“Who hurt you?” Jill studied her face as if the answer was plastered across her forehead.
Hope looked down. “It doesn’t matter.” Talking about her mom and what she did never helped and only served to make her feel worse because her own mother thought so little of her.
“I feel like it matters a lot. If I’d hurt you, I don’t think it would be so life altering, so I’m guessing it was someone close to you. Someone you trusted implicitly.”
Hope’s throat thickened once again. Her appetite now gone, she placed the fork on her plate and folded her hands in her lap.
“The only kind of person that has that kind of control is someone you love deeply. Like a parent, family member or a man you love.”
She sighed. “It was my mom. Now can we please drop it?”
“Consider it dropped.” Jill raised the mug to her lips and took a long sip before setting it back on the table. “Have you seen the kittens Derrick found in his shed? They are so adorable. Pure white.”
Whoa. When Jill changed a subject she took a leap. “I only saw the black and white flier Alyssa and Gabe made.”
“Oh. That didn’t do them justice. They are so precious and their momma takes the best care of them. We’re guessing they’re about three or four weeks old, but it’s hard to know for sure. I had a cat growing up, and when she had her one and only litter it amazed me how dependent the kittens were on her for their very survival. Princess was the best cat.”
“That’s a pretty name.”
Jill nodded. “Thanks. She was beautiful too. Snow white like the ones in the shed.” She chuckled. “Although Princess was a great mom, she wasn’t perfect. I’ll never forget the day she almost killed one of her kittens.”
Hope’s breath caught. “Seriously? What happened?”
“I was young and didn’t understand that I shouldn’t hold the kittens. In an effort to protect her kittens she picked them up by the neck to move them to what she probably thought was a safer location. The only problem was I freaked out when I saw it in her mouth and tried to take it from her, but she held tighter. When she finally let go it lay limp and unmoving. I was devastated.”
Hope’s heart broke at the vivid pain in Jill’s eyes. “But you said almost killed.”
“Right. I was young, so it’s all a little fuzzy, but the kitten ended up being okay. My mom said that it was my fault Princess panicked. I felt horrible. I eventually had to forgive myself because the guilt literally made me sick. Kind of like Derrick is doing to himself.”
Hope drew in a sharp breath. “What is Derrick feeling guilty about?”
“Overreacting. He feels horrible. He’s actually lost a few pounds.”
“He told you that?” Now she felt bad.
Jill finished off the rest of her coffee. “That was the best meal. I would work here forever, as long as Zoe is the one cooking.” She stood and gathered the dishes. “I need to get ready for church. Will you be there?” She removed the flowers from the tray and placed them on the table.
Hope nodded, strode to the door, and pulled it open. “Thanks for breakfast and for the talk.”
“It’s always nice to change things up.” Jill left without a backward glance.
As Hope hurried to get ready for the Easter service, her mind was on Derrick the whole time. She had no idea he was making himself sick over her. Even though she didn’t see a future for them as a couple, the air needed to be cleared, and it was up to her to do it.
Thirty minutes later she slid into the pew at church a few rows behind Derrick. It wouldn’t be long, and there’d be no place left to sit. The worship leader invited everyone to stand, opened with a modern rendition of Amazing Grace then moved on to He Lives and ended with Christ the Lord is Risen Today.
Pastor Michaels stepped onto the stage. “He is risen!”
“He is risen indeed,” they all replied.
“Please be seated.”
Hope settled in for the sermon.
“Because He lives we have hope.” He went on to talk about forgiveness.
Hope’s mind wandered—forgiveness. She’d forgiven her mom and Derrick. That wasn’t her problem. Letting go of the hurt was. How was she supposed to forget? Maybe forgetting wasn’t necessary, but something had to give for her to be able to move past the hurt.
The sermon wrapped up. A short time later she made her way to the rear of the sanctuary. She found a spot along the wall, near the door where Derrick should exit. Person after person left, but there was no sign of Derrick. What happened to him? She poked her head inside and sighed. Somehow she’d missed him.
She turned and walked leisurely toward the parking lot. She’d really hoped to talk with him. The idea that he was torturing himself because of her was too much. He needed to know that she forgave him.
“Hope!”
She looked over her shoulder and spotted Alyssa waving. Hope stopped and waited for the teen to catch up. “Happy Easter.”
“Same to you. Did you hear the news?” Her face lit with excitement.
Hope shook her head.
“We found the cat’s owner.”
“That’s great. I’m sure they were relieved to have her back.”
“I think so. Although they were surprised about the kittens. The cat’s name is May. Her birthday is in May, so they named her May.”
“Original.”
Alyssa giggled. “You’re going to be at the Easter meal at the B&B right?”
“I wouldn’t miss it.”
“Good. See you.” She turned and darted away before Hope could ask her about her dad.
She pulled out her cell phone and typed in a message to Derrick. Can we talk? I’ll be on the beach below the B&B in twenty minutes. She pressed Send, hoping he would look at his phone. If he was anything like her, he silenced or turned it off during services, and rarely remembered to change the setting right after church. Many a Sunday she’d missed calls and texts.
