The Source

by J B Stilwell

  The vitamin D solution continues to erode his flesh before he collapses onto his knees, his body then explodes into a torrent of blood and gore. Then silence.

  I didn’t even realize that my eyes were closed until I felt a hand grasp my elbow before relieving me of the distribution system’s weight. I open them to see gooey chunks sliding down the metal bars and a crimson mass on the floor where the tiny vampire once stood. I look down at myself to see that I had once again received the unrighteous baptism of vampire blood and flesh, speckling all over my arms and down the front of my clothes. I look up at Rick, the one who has been holding my arm as I wake from this walking nightmare. I whisper, “I want to go home.” Then there’s darkness.

  I wake up in a room similar to the one I was in before when the nurse had cleaned me. Again, Rick is sitting by my side. Without preamble, I sit up a little too suddenly and put my fingers to my temples, rubbing slightly. Resting my hands in my lap, I glance at Rick. He’s watching me rather intently, almost like he is waiting to see what will happen next.

  “You’re fine,” he begins. “The nurse already checked you and there are no issues. We can leave whenever you’re ready.”

  My head bobs up and down almost uncontrollably. I slip into an almost spastic state. “What else did I miss?”

  “Well,” he leans forward running his hands through his hair. “Mr. Caulfield thanked everyone and declared this the end of the project work. You and I will receive the fifty thousand dollar bonuses. He wants us to meet him here at the facility at 8:00 p.m. tomorrow.”

  I continue to look at him, still nodding.

  He briefly smiles, whispering, “We did it, Emma. You were great. One of the bravest things I’ve ever seen a human do.”

  The nodding seems to involuntarily stop because I don’t remember trying to stop the neck motion. I simply state, “I want to go home.”

  He nods then helps me from the makeshift hospital bed. We return to our suite to collect our things. I dig my keys out of my purse and hand them to him. Without saying a word, he takes the hint and the keys before leading me out to my car. For the first time that I can remember, I get into my own car on the passenger’s side without any help. We drive to my apartment in complete silence. We arrive to find that the paint is still on my front door. I guess the landlord was too busy to paint over it. Just another reminder of things that I would rather forget.

  I go directly to the bedroom and get a change of clothes before heading to the bathroom to take a shower. I momentarily notice Rick sitting on the couch, running his hands back and forth on his legs. I wonder what he’s thinking, but don’t have the will to ask. Instead I slowly begin the all-too-familiar process of washing dead vampire from my hair and body. My showers were once my solace, my place to escape from the world’s troubles so I could think clearly and have amazing ideas. Now it’s the place where I scrub the world’s troubles from my reddened and chafed skin. I have a deepening sense my personal altar has been defaced…by my own doing, my own choices.

  I turn the water off, towel dry and put fresh clothes on before joining Rick in the living room. He’s still sitting in the same position he was in before I went to shower. I stand behind the chair across from him. I softly announce, “I’m going to bed.”

  Before I can turn he says, “You don’t want to talk about it?”

  I look down at the floor. I can’t look at him right now. If I do, I’m afraid that I’ll burst into tears. “No, Rick. Like I said, sometimes it’s easier to do something than it is to talk about it. I just can’t. Not now. Maybe not ever.”

  I walk to the bedroom door before Rick responds, “You’re still you. Regardless of what you did and how distasteful it is, you’re still Dr. Emma Burcham. The most kind-hearted person I know.”

  I close my eyes as a few tears run down my face. Damn him and his empathy. No matter what he says, I know this has changed me on a deep, almost molecular level. In the darkness of my bedroom, I crawl under the covers and pray for the peace of dreamless sleep.

  Chapter 26

  I languish in bed until late afternoon. My sleep wasn’t dreamless, but it was still preferable to what my waking hours have been like since working on the project. I sit up and look over the side of the bed where Rick is sleeping soundly on the floor. He literally sleeps like the dead. I guess that’s where the myth came from that vampires die at dusk. Just wish I could sleep that well every night.

