.” Then reached under his shirt to pull out a necklace with his wedding band on it. “I made a vow with this. We made a vow. ‘Til death do us part. It’s not rocket science, babe. It’s called commitment.”
“But you divorced me. That negated the commitment and made you single.”
His head fell back and he groaned in frustration. “How many times do we have to go over this?”
“Until it makes sense.”
He scrubbed a hand over his face. “It’s never going to make sense. Not with your baggage.”
Oh no he didn’t. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing,” he huffed on a sigh. “Forget I said anything.”
“I will not.” Maddie straightened in her seat. “Do you think I like being this way, Van? Do you think I enjoy feeling confused as all get out by your actions? Well, I don’t. I hate feeling this… conflicted. I trust you. Heck, even on some level I believe you, like totally believe you, but it doesn’t make sense. It’s not the way this world works. I’m not one of the pretty people. You are. I’m one of the smart people. Smart people and pretty people don’t stay together. Especially when there are super pretty cover models with fake hair and boobs who can crook a finger and get people like you to come running to them at the drop of a hat.”
The look he gave her was incredulous. “You’re shittin’ me, right?”
“No, Van, I’m not. People like me and you are not meant to be together.”
“Says who,” he demanded.
“People.”
“What people? There haven’t been any people in your life who—” He stopped. Then slapped a hand over his eyes and dragged it down his face. “You’ve been talking to Catty Cathy again.”
“She’s my mother, Van, and hates being called that,” Maddie fired back.
He snorted. “Babe, hate to break it to you, but your mother is the definition of a catty bitch and has been the other woman so many times she has road rash. Her advice, whatever it was, is for shit and skewed as hell when it comes to you because she’s catty, bitchy, and jealous as fuck over everything you’ve got.” Van sighed, then came back to the counter. “Ignore whatever she said. It was wrong. Damn wrong.”
“But you don’t even know what she said,” Maddie cried.
“Don’t need to know what, because I know
your mother and she judges by the cover while ignoring content.” He took her hands in his. “Trust me, babe, content is sexy. Intimidating as hell, but combined with that sweet ass of yours and… damn, baby, how could you think I would not want you above all others?”
“Because you left. And I’m the idiot who cried to my mother about it,” she muttered, because he was right. Her mother wasn’t the nicest person in the world and never missed an opportunity to criticize her lack of fashion sense or hip size or shoe choice or hairstyle or… all the other things that made her such a disappointment to her parents.
He exhaled a world weary sigh and squeezed her hands. “Maddie. Baby. Look at me.”
“I’d really rather not,” she mumbled.
He gave her a gentle tug. “I know, but this shit needs to get resolved. Last thing we need is for you to worry your pretty little head over something as stupid as this.”
She lifted her head and looked at him. “It’s not stupid.”
“Yeah, it is.” His expression wasn’t angry or irritated. More like understanding and… patient. “But I get it. You’re scared.”
“Well, can you blame me?” She dragged her eyes from his and struggled against the pain that she couldn’t seem to shake. “It hurt when you left.”
His voice was soft. “I know, baby, and I’m so fucking sorry.”
“No, Van, you don’t know!” She swallowed to try and stop the tremble in her voice. “My identity… my happiness… everything that made me who I was… was so wrapped up in you, in being married to you that when you left… it destroyed me.” Deep breath and she forced herself to face him. “To the point that I didn’t want to go on.”
“Aw, baby, I—”
“No, Van,” she interrupted in a harsh whisper. “Do not start that ‘aw baby’ crap with me. I will not be put in that position again. I will not be little weak, malleable Maddie that you can walk in and out of her life without repercussions. I am no man’s door mat. Never again will I be your door mat.”
CHAPTER SIX
Watching his girl give voice to her hurt was like a knife to the chest. He’d done this to her. He’d left those scars on her heart. Made her not trust him like he needed her to trust him, unconditionally and with stars in her eyes. Because that’s what he wanted. But didn’t deserve. Not after what he’d done to her.
Nothing could make what he’d done right. Necessary, yes, but right? In her eyes? No, there wasn’t a damn thing he could do to erase the past. But he could set the future straight and give her the truth.
He squeezed her hands and lowered himself to her level so he could look right into her tear filled eyes. “There was a threat that put a target on you. Because of me. The only way to protect you was to leave and cut all ties. To make it look like I’d simply been using you to get closer to your father and infiltrate his inner circle.”
She sniffled. “Nice try, but my father doesn’t have an inner circle.”
“He did. Not so much anymore. But back then, he had the ear of some very influential people.” Tango swallowed and prepared to give her a little bit more of the truth. Not all of it, but enough that it’d appease her until she was ready for the rest of it. “After I left, I changed my name. Took up an alias I’d used before.”
“What name?”
“Adam Westbrook.”
Her brow furrowed. “I’ve heard that name before. Caliv mentioned it.”
“Yeah, well, the smarmy Brit and I have worked together before. Not a lot, but on a few missions. Both before and after I met you.”
She gasped and he watched as she chewed on that nugget, then said in an accusing voice, “You sent him to look after me.”
He hedged. “Wouldn’t say I’d asked him to look after you. More like keep an eye on you from a distance and in a totally hands off way because I’m an irrationally jealous, possessive bastard who’d kill any man for touching what’s mine. But yeah, Caliv is in your sphere because of me.”
