Anger and embarrassment at being so vulnerable earlier spurred rebellion. “Fine. I’m moving,” she announced. “I’ll start searching tomorrow.”
“You can’t afford anyplace else.” His green eyes were maddeningly calm.
She’d had all the blows her pride could take. “I’ll move to Brooklyn if I have to. No—” She shoved at the arms drawing her close. “No, damn you, let me go. Don’t you dare—”
“Shut up, Kat,” he said, dangerously quiet. “Just shut up.”
And he kissed her. No more Beacon Hill reserve. No iron control. It was a hell of a kiss, the one she’d waited for all her life. Hot and sweet and…something more.
It scared the shit out of her how much she craved to melt into his arms, how much she wanted to forget—
She pushed away, regarding him in shock. “What about Tansy?”
“We’ll get her back.”
“No—you can’t—we can’t—” she stammered. “I mean—you and Tansy. You love her.”
“Of course I love her. We all do.” He stopped, brow knitting, and stared. His eyes widened suddenly, and he laughed. “You’re an idiot, Katharina.”
His amusement sent her temper spinning, and she slapped at the hands that would draw her back to him. Then she got a good gander at his eyes. Something deep and hungry and tender blazed there.
For her?
“You mean—” She swallowed, looked again. And got really scared. “Armand, no. We’re friends, just friends. I can’t—I need you to—”
For a second, she thought she spotted pain, sharp and stunning. Then, just as quickly as it flared, the blaze was snuffed, doors slammed shut. Armand addressed his driver, his voice very calm and neutral. Too neutral. “We’ll drop Ms. Gerard off on our way, Slater.”
“Very good, sir.”
Armand held the door open. “Climb in.”
“Armand, I don’t—” Stumbling around in a world gone topsy-turvy, she had no clue what to say. “I’m sorry. I didn’t—”
“Just get in the car, Katharina. Now.”
She wanted to battle; she was more than ready for a fight. Anything to clear the air that had somehow become threatening. She tried to gauge his mood, but his face was as smooth and blank as glass.
Too much was changing. At once, she was as drained as she’d ever been. She said nothing, only slid into the seat.
On the drive, Armand was silent, reserve wrapping him in an impenetrable wall. She brushed her lips with one hand, remembering. The lady is not available to return my affections. She started to speak several times but finally gave up.
When they reached her place, she grabbed for the door handle on her side.
Armand spoke in clipped tones, barely glancing her way. “Good night, Katharina.” But in his voice, she heard goodbye.
“I don’t know what you want from me.”
He spared her one merciless glance. For the briefest second, she thought she saw pain hover, but in the faint light, she couldn’t be sure. “I’m through wanting anything from you.” He continued past her stammer of protest. “I’ll do everything in my power to help Tansy. Otherwise, perhaps you’ll do me the favor of leaving me alone for a while.”
“But—” She realized all too quickly that the stab of fear in her chest was coming from the finality in his tone, the death knell of the friendship that she’d taken so much for granted. “Armand, why are you doing this? Can’t we just go on the way we were? I don’t want things to change.”
“A pity. But you see, you’re not the only one who wants things.” Lines appeared around his mouth. He focused on her, his face set and grim. “I’m only a man, damn it. A man who—” He looked away. “Never mind. Good night.”
“Armand, please don’t leave. I need you. Maybe I do love you—”
He grabbed her wrist and squeezed. Fury rose, swift and hot. “Don’t you dare say it,” he commanded, fierce and low. “Don’t you throw those words around simply because you’re hurting and scared.”
She was shocked by the violence in his gaze.
Armand stared at his hand on her wrist and thrust it from him. He scrubbed one hand over his face. “Get out, before we destroy what’s left.”
“Armand—” She touched his arm, but he recoiled. Her hand hovered in the air. “You’re my best friend, don’t you get that? That’s worth everything.”
“We could have so much more—did that ever occur to you?” His eyes blazed again, then the flame guttered. His jaw tightened. “Forget it.”
