Sometimes it paid to have friends in the department.
T w e n t y – f i v e
Jayce slammed Alyssa’s door behind him, snapping her head out of her hands. She sat on the edge of her bed, huddled into herself, her eyes wide with surprise. He deliberately ignored the picture of vulnerability she created. “Did you think I wouldn’t find out?” he snapped.
Alyssa turned her head aside, looking out her north-facing window. A tear rolled slowly down her cheek, but she made no attempt to answer.
Her silence burned worse than the fact she’d lied. He was so damned sick of her avoidance. Like he wasn’t worth her time for anything other than a good fuck.
“Damn it, Alyssa!” His temper got the better of him, and his oath exploded through the room. Just as quickly, he gained control of it, breathed deeply, and dug for the detachment that came with his training. Like disarming a bomb required a disassociation with circumstances, so did diffusing her. A hard edge still clinging to his voice, he asked, “Why didn’t you call?”
“I didn’t think—”
“No. No, you didn’t think. You called McTavish, though, didn’t you?” It was a guess, but her pained grimace revealed a truth that twisted between Jayce’s ribs like barbed wire. His exhale came out in a hiss. At his hip, he clenched a tight fist. Before he could stop himself, he asked, “Why him?” Then, gritting his teeth against the sour taste in his mouth, he repeated more harshly, “Why fucking him?”
To Jayce’s surprise, Alyssa’s lips parted as if she might actually answer. But after a moment, she closed her eyes, forcing out another set of teardrops, and shook her head. Frustration welled. No small amount of hurt had him wanting to take her by the shoulders and shake her until she talked. Until she could explain what McTavish gave her that Jayce couldn’t.
Instead, he turned his back and let out a dry, humorless laugh. “It shouldn’t surprise me. You’ve pushed me so far away, I’m not even sure I know who you are anymore. When you—”
“I didn’t think you’d want to be bothered by it,” she answered.
Slowly, Jayce turned to look at her. Her voice was so quiet he’d almost missed it. Incredulous, he asked, “Bothered by it?”
Alyssa met his gaze, those wide brown eyes shimmering in the afternoon light. “It’s not your mess. You’re leaving soon.” Her teeth sank into her lower lip as she struggled to hold back her tears and her throat worked with the effort of swallowing.
In that moment, Jayce saw a different woman. Not the stranger she’d become who continually kept him at arms’ distance. But the scared, seventeen-year-old girl who had sat on the tailgate of his beat-up old truck and turned that same frightened, uncertain look on him as she whispered she was pregnant.
Something inside him softened, though he hadn’t given it permission. Just like then, she was afraid now. And not of her immediate circumstance, but of him. Of how he would react. Why, didn’t make sense. But as the past and present collided in a timeless moment, he realized somehow the burden of this mess between them had shifted to him. She might have shut him out, even run away. Yet if he wanted her, he had to give her more of him, even if logically, he shouldn’t have to.
Off-balanced, he eased onto the edge of the mattress beside her, and reached for one of her hands. Holding it gently, he asked, “Alyssa, just what do you think I’m doing here?”
She bit down harder on her lower lip, and her chin began to tremble. Blinking rapidly, she battled her tears unsuccessfully. They slid down her cheeks in big fat droplets that tugged at Jayce’s heart. With his opposite hand, he tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear. “I’m still half in love with you, Alyssa.”
“Don’t, Jayce,” she whispered shakily.
He brushed his thumb over hers and gave her a sad smile. “Ten years, and you’re still in my blood, though God knows I’ve tried to force you out.”
* * *
The fragile wall around Alyssa’s heart crumbled to dust as Jayce lifted her hand and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. His voice rasped thick with emotion. “I’ve tried to forget you. I’ve tried telling myself I’m better off without you.” He chuckled softly, gave a slight shake of his head. “Hell, I’ve even tried to hate you. But I can’t.”
“Please,” she choked out. “I can’t do this.” Because if they went down this path, if he forced her to look inside her heart, she’d have to tell him everything else, and she didn’t know how to survive that shame.
