CJ’s mouth drops open, and he looks down to the floor. I give him a second to speak, but it doesn’t happen.
“Do they know about me?” I ask quietly.
“Of course they do.” His words are tender as he gently places a hand to my thigh.
“No, I mean do they know about me. Christina Harcourt?”
He’s not able to look me in the eyes when he answers. “Well …”
I stiffen my shoulders and suck in a breath. The answer should have been an easy, “yes.”
My eyes start to burn as I look up to him but he’s still looking away. I have to force out my words. “Why not?”
He leans forward, resting his arms on his knees, looking only at the floor. “Christina, just like it’s not easy for you to introduce me to your family, it’s not easy for me, either.”
“What? Why? Your family sounds wonderful. Supportive, loving, funny. Nothing at all like mine.” He still can’t look at me, forcing me to ask pleadingly, “Why can’t you tell them about me?”
“It’s not that simple.” He continues to stare down to the floor.
“Simple? What does that even mean?”
“It means …”
A burning thought races through my mind, forcing me to jump from the bed and create as much space between us as I can.
“Is there someone else? Someone in California?” Between the pain in my head and the sudden ache in my heart, my voice is strained.
“Fuck, no!” Absolutely not.” He stands and takes a step towards me, but I walk out the door to the living room. I suddenly need more space than this small bedroom can allow.
He grabs my arm and turns me. “Christina, there is no one else. I swear to you. No one.” His eyes are desperate for me to believe him.
I quietly beg, “Then why? Just please tell me why.”
“I’ve rearranged my life to be with you. Can’t that be enough for now?” He turns away from me, raking his hands through his hair back and forth before walking toward the kitchen.
I sound desperate and weak and I’m hating myself for it, but I also want answers that he’s not willing to give. I decide to put it all on the line. “I want more, CJ. I want to have dinner with your family. I want to drive around your old neighborhood so you can show me where you got in your first fight and kissed your first girl. I want to get pedicures with your sister and sit with your mom and look at old photo albums. I want to listen to your dad and brother tell me embarrassing stories from when you were young. I want all of that.”
He turns to me, arms out to his sides in frustration. He raises his voice, speaking swiftly. “Why? Why should I give you any of those things when we both know you could leave at any time? You’ve made that abundantly clear, Christina. Why can’t you just take what I can give you right now? Me. Not a replacement family for your fucked up one. Just me.” His tone begs for understanding, but his words suck the air from my lungs. I can tell the moment they pass his lips he regrets them. I think he surprised even himself, but it’s too late. They’ve made their cut. He takes a step toward me; I take two back.
An unseen heaviness filters in through every square inch of the apartment, weighing me down in a way I’ve never felt before. Every bit of the hurt can be heard in my voice. “Is that what you really think?”
Hands on his hips, eyes clenched shut in pain, I watch his shoulders rise and fall with each deep breath while I wait for him to take back his words. But he doesn’t.
“Maybe I should go. Spend a few nights at home.” My feet stay planted as I watch him, waiting for his response, and silently pray that he’ll ask me to stay.
His posture stays the same as he responds, “That’s probably a good idea.”
Those words are a twist of the knife. I calmly and quietly go to his room and quickly change, throwing a few things in my bag before slipping on my shoes and heading for the door. With my hand on the knob, I dare to look his way. His arms are crossed at his chest, and he’s staring out the window. “CJ.” I wait for him to turn to me. “Have a safe flight.”
I manage to somehow make it down every flight of stairs without breaking my neck. Once outside, I consider calling Max, but I hesitate because I’m sure CJ will be coming through that door any minute now, asking me back in and apologizing. I force every muscle in my body to stand tall and strong. I will not crack. I will not let him know he got to me. But after five minutes, when he still hasn’t shown, I call Max.
The second I feel the car pull away, I cover my face with my hands, lower my head between my legs, and let my silent, shaking sob take over.
“I think it’s time we talk.”
“Huh?”
“What’s his name?”
“What?” I mumble, my head leaning against the cool glass of the car window. I don’t know how long we’ve been driving but I wish we could just go forever.
“I said, what’s his name?”
I look up, seeing Max’s angry face glaring back at me in the rear view mirror. “Whose name?”
“The name of the guy I’ll be digging a hole for tonight.” With those words, Max finally gets my full attention. I lift my head to see him gripping the steering wheel, his knuckles white.
I can feel fresh tears brewing. I know if I try to talk, I’ll lose the fight, so I just shake my head, silently telling him I can’t right now. He manages to grip the wheel tighter before looking back to the road.
We’re still a few miles from home when I notice he’s pulled off to a donut shop. He gets out of the car without a word and heads into the building. A minute later, my door opens, and I see Max’s large body coming my way.
“Scoot over.” I can move quickly or be sat on. I move quickly.
“Here. It’s nothing fancy, but I figured it’d do in a pinch.” He hands me a white paper cup with a tag from a tea bag hanging out from under the lid.
I take the cup from his hands like it’s one of the most thoughtful gifts anyone has ever given me. Because, right now, it just might be.
Max stretches his long legs in front of him, as much as the luxury sedan will allow, then looks my way. “Why don’t we start from the beginning?”