Her world was crumbling, and she’d never been this frightened. Armand had been there for so long. She’d thought he always would be. Before her opened a chasm. She pictured her life without Armand in it, and she realized how deeply he was woven into what was best about it.
She wanted to argue, to talk this through, to find her place in a universe that had just shifted under her feet.
She couldn’t lose him.
But she could tell that words were futile now. Kat scooted toward the door Slater held open, but she stopped at the edge of the seat. “Armand…”
He leaned his head back on the seat and sighed. “Go away, Kat. Just forget this.”
“I won’t.” One betraying quiver bled through. “There are many things in life that I don’t give a damn about.” She ducked to leave but turned around and leaned inward first. “You’re not one of them.”
He didn’t move, didn’t spare her so much as a glance. Sobered by his resolve, she understood now exactly how Scarlett must have felt when she let the best part of her life walk away. “Armand, I want—”
Her voice trailed off as she heard herself, as she viewed the situation, for the first time, from his perspective. It had always been about her wishes, and he’d been strong enough, had cared enough to give her that. “I’m sorry,” she said in a small voice.
“You’re always sorry.” He sounded so weary. “Just go, Kat. We must focus on Tansy now.” He signaled his driver to be on their way.
Slater tipped his hat to her as he closed the door, his eyes sympathetic. “Good night, Ms. Gerard.”
“Good night, Slater.” Kat headed toward her door, her knees unsteady, but no way would she let him see her cry. She’d shed too many tears already. It was time to sleep…and then to plan. She would fix this. She could give Katie Scarlett O’Hara a run for her money when it came to determination.
And she would. Somehow.
Lucas stirred hours later on his pallet on the floor, his glance going immediately to the narrow bed he’d turned over to Tansy in the instant before it registered on him that he wasn’t alone.
Bright hair spilled over his shirt front and a slender arm encased in pale-blue wool crossed his chest. He had no idea when Tansy had left the bed and joined him on the cold concrete floor. He must have been dead asleep not to sense her, but he did now, and his body shot to instant awareness. Hunger, fiery and insistent, flashed through his body at the feel of her in his arms.
He had to get away from her. Now. He needed her too much, the cravings a man’s, raw and savage. Too powerful for the child/woman in his arms. He tried to ease away from her, but she only snuggled closer, sighing in her sleep.
Lucas closed his eyes and beat back the thunder in his veins. This was Tansy, innocent, damaged Tansy. She wasn’t ready. Might not ever be. And he wanted to protect her, even from himself.
But, God, she was sweet and warm and soft. He could still taste her on his lips, even that one chaste kiss. Last night’s tender, magical spell shattered under the force of his body’s longing to make her his, to bind her to him forever. The flesh was weak, so damn weak when combined with a lifetime of dreaming.
With care and gritted teeth, he removed himself from beneath her, then picked her up and put her back in the bed, smoothing her skirt down the legs of a full-grown woman, curvy and longer than her height would suggest. Swallowing hard, he covered her with a blanket and turned to go.
“Michael?” she said, sleep heavy in her voice.
“Don’t leave me.”
His hands clenched into fists and he studied the ceiling. Inhaling sharply, he forced his voice to neutral. “I’m going to fix us something to eat. I’ll only be right up the stairs. Stay here and sleep.” Please. He had to have a few minutes to wrestle the demon back under control. God.
She murmured and drifted off.
Lucas headed for the stairs, gratefully putting distance between them and cursing his body’s inability to care that her mind was not as grown as her body.
Nearly noon, he noticed as he pulled out pans and began breakfast while assembling the beginnings of a thick, hearty soup. He shivered a little in the chill air and knew that spring had decided to delay another day.
“Mornin’,” Al boomed.
Lucas almost jumped out of his skin, so wrapped up in worrying over Tansy that he’d completely missed the sound of the door. “Hey, Al,” he said over his shoulder. “Ready for something to eat?”
“I’d always rather have one of your breakfasts than my poor-ass excuse for cookin’.”
“Have a seat. Coffee should be perked.”
He expected Al to approach on his right to get a cup, but he was too busy tending bacon to see what was holding him up.
