by Quil Carter
I heard him in his bedroom, I gathered myself and quietly approached the door.
“Perish!” I gasped.
Perish was cutting into his arm with the scalpel. He had a huge wad of gauze where his arm was resting on top of his knee. It was rimmed with blood that fell freely from his long vertical cut. It looked like he was already a few slices in.
“What are you doing?” I immediately dropped to my knees and covered his wound with some of the gauze. I took the scalpel away carefully, and put pressure on the slash.
“I deserve it, Killian.” Perish’s voice was hollow. “My only reason for existing was to make master happy and I didn’t. They all hate me, I deserve it.”
I shook my head. I felt so badly for him. He had nothing going for him anymore, he didn’t even have an intact mind. His family had caused this, not him.
I lifted the cloth away. Thankfully the wound wasn’t too deep. I didn’t think it even needed stitches. I wiped the blood away from it gently. It seemed to calm him down.
“I don’t want to see you hurt, Perry,” I whispered. “I don’t think you deserved it.”
It was silent for several minutes until Perish finally spoke. When he did it was in the same dead, defeated voice.
“You ask what is the worst pain for me? I will tell you the worst pain.”
I looked up at him, but I didn’t think it was smart to respond.
“My worst pain. Silas and some of my brothers took their turns with me, for four days. I was thrown in a room, all black and left to rot,” he began. “I felt something drag, cold against inside my leg. You know what it was? My colon, it had prolapsed and was hanging out of me. You know what happened next?”
I was frozen, but I managed to shake my head.
“It infected, only Drake and Ellis took care of me. Ellis swore to get Nero back for me, Drake held me, but then master found out and punished both and no one was there. Master did my surgery, while I was awake, he operated on me. Put the black, rotting flesh into the bucket, cleaned with water that stung. Just him and me, he said… what did he say?”
“Pain is a part of living?” I replied in a hushed voice.
“And pain is a part of dying.” Perish nodded “We all have to experience pain, pain is therapeutic, and pain is good punishment.”
The first thought in my head was to remind me that he was insane, but then I remembered when I had cut myself after Reaver had gone missing. It had helped calm me down. There were methods to this mania he had about him. So many of the things that came out of his mouth sounded crazy at first, but once you thought of them, it almost made sense.
“Why do you like it when I experience pain?” I asked, not knowing the reaction I would get.
It seemed to catch him off-guard. I don’t think he even realized that he enjoyed it, but I knew he did.
“I don’t…” Perish’s voice was slow and deliberate. He didn’t believe his own words and neither did I. “You’ll never be in pain, not real pain. This –” He put his hand up and brushed my bandage. “– is not pain, it is to make you healthy.”
“I know, Perish.” I rubbed his arm trying to soothe him. “You would never hurt me.”
He put his hand over mine, and looked at it for a second.
“Come with me… why don’t we play a board game, okay?”
He got up, the gauze still pressed against his wound, and left the room.
Chapter 24
Killian
I spent the rest of that day and the next with Perish almost nonstop. After my Geigerchip implant and his self-mutilation he seemed to want to always be with me. I didn’t know if he was trying to make up for me catching on to his sadism or what but he was very lovey-dovey towards me.
When he wasn’t being overly affectionate he was a fascinating person to listen to. He knew so much, and loved sharing and teaching me that knowledge. Though his favourite topic was his splices, I tried to get him to teach me how he grew all his plants, something that I could use when we got back home.
I already had plans for making my own garden in Aras. I had even managed to hoard some seeds into my satchel. I also got the peach pit from Reaver when I was allowed to feed him Oreos and ice cream.
He had liked the Oreos. I fed him six of them before I pretended we had ran out. I was afraid any more would make him throw up.
My poor Reaver wasn’t doing well. Mentally he was losing it. Nero couldn’t come fast enough. I knew I could handle another few weeks of Perish, but Reaver couldn’t handle many more days without sleep. He was cracking. All of my begging fell on deaf ears. He just stared at the TV screens, and only looked away to eat or recoil from my touch.