“The beginning? We may need something stronger than tea.”
With my heels pulled up on the edge of the seat and my arms wrapped around myself protectively, I ask, “What do you think?”
“I think you can’t win for losing.” Although his tone is compassionate, his words warn me I’m in for a reality check.
I nod, telling him to get on with it.
“I think it goes both ways, and as good as your intentions are with CJ, you’ll never have everything you want with him as long as you continue to keep him a secret.”
I immediately get defensive. “But don’t you agree that it’s out of necessity? Because he means enough to me that I’ve chosen to shield him from the family?” Max turns to me, softening his voice.
“Chrissy, I’ve been around long enough to understand why you’re doing what you’re doing, but I guarantee you he doesn’t get it. You mean well, but all he sees is you making every effort to hide your relationship with him, even from your best friend.”
I have to look away, needing a minute to process what he’s saying, because he’s right. Including Becca. I’ve barely talked to her in the time CJ and I have been together. I’m lying and hiding from so many people, it’s pulling me under. I feel like such a condescending bitch, expecting something from him that I’m not willing to do myself.
“My advice, give him some time to miss you. He’ll call.” He looks at me before taking my empty cup from my hands.
“You really think so?” I ask hopefully.
“Chrissy, he’d be a fool not to.” He wraps his large hand around the back of my head and plants a kiss on top.
“Knock, knock.” I look up from my computer and see Anna standing in my doorway, smiling brightly.
“Hey there. What’s up?” I ask, exhausted, and it’s not even lunch time.
“Ca
n I come in?” Her smile doesn’t fade.
As she enters, I stand. “Actually, I need to stretch my legs. I thought I’d check in with Thomas. Walk with me?”
“Sure.” Anna leads the way. “So, speaking of Thomas, he’s been doing better this week, actually the best he’s been in quite a while.” Now knowing the reason for her smile, I can’t help but smile back. “And because we both know how quickly these things can change, I was thinking this might be a good time to take Alex James up on his offer.”
I stop and turn, grabbing her arm excitedly. “Definitely! Yes! I’ll call him right away and see if we can get Thomas to a game this weekend. Let’s not waste any time. But I’ll need you or one of the other nurses to go with him.”
“Please, you don’t have to ask me twice. I’m in!” With a wink, she pretends to perk up her boobs as we both break out in laughter and turn back to my office.
Anna lies back on my couch, hands behind her head, as I call Alex. A few minutes later, I slowly hang up the phone as my head drops forward and a small sigh of exasperation leaves my lips.
“No luck?” She swings her legs over and quickly sits. “Please tell me he did not turn you down. I swear, I will never watch another Giants game as long as I live!”
“Oh no.” I shake my head slowly, before meeting her eyes. “He’s setting everything up. VIP all the way. Passes for Thomas, his family, you, me. A tour of the locker room and field beforehand. He’s also reserving a skybox, fully catered, including first shot at the dessert cart.”
Anna’s hands fly out to her sides in confusion. “Okay, so what’s the problem?”
“The problem is,” I hesitate and take a disgruntled breath. “I had to agree to go to dinner with him after the game.” Anna immediately bends over in her seat, laughing hysterically. “What’s so funny?” I cross my arms and stare her down.
“Are you kidding me? This is hi-lar-i-ous! You are the only woman in America who would complain about spending time with a man like Alex James.” She swipes a tear running down her face as I continue my glare.
“I don’t want to lead him on, Anna. Things with CJ are serious. And besides, we’ve met enough cocky athletes in our time to know that this has trouble written all over it.” I lean back in my chair in annoyance, pressing the heels of my hands to my eyes.
“Relax, Christina. It’s just dinner. What could go wrong?”
I sit up and give her a sideways glance at the same time I feel my cell phone vibrate and notice I missed a call. It’s from CJ, and he left a voicemail.
With nothing more I can do about Alex for the time being, I push the subject aside and hold up my phone. “Hey, I’ve got to return a call. You mind?”
“Is it your boyfriend?” she teases, but I sure hope he still is my boyfriend. I shut the door behind her and play his message.
“Christina … I wish you would’ve answered. I really need to hear your voice. It’s just … I’m sorry. I’ve handled this all wrong. This is all my fault. Let’s talk when I get back, okay? I’ll call you when I get in Sunday. I miss you.”
I so badly want to call him back, but if he wants to wait until Sunday, then I’ll give him that. I decide to text him instead.
Miss you too.
“I still can’t get over the look on his face.” I lean over my plate as I sit across from Alex at our table in the corner of the Italian restaurant. “When you pointed up to him in the box after your touchdown …” I sit back and put my hands up, needing to pause a moment at the memory. “You didn’t just make that kid’s day, you made his year. Hell, you made his life.”
“Well, good. That’s kind of what I was going for.” He responds smoothly.
“Ah, well, nice to see you’re humble.” I point my fork his way and smile.
“I’m not trying to be smug. Just honest. If I can make a sick kid feel better just by doing my job, then, hell, I’ll do it every day.” He takes a sip of his wine, before continuing. “You know, Christina, just because I do what I do doesn’t mean I’m too pompous to know what’s important. Not to mention, Thomas is a really cool kid. Wise beyond his years, that’s for sure.”