And then he knew.
“Good morning,” Tansy said shyly.
Lucas turned and spotted Al staring at Tansy as though she were some sort of apparition.
“Mornin’, pretty lady. Name’s Al.”
Tansy smiled and held out her hand. “I’m Tansy.”
“Al…” Lucas began, attempting to figure out how to explain with Tansy present. “I have to talk to you—”
“Not now, son. Don’t want to talk to you when there’s a beautiful lady present. I can jaw with you anytime.” With the moves of a practiced courtier, big, beefy Al settled the fairy sprite Tansy at the table like visiting royalty, on his face wonder as though he’d just found a diamond on the sidewalk.
And Tansy was regarding Al with the same gentle cheer she gave to everyone. “My prince brought me here. Do you live here, too?”
Al shot him an expression loaded with mischief. “Your prince, eh?” He shook his head. “He’s a good fella, but I ain’t sure about no prince.”
“He is,” Tansy said soberly. “He rescued me.”
“Why—”
Lucas broke in. “Here’s your eggs, Al.” He sought to warn him with a look.
Al nodded, then indicated Tansy. “Can’t eat before the lady.”
“Hers are next. Scrambled, fried or omelet, Tansy?”
“You can cook, Michael?”
Al frowned at the name, shot him a questioning glance from behind her.
Lucas shook his head quickly before answering her. “That’s how I earn my living now.”
Al shrugged. “He’s a good cook.”
“Would you teach me? Nana showed me a little, but Mrs. Hodgson doesn’t like anyone in her kitchen.”
You won’t be here long enough, he wanted to say. But he couldn’t get into that now. “Sure. Come over here and I’ll demonstrate. What kind of eggs?”
“Is an omelet too hard?”
“Not a bit.” He busied himself dicing onions and grating cheese. Tansy asked to grate some, so he let her while he whisked the eggs. When she gouged her knuckles, he grasped her hand and drew her to the sink to run cold water over them, struggling to ignore the feel of her hands. With practiced moves, he opened a box and bandaged the small scrape on one knuckle, resisting the urge to kiss it, aware all the time of Al’s perusal.
Finally, their food was done. Al had almost finished his plate but poured a second cup of coffee as they sat and talked. Tansy was full of questions once she realized Al was the owner, and Lucas winced more than once at the contrast of her naiveté and their surroundings.
Al cast odd looks at him again and again, but there was nothing Lucas could explain right now. Soon, the talk moved to Tansy’s friends in the park, and she proved such a dead-on mimic that she had them all laughing. He’d forgotten that, her gift for mimicry, for distilling the essence of another’s movements or expressions or accent.
And for a golden span of time, Tansy transformed the dreary kitchen of a third-rate topless joint into a table of friendship and foolishness, a magic circle of belonging and community that spanned race and age and background and made them an odd sort of family. Al’s face glowed, his loneliness dispersed to the winds. The emptiness inside Lucas gave way to a feeling that was almost like hope.
Then the beer delivery man showed up, and illusion shattered under the harsh light of the real world. Al left to check in the delivery, and Lucas gathered up dishes to wash them.
“May I?” Tansy asked.
“No,” he said automatically, revolted at the thought of her working in this dingy place. Ready to send her back down to the basement, he noted disappointment in her eyes. “You serious?”
She nodded. “You made my breakfast. Please let me help.”
“But it’s—” Dirty. Beneath you. You don’t belong here. He noted the stubborn tilt of her chin, reminder of a headstrong young girl. “Okay. Thanks.”
He got the stew going while she washed dishes and asked him a million questions about what he was doing. He let her cut up potatoes and carrots, observing graceful fingers that could make birds out of eggshells and lost feathers carve perfectly precise cubes.
With every spice he added, she wanted to sniff and taste, and he thought he’d lose his mind watching her lick her fingers, close her eyes and run her tongue over her lips. But as much as he burned for her, he yearned for her spirit more. She was a balm on his heart, a cool palm against a fevered brow, a refuge from what years of ugliness and violence had done to his soul.