At least he didn’t piss Perish off anymore. He had given up on that, even the sarcastic comments were gone. It was good in a way, but in another way… that was my Reaver. My Reaver made asshole comments like that no matter who the person was. It was just another bit of him I was losing. It broke my heart.
He had even asked if we could plant an Oreo tree and a Twinkie tree. I had told him we could. I didn’t really have the heart to tell him that was well… a bafflingly insane idea.
I did my best with him but Perish didn’t let me see him more than once or twice a day. I didn’t argue. I had to keep Perish’s trust until we could escape.
I did feel more relaxed around the scientist in a way, but my guard was always up. His weird quirks and craziness was never far away, even when he was at his nicest. I made sure to remember that.
They came up at very odd times though. I had gotten him to open up about King Silas, just to try and be therapeutic, and the next thing I knew he was trying to show me porn. I had to fake a panic attack to get him to stop asking. I think he was trying to get his mind away from the memories, maybe porn or jerking off was a good way to do that. I wasn’t sure.
I managed to sway him though, I hammed up the panic attack and made that his focus. After half an hour the porn tape lay forgotten. Though I did make a note of where he put it, I was going to give it to Reno.
Honestly I wouldn’t have minded seeing how it’s done, but Reaver had a feed to the living room and that would just be too weird. And I didn’t trust that it wouldn’t rile up Perish and it would be cruel to kind of tease him like that.
I was also able to pocket some of the tetanus bottles, twelve of them to be exact. It made my satchel rather heavy but the bottles were plastic, so it wasn’t that bad. I’d give the vaccines to my friends and keep one for Reaver and the rest we could sell.
That night I let Perish spoon me. I was already drifting off so I knew I would go right to sleep anyway. He had spent hours in the laboratories while I slept and during the day too. That was the only alone time I got. I spent it exploring the lab, and I even managed to find a spare keycard that actually worked though it was worn and old. I started looking around for the key to Reaver’s collar. I had some good ideas as to where it was, I think it was in the far end of the lab near Perish’s dry food storage. Out of the way from where he would expect me to be, so I hadn’t been brave enough to look. I was too afraid of getting caught.
Everything was slowly coming together, and I thought I was relatively safe with Perish, but I woke up in the middle of the night tonight – to him groping me.
I grabbed his hand and clenched it. “What are you doing?” I said. I had been around him constantly for several days now and his submissive nature was giving me some teeth.
As I woke up more, I realized he was grinding his hard penis into my backside and breathing in my ear.
“Perish, get off of me!” I turned around and pushed him away.
“Lay back down,” Perish said. His voice was laboured but it had a dominant tone to it. “Please.”
I didn’t lie back down, I rose from the bed. “You promised you wouldn’t touch me.”
Perish turned the side lamp on. He was in his boxers but the hard tip of his penis was sticking out of them. He was sitting up in the bed, one leg up and the other one crossed
. His face was flushed, and he looked… different. There was a glint in his eyes I had never seen before. My mind started to fill with cold dread.
“I… I need you, I need your help,” Perish stumbled. He started rubbing himself outside of his boxers. “If you don’t help me, I will have to… have to break my promise.”
“You’ll rape me?” I backed up until I hit the wall.
Reaver had the detonator, but he couldn’t see me, and Perish was stronger than me. I knew he would overpower me in a second. I glanced around for something I could defend myself with. Books and the dresser… I could use a book if needed but I think I would just end up biting down if he tried to put it in my mouth.
“I don’t want to!” I heard the desperation drip from his voice. He looked away, pain filling his eyes. “I want you so badly. Just touch it, please.”
I felt sick. I didn’t want to, it was wrong. Reaver would hate me, no… he said he would forgive me, but what he said and how he felt after I admitted it could be two different things. I only had one more evening with Perish until Nero was gone. I had come this far without having to do anything to him.
