CHAPTER XIII.
NEXT morning I rose with the dawn, and having dressed myself and stoodhalf-an-hour, my elbow leaning on the chest of drawers, considering whatmeans I should adopt to restore my spirits, fagged with sleeplessness,to their ordinary tone--for I had no intention of getting up a scenewith M. Pelet, reproaching him with perfidy, sending him a challenge, orperforming other gambadoes of the sort--I hit at last on theexpedient of walking out in the cool of the morning to a neighbouringestablishment of baths, and treating myself to a bracing plunge.The remedy produced the desired effect. I came back at seven o'clocksteadied and invigorated, and was able to greet M. Pelet, when heentered to breakfast, with an unchanged and tranquil countenance; evena cordial offering of the hand and the flattering appellation of "monfils," pronounced in that caressing tone with which Monsieur had, oflate days especially, been accustomed to address me, did not elicit anyexternal sign of the feeling which, though subdued, still glowed atmy heart. Not that I nursed vengeance--no; but the sense of insult andtreachery lived in me like a kindling, though as yet smothered coal. Godknows I am not by nature vindictive; I would not hurt a man because Ican no longer trust or like him; but neither my reason nor feelingsare of the vacillating order--they are not of that sand-like sort whereimpressions, if soon made, are as soon effaced. Once convinced that myfriend's disposition is incompatible with my own, once assured that heis indelibly stained with certain defects obnoxious to my principles,and I dissolve the connection. I did so with Edward. As to Pelet, thediscovery was yet new; should I act thus with him? It was the question Iplaced before my mind as I stirred my cup of coffee with a half-pistolet(we never had spoons), Pelet meantime being seated opposite, his pallidface looking as knowing and more haggard than usual, his blue eyeturned, now sternly on his boys and ushers, and now graciously on me.
"Circumstances must guide me," said I; and meeting Pelet's false glanceand insinuating smile, I thanked heaven that I had last night openedmy window and read by the light of a full moon the true meaning of thatguileful countenance. I felt half his master, because the reality ofhis nature was now known to me; smile and flatter as he would, I saw hissoul lurk behind his smile, and heard in every one of his smooth phrasesa voice interpreting their treacherous import.
But Zoraide Reuter? Of course her defection had cut me to the quick?That stint must have gone too deep for any consolations of philosophyto be available in curing its smart? Not at all. The night fever over,I looked about for balm to that wound also, and found some nearer homethan at Gilead. Reason was my physician; she began by proving that theprize I had missed was of little value: she admitted that, physically,Zoraide might have suited me, but affirmed that our souls were not inharmony, and that discord must have resulted from the union of her mindwith mine. She then insisted on the suppression of all repining,and commanded me rather to rejoice that I had escaped a snare. Hermedicament did me good. I felt its strengthening effect when I met thedirectress the next day; its stringent operation on the nerves sufferedno trembling, no faltering; it enabled me to face her with firmness,to pass her with ease. She had held out her hand to me--that I did notchoose to see. She had greeted me with a charming smile--it fell on myheart like light on stone. I passed on to the estrade, she followed me;her eye, fastened on my face, demanded of every feature the meaning ofmy changed and careless manner. "I will give her an answer," thought I;and, meeting her gaze full, arresting, fixing her glance, I shot intoher eyes, from my own, a look, where there was no respect, no love,no tenderness, no gallantry; where the strictest analysis could detectnothing but scorn, hardihood, irony. I made her bear it, and feel it;her steady countenance did not change, but her colour rose, and sheapproached me as if fascinated. She stepped on to the estrade, andstood close by my side; she had nothing to say. I would not relieve herembarrassment, and negligently turned over the leaves of a book.
"I hope you feel quite recovered to-day," at last she said, in a lowtone.
"And I, mademoiselle, hope that you took no cold last night inconsequence of your late walk in the garden."
Quick enough of comprehension, she understood me directly; her facebecame a little blanched--a very little--but no muscle in her rathermarked features moved; and, calm and self-possessed, she retired fromthe estrade, taking her seat quietly at a little distance, and occupyingherself with netting a purse. I proceeded to give my lesson it was a"Composition," i.e., I dictated certain general questions, of which thepupils were to compose the answers from memory, access to books beingforbidden. While Mdlle. Eulalie, Hortense, Caroline, &c., were ponderingover the string of rather abstruse grammatical interrogatories I hadpropounded, I was at liberty to employ the vacant half hour in furtherobserving the directress herself. The green silk purse was progressingfast in her hands; her eyes were bent upon it; her attitude, as shesat netting within two yards of me, was still yet guarded; in her wholeperson were expressed at once, and with equal clearness, vigilance andrepose--a rare union! Looking at her, I was forced, as I had often beenbefore, to offer her good sense, her wondrous self-control, the tributeof involuntary admiration. She had felt that I had withdrawn from hermy esteem; she had seen contempt and coldness in my eye, and to her, whocoveted the approbation of all around her, who thirsted after universalgood opinion, such discovery must have been an acute wound. I hadwitnessed its effect in the momentary pallor of her cheek--cheek unusedto vary; yet how quickly, by dint of self-control, had she recoveredher composure! With what quiet dignity she now sat, almost at my side,sustained by her sound and vigorous sense; no trembling in her somewhatlengthened, though shrewd upper lip, no coward shame on her austereforehead!