“Do what?” he asked quietly. “Let me in?” He trailed his free hand from her hair to her shoulders, then gently rubbed her arm. “What are you afraid of? It’s just us. And we never had to force it.” He paused, then added more softly, “We didn’t force it last night.”
A shiver raced down her spine. He had always been her rock. The voice of reason when she didn’t know what to do, where to go, or who to turn to. She’d never possessed the natural strength Jayce did, and she needed that fortitude now. “Jayce, I…” At a complete loss for words, she trailed off.
He shook his hand free and cupped his large palm against her cheek. “Your safety has never bothered me. Someone’s threatening you, and I won’t stand by and watch it tear you apart. Look at you. At the bar that first night, you were confident. Now you’re trembling.”
She closed her eyes to the magic of his touch as he dragged the pad of his thumb over her cheek and wiped away the falling tears. If only she were shaking because of Parker’s threats. If only it were that easy. It was Jayce, though, and the overwhelming awareness that everything she yearned for lay within reach.
Words clanged together in her head. Explanations drifted to the tip of her tongue. She beat back a rise of panic and tried to set them all free. What came out, however, was a broken sob.
Jayce’s arms enfolded her. He drew her into his protective embrace, his heart beating strong beneath her cheek. One warm hand slid comfortingly down her back.
“My parents sent me away,” she choked out.
His arms tightened around her, and he laid his cheek on the top of her head.
“They told me it was my fault, and they sent me away.” Her words were so garbled, even she had difficulty making them out. God only knew how much he comprehended. But saying more had become impossible. With her eyes closed, the memories slammed into her. The bonfire crackling against the starry night sky. The tall shadows of trees looming over where she lay on the cold, budding spring grass. And Michael’s voice, always Michael’s taunting voice blending with that other girl’s distant sobs.
She clung to Jayce, trying to drown out the hideous laughter with the rhythm of his heartbeat. Hopelessly attempting to ward off the violent tremors that rolled down her spine with the warding strength of his body.
“Shh,” he murmured into her hair. “I’m here now. I’ve got you, Alyssa. No one’s going to hurt you.”
Such a pretty little mouth. How about you give up some of that sweetness, LissaLou. I’ve been waiting a long time.
Though she’d sworn she wouldn’t open herself to Jayce again the way she had last night, she knew only one way to drown out Michael’s grotesque voice. And she needed the escape, the temporary safe harbor Jayce offered, no matter what it might cost her after. As much as she feared the intensity of feeling Jayce provoked, those same emotions were all that could override the fear shrouding her mind.
Rising to her knees, she wrapped her arms around Jayce’s neck and fastened her mouth on his. He let out a startled grunt, but in the next instant, his fingers fisted into her hair, and his mouth moved beneath hers, taking gentle possession with one slow, intoxicating sweep of his tongue. Her body sighed into his, and she slowly lowered herself into his lap. His heat surrounded her, cocooning Alyssa in a place of simple pleasure that deepened with each tangle of his tongue. The haunting memory of Michael began to fade.
Lowering one hand to her waist, Jayce gripped her by the belt loop. The pressure in his fingers didn’t just hold her in place, but conveyed the yearning she’d read in h
is eyes. The same tension against her scalp hinted that he held back a deeper, darker rise of desire.
But Alyssa didn’t want the slow and gentle loving his languorous kiss promised. She needed to drive the past so far away it could never reach out and wrap its shadowy tendrils around her again. To accomplish that, she needed Jayce on the edge of abandon.
She rocked her hips forward and met the hard length of Jayce’s confined erection. Taunting with a light press, a roll of her hips that stroked him just enough to make those fingers clench tighter, before she eased away.
He rewarded her teasing by taking her lower lip between his teeth and giving her a none-too-gentle nip. “I can’t get enough of you,” he whispered against the corner of her mouth. He took her hips in both hands and tipped her against his cock again.