I remembered Reaver’s words. As I took a step towards Perish he took his boxers off. He took the hard member into his hands, without foreskin and big, the tip of it holding wetness. I hadn’t seen a man naked in front of me before. I tried to push down the shock but my heart was a jackhammer.
With a ragged inhale, and a cold tightness in my chest, I took a step forward. He was holding the base in his hands. I kneeled down in front of him, but as I did he opened his legs.
“Put two fingers in,” Perish whispered. He was squeezing and tugging himself. I could see his hole, hairless and smooth. His whole body was trimmed. He was… he had a nice body, I’d give him that.
I swallowed a lump in my throat and licked my fingers. When he realized I was going to do it, he started running his hand up and down his shaft, his breathing getting short from the excitement.
He opened his legs and I put my middle finger against his hole; I pushed the tip of my finger in gently, breaking through the tight folds and prodding to find the right angle.
With how he was acting, I didn’t think this would take long. If he came quickly and got his release he would go to sleep. I think that’s what he had wanted.
When I pushed the rest of my finger in, he let out a gasp, throwing his head back. I hated myself but I felt a small thrill at making him do that. I was glad Reaver couldn’t see me, even if he had given me the okay to touch him.
I pushed the other finger in. For a moment he dropped his dick and held both legs back. Inside it was warm and wet from my saliva; his hole was tight and I could feel it try to swallow my fingers. I was relieved that I wasn’t aroused. I hadn’t thought I would be but well, I was human, I was young, and I was gay.
After going in and out a few times I started getting more confident. I found a rhythm and started to finger thrust him.
He didn’t last long; his hand went to his dick again and he started stroking it rapidly. He moaned loudly and grunted. I watched as cum started shooting from it, onto his t-shirt and I felt his hole spasm and retract.
I stared at it for a second. I had never… well, seen that before from anyone but myself. But I only looked for a moment, then I looked away.
When he was done he lay there. I slowly took my fingers out and wiped them against my boxers. I was thankful that I still wasn’t hard; I would’ve never forgiven myself for that, and I would’ve had to tell Reaver. No, I hadn’t been sexually aroused by it, more aroused by the power I temporarily had over him.
Whatever he had needed to not rape me that night, he had got. I crawled back into bed, sniffing and holding back tears. Sickened in myself and what I just had to do. He then laid down beside me and took in a shaky breath. I realized he was upset too.
“No one ever touched me like that before,” he sniffed. “You know, in a loving way? So I could feel good? I’ve never had that. I’m sorry I made you, but thank you for helping me.”
“No one ever? They all just get what they want from you?” I was bewildered thinking I was the first person to do that to him. This poor guy had had a horrible life. I hated feeling badly for him, but I did. I had a brighter future than he did, and he was considered royalty. I was something completely new to him, and here I was about to let Reaver kill him in only a day and a bit. He would die never even really having had sex. Or a real friend… or a real boyfriend.
“Yeah, a lot of them,” Perish whimpered, “but I’m okay now, I got you.”
I turned over and put my hand on Perish’s side.
The last several days had made me think differently of Perish. I saw who he was, who he could have been and why he was who he was. Perish couldn’t help that he was mentally ill, Silas had beaten and abused him to this point. He was so sweet, so caring, just wanting someone to love him. Sometimes I wished Reaver was more like that; I wished he would let me love him. He still pushed me away when he thought I was asleep; he still recoiled at my touch most of the time. Look at Perish, his body and his mind craved love, and I had a lot of love to give.
He fell asleep with my hand on his side and his on my chest. I hoped this would be a positive thing in his lonely, sad life. Even if it was fleeting, I had let him have some happiness.
The next morning Perish was a wreck. I woke up to find him running around the main level of the lab. I ignored him and went to have a long bath. If we were escaping tomorrow I wanted to be clean. I would insist Reaver make us one of his loader bucket baths too so I could clean him. He smelled like a hermit and a bad one at that. His face was scruffy from his facial hair growing in and he had black circles under his eyes, made worse by Perish’s beatings. His hair was caked with blood still and everything was dirty. I wished he cared about being clean as much as Perish and I did.
