At first there was just the pressure of his lips against hers. The warmth and firmness, the masculine scent of his skin, the way his hands moved up and down her arms from elbow to shoulder. Then a tiny flare of heat drifted slowly from her mouth, down her throat, through her chest, before exploding in her stomach, bathing her whole body in a sensual glow. A shiver rippled through her, all the way to her toes, and she was lost.
She placed her hands on his shoulders and felt the lean strength of him. His hands moved from her arms to her back. She took a step closer, or did he? She wasn’t sure, but suddenly, their bodies pressed against each other, and then his head tilted to the side, or was it hers? And then the kiss got a whole lot more interesting.
He parted his mouth and she felt the soft dampness of his tongue brushing against her lower lip. She moaned low in her throat even as she opened to admit him. This was insane, she thought through a fog of wonderful need and desire and electric shocks that set all her senses to tingling. This was amazing.
As his tongue invaded her mouth, she welcomed him. They touched and retreated, then touched again, discovering each other in that glorious dance that is the first real kiss. Around again and again, he stroked against her. She could taste his sweetness and feel his breath against her cheek. It was perfect and magic and she never wanted either of them to stop.
She clutched at him with one hand and with the other stroked the back of his head. His hair was silky smooth and still a little too long. His hands were everywhere, moving up and down her back, then lowering to cup her rear and haul her up against him. She felt the flat planes of his chest, the broadness of him, then the hard ridge of his desire pressing against her.
The proof that he wanted her as much as she was realizing she wanted him made her shiver with delight. Wicked images rose up in her mind—of her pressed against a wall, with him supporting her as he drove into her again and again. Of wild lovemaking on the bed, the floor, in the shower, everywhere. She had the startling realization that no single kiss had ever made her dampen so quickly or so much. She was more than hungry for him—she was starving.
He broke the kiss and breathed her name. She answered with a sigh and another kiss. This time, he welcomed her as she slipped past his lips and explored him. She felt the hardness of his teeth, the rough smoothness of his tongue, and as she plunged inside, she wished he were plunging inside her, but in a very different way.
He stroked her hip, then moved up to her breast. Heather had the fleeting thought that he would find her too bony and thin to be attractive. As she always had, she wished she had the lush curves of those women always trying to lose twenty pounds. Just once in her life, she wanted some part of her body to be excessive. But what he was doing felt too good for her thoughts to stay focused on her fears. He cupped her breast gently, a brief touch she barely registered before he was gone again, stroking her side and her arm.
Her nipples had hardened and pressed against her bra, and she asked for him to touch her there. Then he shifted so that he was kissing her jaw and her neck, and she forgot everything except the warmth in her belly and the weakness in her legs. She wanted to lean against him and have this go on forever. He nibbled on her earlobe and made her squirm against him. She reached down and cupped his rear and he groaned, and then it didn’t matter about curves or lack thereof. There was only the heat and the need, the frantic pounding of her heart, and if she didn’t have more of him right now, she would die.
His hands moved faster and faster, up and down her body. When he bent over and gripped the backs of her thighs, it was as if he’d read her mind. She gave a little hop, then she was up in the air, pressed against the door, and he was pushed hard against her, center to center. Hard and throbbing to wet and swollen. He rubbed back and forth, the layers of clothing adding to the friction.
“I want you,” he breathed in her ear.
“Yes,” she gasped.
“Now.”
She reached for the buttons on his shirt, then paused. “I can’t.”
Jim slowly lowered her to the floor.
She stared at him. “Did I just say that?” she asked. Her mind was a blank. Had she thought the sentence or really said it? “I didn’t mean it. Of course I can do this. I want to do this.” How could she not want it? She was more aroused than she’d ever been in her life. But…
Jim’s breathing was still ragged. Need tightened the lines of his face and his eyes burned with fire. He pushed his hair off his forehead, then sucked in another breath. “You’re right,” he said slowly. “We can’t do this.”
“No, I’m not right.” She told herself to take off her shirt or his shirt or something. But she couldn’t seem to move. She squeezed her eyes shut. “I can’t believe I’m being sensible. What a horrible time to start a nasty habit.”
He gave a strangled laugh. “One of us has to be.”
“No, we don’t. There’s no law that says being sensible is required.” She looked at him. “I want you.”
He took her hand and placed it on the hard bulge in his jeans, then released her. “I want you, too. But there are too many reasons not to do this.”
“I love my job,” she said glumly. “You’re my boss. That would make this kinda tacky.”
“Agreed. There’s also the fact that neither of us wants to get involved. I like having you as my friend. Becoming lovers would change everything.”
She leaned forward and hugged him. “I’m sorry I started this.”
“I’m not, although we’ll have a hell of a time pretending it never happened.”
She laughed. Her body ached with a desperate kind of need she’d never experienced before. They’d come within seconds of doing it right against her living-room door with her daughter due to wake up at any moment. She wasn’t on birth control and doubted Jim had any with him. Despite all that, she could still laugh with him.
