by Laura Acton
Jason’s gaze held tight to the young officer only a few feet in front of him. The bleak truth and brutal pain reflected in those blue eyes could never be feigned. The pain was authentic and so intense that the heat of it burned directly to Jason’s soul. For a second, Jason’s breath caught in his throat. All his bodily movements ceased as he concentrated on the calm, clear voice of the young officer.
Imbuing calmness he didn’t feel into his tone, Dan began, “I know exactly how you feel. I can’t give many details because it’s classified. It was a year and a half into my six years over there when I was captured and tortured for three months by a terrorist cell. No one was able to figure out how they knew of my affiliation to Special Forces, but they had that information.”
Jason’s mind registered the ever-so-slight slump of the rigidly straight, broad shoulders of the officer. It was as if they were bending under the weight of the world. Most wouldn’t have seen it, but he was so close and Jason was now paying rapt attention to the figure in front of him.
“I know about starvation, like you. They only fed me every few days—just barely enough to keep me alive. Only enough so they could keep torturing me. The only water I got was what I could suck up off the ground when they hosed down the bloody floor or from routine waterboarding sessions.”
Dan subtly shook his head back and forth, slowly inhaled and exhaled, as he thought but didn’t share, Still can’t stand water hitting my face.
Jason noted an audible slow breath in and out and then the officer’s voice resumed with a soft growling inflection that communicated tightly controlled anger. “Their favorite methods of interrogating me involved long, very thin whips, needles, and steel-toed boots. There were many more methods they used, but I won’t go into those. Just know I understand what you mean when you say some people can be depraved and inhumane.”
Loki was in the command truck watching the video feed from the cameras. He’d zoomed in on Dan with one camera as he started to speak. Loki was the only one of the team who could see Dan’s face as he spoke.
Broken despair and suffering were etched into Dan’s face and it made Loki gasp. Truth, agony, and raw torment blazed in Dan’s eyes. Loki suddenly found it impossible to breathe—an invisible vice squeezed his chest as his lungs screamed for air. How could someone endure that and still be the strong, funny, gentle man that Loki had come to know in the past few months? He’d thought Dan’s experience in the cornfield had been bad—this was magnitudes worse. Loki didn’t realize he was crying silent tears until they splashed onto the keyboard.
The room was absolutely silent as Dan continued. “I was more dead than alive when my unit rescued me. There were days, in the months after that I wished I was … that I had …” Dan sucked in a shuddering breath and gently exhaled to regain his composure.
“But eventually it got better. My buddies helped a lot, especially Brody. Having one person is all you need. One person you know has your back—for me that was Brody. He held tight, never let go, and wouldn’t let me succumb to my darkest thoughts. Just one person is all it takes to pull you back to the beauty of life—to help you remember that most people are good and kind. I know it’s hard, so very hard, but you can put it away. The memories will always be with you, but you don’t have to allow them to control how you live your life. You can acknowledge they exist then tuck them away in a safe place.”
The whole team was reeling from everything Dan was sharing. They had no idea he had been tortured. Sure, the guys had seen his torso when changing, but the thin lines—all those faded thin lines crisscrossing his chest and back—they’d never imagined Dan had suffered through hell like that. They recognized it took unfathomable courage to lay himself open like this for all to hear.
Lexa, having never seen him shirtless, had no visual reference for the torture Dan described, but it was the words he almost said that impacted her the most. He was tortured so badly that he’d wished he died.
She prided herself on being a consummate professional, but this …this … this pierced straight to her heart. It was so totally beyond her capability in that moment to stop her body’s reaction to this revelation. Lexa’s hazel eyes welled with unshed tears and a small sob escaped her constricted throat as grief for what Dan had endured overwhelmed her.
Nick never imagined that this call would cause such pain for his rookie. Dan had connected with the subject, but at what cost to his own well-being? Could Dan bring something like this to the forefront and then tuck it away in that safe place again like he told Jason? Nick wasn’t so sure. The call at Playful Minds had nearly sent Nick back to the bottle when it dredged up memories of his little boy lying dead outside his daycare. That call had been rough on him. But it was nowhere near what Dan was doing to connect with these men.