  I get up as quietly as possible and go to the living room. Sitting on the couch I try to figure out what I’m going to do with my life now that the project is over, and more importantly, who am I now that I’ve done the things that I’ve done? Rick says I’m the same person. I sure don’t feel the same. If anything, I feel…broken. Logically I know that the demonstration yesterday went seamlessly and the world is a better place without such a deplorable creature roaming the streets. Still, when it came down to pressing that trigger, I was still looking at a child when I did it. I can tell myself over and over again that we killed a hundred-and-three-year-old vampire, but the identifiable nature of the images forever tattooed on my memory is not something that I expect to get over any time soon.

  Does it make me a bad person? No. It just makes me a person who is willing to do bad things in the name of science, in the name of human survival…in the name of what is right? I don’t know. Forcing this internal debate aside, I pick up the phone to call mom.

  “Hello,” mom states.

  “Howdy, mama. How are you?”

  “Well, Emma Jean. It’s about time I heard from ya. What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

  “Why do you think something is wrong?” I ask.

  “’Cause you called me ‘mama,’ Emma Jean and you only do that when somethin’ is wrong. What is it?”

  “Well, we finished the project. Rick and I actually developed something that works. We will both receive a bonus.”

  “That’s wonderful, Emma Jean. Will you have to stay in Rowan much longer?”

  I think for a few moments. “I don’t really know. I don’t think so. No more work will be done on the project, unless they need us to stay and oversee implementation of our work. I doubt it though. So once I get my final payment, I guess I’ll be coming back to Huntington.”

  “My prayers have been answered! I’ve been countin’ down the days ‘til you’d be home.”

  Smiling I say, “I know, mama. But nothing’s definite yet.”

  “So what else is botherin’ ya?” she asks.

  “Um,” I stammer, “I’m not sure I’m comfortable with all of the work that we did here.”

  “Not comfortable? But I thought you all had the best project?”

  “We did, but the actual nature of the project itself is somewhat troubling,” I respond.

  “Emma Jean, was anyone hurt with what you did?”

  “Yes.”

  “Was it a good person that was hurt?” she asks.

  “Not exactly. Definitely not good,” I answer vaguely, not wanting to involve mom in too many of the details.

  “Your pawpaw had a dog. I loved that dog. He was like my best friend, which is kinda sad if you think about it.”

  “Mom, I’m not talking about dogs,” I interrupt.

  “Emma Jean, you hush and listen. This dog, I sure did love him. He was kinda moody though. Some neighbors had told your pawpaw that the dog growled at them and even chased them, trying to bite. Pawpaw was going to put him down. I cried and begged him not to because of how much it would hurt me. So, your pawpaw didn’t do it. He didn’t want to see me upset. And I was so happy to still have my best friend. A couple of months later, that dog bit a neighborhood boy who ended up having to have two of his fingers amputated.”

  “My God, mom, that’s awful!” I exclaim.

  “Yes. Was quite awful. They came and took that dog away. I was hurt and crying over it. But I can guarantee you that boy hurt more than me.”

  “Um, mom, you’re not trying to make me feel better are you? Because
this story is not helping.”

  “Emma Jean, we all hurt. That’s a part of life. Sometimes we are given an opportunity to prevent hurt. If we would have done something about that dang dog, that boy – now a man – would still have his two fingers. But your pawpaw didn’t want to hurt me although we saw the warning signs with that dog. If he would’ve allowed me that hurt, a tragedy would’ve been prevented.”

  Silent tears rolling down my face, I say, “I know, mama. It’s just so hard to wrap my mind and heart around it.”

  “No one said it was easy. People’s true values are tested when times are rough, not when they’re easy. If it were easy, everyone would be a saint.”

  “Well, I’m definitely not a saint.”

  “You know what I mean, Emma Jean. Don’t be sassy. Like what happened with my dog, just try to accept that the hurt you feel now may be the life you save tomorrow.”

  Tears streaming down my face I whisper, “Thanks, mama.”