And it fucking killed me to make that call, so please don’t push me on explaining any further why I had to make that call or explain why I chose a member of Michael Sinclair’s deadliest black op teams to be my eyes on my prize because you really don’t want to know. And I would rather not tell you. Ever.
“So me knowing Caliv is because of you?” she repeated in a daze.
Deep breath and he answered truthfully. “Yes.”
“My career. What I do at the Lennox Foundation. As a think tank scientist. A scientist who doesn’t have a college degree. That, this, everything that I am, my whole career is… because of you?”
“I wouldn’t say because of me, but…,” he trailed off and looked down at their joined hands, struggling to find the right words. “When we first met you were working two jobs to put food on the table for you and Kenny.”
“Yeah, because he was still in high school and if I didn’t do it, it wouldn’t have happened. He would have starved.”
He nodded and raised his eyes to hers. “With the way that kid ate and still eats, I get it. But you should have been in college. You needed to be in college. You’re smart, baby. Super smart.”
“But I couldn’t. I had to take care of him.”
“Not fussing at you, baby. Making a point. You’re a frickin’ genius. With so much talent and intelligence, it was being wasted waiting tables and working in a craft store.” Another deep breath and he proceeded to confess one of his many sins. “You remember those books you doodled your ideas for gadgets in?”
She nodded.
“They were amazing. So beyond anything on the market and available to the military that I couldn’t not get them in the hands of the right people. So I snapped a couple pictures, forwarded them to Caliv, and asked him to vet their potential.”
Another gasp and she accused, “Ohmigod, you’re the one who sent him the designs for the Nexus Suit.”
Of all the designs she’d scribbled back then, she had to bring up that one? The one he regretted most for making it possible for her to build and make operational? Tango barely suppressed the urge to wince. “Not the entire design. Just the concept and a few equations. Along with a blurb that described the intent. It was enough and he made it possible for you to get in with the Lennox Foundation.”
“But why, Van? Why tell me this now? What does it have to do with anything? With us?”
Another deep breath and he laid it on the line. “Because I knew the moment I met you that you were my one. That there’d be no others for me. And I also knew that there was a damn good chance I wouldn’t be able to stay with you. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I’d sold my soul to the devil a long time before we met.
“Baby, I’ve seen enough death and done enough killing to last a lifetime. I’d never planned to marry because my hands are so fucking bloody I’ll never be clean again, and no woman deserves to be tied to a man who can’t simply commit to being home for dinner on a regular basis.” He paused and looked deep in her eyes. “But then I met you and everything changed. In an instant.”
Her eyes were bright and hanging on his every word. He rubbed his thumb over wrist and could feel the pitter patter of her closed off but hopelessly romantic heart skipping beats in her pulse.
“What changed,” she asked.
“What didn’t,” he asked on a laugh. “Met you and hook, line, sinker, down for the count I went. You turned my world upside down. Made me think of the future. One with you, Lily-pup, a house in the burbs, white picket fence, two point five kids, the whole she-bang. I suddenly wanted what I could never have. Because my life… is not my own. Hasn’t been since I signed on the dotted line.”
“That’s why you said it. About leaving to protect me.”
“Yeah, that’s why every chance I got, I told you I’d leave for no other reason than to protect you. And that’s why after I left, I never touched another woman. Not in the way I know your mother accused me of doing. Were there other women that I met? Yes, but they were always either a means to an en
d for the job or a victim we were rescuing. And that, baby, is God’s honest truth.”
She drew in a deep shuddering breath and was silent for a long, scary ass minute as she digested his words. When she was done, she nodded and announced, “I’m ready to eat my sandwich now.”
He almost flinched at the amount of hope that exploded in his chest at her words. “This mean we’re good?”
“Don’t know if I’d say good but… it’s a start.”
Hell yeah. He could live with that. Satisfied for now that her meltdown and descent into the rabbit hole of female neurotic insecurities had been averted, Tango pressed a kiss to her knuckles then released her. “Good, because the sooner you finish that sandwich, the sooner you can get to hacking into Caliv’s computer and finding out whatever you can about the bastards after you.”
He watched and finally allowed himself to relax some as she nodded her agreement then took a bite of her sandwich. He didn’t relax enough that he was willing to drop his guard. He wasn’t that stupid. His girl had insecurities, serious ones that both her parents had a hand in creating, but damned if he didn’t admire the way she didn’t run from them. Much. And yeah, he’d give her some time to left brain her way through everything he’d just told her. It’d take her some time, but he could handle that as long as things were calmer between them. Calm enough that he’d be able to think about their next move. He reached for his drink, but stopped when his cell phone chirped with a call from Fox.
Tango snatched the phone off the counter where he’d set it while making the food and answered it.
“Link up. You’ve got company.” Click and Fox disconnected.
“Shit.” Tango grabbed his ear piece and put it in place. “Sitrep.”
“Five teams just rolled up. Moving quickly to surround the house. Farmer’s in the Dell, ready for cherry picking. Whiskey and Bravo are twenty minutes out. Too many for us to handle close up without backup, so suggest you and the missus get moving.”
Tango watched Maddie pause in the act of taking a second bite of her sandwich. Dammit, he wished she’d eaten more before her tailspin had started, but it’d have to do. “Will need a diversion,” he told Fox.
Devil's Tango (Running with the Devil Book 1) Page 5
