by Quil Carter
“It is very easy for you… to be manipulated by the right people, the right influences. It’s easy for you to turn bad… to turn into a monster.” He was… it sounded like he was almost pleading with me to understand him. I felt cold, sterile, shocked… on one hand I understood… but on another I had never been more confused.
“You will always need to try harder to be a good person, and a good partner. Don’t hate yourself, because it was something you were born with that will always be a part of you.” I was shocked as his hand dropped down. He took mine in his own and squeezed it. “When it comes down to it… only you can decide which path you want to follow. Not me.”
His grey eyes flicked up to me. I looked back, not knowing what to say.
“All I’m asking, Reaver, and I know you’ll never be a leader and I’m okay with that now… just –” Greyson sniffed and turned away, he wiped his eyes. “Don’t go to those dark places. Don’t let the darkness take you somewhere where Killian can’t find you.” His voice dropped so low, it was nothing but a muddled whisper. “In the end, he might be your only tie to morality.”
Greyson stood up and let go of my hand, but as he turned away I grabbed onto it.
“Why are you saying these things to me?” I asked, trying to keep my voice steady. “You’ve always known I was like this. Why are you saying this now?”
Greyson’s mouth twitched. I saw his mind race for a moment, before his eyes softened. “Because now it’s not just you I have to worry about. It’s Killian being around you too…” He shifted to get up but he stopped himself. “We’re… we’re going to have a talk soon. Not now, but soon. There are some things about your past it’s time you knew.”
Even my steeled emotions I couldn’t hide the shock on my face. I felt like I had been hit with a hammer. I opened my mouth and was angry at myself to feel my words sputter. “You… what? My past? W-what are you talking about?” My body went cold.
His face was strained, like this conversation was causing him physical pain. “Leo… Leo spoke with me, and… it looks like some things will soon come to light…”
As his light eyes shifted away from mine, the cold ice that enveloped my body only solidified further.
I fixed my eyes on him. “Who am I?”
We looked at each other, both men of Aras, both alike in more ways than I would care to admit. He squeezed my hand again, and gave me a smile so sombre it made even the ice in my heart weaken.
“You’re our son, that will never change,” Greyson said quietly. He turned away from me without another word, and put on his jacket.
He paused. I saw his hand tighten against the tank’s wheel. “Come visit me sometime…” He opened the door to the tunnel. “Your ol’ dad misses you.”
Chapter 41
Killian
I woke up, and squinted my eyes to adjust them to being awake. As it was with most mornings I woke up to Reaver beside me. He was staring up at the ceiling, his arms behind his head. He looked deep in thought.
I wiggled over to him and put my arm around his chest. I buried my face into the crook of his arm and gave a satisfied sigh.
Reaver gave a mock groan and tried to move away, but I just wiggled into him more. I tightened my grip on him, making sure to steer far away from his bite wound.
“Don’t you want to get up?” Reaver said, making his voice sound whiney. “You know… do things that don’t involve running me off the bed with your love?”
“Nope.” I inhaled and smelled his wonderful scent. “This is your punishment for almost getting killed last night. You have to endure all my cuddling, and like it.”
He let out a huff, but I felt his chin on my head. “I’ll cuddle you, Mr. Massey, but I won’t like it.”
No matter how long we’d been together my heart still sang whenever he cuddled me back. I closed my eyes and enjoyed it. “You like it, you say you don’t but you do.”
I heard a snort. I knew he would never admit it. “Bullshit.” I felt him stroke my hair lightly.
We fell silent again. I ran my hand up and down his stomach.
“Greyson said something interesting to me last night,” Reaver said out of the blue.
My heart jumped. I had been dying to hear about what Greyson had said. I had only heard him briefly yelling before everything had gone silent. I had been terrified at first and had tried to get back into the living room, afraid he was going to try and kill Reaver again but the door was locked. Luckily the shouting stopped, but that meant I also had no idea what was exchanged between them.