  “You’re welcome, baby. Now, I gotta get off here ‘cause my pinto beans are about to boil over. I love you.”

  “Love you, too, mama.”

  I set the phone down and lay back on the couch. Mom is right, as always. I know that the things we did will save lives in the future. There are no prisons that are equipped to deal with murderous vampires. At this point, the only way to deal with the threat to human safety is through execution. I actually fully agree with that premise. It’s just that I don’t like being the person pulling the trigger. I’ll even make the bullets as long as someone else is taking aim. I know that shouldn’t make a difference as far as my guilty conscience goes, but it is a thought that makes me feel better.

  Deciding not to think about these things any further, I decide to busy myself with fixing something to eat, then cleaning up the apartment. As I’m dumping a basket full of laundry into the washer, I hear sounds of stumbling in the living room. I peak around the corner to see a very mornings-can-die look on Rick’s face, or whatever the vampire equivalent is.

  “Didn’t sleep well?” I ask.

  He actually jerks as if I startled him. “I slept fine. Just wish I could sleep a few more hours.”

  I look at the clock on the wall, “Unfortunately we have to get ready to leave soon. I assume that we will need to be there early so you can eat.”

  He plops down on the couch, “Your assumption would be correct.”

  I take the empty basket back to the bedroom. When I return, he’s leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, watching me. I glance at him then walk back to the kitchen. “Is it safe for me to assume that you’re in a better mood?” he asks.

  I walk back to look at him. “Not particularly. I’m just choosing not to think about things right now, so please don’t bring it up.” I return to the kitchen.

  I feel slightly bad for being so short with him, but the last thing I need right now is a clingy vampire who happens to be a man that wants to solve all my problems. Let me deal in my own way.

  “Okay,” he says loud enough for me to hear. “I’m going to take a shower and get ready.”

  Now there’s a distraction – more thoughts of a hot, naked vampire in my shower. Ugh, doesn’t seem appropriate to divert my thoughts of guilt over killing a vampire to thoughts of ravishing one for my own carnal satisfaction, but if it works I’ll go with it. Inappropriate thoughts of having a peephole in my bathroom are quickly quashed with the realization that someone could peep on me, and I already have one too many stalkers.

  Hmph. I do wonder where Tucker is. Maybe he went back to New York. As long as he leaves me alone, it doesn’t really matter. Should just say good riddance and forget about it. My gut tells me it’s not going to be that simple, though. I guess I won’t know anything until he decides to show himself. That’s part of the aggravation. Even at a distance he’s still controlling the situation.

  I quickly get ready for the evening while Rick is finishing in the shower. Once he’s done, I step into the bathroom for a few moments to apply some mascara and lip gloss. Once I’m happy that my looks won’t scare anyone, we head out the door on our way back to the research facility.

  I decide to go to the cafeteria and have a snack and Coke while Rick is taking care of his own dining needs. As I’m picking at my cheese quesadilla, Abe walks across the room, raising his hand in greeting. “Good evening, Emma.”

  “Oh, hi, Abe. What are you doing here?”

  “Well, that’s rather out of character for such a sweet person as you,” he responds.

  “I’m sorry. I just thought everyone had gathered their things and left since it was announced that work on the project would stop.”

  “Do you mind if I sit?” he motions to an empty chair.

  “On, no, go ahead.”

  Sitting down he says, “Most of the researchers had. But for whatever reason Bree and I were asked to return for a meeting with Mr. Caulfield.”

  Cocking my head to the side, “Did they say what the meeting was about?”

  “Just told us to further discuss our contribution to the project.”

  Suspicion begins to entwine itself around the base of my spine and snake its way up my back. We used part of their solution in our demonstration. Sure we had been unknowingly working on the same thing, but we didn’t tell anyone that. What if Mr. Caulfield is suggesting that we split the bonus money with them? Certainly they could tell from the observation notes and videos that our projects were going in the same direction. Rick is not going to be happy about this.

  “That’s interesting,” I choose my words carefully. “Maybe there’s another project possibility?”