Other horrible thoughts crowded into Nick’s mind. Would Dan be able to maintain objectivity? Where was Dan going with this? Could Dan turn this into a good conclusion? Nick had recognized the signs of a desire for suicide by cop. What would it do to Dan emotionally if these men died?
As Nick was trying to figure out how to guide and protect Dan so this call ended in a good way for all, he heard Dan’s quiet and firm voice say, “So, Jason, now that you know I understand. What is that you need? How can we end this with no one getting hurt? We’ve all had enough pain for several lifetimes. Can you help me help you, by putting the guns down?”
Bram closely watched Jason, his assigned subject, for any signs of threat towards Dan or the hostages. What he saw in the man’s eyes was pain or the reflection of another’s pain, and then decision. Bram tensed, not sure what decision it was. He waited—ready to fire if need be.
Dan took a small step forward to Jason and reached out his right hand, palm up. Jason remained still. Dan took another step forward and said, “Will you hand me the gun, please?”
Jason still didn’t move.
Another step forward. Dan was so close to Jason now. One more step and he’d be able to touch the gun. Dan stopped where he was and gently pleaded, “Jason, please … choose the beauty of life … please.”
Everyone’s eyes except Jon’s and Lexa’s were riveted on Dan and Jason. Waiting.
It all happened in the space of three heartbeats, but it played out in a sickening slow motion for Alpha Team.
Heartbeat One:
Jason lowered the gun, ready to hand it to Dan.
Dan gently smiled and reached for the gun.
Marty lowered his weapon ready to surrender, to choose life.
Lexa blinked unshed tears from her eyes to clear her vision.
Garth raised his gun and fired a short burst from his automatic gun.
Heartbeat Two:
Lexa fired.
Dan crashed to the ground.
Heartbeat Three:
Garth went down.
Nick, Jon, Loki, Ray, and Bram all yelled, “officer down!”
Lexa softly said, “Subject three neutralized.”
Jason dropped to his knees, his face contorted in agony as he stared at Dan’s unmoving body. Jason screamed, “Nooooo!”
Chapter Ten
July 15
Inside Central Bank
Time sped up to normal and controlled chaos reigned. Lexa and Jon sprinted to the bank from their Zulu positions. Lexa paused only long enough to shove her Remi into the hands of the NRB Agent who was standing nearby waiting for her. She was breaking protocol, but she didn’t give a flying fig right now. She was the reason Dan was on the ground and still—she had to get to him—she had to know if he was alive.
Jon called for Tia to get EMS to the scene as he ran to check on Dan. Dammit, this wasn’t how he wanted this call to end. Dan bared his soul trying to connect and now he was lying motionless on the floor of the bank. Shit!
Loki raced flat-out from the command truck directly to Dan. He’d seen so many emotions on their normally stoic rookie—the pain and torment, the gentle smile when Dan had recognized that Jason was willing to hand over the gun
and choose life, the shock when Dan jerked as the bullets hit him. All that ran through his mind in a frantic loop. Loki needed to get in there and he prayed Dan was still alive.
Bram wanted to check on Dan, but he needed to disarm and cuff the subject first. He took the gun from Jason’s limp hand, handcuffed the sobbing man, then helped him up from his knees, and started walking Jason out. Bram was grateful when an officer appeared and he handed off the subject. He turned and quickly went to Dan hoping the bullets were in the vest. Even if they were, shots at such close range would hurt like the devil and could crack ribs. Bram knew because he’d taken a fair number of shots in the vest himself.
Ray rushed forward to disarm and handcuff Marty. The man was shaking like a leaf and his breathing was ragged. Ray felt bad for the men, they clearly had wanted to die. He secured the subject and started to lead him out as he glanced over at Dan. Damn, he still wasn’t moving. This wasn’t the outcome Ray wanted for Dan. He did so well today—Dan had connected. Ray’s stomach turned as thought about how Dan got all the scars on his torso—tortured for three months—horrific.