Reaver had unlocked the door, looking tired but okay. No one asked him what the conversation was about. We all knew better but inside I was aching to know. I had controlled myself though and tried to get everyone out of the basement as soon as possible so it could just be me and him, though it took a few hours to get the two boys soaked, stitched, and bandaged to the point where I was happy.
Asher had a good inch long gash in the back of his head where he had fallen off of the bike, and light road rash on his neck, chin, side, and ass. He still seemed rather out of it though so Reno had spent the night with him. Reaver had thought that was amusing but I held Reno on his promise that his fling with Asher was over.
Reaver was worse off, but compared to the last injuries he had he was fine. There were just the serrated bite marks on his shoulder and a bite on his side, plus a bit of road rash and a goose egg on his head.
I couldn’t believe how well off they were when Reaver had told us what had happened after they left the small plaza.
Apparently there was a trail of dead ravers all the way back. Reno had already had a radio conversation with Hollis about sending people out to retrieve the bodies and Asher’s stuff today. It was cold enough that their meat should still be good.
“What did he say?” I shifted up on the bed so I was now facing him.
He kept looking at the ceiling, his black eyes squinting under his knitted brow. “He said it’s harder for me to be a good person than normal people.”
I thought for a moment. I could see where Greyson was coming from. He knew Reaver was a chimera, and he was trying to still steer him in the right direction. I was surprised he was being so honest with Reaver though. We just sort of took it as his personality.
“He says I can’t help it, that without someone to keep my ass in check, I’ll turn evil or something.” Reaver shrugged. “I thought it was just him being over protective but… he chucked a curve ball at me.” His lips pursed to the side. “He said we were going to talk soon, about my… origins I guess.”
My heart froze. Reaver sensed it and looked down at me with his forehead creased. “I guess that makes you happy, you’ve always wanted to know.” Reaver sighed and looked up at the ceiling. “He says Leo told him some things are going to come to light soon, so I should know.”
Oh my god, Leo had told Greyson… of course he would, they were in this together. I swallowed a lump in my throat.
“I just don’t understand how where I was born… could determine why I am predisposed to be a bad person.”
I tried to calm my pounding chest. Thank god Reaver thought it was my inquisitive nature and curiosity regarding where he was born.
“It… it doesn’t,” I whispered. I decided to dangle him a carrot, just to hopefully stop his mind from racing. “Maybe your dad was like you, and he’s afraid you will turn out like him.”
“Maybe,” Reaver whispered. “Maybe Greyson had to kill him? Maybe my father is some psychopath and I’m following in his footsteps.”
He smiled then let out a chuckle. I could feel the nerves dance at the edges of his tone though. I knew he was curious but I knew he could never admit it. “Well, whatever. I don’t care.”
“I care.” I snuggled up closer and he put his arm tighter around me. “No matter who you are, you’re my Reaver. I love you.”
“I love you, but… you shouldn’t care.” Reaver’s cheeks puffed out as he let out a breath. “I don’t care,
nothing matters, it’s in the past. All that matters is the six of us.”
Hm, six? Did his personalities finally split?
“Six?”
“You, me, Reno, Greyson, Leo, and Asher.”
My heart lurched up. So it was official now.
Reaver snorted. He held out his hand and made the motion like he was squeezing something. I had the impression he was mock clenching my heart. I poked him in the side. “No fair with your super hearing.”
“He saved me last night, you know that, right?”
I glared at him, but I was more than happy to steer away from our other conversation. “You saved him too. I saw you drag him after the dirt bike crashed. You’re even.”
He didn’t say anything back to that; his eyes found the ceiling again. “I want to tell you something that happened. I wasn’t planning on telling you, but I don’t want to lie to you.”
If the mere mention of Asher being in our group clenched my heart, this one exploded it into a thousand pieces. I felt an endless pit form where the organ used to be.
Reaver looked at me curiously as my face crumpled.
They had slept together… I knew it. I started to whimper, and as I did I heard him chuckle. “No, Killibee, I didn’t sleep with him. For fuck sakes, really?”