She slid into her SUV and headed to the B&B. A few minutes later she parked and went straight to the beach. There was no reason to change out of her sundress and sweater since the meal would be served in a little more than an hour.
Seagulls soared overhead as she made her way along the path that led to the beach. Although nervous energy demanded she keep moving, a large boulder perfect for sitting seemed the better option. If Derrick showed, she wouldn’t miss him. He still hadn’t replied to her text.
She perched on the boulder and stared at the water. A fish leaped. She gasped. Then an Orca breached the surface followed by a second one not far off shore. She stood and raced to the shoreline while holding up her cellphone to capture the whales. Her heart raced as she pressed record. The whale breached the water again only higher this time. This is so cool!
“Pretty amazing, huh?”
Hope jumped and whirled to her left. “Derrick! I didn’t realize you were there.” She stopped recording.
“I got your text. I’ve wanted to talk with you since we spoke at the cabins the other day.”
“You have?”
“Yes. But first, you wanted to talk about something?”
She turned from watching the whales. “I did.” She trudged back to the boulder and sat. “I wanted to thank you for the flowers. They were beautiful and very thoughtful.”
“It was the least I could do.” He reached out and grasped her hand, cradling it between his. “I’m so sorry. I really messed up. I should never have confronted you the way I did. Will you please forgive me?”
“I forgive you. And you don’t have to keep apologizing.”
“Then why do things feel so awkward between us?” His brow furrowed.
“Your first instinct was to believe the worst.”
He looked confused.
She took a breath and let it out in a quick puff. “The thing is this. When my mom did what she did, even though I’ve forgiven her, it changed me. I hate getting hurt, so I have a difficult time trusting a person once I’ve been burned.” Sh
e shook her head. “That’s not completely correct. I have a hard time trusting period.”
“So it’s not only me? And here I thought I was special.” He grinned, clearly trying to lighten the mood.
“You’re special all right.” She smirked at him teasingly. “But in all seriousness, I want you to know I truly forgive you, but I struggle moving past hurts. When you chose to believe the worst about me it changed things between us, but I have forgiven you so there is no reason for you to hold onto the guilt. This is my problem, not yours.”
“Is there any chance we can go back to the way things were?” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I know that probably sounds impossible. In fact, a few days ago, I didn’t want to pick up where we left off, but I’ve come to realize I need you in my life.”
Her stomach clenched. She wanted that more than anything. But was that realistic? Yes, she was fond of him. But was that enough? “I don’t know, Derrick. Will you always jump to conclusions and believe the worst about me before even trying to find out the truth?”
“I’ve learned my lesson. Did I mention how sorry I am?”
She chuckled. “I think that’s been covered.”
“How about this?” Using his forefinger, he guided her head to face him, then dropped his hand to his side. “I can’t promise I will never hurt you again, but I do promise to give you the benefit of the doubt in the future and talk with you before drawing conclusions. And in return, I’d appreciate if you’d run things by me that have to do with Alyssa.”
“I think I could manage that.” In his position she’d want the same consideration. She nodded. “And I would like that.” But a part of her still hesitated. “But what guarantee do I have that you won’t slip up?”
“You don’t. I’m not perfect.”
She cared deeply for this man, and his honesty and openness made turning her back on him impossible. “Okay.”
“Okay? You’ll give me another chance, or okay I’m not perfect?”
She grinned. “Both. How about we start over?” She thrust out her hand. “I’m Hope Michaels. And you are?” She raised a brow.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Start over? The Puget Sound to her back, Derrick stared at Hope’s outstretched hand. He wanted to pick up where they’d left off, but if she needed there to be a blank slate he was willing to accommodate. At least she didn’t tell him to get out of her life. “Derrick Trainor. It’s a pleasure to meet you. What brings you to Wildflower Island?”
“A job. A longtime friend of mine begged me to come work at her resort.”
A chuckle escaped.
She playfully slapped his arm. “Be serious.”
He laughed. “I’m trying, but this is kind of silly.”
She frowned.
“I’ll try harder. So you are working at the resort. I happen to be the acting manager there now. Funny we haven’t met sooner.”
She laughed. “Okay. I guess this is silly. But I want a fresh start without all the baggage.”
“Sweetheart.” He ran his thumb along her jawline. “The past will always be there, but what you choose to do with those memories is up to you. Starting over or picking up where we left off isn’t going to change that.” He took her hand and laced his fingers through hers. “Let’s take a walk, then we’d better head to the bed-and-breakfast. We don’t want to be late for the meal.” Clearly she needed time to consider his words.
“Sounds good. I heard you found the cat’s owner.”
“Yes. I think Alyssa is going to miss the kittens, but I’m relieved they’re gone.”
“Not a cat lover?”
“No. That’s not it. The kittens will need to see a vet soon, and then later we’d have to find them all homes. It was a lot of work that I don’t have the time for right now.”
“I hear that.”
He stopped, and when she turned to face him, her questioning eyes drew him, but he instead focused on what he needed to say. “I never thanked you for making my daughter feel so special. No one has ever cared enough to take the time to get to know her greatest desire and try to make her wish come true.”