Yes. Pleasure zinged up her spine. More, Jayce. More. Searching for his mouth once more, she let out a quiet moan. He gave her what she sought, capturing her in a hard, demanding kiss that eroded all thought of her attack at the senior graduation party. She latched onto his shoulders to keep from wobbling out of his lap and reveled in the magic of Jayce’s hands as they moved up her ribs to cover her breasts.
He dragged his thumbs over her nipples, abrading the sensitive buds beneath the satin of her bra. Her back arched and a gasp tore from her lips. “Jayce,” she exhaled, feeling the walls she’d erected around her heart chip away.
Jayce dropped his mouth to the side of her throat. “I love how sensitive your breasts are,” he murmured as he repeated the swirl of his thumbs. She arched into his hands again, a shiver coursing down her spine.
“So perfect,” Jayce whispered. “You can’t force this.”
No. There was no forcing anything at all when it came to surrendering to his masterful touch. He knew how to play her, knew exactly where to touch and caress so that she felt like if he didn’t stop she’d break to pieces, and if he did, she’d die. She rotated her hips counterclockwise, seeking out the contact she craved.
“Mm.” Jayce’s lower body lifted into hers. “God, you feel good.”
“So do you,” she rasped breathlessly.
He plucked the hem of her shirt up, tugged it to her ribs. “Take this thing off.”
Alyssa didn’t need to be told twice. She lifted her arms, allowing him to pull it over her head. He tossed it absently aside, and grabbed his own by the back of the collar. He doffed it in one swift motion then threw it to the floor.
Warm, delightfully roughened hands skated up her back and gripped her by the shoulders. She felt the corded muscles in his forearms ripple as he pressed her simultaneously forward into his chest and downward against his erection. As his gaze latched onto hers, the light within those coal-black depths flared with dangerous heat. But he was holding back, taking things just far enough there was no mistaking he wanted her, yet restraining his desire all the same. Giving her all the control she might want.
She might have appreciated the subtle way he acquiesced if she didn’t feel like she was walking a tightrope between sanity and madness. She couldn’t cope with his backing off. Not this time. Teasing him a little was one sure-fire way to insure he couldn’t hold back for long.
Easing out of his embrace, she rose to her feet and hooked her thumbs in her waistband. Somehow or another, he’d managed to work the button free without her noticing, and the zipper gave with a slight tug. Careful to tip her hips just so, she held his hungry gaze as she shimmied out of her jeans. When the denim hit the tops of her thighs, Jayce’s gaze dropped. Desire flared behind his eyes. The muscles in his jaw flexed.
Good.A slow grin pulled at her mouth. Summoning the taunt she’d used countless times with him, she asked, “Like what you see?”
Jayce’s focus jerked back to her face. “Baby doll, keep moving those hips that way and you’ll be in for a world of hurt.”
She wriggled the denim another inch lower. “I don’t believe you.”
He tipped his head to the side a fraction, and the intense light to his eyes darkened by several degrees. He never had been able to resist a challenge. Alyssa slid her jeans down a smidgeon farther. Cool air washed across her exposed skin. Beneath the thin layer of her panties, moisture gathered.
Jayce made to rise to his feet. She stepped in close, rested her hands on his shoulders. “You can finish if you’d like.”
A low sound of satisfaction rumbled in his throat as he tucked his fingers inside the narrow band of her panties and whisked them down, along with her jeans. His hands slid to her backside and kneaded into her buttocks as he set his foot on the clothing pooled around her ankles, to hold them down while she stepped free.
He had such marvelous hands. Alyssa closed her eyes, content for a moment to bask in the light fall of his breath against her ribcage and the pleasure of his strong fingers. Each deliberate squeeze brought his fingertips a fraction closer to the wet, sensitive flesh between her legs. The swollen tissues began to throb for contact.
If he touched her, she’d come in a heartbeat, but then he’d give her time to reach another peak. Time enough for the atrocities hovering at the edge of her mind to return. She amped up her deliberateness, and instead of allowing the touch her body needed, twisted out of his grasp and sank to her knees. She slid her palms up his muscular thighs and took the brass button to his jeans between her fingers. Jayce’s entire body tensed beneath her hands. She lifted her gaze to find his eyes closed, his lips parted, his expression that of something between pleasure and pain.
