Black snorted. “No and don’t ask me anymore because Andrei didn’t share details, but they’re close. Like brother and sister close. So tread carefully with him when he gets here. He can be… volatile and unpredictable when provoked.”
Tango nodded. “He’s not the only one.”
He spun on his heel and barely spared a glance at his dented car. It could be replaced. Molded and folded back into something that’d make the car look brand spanking new again. Unfortunately the same could not be said for the relationship with his wife.
Something that was hammered home with every step he took as he retraced his steps back to the bunker. He took the long way around. Needing time to clear his head and connect the dots. To replay every damn conversation they’d had and… she knew.
Everything.
And she’d played him.
She’d followed his trail. Then dug into everything, analyzed every scrap of intel she’d found and… put herself in danger. Painted a bright red, fucking neon, blinking beacon of ‘come and get me I’m a mate to an other’ sign on herself, then poked and prodded his guilt ridden ass with arguments and senseless bullshit and… by the time his size thirteen shit kickers reached the bunker doors, he was beyond furious.
He was livid.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Maddie stayed out of the way as Van’s team did their thing for Dell after Fox carried him in through the front door. Whiskey-Carter took charge and then bustled the three of them down the hall to a bedroom.
Which worked fine for her since it left her alone with her own thoughts and an Aubusson carpet that practically screamed ‘pace on me and think it through’.
Someone had used Lily’s collar to track her movements. Sure that was one scenario, but Maddie had just witnessed an all-out frontal assault with overwhelming firepower aimed at taking down her husband. And his team.
It didn’t take much for her inner conspiracy theorist to leap to the next obvious conclusion that the bounty on her head, the wanted alive order had been… a setup.
A trap to lure her Van—and his team—out of hiding. Into the open. To a known location that’d put them in a vulnerable situation with a liability—her—that whoever had orchestrated this would know Van—and his team—would go to great lengths to protect.
Conclusion: the whole thing had been staged. Or had it?
Sure it made sense, but one thing still puzzled her. How had they put the tracker on Lily’s collar? She regularly swept for things like that and—
The answer hit her and Maddie paused mid-pace. “Of course.”
Remote trigger. Her detectors hadn’t malfunctioned because they were programmed to find alien signals, not dormant slivers of metal. Question answered, she spun and paced back in the other direction determined to tackle the next dilemma. What should she tell Van?
Yes, it was true that she knew more about his activities after he’d left her than he realized. Yes, she’d withheld certain information from him. No, she shouldn’t feel guilty about it, but… she kind of did. No kind of about it. She did. But why? It wasn’t like she’d done anything different than he had?
She’d gone out and uncovered all the info on her own. Okay, with a little help, but the bulk of the leg work had been her behind the computer following his electrical signature and mission briefs. That coupled with a handful of conversations she’d had with a few well connected contacts and… presto! She was in the know. No harm, no foul. She’d just rooted out info he’d failed to give her and… it was no use.
She felt guilty. That was annoying, but try as she might her guilt was a clingy mothertrucker that wouldn’t budge. Which wasn’t at all fair because she had done exactly- the-same-thing as Van had and—her guilt nipped her mental tirade in the bud with the truth and—It annoyed the living daylights out of you. So why are you so afraid to fess up and tell him the truth?
Really? She couldn’t even outwit her own intelligence? Or guilt? Or whatever crazy talk was spinning around in her head? She had to get it from both ends?
Yes, because she was a hypocrite and her own worst enemy. Instead of focusing on the real worry gnawing at the back of her mind, she was trying to dupe herself into believing she’d been right and her recently blown up with a grenade husband… wrong.
“Don’t go there. I can’t handle going there. He better be okay. I cannot handle it if he’s not okay. I can’t lose him again. I can’t.” Her breath caught on a gasp as she struggled to shove back her rising anxiety. “He’s all right. I saw him on the screen. He was up. Moving. Slicing. Dicing. He’s good. I’m good.”
But she wasn’t good. She’d deliberately withheld information from Van, her protector, and she knew he’d been hunting the source of corruption in his chain of command. She’d found it. Then instead of giving it to him, like a real wife would, she gave to Michael Sinclair…?
“Idiot. Stupid idiot.” Too scared of stepping up and speaking her truth and outing the bad guy and… what had she been scared of? Van had already left. With apparently no plans to return. She’d already run him off.
Yeah and hadn’t that hurt like a bitch. Almost as much as—
“Breathe,” Carter ordered and, startled, she spun around on a squeak. “Breathe, Maddie. Tango’s on his way in and last thing he needs to see is you hyperventilating because he’s an idiot.”
He was right. Van would freak out. He did stuff like that. But so did she. Especially after seeing him do what she’d seen him do and—
“Breathe.” Carter stepped in front of her and moved his hands with his chest as he took a deep breath. “In.” Then pushed it, “Out.”
Maddie followed his directions. Actually she didn’t have a choice because a cool sensation that wasn’t unpleasant at all touched her forehead then spread throughout her making her feel less manic and more… calm. “Is that… you?”
“Yes and, as your doctor, I’m ordering you to bed after you’ve had a chance to check Tango over for boo-boo’s.”