Nick hurried to Garth to secure the weapon even though he wanted to check on Dan—he had to follow protocol and that meant ensuring the safety of the hostages by securing the weapon of the dead subject first. Nick glanced down at the tortured soul who had felt there was no way to cope—the man had made up his mind to die today and nothing anyone could’ve said would’ve changed his mind. It was so very sad. Nick looked back at Dan. He had done well, but again Nick wondered, at what cost to him personally.
The hostages were rooted in place, frozen in utter shock by what just happened. They all had tears in their eyes after listening to the conversation between the gunman and officer. The young mother cradled her daughter close, shielding her from the view. The middle-aged woman sobbed as her body shook uncontrollably, then her knees wobbled and she sank to the ground. The bank manager’s mouth hung open and slack as he stared at the brave, young officer lying motionless on the floor—life could be so cruel.
Loki got to Dan a split second before Lexa and Jon. Each one dropped to their knees to assess him. Loki was breathing heavily, due to the speed of his run and the emotional scene that had played out before him. He couldn’t speak as his hands roamed over Dan’s body trying to find the damage.
Lexa gently tapped Dan’s cheeks trying to get him to respond as she urgently called, “Dan. Dan, do you hear me? Dan, wake up. Dan, dammit, don’t do this to me. Don’t let your death be on my hands. Dan!”
Jon didn’t see any blood as he scanned where Dan lay. He urgently checked Dan and a few seconds later, Jon located two bullets lodged in his vest. One in the upper left over the collarbone. If it had been slightly more to the right it would’ve pierced into Dan’s neck. The other bullet was over his heart.
“They’re in the vest,” Jon called out, to the relief of the entire team.
A fraction of a second later Dan forcefully coughed and frantically gulped like a fish out of water attempting to pull air into his lungs. Dan didn’t comprehend anything other than pain radiating across his chest and left shoulder and the need for air. He thrashed, trying to sit up, as he attempted to suck air in.
Then an annoying buzzing started in Dan’s ears and something was forcing him down when he needed to rise. He couldn’t get enough air and started to panic. Air, need air … cough, pain, cough … he needed air. The buzzing began to make some sense and Dan tried to concentrate on the sound instead of the pain and the dire need for more air.
A commanding voice broke through his swirling confusion and the sounds began to form words. As Dan fought to rise again, needing to get air, the words finally broke through with resounding clarity and authority.
“lay still. Do you hear me? Lay still. Dan, quit fighting.”
Dan’s mind registered it as an order. It was so ingrained in him to follow orders that he immediately stopped fighting whatever was holding him down.
Once Dan quit thrashing, Jon lifted Dan slightly to make it easier for him to breathe. Lexa moved and positioned herself so that Dan’s head cradled on her knees.
“EMS is on the way. Easy now, control your breathing. Relax. Sniper breathing,” Jon coached as he broke through Dan’s panic.
Dan tried, really tried, to comply with the order, but his breaths came in a jagged cadence.
“In—hold—two, three, four—release. That’s it. In—hold—two, three, four—release. You’re gonna be okay, it was in the vest. Relax. In—hold—two, three, four—release,” Jon continued to speak in a commanding tone that the rookie was responding to.
Dan listened to the words, following orders—thank God for the guidance, his body had forgotten how to get air into his lungs properly.
“Good, okay, Dano, look at me. In—hold—two, three, four—release. Open your eyes. In—hold—two, three, four—release. Come on, you can do it. In—hold—two, three, four—release. Open your eyes now!”
Dan’s eyes fluttered open at the shouted command, compliance to orders was ingrained too deeply and it overrode his desire to keep his eyes shut.
“There you are. Okay, okay. In—hold—release. You scared the shit out of us. Lay still. Keep your eyes open. That’s good. Keep your breathing steady, in—hold—release.” Jon breathed a sigh of relief.
Damn, the kid responded too well to a commanding tone. Jon felt bad having to yell at Dan when he was in this state. He could see the reproachful looks from several people around them. But Jon knew he was doing the right thing to help Dan. The tone and volume was able to cut through the confusion and pain in a way nothing else could and allowed Dan to respond instinctively.
“Get … it … off …” cough, “Get it off … please.” hiss, cough.