“I think I should go,” he said. “If I stay here much longer, there’s no telling what could happen.”
“On the contrary. I think we know exactly what would happen.” She was still confused about everything, most especially how they’d gone from friendly to passionate in less than ten seconds.
He kissed the top of her head. “Friends?” he asked.
She stepped back and nodded. “Absolutely. I’ll see you on Monday.”
“Have a good evening,” he said, and was gone.
Heather closed the door behind him and tried to figure out what had just happened. Although she could replay the events in her mind, she wasn’t at all sure what they meant. Was she crazy or was Jim? Maybe it had been the emotional conversation before dinner. Oh, well. They were going to have to figure out a way to put this behind them.
She headed for her daughter’s room, clicking on lights as she went, then paused in the hallway. For the first time since she’d moved into the apartment, the small space felt too quiet and too empty. As the tingles in her tummy faded, something else took their place. It was only after she’d fed Diane and put her back to bed that she realized the odd, almost hurting knot in her stomach was loneliness. She found herself in the painful position of wanting the one thing she couldn’t have.
*
“I know you think she’s attractive,” Flo said as she dropped several flight-record books on Jim’s desk.
Why did women always do this to men? Jim wondered. Start a conversation with the sole purpose of setting the guy up. “She’s cute,” he said cautiously.
“Cute? She’s more than cute. You think she’s a pretty hot number and I want to know what you intend to do about it. You can’t sit on your butt forever. In case you were wondering, there isn’t another man in her life.” Flo leaned forward, bracing her arms on his desk. “Women like her don’t come along every day. You’re crazy if you let her go.”
“Heather and I are friends, nothing more,” he said, ignoring the memory of the kiss they’d shared the previous weekend and the swift and rather predictable physical result of those memories. Pray God
Flo didn’t ask him to stand up right now, or she’d get an eyeful.
“That is so much bull, I’m sorry I’m wearing open-toed shoes.” Flo glared at him. “What are you waiting for? She’s single, attractive, smart and a great mother. You’re devoted to her daughter. Heather hasn’t gone into detail, but you don’t have to worry about Diane’s father showing up any time soon.”
He was startled to realize that he knew more about Heather’s personal life than Flo did. She trusted him. He’d always known that she did, but hearing proof gave him a warm feeling in his chest. It matched the heat down below. Neither of which counted for spit.
“I don’t do commitment,” he said firmly. “I’m not the right man for Heather.”
Flo straightened. She wore a sleeveless shirt tucked into a straight skirt, both yellow. Her summer tan was more freckles than brown skin, and she had a big yellow flower in her red hair. She looked charming and he wanted to tell her. Even so, when her gaze narrowed and she stared down at him, he knew better than to change the subject. Flo wasn’t kidding about any of this.
“All right. I’ve given you your chance. If that’s how you really feel, I know a couple of college professors who would be very pleased to meet someone like Heather.”
Jim kept his face impassive. “You should set up something,” he said even though his gut felt like it had been ripped open. He could feel his life’s blood seeping away. Heather with another man? How was he supposed to survive that?
He leaned back in his chair and told himself he’d better figure out a way to get through it. It was fine that he didn’t want Heather for himself, but that didn’t mean she was going to spend the rest of her life alone. Despite her protestations to the contrary, she was certain to find herself attracted to someone. As he’d told her, she was too young and had too much to offer to go through life without a man at her side.
If only it could be different. If only it was safe for him to love her. But he couldn’t. He wasn’t afraid for himself, but for her. He didn’t know how to get relationships right, and if he tried, she would end up brokenhearted, not him. Worse, she would figure out he wasn’t worth it. How was he supposed to survive that?
It was that damn kiss, he thought glumly. He couldn’t get it out of his mind. The feel of her, the taste of her, the way she’d responded to him. Women had wanted him before, but with Heather, he’d felt as if she was on fire. He’d done that to her. He wanted to be with her again and again, learning everything that turned her on, then taking her places neither of them had been. He wanted to spend his life making her weak with desire, satisfying her until she couldn’t do anything but cling to him and breathe his name.
“How long are you going to hide?” Flo asked.
Jim blinked. He’d forgotten that she was still in the room. He replayed her question and thought of a couple of glib answers. Then, because he was tired of the pretending, he told her the truth. “Forever.”
She sighed. “I suppose the good news is that you’re finally admitting you have a problem. Don’t they say that’s half the battle?”
“It’s not a problem, it’s a way of life.”
“You have to stop this,” she said, folding her arms across her chest. “You can’t keep on renting people, then turning them loose when they threaten to get too close. It’s not right. It’s not how we were meant to live. People need to make connections. How can you be so alone all the time?”
Her knowing gaze saw too much, but he’d always known that about her. “This is all I know. It makes me happy, so why can’t you leave it alone?”
“For the same reason I won’t let you find me another job. Because I care about you, Jim. I’m stubborn and I stick my nose in where it doesn’t belong, but only because you’re a good friend and I hate to see you like this.” She drew in a breath. “I know you care about her even though you never say the words, but some people need more. Some people need to know that they’re wanted.”