I nod as I reach across the table, careful not to get too close to the candle that divides us, and place my hand over his, giving it a light squeeze. “Alex, you’re right. I’m so sorry if I misjudged you. You really are a good guy.”
He turns his hand, squeezing mine in return, as he moves toward me with a look of defeat in his eyes. “But I don’t have a shot, do I?”
I can’t help be anything but honest with him. “No, I’m sorry. I’m kind of falling for someone.” I answer with complete sincerity but I’m starting to think that, in another time, Alex James is someone I could break my “no professional athlete” rule for. Yet even with this beautiful, built, successful man sitting across from me, surrounded by candlelight, decadent food, and extravagant wine, I know that as long as CJ is in the picture, Alex and I will never happen. That doesn’t mean all is lost, though. “But what do you think of Anna?”
Alex pulls his hand from mine as he sits back and laughs, carefully avoiding the question.
We stand outside the restaurant, waiting for Max to pick us up. I know he’s a huge Giants fan, so I thought I’d surprise him by giving Alex a ride to his apartment before we head back home.
Right as Max pulls up and exits the car to open the door for us, some passersby spot Alex and take a few pictures with their phones. He places his hand on my back, guiding me as we quickly duck down into the back of the car.
“Does that happen often?” I turn to him and ask as I slide over into my seat.
“Unfortunately, all the time. I’m surprised we made it through dinner without anyone asking for an autograph. Believe it or not, it gets kind of annoying. Especially when I’m trying to impress a beautiful woman.” He says that last part with a wink, and I jokingly elbow him in the ribs.
On the way, Max and Alex talk nothing but football. I stay out of the conversation because, for the most part, I don’t understand a word they’re saying. I do, however, notice that Max has circled Alex’s building for the third time now, and I smile. Life is good.
Until Sunday night. CJ’s call never comes.
Becca scoffs, as she reaches for her martini. “Christina, If I knew you were going to be such a bitch today, I would have never agreed to meet for lunch.”
I haven’t heard from CJ in over a week. Combine that with last minute preparations for the gala, and my anxiety level is at an all-time high. “Give me a break, Bec. The gala is next weekend, and I’m nowhere near ready. You know I always get stressed out when it gets this close to an event.” I pick up my menu and try to focus my attention on the salad selections.
“Well, you’re a bigger bitch than usual before one of these things. Besides, you’ve done this so many times, you could manage it in your sleep.”
She’s right. If I’m honest with myself, all of this bitchiness has nothing to do with the gala and everything to do with CJ. I can’t wrap my head around the fact that he hasn’t returned a single call or text. I don’t know what the hell is going on, but I’m going to find out today when I confront him at Eric’s apartment. Yes, I’ve turned into that girl.
I sit back in my chair as I take a cleansing breath and look at my friend. “I know. I’m sorry. Would it help if I told you, you look fabulous, by the way? You colored your hair and changed your make-up since I last saw you. And is that a new Chanel jacket?” I wonder if she’s got someone new in her life, because she really is looking better than ever.
She swats my honest compliment away and takes another sip of her cocktail. “Kiss ass all you want, but I’m not helping with the event.”
“I mean it Bec, really. And I’m not just saying that to get you to help. Although you know I could always use you, even for just a couple of hours. You’d be doing me a huge favor.” I look to her optimistically, but she’s shifted her focus to her menu. “And besides, charity is good for the soul.” I say that
last part with a chastising tone. We both know Becca is no angel.
She lifts her head, eyeing me in annoyance. “No freaking way. That place is germ heaven. Not to mention, you know I can’t stand kids. All snotty and whiny. No thanks.”
Too bad her attitude hasn’t gotten a make-over. “Jesus, Bec, tell me how you really feel.” I shake my head in disgust. That is officially the last time I ever ask.
“Oh stop, Christina. It’s nothing I haven’t told you before. If it makes you feel any better, I’ll drop a shitload at the gala. Especially on the tour of Giants stadium, personally given by the one and only Alex James.” She pauses before whispering across the small table. “Do you think anyone has ever had sex in their locker room? That would be so hot!”
She doesn’t miss my eye roll. “He’s actually a really nice guy, Bec. I don’t think he’d be interested in a quickie surrounded by smelly pads and jock straps.”
She looks away as she says snidely, “You would know, wouldn’t you?”
It takes me a few beats to catch on. “What the hell are you talking about?”
It’s at that moment a cell phone begins to ring. I don’t recognize the tone, but Becca does. She grabs her clutch and excuses herself from the table. I watch her walk away as I reach for my drink when I look down and notice what’s sitting on the table beside her plate. A cell phone. My head flies up to see Becca standing in the foyer of the restaurant, on a cell phone. A second cell phone? I can’t make out what she’s saying, but I can clearly see that she’s growing more upset with each passing second. When she makes her way back to the table, her eyes are glassy.
“I need to go. Something’s come up.” She throws some money down and grabs the other phone, refusing to explain further.
Beautiful Lies Page 10