A wash of relief swept through me. “Sorry…” I blinked away the tears burning in my eyes, even the thought of that… after what Reno and I had talked about, hit me in the worst places. “Continue, I’m sorry.”
“There were people in the cache town. Four of them, all arian wasters,” Reaver began. “All of them were practically unarmed, ready to let us go peacefully with the cache… but Asher saw a dirt bike he liked. He shot one, we both shot the rest.”
I stared at him. I was at a loss for words.
“Just so you don’t look at me with a fresh hatred… this isn’t the first time I’ve killed unarmed arians and it probably won’t be the last. I did it all the time when I was younger, and before I met you. I just well… it’s not like those stories ever come up in conversation so it’s not like you would know stuff like this might happen. But that is me, you know it’s me, you know I’m sociopathic like that. So, I mean –” Reaver kept tripping over his words. He was trying too hard to translate what he felt. “Greyson said you’re my morality. You’re what makes me make good decisions… I–”
“Baby, stop and take a deep breath.” I held up my hand and placed it on his chest.
Reaver didn’t argue, he stopped for a second and took a large breath. He was quiet for a moment, before he spoke again, this time slowly and clearly.
“I wanted you to know. I would have let them live. Not because I cared, but because I didn’t want to risk not coming home to you. When Asher started killing them, I, well, I decided we might as well finish off the rest but… if he hadn’t shot first I think we might have just gone home.”
I smiled at him just slightly. He looked at me confused.
“So you weren’t going to shoot them because of me?”
Reaver nodded. “I think that was it.”
My heart swelled with pride. I had made a chimera possibly engineered to kill people not kill people! Well… they ended up dead, but what was important was that if it wasn’t for Asher they would have been alive.
Fucking Asher. I wish he would have snapped his spine in that accident.
My thoughts turned to the devices I had hidden in my satchel, courtesy of Reno’s uncle. I would deal with that asshole soon.
“Greyson is right then, I am your conscience!” I kissed his lips. And I meant it too, we could be two fractured people who, when stuck together, formed one perfect person.
I felt his lips tighten as he smiled. “I ignore my conscience a lot, so don’t go thinking you can make me do good things.”
I kissed him again and beamed at him. “Too bad! You’re going to repent for your murders, Teufel. We’re going to Doc’s and you’re going to give blood.”
Reaver groaned and rolled off of the bed. “No way! I like my blood, all of it.”
I got up and we started to get changed together. “Yep! Mr. Type O negative. You’re going to give blood to poor Matt.”
“Matt’s probably dead by now.” Reaver shrugged.
I glared at him. “We care that Matt’s hurt and we’re going to be sad if he dies.”
Reaver waved me off and walked out of the bedroom. I sighed, deciding to pick my morality battles. Well, at least it was a good start. If I could put even a shred of humanity into my chimera, I would see it as a win.
I wondered how much longer his origins would be a secret to him.
When Doc saw us his face lit up like a beacon. “Type O! Hey, demon spawn, remember when I helped save your life, and the life of your boyfriend? Sit down, I need blood.”
Reaver took his shirt off and gave it to me. “That’s what I’m here for.”
Doc started hooking up an IV right in the reception area. Behind him I could see the injured lying quietly in their hospital beds. I tried to spot Matt but some of the curtains were closed.
“Is Matt still alive?” I almost didn’t want to ask.
Matt had gotten pounced on by two ravers. I hadn’t told Reaver, but he had jumped down as soon as he had seen the bike crash, with Mickey right behind him. He had dropped one of the boards they had on the north gate, a pulley bridge for quick access to outside, and ran off, guns blazing. He had taken out several of the ravers who were closing in on Reaver and Asher.
“He’s ass first in the woods but he’s alive. He’ll be even more alive after I get some of Reaver’s deliciously nutrient blood into him.” Doc flicked the needle and I started tying off Reaver’s arm.
“He’s given blood before?” I asked.
The doctor nodded.