  “Maybe. We’ll just have to wait and see what Mr. Caulfield has to say. When are you meeting with him?”

  “At 8:00.”

  “Curious. That’s the same time as our meeting with him.”

  I look at him while trying to force my eyes from widening any more than they already had. I set my quesadilla aside and take a long drink of Coke. When you don’t have anything to say, put something in your mouth so that it’s obvious that you can’t talk. Well, put something reasonable in your mouth. Wouldn’t be sane to go around shoving squirrels in there.

  As if on cue, Bree and Rick walk through the cafeteria door together. They appear to be deep in conversation, about the meeting no doubt. Or comparing who had a better dinner.

  I set my Coke bottle down as my inner panic attack continues. What if we DO have to split the money? I won’t be able to pay off my student loan bills. All of this work and emotional torment, and I’ll still be struggling to make ends meet. Regardless of how brilliant I can be, the looming cloud of debt prevents me from really starting my life. This sucks. Even worse, my moral uprightness has been thwarted yet again. Thirty minutes ago I was worried about how the things I had done would change me. Now I’m back to worrying about the money. I guess self-preservation really is the most important instinct, even when that fight-instinct is really all about grabbing as much green as possible.

  “Hi, Abe,” Rick begins as he looks to me. “I guess you already know that Bree and Abe will be joining us for the meeting.”

  “So I’m told. Any ideas why?”

  “Well, you all did use part of our project in your demonstration,” Bree scathingly replies as she narrows her eyes at me.

  I smile tightly at her. “As I’m sure Rick has explained, we were actually working on the same thing and the archivist records can attest to that.”

  Bree shifts her shoulders, “We’ll see. Abe, shall we?”

  Abe smiles at me with a slightly embarrassed look on his face. He gets up and walks with Bree toward the exit door. Throwing any attempt to be proper out the window, I roll my eyes in a very exaggerated way before standing up and walking around the table to Rick’s side.

  “She really has no concept that someone else may do something better than her, does she?”

  He tilts his head down to me, “She’s an older vampire of a type that is convinced that vampires are
superior to humans.”

  “How old is she?” I ask.

  “That I do not know. But she is older than me, and I’ve met the type before. Don’t take it personally. It’s not that she thinks you’re stupid. It’s just that she thinks of all humans are for the sustenance and pleasure of vampires.”

  “Oh, joy,” I respond, “that makes me feel even more comfortable around her.”

  Rick laughs as he puts his arm around me, gently urging me toward the exit. “Don’t let it bother you. I also happen to know that with those types of vampires, their supernatural bravado makes up for their lack of success with seducing humans.”

  I pull a little out of his arm, not wanting anyone to get the wrong idea about us. Or for Rick to realize just how much I like his arms around me. Either way, it’s attention that neither one of us needs right now.

  We finally arrive at Mr. Caulfield’s office. Bree and Abe are already sitting at a large round table with Caulfield’s assistant, Allison. Mr. Caulfield himself walks around his desk and holds his hand out to Rick then me. “Dr. Allstedt. Dr. Burcham. Congratulations again on your success. Please, have a seat.” He motions to the large table before taking his own seat beside Allison.

  I shift uncomfortably in my seat as I glance at Bree, who has given her full attention to Mr. Caulfield. I notice that Abe is watching Bree more than anything else, which makes me wonder if maybe his interest in her is more than a common love for science. I guess I’m not one to speak as I too have learned the rather bewitching effects of working closely with the fanged sort. The thrall is just too tempting sometimes, so I hope he’s careful. And I hope someone is wishing the same for me.

  “I’m sure you all are wondering why I have asked for this meeting,” Mr. Caulfield begins. “First, Drs. Allstedt and Burcham, given the agreement we had at the beginning of the project and the fact that you provided the first successful demonstration, you will both receive a fifty thousand dollar bonus in addition to your regular salary. After the meeting, please confirm your payment details with Allison. The final payment will be deposited into your bank account within 2 business days.”