Jon lifted Dan and continued to count out breaths for Dan to follow as Loki quickly removed Dan’s vest. Then they carefully laid Dan back down with his head in Lexa’s lap.
“Better?” Loki asked and got a slight nod of affirmation.
Dan finally began to register his surroundings. Jon knelt to the right of him with his face close as he instructed him how to breathe. Dan read two emotions on Jon’s face. The hard-set of Jon’s jaw was commanding and full of anger, but his gunmetal gray eyes showed concern and relief.
His eyes glanced to his left side and saw Loki kneeling there holding his vest. Loki’s face was a kaleidoscope of emotions, but mostly shifting between sadness, fear, and relief with drying tear streaks down both sides of his face.
Dan’s eyes flicked upwards—above him was Lexa. His head rested in her lap and her hand was gently stroking through his hair—it felt so nice. Her face was set solidly in anger, but her eyes were watery and there was distress and anger flashing in them.
He realized that standing around him were Nick, Bram, and Ray and their expression showed varying degrees of distress. What the hell happened? Why was he on the floor? He almost had Jason’s gun.
He shifted a bit trying to rise from the floor and intense pain engulfed his chest. His eyes fell closed of their own accord when he slumped back down, as he wondered, Crap, how’d I screw up this time?
His ears were assaulted with a chorus of raised voices all at once.
“Keep your eyes open.”
“Come on, buddy, stay with us.”
“Even out your breathing.”
“Relax. Steady. Help is coming.”
“You’re okay. We’ve got you.”
“Dantastic, hold tight, I’m never letting go.”
Through the blur of pain, Dan couldn’t distinguish who said what. Well maybe one, only one person routinely called him Dantastic. Dan slowly forced his eyes to open and locked them onto Loki’s eyes, concentrating solely on Loki as he rode out the wave of pain.
Loki dropped the vest and clasped Dan’s hand again, giving Dan a reassuring squeeze, he repeated, “I’m holding tight, never letting go.”
Understanding dawned. The words … his words … Loki spoke his words back to
him. Loki wouldn’t let him drown in the sea of pain and darkness. Loki believed in the beauty of life. Dan gave a slight return squeeze then focused on relaxing his muscles.
“EMS will be there as soon as possible. They’re backed up with multiple calls in the area due to a fire at a nursing home,” Tia informed the team.
As the pain in his chest started to recede and his breathing started to ease, Dan saw that Tia’s news aggravated the entire team, with the exception of himself. Dan would be happy if EMS never showed up. He also realized that the team needed to focus on the job—not stare at him until EMS arrived. And he could really use a few minutes alone to start to push those agonizing memories back into the dark, thick walled place where he contained all his hurt.
Dan was good at deflection. Had to be given his past, so he took a tentative, deeper breath, flashed them all a huge grin, then said with mock disgust, “What, I can’t nap on the bank floor, either?”
His wild, left-field comment got the desired response from most of the team—several relieved laughs and smiles.
Jon laughed deeply and then in a mock stern tone replied, “No, Broderick, the floor of the bank is definitely on the unacceptable nap locations list.”
Dan’s ability to sleep anywhere had been a running joke with the entire team ever since Loki posted the list on Dan’s locker back in May after Dan fell asleep in the back of the SUV. Jon had found Dan asleep in some strange places during their break times—he always joked about it and told Dan he couldn’t nap there. The unacceptable nap location list grew yet again with the addition of bank floor.
As Jon stood, he shared a look with Nick that communicated, ‘He’ll be okay’. Each of them, at one point or another, had taken a hit in the vest. It hurt like hell and was tender for several days, but they were usually fine if nothing was cracked or broken.
Nick looked at his team and quickly did his normal assessment of each member’s condition after an event like this. Everyone except Loki seemed pretty much settled back to normal. Loki appeared to be really shaken by this. Nick decided he’d talk later with Loki about it. For now, it was best to get everyone back on task. Nick removed his hat and rubbed his face briskly a couple of times. “Alright team, let’s get back at it and wrap up the scene. Loki, I need you to stay with Dan until the medics check him out.”