“I can’t sleep.” The relaxation continued to spread. “He could have died, Carter.”
“But he didn’t and… huh.”
Maddie waited for Whiskey to continue speaking after his doctorey harrumph, but he didn’t and her panic returned full force. “And what?”
“What?”
“That’s what I asked.”
“You did?” Carter’s brow furrowed as he stared down at her stomach. “Starting tomorrow I’m changing your diet.”
“Why? Is there something wrong with—” Maddie abruptly stopped when Van stepped into the room.
“Am I interrupting?” Van sounded pissed.
Maddie didn’t care. He was here. Safe and sound and she needed to touch him and convince herself that he was okay. And here. Alive. With her. Not gone. Leaving her alone. Again. She rushed to him and wrapped her arms around him. “You’re okay.”
He caught her easily and both arms came around her. “I’m alive. Where’s Fox?”
“Putting Dell to bed,” Carter answered.
Van nodded. “Good. There a reason you were checking my wife out?”
“Yes. She needs sleep. Not whatever shit you’re about to unload on her.”
Van growled and his chest reverberated against her cheek. “Fox is on guard duty. You and Bravo help Archangel with moving the bodies. Clean up crew is enroute.”
“Not ours,” Carter said.
“Ivanov’s. He’ll be here in an hour. Let me know when he arrives.”
“Where will you be,” Carter asked.
“Getting answers.”
Maddie started to ask answers to what, but stopped on a squeak as Van lifted her off her feet and started walking her towards the hallway. “Van, what are you—”
“Bedroom,” her husband interrupted in a voice that said he meant business.
Anxiety that’d given way to bone melting relief suddenly congealed into ice cold panic. “Van,” she whispered.
He cut a look at her that had her swallowing hard. H
e kept his eyes on her, but spoke to Carter. “No interruptions, understood?”
“Understood,” Carter replied. “Her bedroom is the last door at end of the hall.”
Van marched his unhappy, angsty self and her anxious one down the hall. Inside the bedroom, he kicked the door shut behind him, then crossed the room and tossed her in the air.
She landed on the bed with a swallowed a shriek, then bounced. By the time she got herself righted, whatever words she’d been about to spit out at him died on her tongue.
He had started removing his weapons. His eyes locked on her. Daring her to speak. His mouth shut and set such that there was no way anything that was about to happen would end in her favor. Whatever had happened out there, he was furious.
Maddie held his gaze. She didn’t want to, but couldn’t not and it came at a price. One that was growing more and more unbearable with each weapon he stripped off and laid on the dresser. She squirmed and fidgeted under his dominance, feeling it drag her guilt kicking and screaming to the surface until she caved and blurted out, “Did something happen?”
“Yes.”
Deciphering his tone and intent in clipped responses had never been her forte. More like a flame that flickered, danced, and devoured her inner hapless moth. “Are you hurt?”
He paused in the act of stripping off his shredded, singed shirt. His eyes closed and he took a deep breath. Then his eyelids shot open and hit her with the full weight of his burning green gaze and emotions swirling within them. “What did you expect me to do?”
That… wasn’t what she’d been expecting. Confused, she responded like the hapless little moth she was. “Um, get the bad guys?”
He shook his head then broke eye contact to sit down on the bed and remove his boots. “Playing dumb never suited you, Madeline.”
Oooh, full first name. Yep, nailed it on the first try. He was pissed. “Van, tell me what’s wrong. Did you find something out from the bad guys?”
“Oh, I found something out all right.” Off came one boot, then another. He stood up and faced her. “You. Know.”
“About…?”
“The Nexus Suit.”
“Well, yeah,” she said. “I kind of made it.”
“Goddammit, Maddie, you know the suit worked. You know I lied to you about it not working. You know I used it to go on twenty-six fucking missions to assassinate twenty-nine fucking targets!”
She reared back from his attack and started to defend herself. Then stopped as her brain registered what he said. “I didn’t… twenty-nine? Really?”
Ohmigod, that was… fifteen more than she’d been aware of and why hadn’t she know about these?
“Un-fucking-believable.” He dropped his pants, kicked out of them then strode for the bathroom.
Crap. She’d apparently asked that out loud when she hadn’t meant to. Maddie scrambled off the bed after him. “Van, wait, I’m sorry I—”
“Don’t.” He turned on the shower. “Apologize.”
“But—”
“Madeline,” he growled in warning. His back tensed and his fists clenched at his sides.
She released a heavy sigh and backed off. “I get it. No apologies.” A slight hesitation then she mumbled a pitiful, “But I am sorry.”
He released a world weary sigh. “No, you’re not.”
Maddie stared at his back as he walked away from her and climbed into the shower. He’d shot down her apology. He was mad, just like her little brother was mad at her for caring. For not wanting to let go. For not wanting to be divorced, alone, and left to fend for herself. Why was it so wrong for her to care and use the same techniques that they’d used on her?!
Because they’re men. Hardwired to be protectors.
And she wasn’t.
Maddie watched in silence as he soaped up and washed off. It was weird because, given the direction of her thoughts and the reality of her life, things started clicking and changing in her head. Opening her eyes to the real situation. The one where she hadn’t trusted him to be there for her, hadn’t respected him enough to trust him to do the right thing, and all that combined made her see the real him.