Well, why wait? If he was busy I could take advantage of this. “Can Reaver bathe? He stinks.”
Perish was holding a stack of papers. He gave me the fake detonator and a keycard, trusting me completely. “Sure, but you cannot be in there with him and it cannot extend two hours. Two hours and you come when I tell you to come, okay?”
“Okay!” I ran excitedly to fetch Reaver. I opened the door and peeked inside.
He was sitting slumped in his chair, watching the TV screens. Every time I saw him he was in the same position, always watching the screens. His beard was thick over his face, and his dark hair black with grease and grime. The whole room smelled like sweat, and I could see sweat stains on his clothing.
“Baby, come have a bath,” I whispered. I walked up to him and pulled on his sleeve. “I’ll get you some clothes too.”
Reaver stood up, the chains rattling around him. I was shocked to discover that I could smell his wounds; they were infected. I groaned and reached out to touch his wrists. As he pulled them away, I could see a ring of white pus in the pink flesh.
“I’m getting Perish to take these off.” Tears sprung to my eyes. “Reaver, why didn’t you tell me?”
“Tomorrow.” His voice was so hollow and dead it scared me.
I gently directed him to the bathroom. He walked steadily, but it was hard with the leg chains on him.
I ran ahead of him and started drawing some hot water for his bath. I got the bar of Ivory soap and took real shampoo and conditioner from Perish’s supply. I also dug around the cabinet and got him a razor too.
“You want me to bathe?” Reaver mumbled as he took the razor. He had to go in with his shirt and boxers on because of the metal binds. I hoped I could get new clothes on him somehow, he was around the same size as Perish. Maybe I could get Perish to take the chains off too?
I didn’t want to press Perish’s trust in me, so I waited outside for Reaver. He took a very long time. Perish passed me several times talking quickly to himself over what he had to get ready for Nero. I felt badly for him; I knew he wanted to impress his brother and King Silas. It seemed like he could invent th
e world for them and they would still hate him.
I leaned up against the door and sighed. When Reaver and I got home I’d have to tell him about the fingering incident last night; I couldn’t believe I would have to have that conversation. I hoped he understood, and would make good on his promise to forgive me. I felt so guilty about it, but in a small way I still felt happy that I could make Perish happy.
I fell backwards when Reaver opened the door I was leaning on. I gave him a grunt and looked up at the ceiling as I lay on the floor.
My boyfriend, as handsome as ever, looked back. His beard was gone and the hair on the back of his head was freshly shortened and the sides trimmed. Though he was still covered in bruises and cuts, and his eyes were gaunt from lack of sleep, he looked amazing.
I got up and took his hands to check his infected wrists. He had scrubbed the pus away. I lifted up his shirt and gently tried to look at the wound from the chain around his stomach. There were several angry red bands around his navel.
Reaver shifted, drops of water still falling from his body, the white towel draped across his neck. He still didn’t blink. I couldn’t wait to get him home.
I pushed him back into the bathroom and closed the door. I leaned in and kissed him, but it was like kissing a dead fish.
“What did you do to him last night?” his dead voice asked.
My heart plummeted. “I was going to wait to tell… could you see it?”
“He told me to turn on the audio, so I could hear him fuck you.”
My legs felt weak. I had to lean up against the sink to steady myself. “He planned it?”
“Did you suck his cock?”
“NO!” I gasped. I felt like hitting him. “I… I fingered him.”
“Did you like it?”
“No, and no I didn’t get… excited. If you heard him, you heard the ultimatum he had given me. Did I have a choice?”
“No, you did the right thing. I thought he was going to rape you.” Reaver just kept staring forward like a statue, he looked like he was in another plain of existence. He never blinked, he just stared… he was becoming a robot now.