"There is metal there," I said, as I gazed. "Would that there were firealso, living ardour to make the steel glow--then I could love her."
Presently I discovered that she knew I was watching her, for she stirrednot, she lifted not her crafty eyelid; she had glanced down from hernetting to her small foot, peeping from the soft folds of her purplemerino gown; thence her eye reverted to her hand, ivory white, with abright garnet ring on the forefinger, and a light frill of lace roundthe wrist; with a scarcely perceptible movement she turned her head,causing her nut-brown curls to wave gracefully. In these slight signsI read that the wish of her heart, the design of her brain, was to lureback the game she had scared. A little incident gave her the opportunityof addressing me again.
While all was silence in the class--silence, but for the rustling ofcopy-books and the travelling of pens over their pages--a leaf of thelarge folding-door, opening from the hall, unclosed, admitting apupil who, after making a hasty obeisance, ensconced herself with someappearance of trepidation, probably occasioned by her entering solate, in a vacant seat at the desk nearest the door. Being seated, sheproceeded, still with an air of hurry and embarrassment, to open hercabas, to take out her books; and, while I was waiting for her to lookup, in order to make out her identity--for, shortsighted as I was, I hadnot recognized her at her entrance--Mdlle. Reuter, leaving her chair,approached the estrade.
"Monsieur Creemsvort," said she, in a whisper: for when the schoolroomswere silent, the directress always moved with velvet tread, and spokein the most subdued key, enforcing order and stillness fully as muchby example as precept: "Monsieur Creemsvort, that young person, who hasjust entered, wishes to have the advantage of taking lessons with you inEnglish; she is not a pupil of the house; she is, indeed, in one sense,a teacher, for she gives instruction in lace-mending, and in littlevarieties of ornamental needle-work. She very properly proposes toqualify herself for a higher department of education, and has askedpermission to attend your lessons, in order to perfect her knowledgeof English, in which language she has, I believe, already madesome progress; of course it is my wish to aid her in an effortso praiseworthy; you will permit her then to benefit by yourinstruction--n'est ce pas, monsieur?" And Mdlle. Reuter's eyes wereraised to mine with a look at once naive, benign, and beseeching.
I replied, "Of course," very laconically, almost abruptly.
"Another word," she said, with softness: "Mdlle. Henri has not receiveda regular education perhaps her natural talents are not of the highestorder: but I can assure you of the excellence of her intentions, andeven of the amiability of her disposition. Monsieur will then, I amsure, have the goodness to be considerate with her at first, and notexpose her backwardness, her inevitable deficiencies, before the youngladies, who, in a sense, are her pupils. Will Monsieur Creemsvort favourme by attending to this hint?" I nodded. She continued with subduedearnestness--
"Pardon me, monsieur, if I venture to add that what I have just said isof importance to the poor girl; she already experiences great difficultyin impressing these giddy young things with a due degree of deferencefor her authority, and should that difficulty be increased by newdiscoveries of her incapacity, she might find her position in myestablishment too painful to be retained; a circumstance I should muchregret for her sake, as she can ill afford to lose the profits of heroccupation here."
Mdlle. Reuter possessed marvellous tact; but tact the most exclusive,unsupported by sincerity, will sometimes fail of its effect; thus, onthis occasion, the longer she preached about the necessity of beingindulgent to the governess pupil, the more impatient I felt as Ilistened. I discerned so clearly that while her professed motive was awish to aid the dull, though well-meaning Mdlle. Henri, her real onewas no other than a design to impress me with an idea of her own exaltedgoodness and tender considerateness; so having again hastily noddedassent to her remarks, I obviated their renewal by suddenly demandingthe compositions, in a sharp accent, and stepping from the estrade, Iproceeded to collect them. As I passed the governess-pupil, I said toher--
"You have come in too late to receive a lesson to-day; try to be morepunctual next time."
I was behind her, and could not read in her face the effect of my notvery civil speech. Probably I should not have troubled myself to do so,had I been full in front; but I observed that she immediately beganto slip her books into her cabas again; and, presently, after I hadreturned to the estrade, while I was arranging the mass of compositions,I heard the folding-door again open and close; and, on looking up, Iperceived her place vacant. I thought to myself, "She will consider herfirst attempt at taking a lesson in English something of a failure;" andI wondered whether she had departed in the sulks, or whether stupidityhad induced her to take my words too literally, or, finally, whethermy irritable tone had wounded her feelings. The last notion I dismissedalmost as soon as I had conceived it, for not having seen any appearanceof sensitiveness in any human face since my arrival in Belgium, I hadbegun to regard it almost as a fabulous quality. Whether her physiognomyannounced it I could not tell, for her speedy exit had allowed me notime to ascertain the circumstance. I had, indeed, on two or threeprevious occasions, caught a passing view of her (as I believe has beenmentioned before); but I had never stopped to scrutinize either her faceor person, and had but the most vague idea of her general appearance.Just as I had finished rolling up the compositions, the four o'clockbell rang; with my accustomed alertness in obeying that signal, Igrasped my hat and evacuated the premises.
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