The real Van who worked and fought every day to carry the weight of his duty and emotions and abilities and everything on his shoulders.
He had so much on his plate. And here she was attempting to help, but what had Kenny said she’d acted like? A busy body who couldn’t trust a man and keep her nose out of anyone’s business? Was it any wonder Van had left her in the dark?
Heck, she’d left him in the dark about her being her own boss. Why? Did it really matter if he knew that she worked for herself? No. Then why did she withhold it? Deliberately withheld it, knowing full well it’d eat at his need to protect her from her own stupidity—either real or perceived. Maddie wrapped her arms around her midriff and wanted to bury her head in the sand. Facing the truth was brutal. But necessary if she had any hope of making this work between them.
She couldn’t keep going on like this. Fighting and arguing with him at every step of the way. Yes, Van had hurt her and she’d spent countless nights after he’d left crying into her pillow wondering what she did wrong, then after she woke up and finally started digging into things… she’d been angry at him. Furious. Hurt. Shattered.
She was still angry. Because he’d done the right thing. And she knew it. Because she’d done the same thing. With him. Her brothers. All of them.
Because she was a protector. And she loved them. Was terrified of losing them like she’d lost… stop. Don’t go there. She couldn’t think that. Couldn’t handle going down that rabbit hole. She wouldn’t survive. She barely had the last time.
Determined not to lose it, Maddie focused on the truth. That in a line of dominoes, she’d been the first to fall and knock over her own happiness.
It was her fault. This whole mess. The break between her and Van… she’d started it. Years before he’d left and divorced her. Because if she’d never made that damn suit to regulate his powers, then Van never would have had to use it and then he never would have had to lie to her and then he never would have left and… she never would have lost their baby.
Oh god, she thought it and started the tumble down the rabbit hole.
Van turned off the shower and stood there staring up at the ceiling. “The night I came home from the mission, a hit team was there. In the yard.”
“I know,” Maddie said, desperately trying to keep the quiver out of her voice from the tears burning in the back of her eyes.
“I saw you sitting on the couch through the front window.”
“I was watching a video,” she told him in a soft voice. It was an ultrasound video, but he didn’t need to know that. Not yet. Maybe never. What good would it do to tell him now?
He nodded, but didn’t look at her. “Didn’t know at the time, but a sniper was in the trees. Don’t know how she knew, but…,” he turned and looked at her. “Lily charged me and knocked me back just as the bastard fired.” He lifted a hand to his forehead and a faint scar at his hairline. “If not for her, I’d be dead.”
“Ohmigod,” Maddie breathed, frantic for a rope to escape her own hell. “Van, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”
He opened the shower door and grabbed a towel. “Bravo was in the suit. He’s always had this hinky gut feeling thing and he’s always right. He got the sniper before a third round could finish me.”
Her resolve started to crumble and a wobble entered her voice. “Van, I’m so sorry.”
He wrapped the towel around his waist and then raised a finger and pointed toward the front rooms. “If not for them, my team, you would be dead. I would be dead. Lily would be dead.”
There was no chance to stem the tears. They were an inevitable outcome that gripped her tongue in a last ditch effort to handle the emotions rolling through her chest and stomach.
“Do you understand now?”
He stepped closer to her and she dropped her chin to her chest. The tears star
ted falling one by one. Each one carrying an intense pain and white hot anger that chipped away at her soul.
“Do you understand, Maddie?”
She nodded. Because she got it now.
Van cupped her cheek and tilted her face up to look at him. “My job. Everything I am. Puts you in danger.” He smoothed a thumb over her cheek. “You are my anchor. You are the reason I can get up every day and do what I need to do. Without you… without knowing you are safe and secure… I fall. I become what I hunt. Do you want me to become what I hunt, Maddie?”
She hiccupped on a sob that loosened her chest enough to shake her head and gasp, “No.”
His grip tightened on her chin. “Then why the fuck didn’t you let me go when I needed you to and not dig into shit that put your ass in danger?”
“Because I needed you!” She lost an inner battle she’d vowed never to wage. To share her pain. Her loss. Her failure. Maddie collapsed against his chest as heart break and sobs long buried exploded from deep within her. “Because I lost everything and was alone and needed you to know!”
“Know what,” Van demanded.
His anger paled in comparison to what she was feeling. Rage, pure and maternal and so damn strong it made her vibrate with fury. At him. For not being there. At herself. For not being enough. Maddie balled a fist and hit his chest. “That I lost it!”
“Lost what?”
Anger gave way to immeasurable sorrow that ripped her heart in two, stomped on her soul, and split her wide open until the truth and her greatest shame came pouring out. “The one thing we didn’t plan for… but finally got and then… I lost it. Down it went. Like it’d never been there and then… I caught it and… handed it to the doctor and he said… it was in a cup... I’m so… God, forgive me... I caught it in a freaking cup.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Translating cry talk was not his forte, but Tango managed to latch onto a few words. Lost. It. Doctor. Cup. Caught it in a freaking—
Devil's Tango (Running with the Devil Book 1) Page 14