So Lucas shoved away the man and became a boy again with Tansy. They played and laughed and fought with soap bubbles. Al finished with the delivery man and rejoined them until Tansy excused herself to go change her clothes, breathless and laughing and half-soaked.
Then dark eyes sobered. “What you doin’, son?” Al asked.
It was icy water dashed in his face. “I’ll find someplace else to take her.”
Al waved that off. “That’s not what I’m askin’ you. She can stay here forever, far as I’m concerned. This place ain’t never held her kind of happiness.” His gaze narrowed. “And you, boy. You need what she got to give you.”
Lucas shook his head. “I can’t—” He glanced away, tamping down all the feelings that had run riot in their abandon. Then he looked back up. “She’s in danger, Al. I had to get her away, but I don’t know what the hell to do. I have to protect her.”
“Cops can’t help, huh?”
“No. The man who’s after her can pull strings like you never saw.” His jaw ground as he thought of Sanford. “I’ve got some stuff on him, but not enough. I need some help, but I don’t have anyone to trust. I was hoping to do it without involving her, but it’s too late for that now.” He studied the man who’d been the only one to offer him a chance. “They’re after us, Al. I think I got her away without being followed, but they’ll be crawling over this city with a fine-tooth comb, searching for her.”
“Ain’t been nothin’ in the news.”
Lucas breathed a little easier. “I can’t count on that lasting. Her father’s famous. Martin Gerard, the Shakespearean actor, heard of him?”
Al seemed only slightly offended. “Might not be no theater hound, but I read the papers. So how you get involved with her?”
Here goes nothing. “The man I went to jail for killing?”
Al frowned, nodding for him to continue.
“He was her twin brother.”
Al’s eyes rounded. A slow whistle escaped. “What the fuck you doin’, boy?”
“I didn’t do it, Al. But it’s a long story.” Lucas waited for a response. When he got none, his heart sank. “You don’t have to believe me, but I’d appreciate it if you’d let me stay on until I can find a secure place for her.”
&n
bsp; “What I think don’t matter. Does she believe you?”
“She doesn’t remember it. She thinks he’s still alive. She’s—she’s sort of frozen in time back then.”
“That why she callin’ you by another name?”
“It’s my middle name. She’s the only one who used it. But she doesn’t realize it’s me—she says the name makes her feel safe.”
“Jesus on a rocketship, Lucas, you don’t like things simple, do you?” He paced, muttering.
Lucas’s hopes plunged. “If I could have my check, even though it’s not Friday, I’ll clear out my things today. I’d wait, but I’ll have to have the money to get her a room somewhere.”
“You ain’t takin’ that sweet child anywhere until we sure what’s what. She got to stay out of sight while folks is here, and you got to get your young ass busy finding some help for her. But don’t be talkin’ about takin’ her out on the streets till Al says so, hear me?”
“But you have no idea what he’s capable of.”
“I don’t, you right. But I understand that girl is somethin’ special, the likes of which you and me never met. You got to protect them that’s God’s special ones. None of us certain where angels hide, and me, I ain’t a smart man, but even I can tell that that little girl is one of the good Lord’s gifts to the rest of us sorry sumbitches.” He poked a finger at Lucas. “So you get to work on findin’ her some help, and I’ll share watch over her until it’s safe. Can you convince her to stay down there, real quiet-like while we’re open?”
Relief surged. “Yes.”
“All right.” Al turned away.
“Al—”
The older man glanced back. “What?”
Lucas cleared his suddenly crowded throat. “Thanks. I owe you.”
Dark eyes bored into his. “That angel girl figures you for her prince. Don’t you disappoint her.”
Lucas shoved aside his doubts. “I won’t. I failed her once, but I swear I won’t, not ever again.”
Al nodded and went back to work.
Mona tried to move limbs heavy with sleep, but they remained pinned beneath the weight of slumber. She didn’t want to wake up, anyway. She was having the best dream…Fitz’s big body curled around hers, one arm tucking her into his belly. She sighed softly and let herself drift.
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