“Take these off, Jayce,” she murmured as she unfastened the button. “Let me touch you.”
Not waiting for him to reply, she tugged until his hips angled off the mattress and she could pull his jeans off his legs. Then, she folded her hands in her lap and rocked back on her heels, waiting for him to open his eyes.
When he did, puzzlement clouded over his face.
“Tell me what you want,” she whispered.
“Fuck, Alyssa,” he muttered. “You’re going to ruin me this way.”
She shook her head. “I don’t think so. You seemed to survive the other night just fine.”
Jayce chuckled. “That’s debatable.”
Alyssa arched an eyebrow. “Should I tell you what I want, then?” Leaning ever-so-slightly forward, she blew a light breath over his swollen cock.
“Alyssa,” he groaned. The muscles in his thighs and abdomen bunched like cords of steel, and a drop of moisture seeped from the smooth head of his erection. “You’re—”
“I’ll tell you what I want,” she murmured. Bending deeper, she feathered her lips over the underside of his engorged length. “I want to feel you on my tongue.” She flicked the tip of her tongue across the ridge beneath his swollen head. “I want to taste you.” Trailing her tongue up, she lapped at the drop of moisture, then swirled around his circumference.
As he shuddered and his knees fell open, she leaned back. “Is that what you want, Jayce?”
An oath hissed through his clenched teeth. Long sooty eyelashes lifted, and his heated stare bore beneath her skin. But he made no other response. He wouldn’t; he would never yield in word. It wasn’t his style. Instead, he issued silent directive with those captivating eyes and wrapped a thick shank of her hair around his hand. With one slow tug, he lowered her mouth to his cock.
Alyssa obeyed the command by closing her lips around his smooth head and sliding her tongue over the thick veins of his shaft. She gripped the base of his hardened length in one hand, and eased him into the depths of her mouth. Jayce’s low groan reverberated through her. He untangled his fingers and slid them to the back of her head, arching his hips forward to slide toward the back of her throat.
T w e n t y – s i x
The firm pull of Alyssa’s mouth made Jayce nearly delirious. Pleasure crawled through his body at the feel of her tongue gliding over his throbbing length, the way she twisted her head ever-so-slightly from side to side and corkscrewed down his shaft. But it was her face that threatened to send him h
eadlong into oblivion. The smile that played at the corners of her closed eyes, the hint of upturned lips at the corners of her mouth, the absolute pleasure that radiated in her expression. She’d suck him dry if he let her.
He arched his hips forward, slowly thrusting deeper into her delightful mouth. Her cheeks hollowed as she suckled, the sight of which knocked the wind from his lungs. Gasping, he tightened his fingers against the back of her head and guided her up his cock to the swollen tip again. As she flicked her tongue against the sensitive ridge beneath his engorged head, Jayce let out a hoarse groan. His balls pulled into his body, ecstasy threatening to strip away his ability to function.
“God, Alyssa,” he murmured. He felt her body shake and knew she was fighting her own battle with desire. “So perfect. Look at me.” Releasing her hair, he cupped her chin and grazed his thumb across her cheek.
Jayce experienced a whole new layer of torture as she lifted her long eyelashes and her burnished amber gaze locked with his. Her flushed cheeks only added to her natural beauty, and the gleam of arousal in her eyes sent another wave of ecstasy arcing through his body. He caressed the line of her jaw, watched transfixed as she eased forward and his cock penetrated her mouth again.
When she tipped her head a fraction and Jayce felt her throat muscles close around the head of his erection, his body refused to have anything further to do with nice and slow. He eased back, drawing himself down the length of her glorious tongue, and thrust in harder.
Alyssa made a soft pleasured sound that vibrated into him. The sound alone was enough to render him senseless, but the way her eyes flashed with satisfaction eroded his ability to think. If her beautiful mouth didn’t kill him, those eyes surely would. He stared straight into heaven.
Explosive (The Black Opals) Page 20