“We usually pay him, but he has.” Doc sunk the needle into Reaver’s arm and started poking around for a vein. “His blood is a miracle worker. My theory is he’s done so much drugs his blood is now laced with them.” He gave a successful ‘ah hah!’ and I watched the line of red swirl around the plastic tube into the baggy sitting on an IV stand. “Now stay.” He gave Reaver a painful clap on his injured shoulder and quickly sped off to the recovery room.
“He needs to lay off the coke.” Reaver watched him leave, then he turned to me. “What’s your blood type?”
“AB, I can –” I thought for a second. Doc had spent many hours hammering this into my head. He had all of the residents of Aras’s blood types on file. The same way the ACL did but unlike the Arian Compliance League, he had Reaver’s on file too. “I can donate blood to other AB's only, but I can receive blood from anyone.”
Reaver nodded. I think he was happy that he could give me blood if he ever needed to, but I hated that no one but his own blood type could donate to him. At least his chances of getting mortally wounded were rarer than mine.
I sat with Reaver and watched the blood bag fill up, when I heard the door open. I looked over and saw Greyson walking into the reception area.
He noticed us right away; his eyes widened in surprise.
“Is he paying you?”
Reaver gave him a single disinterested glance before his eyes decided the window was more interesting. “No,” he said, sounding incredibly bored. “My conscience decided this would be a good idea.” He nodded towards me and I beamed a little bit.
Greyson’s dark eyebrows rose, but he seemed to know better than to draw too much attention to it. “I’m here to check on Matt. I’ll tell him he’s getting some primo blood.” Greyson gave us a nod and disappeared into the recovery room.
I busied myself changing Reaver’s bandages and cleaning his wounds. Behind us I could hear Doc mostly, but also Greyson and sometimes the weak voice of Matt. At least he could still talk, those ravers seemed to like going for the face and the throat.
When I was done cleaning up Reaver, I watched with a cringe as he pinched the IV needle out and handed it to me. He brought his arm up to his mouth and lick
ed the blood off. I shuddered. It reminded me of when Perish would lick my blood. It was always so creepy, even if it was your own. I think it was a chimera thing.
Reaver got up and took the bag off of the rack. “I’m going to give this to Matt and say a few words to him. Wait here.”
I hoped he was going to say nice things. I smiled proudly, watching my Reaver walk into the recovery rooms. I was so proud of him for making an effort, even though I knew it was a huge internal battle for him to care.
A few minutes later Greyson walked out of the recovery room. I assumed Reaver booted him out. He kicked the door stop away and closed the doors behind him. Greyson looked just as proud as me.
I reached into my pocket and offered him a quil. He gave me a thankful nod and took it. I lit it for him before lighting my own. We sat in silence, hearing muffled talking behind the door.
“I’m just… glad he’s talking,” Greyson said after a few minutes of silence.
I noticed the deep gouge marks on his hand, now starting to scar. My mind went back to my desperate clawing, trying to pry his hands away from Reaver’s throat, Reaver’s eyes filling with blood, his gasping, struggling breaths.
And Leo… Lycos’s threats towards me, both of them… Reaver might slowly make amends but… how could I forgive them that easily? For what they had done to us recently, and for what they had been doing to Reaver his entire life?
My heart started to palpitate. They might make nice now, but what about the next time Reaver made Greyson mad? This couldn’t have been the first time he physically hurt Reaver, so why would it be the last?
“If you so much as raise a hand to him again I will shoot you on the spot.”
The adrenaline was a tsunami inside of me. It filled me with such a high I felt like I was floating. I had a feeling I might be running in a second, so I hoped the rush stayed with me.
The silence between us was thick, the smell of the quil heavy in the air, mixed with antiseptic and blood. I stared at the door, going over every detail, analyzing every paint chip, counting every bolt. I tried to breathe steadily but I was sure I could feel him staring at me. I became increasingly aware of the fact that he knew that I knew Leo’s secret. I hoped I didn’t just sign my own death warrant with that threat.