He frowned at her. “What’s your point?”
“Are you just going to let Heather walk out of your life?”
He met her gaze without flinching and told her the gut-honest truth. “Yes.”
*
Heather walked over and stood next to Flo, who stood staring out the window. “What are you doing?” she asked.
“Watching Jim change the oil in my car and wondering why he has to be as stubborn as a mule.”
Heather followed her friend’s gaze and saw Flo’s old sedan in the hangar. The front end was up on blocks and long, jean-clad legs stuck out from underneath the vehicle. Just seeing the bottom half of him was enough to get her blood racing and that fluttering starting in the pit of her stomach.
“At least he’s better-looking than a mule,” she said.
Flo chuckled. “I’ll give you that, but the man makes me crazy.” She sighed but didn’t elaborate.
Heather resisted the urge to pry. In the past couple of days, she’d found herself more interested in her boss than usual. She wanted to know everything about him, especially personal stuff. Obviously, she had it bad.
“He makes everything so difficult,” Flo said. “How am I supposed to work with that?”
“Do I know what you’re talking about?”
“No. I’m upset because the man won’t admit he cares.”
“He admits it,” Heather said. “He cares about Brian and look how much time he gives him. The kid has only been here a couple of weeks, but already they’re great friends.”
“I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about male-female relationships. He won’t get involved.”
“I can’t blame him for that,” Heather said. “I don’t want to get involved, either.”
Flo threw up her arms in a gesture of frustration. “What is it with you two? Why can’t you admit what everyone else sees?”
Heather had to force herself to stay relaxed even though her first instinct was to stiffen and run. “What does everyone see?”
“That you two are perfect for each other.”
“Ah. Perfect? That’s a pretty strong term.” She exhaled softly in relief. Flo was speculating about what could be, not about what had happened. Thank goodness no one had guessed about the kiss she and Jim had shared. The kiss that she couldn’t stop thinking about.
“Do you mean to tell me that you aren’t the least bit interested in a relationship with Jim? That if he wanted to get serious or even married, you would say no?”
“I would say no to marriage,” Heather told her. She had been thinking that she might be ready to make love with Jim, but marriage? She wanted to spend the rest of her life avoiding commitments, not running after them. “Jim and I are great friends and that’s all either of us wants.”
“Fine,” Flo said, and turned her back to the window. “I give up. You’re both crazy and there’s nothing I can do about it. If you want to ignore the obvious, I can’t help you. Stay blind, stay stupid and live both your foolish lives alone. See if I care.” She stalked off toward the lunchroom.
Heather stared after her. She was sorry she’d upset her friend, but she couldn’t lie just to make Flo happy. In truth, she didn’t want marriage with anyone, not even Jim. But she would admit to certain feelings. She wanted him in a way she’d never wanted any other man. She would like to find out where that wanting would lead and she didn’t necessarily mean only to bed. She wondered how that emotion would grow and change in her life. But with Jim constantly holding her at arm’s length, she wasn’t going to get much of a chance to find out.
Chapter Ten
The hall was crowded and filled with music and laughter. Jim held Diane in her carrier in one hand and placed the other against the small of Heather’s back.
“I’m sure our table is over there,” Heather said, pointing to the far side of the room.
“Are you two looking for us?” a familiar voice called.
He and Heather both turned in that direction and saw Flo, Brian and several other employees, along with their
dates, seated at a large round table.
Heather looked at him and grinned. “Or our table could be a lot closer,” she said, not looking the least big chagrined by her mistake. “Did I ever mention I had trouble reading maps?”
“You don’t have to mention it,” he said as they approached their friends. “It’s obvious. I’ll have to remember not to let you navigate on a road trip.”
“We might not get where we’re going, but we’d have a really interesting time getting wherever we end up.”
Her laugh was unrepentant and he couldn’t help grinning in return. He hadn’t thought he would enjoy attending Rick and Lupe’s wedding, but so far the day had turned out well. While the formal Catholic wedding mass had lasted a long time, he’d found himself caught up in the ritual and the beautiful ceremony. Even Diane, who’d been awake, had stayed quiet, cooing softly during the prayers. There was something strange about being in church with a woman, Jim thought as he settled Heather in her chair, then took the last empty seat which just happened to be next to hers. It made a man think about long-term commitments and what he wanted in his life. Not that he was thinking about getting involved with Heather, or any other woman, for that matter.
“About time you two made it,” Flo said, leaning forward and speaking loudly to be heard over the music and talking around them. “Did you get lost?”
“No, I had to feed the baby.”
Flo raised her eyebrows. “I’ll bet that was real interesting.”
Heather shook her head. “You are bad. I used the ladies’ room at the church. Jim waited until I was finished, then we came here.”
“Okay. So is this like a date?”
At her question, the table went quiet. Jim glanced around and saw all his employees staring at him. “Heather and I are friends,” he said. “I asked her to join me as my friend. Anything else you’d like to know?”
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