Her mouth opened slightly. “Thank you, and you’re welcome. Speaking of Alyssa, how is she doing?”
“Much better than she had been, thanks to you. If you hadn’t given me the advice about how to deal with her boyfriend, I’m not sure my daughter and I would be on speaking terms.”
Hope patted his shoulder. “She would’ve forgiven you eventually. Take it from me. I’m an expert when it comes to forgiving a parent.”
He turned and headed back. “But yet, you still have no inspiration to create. Why is that?”
She shrugged. “Just because I forgave my mom, doesn’t mean the hurt from the lies she spread about me isn’t still there. The fact that my own mother would do that hurt more than if a stranger or someone else had lied about me and spread rumors. I don’t know how to move past it.”
She said it like it was just the way things were. As if she had no power to change. His gut twisted for her. He wanted to help her, but how? He guided them onto the path leading up to the B&B, and soon they came out onto the backyard lawn. “Did I mention how nice you look today? I’ve never seen you in a dress.”
“Thanks. I rarely wear one, but Easter is one of those occasions that I feel like I must.” She shrugged. “It’s the way I was raised. Although my parents are new believers, they attended church with me from time to time when I was growing up, and on Easter Sunday we always dressed up.”
“Did you go to church anytime besides?”
She nodded. “A friend invited me when I was in middle school. I loved the youth group and continued to attend until I left for college. My parents said they saw the difference attending church made in me, and out of curiosity they visited from time to time. It wasn’t until this past year that they became Christians.”
Derrick pushed the B&B’s front door open and allowed Hope to go in first. Warm air greeted them along with the dull rumble of voices from the direction of the sitting room.
He placed a hand on her lower back and guided her toward the noise. His eyes widened at the full to capacity room. There were probably twenty-five to thirty people gathered in here. He recognized many of the guests, but there were several unfamiliar faces.
It looked like Piper had decided to break the rules this afternoon and leave her house. She sat with her back to the piano on the bench. Chase stood by her side with a hand resting on her shoulder. Rachel and Chris along with their two children were situated on the sofa. Jill worked the room with a platter of pigs in a blanket, her cheeks flushed.
His sister approached them and held out the tray. “Zoe is running behind and asked me to offer a snack to tide everyone over. You want a couple?”
He grinned. “They smell delicious.” He reached for the little hot dog wrapped in what looked like a crescent roll and popped it into his mouth. Mmm. He loved those things.
Alyssa came into the room from the direction of the kitchen and grinned wide when her gaze rested on Hope. She rushed over. “Hope, will you help me decorate the cookies?”
Hope looked to him for a moment. “Sounds like fun, but I think your dad should help too.”
“I’m game.” He accompanied them to the kitchen and washed his hands. Zoe stood at the stove oblivious to them.
“I wanted to have cutout cookies for dessert even though Zoe made a couple of pies.” Alyssa waved him over to the island where she had a cookie frosting station set up, complete with sprinkles and pastry bags filled with various colored icings. Most of the cookies already had a smooth coating of shiny frosting in various colors.
“Is there any particular way we should be doing this?”
“I already put the fondant frosting on most of the cookies, but I thought it’d be fun to decorate them,” Alyssa said.
Hope sidled up to him after washing her hands. “Decorate however you want, Derrick.” She picked up a pastry bag and piped an intricate design onto an e
gg. By the time she’d finished, it reminded him of a Faberge egg. He stayed silent as she created another masterpiece.
Alyssa’s eyes widened, but she also remained quiet. It looked like his daughter understood that something special was happening.
He didn’t even bother to decorate a cookie. Anything he did would look like the work of a preschooler compared to what Hope was doing.
Zoe motioned to them that the food was ready, but even she seemed to understand that something special was taking place.
Without disturbing Hope they all moved from the kitchen and gathered in the dining room around the table.
Zoe’s husband, Nick, offered a blessing for the food, and they lined up to serve themselves buffet style from the sideboard.
“I know there are a lot of us, so feel free to sit here in the dining room or out on the front porch if you’d rather enjoy the sunshine.”
Eating outdoors sounded nice, but he’d let his daughter decide. He glanced toward the kitchen door. When would Hope join them? Maybe he should make her a plate. No, there was more than enough food. Besides he didn’t know what she liked, much less wanted. He waited his turn then piled his plate with ham, scalloped potatoes, a dinner roll, and green beans. There were several other choices, but he preferred simple food.
“Should we eat at the table or on the porch?” he asked Alyssa.
“Outside for sure.” She waved her empty hand in front of her face. “It’s too hot in here.”
He glanced toward the kitchen. Should he get Hope?
“She’s fine, Dad.”
How did you—?”
“You are so easy to read. It’s obvious you have the hots for her.”
“Hey, keep your voice down.” He pulled open the front door and led the way outside to a large table with six chairs set around it.
“You trying to deny it?”
“I didn’t say that, but no one else needs to know.” At least for now. Especially since he still wasn’t sure where he stood with Hope.
Island Hope (Wildflower B&B Romance Book 4) Page 11
